Feeling Guilty, :( Options

[Myangelherbie]

It will be a month on wednesday, since Herbie went to the bridge. I can only say healing is and will be a long process. I now am feeling guilty because, I no longer think of his death, or of him for that matter. I still forget sometimes that he isn't here, and will go to look for him, he always sat in my lap as I wrote a story, or my book that will probably never be finished.I know I should be feeling better, and I do. I just feel so horrible about feeling better. That made no sense at all I am sure. I went to his grave today, for the first time since we buried him. I didn't cry, or even feel sad. I couldn't believe that beneath that pile of dirt was my childhood friend. I said a quick prayer for him, and then walked away smiling. I know I must seem like such an awful pet owner. I don't know if it was the fact that Herbie, wasn't really my dog (he was my grandparents' dog) that has made healing so easy for me, or that I just don't dwell on things for a long time. Either way I feel bad for feeling better.

-Tori

[mosmommy]

Hi Tori,
You should not feel guilty, but rather Thankful that you are feeling better about Herbie and the special place where he now is. Deep down, you must believe that Herbie is in a far better place than we are. Your lack of intense grief at this time only helps Herbie to feel Peace. I wish I could give my Cosmo that gift, but I can't just yet, although I am getting better.
You are not an "awful pet owner", you are just different in your grieving, as we all are. Some of us will linger for months or years with our losses, but that doesn't mean we loved our babies any more than you loved Herbie. I apologize that I do not know your full story of losing Herbie, perhaps you know it was his time. Many of us wish that we could get past the pain we feel much faster than we are, only because it hurts so much, not because we didn't love our babies enough. I am happy, actually, to hear that you are moving forward, it means you are healing. There are no time guidelines for any of us in this process. Unfortunately, you may find yourself feeling loss and pain at another time down the line, when you do not expect it. It is always hard to say when our grief will overcome us, or when feelings of peace will blanket us, try to find comfort in this.
Please do not feel guilt about your feelings, but feel grateful that you are getting better.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

[LittleGirl's...]

Oh Tori,

I just came on and saw your letter. Mo's Mommy, Michelle, couldn't have said it better, and I completely agree:

"You should not feel guilty, but rather Thankful that you are feeling better about Herbie and the special place where he now is. Deep down, you must believe that Herbie is in a far better place than we are. Your lack of intense grief at this time only helps Herbie to feel Peace.  You are not an "awful pet owner ...There are no time guidelines for any of us in this process....  Please do not feel guilt about your feelings, but feel grateful that you are getting better."

I have gone through some similar feelings/sometimes "lack of feelings" and I believe it's as Michelle said, that I do believe my Little Girl is in a much better place, in a blissful place where she feels no emotional or physical pain. She's confident that she and I are connected and will some day be fully reunited. So I guess her confidence rubbed off on me!

God bless,

Kathy

[ScottySlave]

You're not a bad person; you're a healing person. Our grief eventually gives way to getting on with life, albeit a life with a pet-sized hole in it, because otherwise we couldn't stand the pain. Move on without guilt.