I Lost My Baby Girl Today Options

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Life isn't at all what I thought it once was." When our companions come into our hearts, our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly painful task of "reinventing" our daily routines that no longer include the physical and emotional needs of our beloved companions. Establishing "new normals" is painful, and can only be done one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in our own way and in our own time. But we do so with the reassurance from our beloved companions that their sweet Living Spirit continues to be with us, that they continue to share our earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a heartbeat close to us. We endure through this painful grief adjustment journey so that one day we can once again find a renewed "purpose" to our daily routines -- in loving honor to the eternal love we share with our beloved companions.

It is hard to feel the "promise" of a new year when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow. I hope and pray that you will feel your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit offering you comfort and support and encouragement so that one day you will be able to smile again as you continue your earthly journey - - which is what your beloved Sarah wants.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Life isn't at all what I thought it once was." When our companions come into our hearts, our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly painful task of "reinventing" our daily routines that no longer include the physical and emotional needs of our beloved companions. Establishing "new normals" is painful, and can only be done one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in our own way and in our own time. But we do so with the reassurance from our beloved companions that their sweet Living Spirit continues to be with us, that they continue to share our earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a heartbeat close to us. We endure through this painful grief adjustment journey so that one day we can once again find a renewed "purpose" to our daily routines -- in loving honor to the eternal love we share with our beloved companions.

It is hard to feel the "promise" of a new year when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow. I hope and pray that you will feel your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit offering you comfort and support and encouragement so that one day you will be able to smile again as you continue your earthly journey - - which is what your beloved Sarah wants.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, and thank you so very much for your thoughts and prayers, they help so much. And knowing Sarah is still with me is the best thing I could ever want.
It's been almost 4-months now and I think of Sarah several times during each waking hour. I haven't dreamed a lot about Sarah and for me that's ok because my dreams are always so vivid and real that I'm not sure it would be a good thing. It seems crying has become a normal part of my day along with a deep emptiness. I love that little girl so much and I've not been able to handle looking at pictures and videos yet. I struggle to stay out of the depths of depression but it's tough.
Thank you again and the bunny is eating like a little horse. Russ

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello Russ

I've just read your posts from beginning to end about wonderful Sarah and your suffering at having to help her pass over into the Perfect World. My tears are falling for you - and for myself, too. Over the past three years I've lost two of the most wonderful dogs in the universe: first, Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, a rescue, an "oldster" and the dog-of-my-heart. Then, Gretta sent me Rufus, my Big Black Dog - half lab, half-newfie. Also a rescue, 100# of pure puppy even though he was 7 or 8 years old. He had to "go home" all by himself because I was half a continent away helping to take care of my sister who was on the brink of going home herself (she's still here - thank God). Rufie had cancer of the spleen, which is not a mass but a tangle of newly formed blood vessels and so it can't be fixed by surgery. He was staying with his wonderful foster mother, who took him to the greatest vet on this earth, our Dr. Hinson, and after being rushed to the U of MN Vet School, who confirmed the diagnosis and that the cancer had spread to his pericardium and that he was slowly suffocating from lack of oxygen. Russ, I wil NEVER, EVER forget that phone call, during dinner, last March when the vet School called me and asked what I wanted to do. Of course I had no choice. And just as you feel awful regret at becoming angry with Sarah during the heroic months in which you went FAR FAR beyond even the most intense love to care for her, I feel the same sadness and regret that Rufus had to die alone. No one to hold his giant head, no one to stroke his velvet ears, no one to tell him that no matter how rambunctious he was he is still a truly GOOD dog, no one to tell him how much he IS loved. Most days I get by without crying, but now writing this, I am once again dissolved in tears.

