Are You An Angel?

There is a 67 year old woman (my mom) who lost her dog of 12 years last night in a tragic accident. My family was on a trip to see one of my brothers. Tazi jumped out of the car when they stopped (they stopped on account of a bee that was bothering my sister, the driver). They did not know he was gone until many miles later. They rushed back and found him dead on the side of the road... everyone is feeling pretty devastated, my sister and my mother especially. When Mom got Tazi, he was a funny little stray puppy, who looked like an old dog at first sight. Half terrier and half dauschun (I know I spelled that wrong) Tazi lived in a car with my mother who was homeless for two years...he was her little angel, her small protector and her companion through some very hard times. I honestly don't know if she would have made it through those years without him. My mother suffers from a mental illness. She is better now, but I can't help but worry about her living alone, suffering through this grief.
My mother does not know how to use the internet, and she doesn't have a computer...But you are all so wonderfully supportive...If you feel inspired, please write her through snail mail: Martha Schneider
1050 3rd St. apt. 205 E
Santa Rosa Ca 95404
She is a very loving person, and she would love to get kind condolences in her mail-box.
No pressure at all...Thankyou for being so wonderful!

I Am In Shock.

Ttaazzii...My little love. Thankyou so much for spending your life with my family. . .We loved you so much, but you must know that. I am so sorry to lose you.
Dear God, please take care of my mother through this awful night.
Our family dog of 12 years got out of the car tonight and was hit. He died instantly. My whole family is in major grief over this sudden tragedy. we all loved him immensely. My mom walked him every day, and it was a good ritual for both of them. They lived together alone in an apartment.
Two in one month. Oh please, god, help me.
Amen

Bear-cat Visits. In A Dream.

I just thought I would share an experience I had yesterday. I took a much needed nap, and before I fell asleep bear-cat was on my mind...I wrote in my journal two sentences before falling to sleep. They were: Bear cat come visit me. Bear cat come give me love!
So, I went to sleep not expecting anything. I wrote what I wrote as a simple wish for special tokens in the future.
So I had a dream that I was woken up by that signature MEOW! I rose from bed (in my dream) to see the shocking, joyous sight of Bear, curled up in front of my bedroom door, asking for me to let him out of my room....typical. I stared at him, happy and in awe of his return. I picked him up, and he meowed again. I smelled his fur, I embraced him, and I began walking down the hallway to put him in the front room. When I got to the back door he wanted out...out of the house! He struggled to get out of my arms.
I feel like this dream is his message to me that all is well, and he still exists in some form, he loves me, and he needs me to let him GO...He was still sick in the dream, and I think he needs to me to let him go so that he can let go of feeling sick. Maybe my memory is keeping him from moving on.
Who Knows? I am greatly comforted by his answer to my plea, nonetheless.

Saying Goodbye To Bear-cat

Wow. Thank-god I found this place (are you helping me bear-cat?). I just need to get it out, it's so painful, so sad, so strange, all of this! Bear-cat was a 16 year old black cat with leukemia, he lived much longer than we ever imagined he would...I have had him for 9 years...When I found him he was a stray without a home, but a total rugged survivor, zen cat, complete with tattered ears and mellow nature. You could tell he'd seen some fights, some hard boe-hoe days (I wish I could look through a crystal ball and see him as a youngster..Who did he live with? What was he like? How did he become homeless?) He was a tom cat too, really big and panther like. But for all his serious looks he was jus a mellow, needy, lover who liked food, avoided fights and had a meow that made many a neighbor into an enemy. . . if they realized that that strange sound could actually come from a cat. Very loud, and very strange sounding meow...totally effective at getting whatever he felt he needed.
Anyway, the day I found him he took my heart, and also fascinated me by his mystery, strength and his dog-like-ness.
I knew when I found him sleeping in my car-port on an car oiled carpet that we were going to have a relationship that would be uncommon.
Last month things started to go down hill, and now here I am today with huge, puffy eyes in the aftermath of his death this morning. I marvel at the moment of his last breath, how I can still feel it on my skin. I held that great big black paw one last time, although today it felt small and frail, and I told him how much I love him, thanked him for his companionship, comedy and love. The vet docter was amazing, and I could not have asked for a better situation...all in all today was strangely beautiful and horrible all at once. I just knew I was making the right decision, I guess, and feel fortunate to have been with Bear in all of that. I was a total mess...and still am.
Here is what I wrote today befor I found this site:

Your paw in my hand
Your pur so special to me, so obviously glad to be loved.
Your cry of exhaustion and pain,
Your lack-luster ways these days
Brings pain to my heart
Knowing deep down a goodbye is approaching
I am torn between wanting to selfishly hold you
or let you go
I think back over our friendship ...how we met
and
How we evolved
How much youv'e taught me about
patience, guilt, anger, faith, god, Love...about life
Have I learned?
So let me write now, that I may never forget:
Your comical entrance into my life . . .
Cioppino soup to feed you and
your garlic breath after
your mysterious otherworldlyness
the way you smacked loudly like an impolite human when you ate wet food
Your fierce claws made for survival
the scars of a stray on your ears
The way you stayed playful till the end of your life
your loud meow
Your love.
And today:
I held your paw as they stopped your heart, felt your last sigh on my hand
It's been so great to know you, my beloved Bear-cat! I'll miss you and think of you often.
And in this great mystery we live, who knows? Maybe we'll meet again.
Thankyou for being my buddy....God help me get through this.