Unbearable Sadness Of Being, My 1st week without Shandy Options

[luv_my_catz]

To All, I have read and appreciate every post here in this thread ~ the events of other's lives help me to see the inter connectedness of all life and the commonality that we all share in our journey. One of the worst things in this grief is the feeling that one is alone. Here I learn and then begin to know that I am not and never was. Kindred spirits are connected even when we do not see it on the concious level. THANK YOU all ~ I have come a long way in my sadness over losing Amber ~ Most recently I was able to rescue an 8 year old kitty named Samantha ~ She now lives in the Master Suite happily at peace and safe from harm. Amber would love being there with her ~ she is dignified and polite and VERY sweet ~ I feel my Ambie smiling down on me for reaching out to help a fellow member of her clan ~ in fact I think it was she that pushed me "out there" because I heard myself saying "I will take this cat" and then I found myself thinking "WHO said that??" I am still perplexed yet thankful because I have found a way back into my life ~ I still have a long way to go ~ and many questions and unresolved issues over this grief and loss of Amber ~ but I now have moved to the next stepping stone across this river of unknown name ~ I am so sorry for your losses ~ yet thankful for your help ~ May you find comfort and peace in the days ahead. Sincerely, Kathryn

[bluest1]

I have struggled with the guilt of everytime I yelled at my girl, everytime I told her to go lie down. The strange thing is I remember thinking when I was scolding her, that I would regret this, that oneday she would be gone and I would miss (like I do) the muddy paws, the barking at the squirrels. I still struggle with the thought of, did I do enough to try and save her, was it really the right time to help her along, even though I had 2 vets tell me there was nothing we could do. I miss my girl, as I know all of you miss your friends, and like most of you, I look for signs that she is ok. Signs that will ease, I guess the guilt I sometimes feel. I guess this is normal. So, I found this comic in the newspaper, it made me smile, and it helped me somewhat. I hope it helps a few of you as well.

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[jane]

That's a great cartoon...pets just give unconditional love and just having them nearby is such a comfort. You must remember that Shandy knew you loved her every minute, and not feel guilty for being human and scolding her.

It is like losing a family member. Both my husband and I felt that our kitty was our son, and it seems bizarre to be going about our daily lives, work, etc, with this terrible grief and loss, like our hearts have been torn out. People understand grief over losing humans, but how many understand this wonderful special love for our furry family, and the terrible heartbreak when they are gone. Thank God for this site.

Jane

[bluest1]

I think Iam starting to accept the fact that there was nothing I could do for my girl. The vet told me that we could have operated, but he didn,t think it would have done much good. The type of cancer Shandy had was a very aggressive kind and even with an operation, and chemo, she would have only had maybe 2 more months of life. I didn't want to put her through that, not at her age, it would only have been for my sake. It was the hardest choice I ever had to make, letting my girl go. I never thought that it would be so fast. I read everything about hemangiosarcomas, including a blog dedicated to people who have lost their dogs to this cancer, and every story had a sad ending. Every person who had their dog operated/chemo, ended up losing their friend a few short months later. Most of them said if they had to do it again, they would not have had the operation or chemo. I guess I felt that for the firsttime in 12 years, I could not help my girl, I could not save her, only prolong her life for me. I could not bare to see her life take such a dramatic slide, where she couldn't run anymore, or even get up to go out. In the end I made my decision out of love for her, out of respect for the life she once had.

[Kim R.]

You absolutely made the right choice for your Shandy. I can tell how much you loved her, and she loved you. Believe me, I know the feelings of doubt, what if, and did I do enough. In your case, Shandy was very lucky to have a mommy that wasn't willing to let her last days be those of absolute misery, and I know for that , she thanks you. Torturing our babies with such measures just so we can sleep at night knowing we did everything we could is not an act of love.....it's selfish. Our babies deserve better, and they depend on us to make that decision. My friend is doing this to her baby right now, and I try so hard to show support. It is her dog and her decision, but I can't stand to see that poor baby the way she is. All the chemo and drugs are doing is extending her life for a few months, which are being lived in misery, so what is the point. That baby could be running in the fields at the bridge right now, but her mommy's selfish choice to keep her here prevents that peace.

I know Shandy is breathing a sigh of relief that she has a mommy as smart and selfless as you are.

P.S.-Why is it when we type these messages to others in their grief, with such conviction, as our true and honest feelings, we cannot apply them to our own hearts. I type from the heart and how I truly feel, yet I still have a problem with things things myself! It makes no sense to me!

Your friend in grief,
Kim

[bluest1]

It has been almost 1 month since I lost my girl. I thought I was getting better, and maybe Iam, but lastnight and today the wave has hit me. I miss her so much, I have never missed anyone as much as I miss her.

[bluest1]

I have such nice dreams of her. She is always with me

[bluest1]

Its been alittle over 1 month now. I still miss my girl as much as before.

[Brigid]

I read your post with a heavy heart; it has been exactly one week this very evening since my little Ryddley crossed over and I just sobbed uncontrollably tonight. I wondered if it would ever feel less painful, but perhaps it just takes time. I am sad for you, too, and sad that the loss feels as bad one month on, but I liked reading that you have nice dreams of her. I seem to not dream at all and wish I could, but I am so happy for you that you do dream of her and that you feel your sweetie Shandy is always with you.
B
x

[bluest1]

It has been almost 4 months since my Beautiful Girl Shandy left me. The pain and saddness only comes at certian times now, but I do miss her with all of my heart. I keep my girl close to me, in my bedroom, in a spot I made just for her. She always hated being away from me, I promised her she would always be with me. My memories of her are great, and her spirit is always with me. Somedays, I can feel her beside me. There will never be another Shandy:-)

Recently, I have decided to give another English Setter a home:-) Her name is Faith and I will be driving 6 hours this week to pick her up. She is 1 1/2 years old and her owner could no longer take care of her in the way she needed, so, Iam adopting her:-) At first I thought that it would not be fair to her because I would expect to see Shandy in her. But then I realised that like people, every dog is different. Faith will have her own personality, she will have her own ways of doing things:-) I realised that by adopting Faith, I would also be hounoring Shandy.

I have not been here for sometime, but I just wanted you folks who are suffering to know, that this site, and the people who come here, were a great comfort to me. Your pain is real, that much I know, and it will take time for you to come to a place of comfort and peace, and you will. Be gentle with your souls and thoughts, remember that you gave your friends the best life you could.


Peace

Kerry

[MattieGirl]

I have struggled with the guilt of everytime I yelled at my girl, everytime I told her to go lie down. The strange thing is I remember thinking when I was scolding her, that I would regret this, that oneday she would be gone and I would miss (like I do) the muddy paws, the barking at the squirrels. I still struggle with the thought of, did I do enough to try and save her, was it really the right time to help her along, even though I had 2 vets tell me there was nothing we could do. I miss my girl, as I know all of you miss your friends, and like most of you, I look for signs that she is ok. Signs that will ease, I guess the guilt I sometimes feel. I guess this is normal. So, I found this comic in the newspaper, it made me smile, and it helped me somewhat. I hope it helps a few of you as well.

I have just lost my pretty girl Mattie, on Aug. 18, 2005. I just found this site today and it has helped me already. I still have more feelings to get over. It does help me feel better that I am not alone in greiving my pet, and for feeling guilty about scolding or telling her to go lay down. I spoiled my girl from the start, but now all I can think about is how I treated her these last few months. I never treated her badly, but when I think back right now all I see is when I would be tired and tell her to go lay down or something, now she is gone and I hope she knows that she was the best thing in my life. I found out about her tumor only the day before I lost her, I do wish I had more time to love her and hold her more.