I totally agree with you that coming to a firm realization that our animals ARE alive and that we WILL be reunited with them is a huge measure of consolation. In fact, like you, I have felt both Rufus's and Gretta's spirits near me, especially when I am in the kitchen or typing on the computer. Each of us grieves in his or her own way. I am a solo so I can get away with doing things that people who live with other people couldn't. During Gretta's decline, I bought her the best therapeutic dog bed I could find. I was so sad after her passing that I slept on the dog bed for over a week (it's almost big enough for a person - only my feet hang off the end).. And the only time I caught a glimpse of her was one morning just as i was opening my eyes I saw, not a chocolate lab but a red setter between the dog bed and her food/water bowl station. Even though it wasn't her breed, I knew it was Gretta coming to me to tell me she was OK.

Russ, our animals DO live on after they depart their physical life. Moonbeam - sort of the mother of the newly bereaved - had taught me SO much about how our babies are with us in spirit form just like before - only we can't see or hear them. I firmly believe that, like Gretta and Rufus for me, Sweet Sarah is right there beside you, guiding your steps, taking care of you, and most important sharing love with you. She left a piece of her soul behind for you to care for until you meet again and she took a piece of YOUR souls to care for until then too.

Gretta was my first dog as an adult, so I did not see the symptoms of her decline. I know every bluegrass and old C & W song ever written so for the next few months I made up words and sang them to Gretta. Most of them told her how sorry I was that I had not realized she was sick and that I was such a chicken that I left her in the U of M Vet School Hospital on her last night on earth. A friend of mine here on LS wrote me a poem in answer and it has consoled me for several years (although my eyes leak every time I sing it). it goes:

Oh mommy, mommy please don't worry
For there is nothing to forgive.
A life of peace and love and gladness
Is what I want for you to live.

Oh mommy, in the end as always
Nothing that you did was wrong.
No matter where I was I felt it
Your love for me was oh so strong

Just substiture "daddy" and I can hear Beautiful Sarah singing this song to you.

Some people say that the sadness turns to gladness after a while as you remember the good and happy times you had with your furbaby. I don't believe this. I believe that the sadness never DOES go away. Oh it gets less and your heart doesn't keep on feeling that it's just been short with a high-powered rifle. But for the while your soulmate lived with you, your soul was complete and now it's not. Rufus has been in the Perfect World for almost 10 months and I cry for him as much as the day I found out he'd gone home. Not as aften, but just as deeply. In fact, now when my human life is full of grief and sorrow over two family members, I look at the beautiful picture book that Rufus's foster mother made for me and tell Rufus, "Well Rufie, I guess we're the parents of this family. And with your strong back and deep love, I know we can make it."

I think it is particularly hard for a solo with whom the beloved furbaby has lived for many years. As hard as it had been for me, who has been sort of a vagabond in spirit if not so much in actual life, it must be much worse for someone who was rooted in a place - a place in which Sweet Sarah always lived.

Thank you, Russ, for posting those amazing pictures of Sarah. (I've tried to post pictures on LS but being an old fogey of 65 years old, the technology has defeated me so far.) She has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen - just FILLED and SHINING with love for you. And dogs don't think like humans do (lucky thing!). You remember the times Sarah hurt and the times you got frustrated as EVERY caretaker (of an animal or a person) does, but I can assure you without the slightest doubt, Sarah does not. All she remembers is that she had the most loving dad on earth and she is waiting for this wonderful man to show up at the gate to the Perfect World where she will jump into your arms, knock you over, and slobber all over your face with kisses. And then she'll drag you all around the Perfect World saying, "See I told you I had the best dad in the world."

I'm so happy about your new bunny. You know that Sarah sent him to you, don't you? What's the bunny's name? What does he or she look like? You ARE the best dad in the world with the best heart in the world - who saw what an impoverished life Mr Bunny had and opened your heart, with all its grief and love him and took him home.

You're a hero, Russ. You may not believe this, but I do.

Please stay in touch here on LS. Everyone here understands the agony you're going through and is here to support, encourage and love you.

Blessings today and every day ......

Gretta and Rufus's mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious bunny companion are doing. I truly wish there was an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - knowing you are surrounded by friends on this wonderful forum who truly do understand what you are going through and who are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Even though the intense deep sorrow does eventually ease, and you will be able to remember your beloved Sarah with a smile does not mean that - - 20 years down the road when you are thinking of her that you won't feel a mist in your eyes and a quiver to your chin and a sadness in your heart. There will ALWAYS be a part of you that will deeply miss her sweet physical presence - - but the moments you find yourself feeling sad will not be as intense, and you will be able to say to your beloved Sarah, "I still love you, my sweet girl", and I know you will hear a soft whisper in your heart, "I love you, too, daddy -- I'm always with you."

Until it is your appropriate time to join your beloved Sarah in eternal joy, you are blessed with the privilege of being her living heir and witness of her earthly journey with you. Sharing her with us is one way of providing her a perpetual memorial of the eternal love you and your beloved Sarah share. And I thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Sarah with us.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Thank you guys so much for your stories, thoughts and prayers. They do give importance to our loved ones who left. I admit I don't come here as often as I'd like, I just get overwhelmed with emotion because this is a sacred place. But tonight I was already shook up so it made it easier to come here. This evening I realized I didn't have my phone, I searched everywhere for it. I was extremely upset because it's full of pictures and short videos of Sarah. I had a panicky and stressful 3-hours. It's my only phone so I couldn't call it. I was very down then I got an email from a friend that I visited tonite and they said they found my phone. Big load off my shoulders very big. Things that are irreplaceable I need to be more careful with.
Mr. Bunny is a black and white 4 pound hopper. He's well behaved and has the run of the house, lucky for me he always uses the litter box which is nice. He looks at me when I cry for Sarah, I think all animals can sense those extreme emotions. Thank you all again, everyone has been through and going through terrible heartache, I am so very thankful for this forum. Blessings to each and all of you. Russ Fleenor

[Firehawk]

Russ I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my last dog this past monday and I was feeling the same, completely empty. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like my family died on me. It's amazing how attached I was.

[Russ]

Russ I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my last dog this past monday and I was feeling the same, completely empty. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like my family died on me. It's amazing how attached I was.

I'm so very sorry. Yes it is a loss like no other. They are so very special. Our friends we love are waiting for us, that is what keeps me going. I miss my Sarah so bad. This forum helps a lot although when I come here a cold chill comes over me and soon I'm crying very hard. It's a connection, it's tough to face the emotion. It will be 5-months this Thursday since my Sarah left, I hurt inside as much as I ever have, I'm lost. The pain is a struggle each day. I miss my baby girl so much. I Love You Sarah
I will be praying for you. Take care and God Bless

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Sarah's 5 month angel-versary. During the deep grief our hearts measure time by the hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. But I promise you, Russ, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Sarah and your heart will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share, and you will feel yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Sarah wants for you.

But until this day comes for you, Russ, please know we are here for you through every step of your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Sarah's 5 month angel-versary. During the deep grief our hearts measure time by the hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. But I promise you, Russ, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Sarah and your heart will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share, and you will feel yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Sarah wants for you.

But until this day comes for you, Russ, please know we are here for you through every step of your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi all, it's been six months now and although I'm not in that state of shock anymore I find it very difficult to look at Sarah's picture let alone the video clips I have of her. I miss her so much and I want to look at her pictures but if I even consider looking at them my stomach starts to quiver and my chest gets tight as I'm overcome by a wave of emotion. That wave takes a while to come out of and leaves me very depressed. I do talk to her and tell her I love her dozens of times a day. I can't recall a single hour I haven't thought about her. This is such a devastating loss and I'm much less of a person from it. My heart has taken a hit that's changed my life, but I now know the value of love and how precious each moment can be. Those moments are fleeting and now I'm left with the feeling of lone separation. There's nothing else that compares to the Love I have for my Sarah. She really is the Love of my life.

[Russ]

It's been 7-months since Sarah left and it hurts just as much as it did then. I miss her so very much and feel like exploding inside. I Love you Sarah so very much, Daddy

[Russ]

I miss you so very much Sarah. I Love You with all my Heart.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The angel-versaries can be very painful, particularly when the physical loss is still so very new which can continue to intensify the sorrow. Eventually, in your own way and in your own time, the intensity of your sorrow will ease. Does this mean you will forget your beloved Sarah? NEVER. Some people are afraid that as their deep grief eases this means they will forget their beloved companion. This will NEVER happen - - I promise you. And I also promise you that the love bond you and your beloved Sarah share is eternal.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[4sweeteddy]

Russ, I read your thread from start to finish late one night this week, while I was awake and suffering also with my little dog which I believe is undergoing the same sad disorder that ultimately took your Sarah from you. Mine has also been a long ordeal and it has taken a great toll on my life. I am so thankful that I still have my precious Teddy, but I know that our days together here are numbered. I felt such deep sadness for you and all this week have not been able to distance myself from your story and the need to write a reply to you. I don't know if you'll ever see this letter but I hope you will receive it.

Like you, my little dog, Teddy, is the only dog I've ever had of my very own, and I'm a decade ahead of you in years so I do understand the deep bond that forms between us and our pets at this stage of our lives, and most importantly, when you have been the sole caretaker of a very ill and very painful and suffering pet. It is a unique experience and very hard to find peace and resolution, but I feel I have a few things to say to you that I hope will help you, and I have been praying that I would. I believe the good Lord led me to your post, as yours was the only one I really read in depth, and I feel He wants you to hear words of peace and encouragement from someone who does understand.

I would like for this to be the day that your suffering ends over Sarah, Russ. I know the challenge of caring for a dog with IVDD and I know that you are one in a million, because I have given the same level of care to my Teddy over the past 1 1/2 years, and made many sacrifices to provide relief and happiness for him. Seeing your dog go through so much suffering for such an extended period of time, the wear and tear on your nerves, lack of sleep, financial obligations, all of these things really set you back, and I think after reading your posts that you were drained dry caring for Sarah and her passing away has gotten you stuck and not able to make the recovery that you should and are entitled to make. I understand this because of previous losses in my own life. So I want to suggest to you, that you go to your doctor and discuss taking an antidepressant for a short period of time, and something to make you sleep good. This will help you begin to get your head above water. And next I want you to get out and think about bringing other good and healing relationships into your life. I think that you would be very happy to have another dog, and I even suggest two young dogs, if they are puppies you can look forward to many years of joy with the dogs, and they will keep each other company and not become to overly attached to you as in what happened with Sarah, and with my own dog also.

Russ, the Lord gave us a wonderful gift in animals. They were given to serve us in this life, and to make us happy. They were never intended to be sorrow and heartache to us. When one of God's children looses a pet, it is kept in heaven for us. God values all the things that we love in this life. And animals are harmless and have no reason whatsoever to not be happy in the new Kingdom of God. Let this comfort you, and release you from any misgivings about the way you cared in the end for Sarah, and to let your heart be open to loving many dogs in this life, and letting the Lord lay them up in heaven for you. They are intended to be here to give you joy, not pain. Our pets do not experience illness and suffering the way we do. God has put special checks and balances into their nature to help them cope with this without the same suffering humans experience.

There are many joyful days and years ahead for you, Russ. Take your life back, and think only happy thoughts about Sarah. Let her only the the first of a long line of darling dogs that you will care for as Christ would have you to do, but never again let this kind of pain be associated with one of God's gifts to you. He loves you and wants joy for you.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I miss you so very much Sarah. I Love You with all my Heart.

[iloveeva]

Hi Russ,

Just stumbled across your post and couldn't stop reading. You remind me so much of my dad.

When I was an older teen (18 or 19), I adopted a dog from the shelter, socialized him (he was incredibly, incredibly fearful of humans, any noises whatsoever, everything), and then started to drift away from the family. About that time, one of my dad's chronic conditions got a lot worse, and he was laid off from his job of 22 years. He took to walking that dog every day, a little longer each time, and when it came time for me to move out, I couldn't part them - they had become best buddies. That dog got him through a lot - his layoff, his illness, his divorce, then his move from comfy house into cramped apartment. They are still together, but I fear they don't have much time. (I'm here because I just lost my girl, a German Shepherd; his boy is a lab mix.)

Anyway -- it's clear how much you and Sarah loved - and continue to love - each other. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that it has gotten a bit, well, not easier, there's nothing easy about this... but I hope that the load on your shoulders has lessened a little with each month. I hope that the happy memories have slowly overwhelmed the sadness and emptiness - I know that's what Sarah would want for you.

Peace to you.

[Russ]

Thank you all for your love, It's been 10 months since Sarah passed. Tears still fall almost daily, as hard as I try to focus I so often am overwhelmed. Posting here helps and takes an emotional toll. My first and last thoughts each day are of you Sarah. I Love You So Very Much Baby Girl. Daddy's never going to leave your side, not here nor in Heaven. You are safe in my heart.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Sarah. No matter how much time passes in our grief adjustment journey there will be times when our hearts and arms will ache to hold our beloved companion just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime. The adjustment to their physical absence is a very painful one both emotionally and physically. When our hearts are going through deep sorrow it is hard to focus on the happiness that is in our lives. I hope as you continue your journey that you will find the intense pain ease just a little bit each day so that you can focus on the joy of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share - - for your beloved Sarah only wants happiness for you.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Sarah. No matter how much time passes in our grief adjustment journey there will be times when our hearts and arms will ache to hold our beloved companion just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime. The adjustment to their physical absence is a very painful one both emotionally and physically. When our hearts are going through deep sorrow it is hard to focus on the happiness that is in our lives. I hope as you continue your journey that you will find the intense pain ease just a little bit each day so that you can focus on the joy of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share - - for your beloved Sarah only wants happiness for you.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, thank you so much. Today is a very hard day. One year ago Sarah went away. I really have no words to express the feelings I have. And at times even surrounded by people it is still so lonely, so lonely.

I Love You Sarah Fleenor You Are Loved More Than I Can Say. I Love You Forever Sweetheart, Daddy's Coming One Day I Promise. Sarah I Love You!

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[Russ]

To My Love This photo is from when I drove my parents to Florida last winter. It was nighttime and I was missing Sarah very much. I went for a walk on the beach and was telling her how much I miss her. I decided to sit for a while so I sat down on one of the row of benches. No one was around and I was not doing good. I don't know why but I shined my little flashlight down and between my feet I saw this heart. I cried and thanked heavens for I knew Sarah was with me.

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[MylorMum]

Hi Russ,
I love your pictures of Sarah, she was beautiful. I lost my wonderful cat Tank a week ago today, so the grief is still incredibly raw and so painful as you can imagine. Sometimes I wish I never had dogs and cats in my life, it hurts so much when they go.
I have found these forums very helpful in the past when I suffered losses. Just knowing you are understood and that you can open your heart out without judgement is a precious thing.
Unfortunately my husband sees this as a negative thing - that I am wallowing in my grief and making it deeper. Not possible, of course. But, I actually feel guilty being on here because he is so disapproving. And friends and family all think - it's been a week, she ought to be moving on, getting over it. I think we are the healthy ones - the ones who are able to feel and express our grief.
I hope you are having a better day and the heart you found gave you some comfort. These little signs - often rainbows and butterflies for me - can be so uplifting.

Take care,

Jane

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing the picture of your beloved Sarah - - and the heart in the sand. There is no mistake that your beloved Sarah led you to this place on the beach at that specific moment in time so that you could find this heart in the sand to let you know her sweet Living Spirit is always with you.

I wish there were some magic words I could share with you that could ease the sorrow in your heart, but I know all too well that words are inadequate when our hearts are missing and grieving the physical absence of a beloved companion. Still, I hope somehow the words I share with you offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam