Sweet Little Chan Passed Away Last Friday..... Options

[JanEeee]

My darling kitten moved on to another experience early last Friday. She was such a sparkling personality, embracing life and so full of joy, it seems impossible that she is gone. She went quickly, so unexpectedly, only 5 months old.

I think one of the hardest things is that I was out of town the entire time she was sick. I could only manage a few phone calls, mostly it was by email that I learned of her serious condition. She left before I could return home.

Perhaps it was a blessing of sorts not to have to see her so frail and thin, so very sick. I feel very lucky that my cat care person did such a great job.

So hard to be back home without that bouncy little bundle of love, she would perch on my shoulder and refuse to switch to the usual lap sitting. I think she thought she was part parrot!

Miss her miss her miss her.

Lost another dear cat friend in 2008, Molly Malone, and then Mr X in 2009. Very hard to have to go through this again.

Jan

[wchamilton]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Chan... she's absolutely gorgeous and you can tell by looking at her eyes what a joyous little lady she was.

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

[lammy]

I'm really sorry about your loss. I am in a similar situation. It's like I still can't believe he is gone because I wasn't there to see it happen. Everyone tells me that he died but I can't quite grasp that in a way because all of my memories say that he is still there going on like he always used to.
I love the picture of your little kittly. Darling and beautiful.
Just know that I feel for you and am thinking of you.
Robyn

[Aaron]

I'm sorry you are having to go through another loss, I know it's very difficult for you right now. Chan was a beautiful cat and will be missed dearly. It's times like these when we are reminded just how fragile life is and how we have to remember to embrace everyday as much as possible.

[JanEeee]

Thanks for your kind responses, it helps to know that others are reaching out and sharing their losses and sending their heartfelt wishes with the deep understanding only one who has lost a good friend would understand.

You are right, Robyn, it is hard to accept that someone who has been so dear to you is gone, and coming home to my house with no Ms Chan has been difficult. I know she came to me for this brief time to remind me to live life to its fullest, we just never know for sure how long we have. She truly enjoyed every moment she was here. Even when they were giving her treatments in the emergency clinic she was purring. An amazing girl.

I hope that you both find ways of remembering your pets and honoring that memory with the love and joy they so willingly shared.

Jan

[moon_beam]

Hi, Jan, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your sweet precious Chan. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's been one hour, one day, one week, or 50 years - - our lives are blessed when our precious companions come into our lives - - blessings that are eternal even when our hearts are breaking with grief when they precede us to the angels.

Thank you so much for sharing with us a picture of your precious little girl. Perhaps as you feel up to it you would like to share with us how you and your precious Chan were introduced, and -- if you feel comfortable doing so - - what happened to your precious little girl - - but if, when, you feel up to it.

Jan, each of us do understand the heartbreak you are feeling, and losing two other precious companions within a year of each other, and now your precious little Chan - - I can relate to the shock you must be feeling. Jan, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Dearest Moon_Beam.......

What kind and comforting words you have expressed, thanks so much for your compassionate message. I will write some of Chan's short history to share with everyone.

In August I decided that I wanted to increase my cat family. It had been over a year since Mr X had passed and I felt that Zouzou, my giant black kitty, needed companions. I wanted to get two more to make my home complete, and I definitely wanted one to be a kitten.

I went to one of the local adoption spots, where I had gotten Molly Malone 13 years ago (she died in 2008)! Which kitties would come and join me, who would I find to share my life with, who would I bring home to snuggle with, play with, talk to and sometimes shake my head in exasperation at? First I picked out Tedly, or Teddy Twostep as I call him, he has that "drunken sailor" condition and is not quite sure where his uncooperative back legs might land. He was the friendliest of all the adults and came right to me.

Then I looked for a kitten, right away I spied Chan. She was reluctant, not very interested in me and the attendant told me she was from a feral litter. I decided that I wouldn't mind waiting until she came around to being people-friendly and she had the added bonus of almost being a mirror image of Ted.

Once home little Chan settled in to wrapping herself around Ted, following him everywhere and dedicating herself to being his shadow. Soon she also insisted her way into Zouzou's space and both 'uncles' had their plates full with the duties of washing her and being there as her personal cuddle comforter and best friend. She would steal food out their bowls when they were eating and snake herself around them when they walked. They were pretty patient with her and she was very determined to be close to them.

She slowly began responding to me as well and soon became a very affectionate and demonstrative little darling. She bounded up to me on the sofa and loved to perch on my shoulder, insisting that this was the perfect spot, laps just weren't good enough for getting those special snuggles and kisses.

She also began a series of cold like symptoms, runny eyes and nose, coughing and congestion. She would get antibiotics and recover and then relapse, it seemed like a repeat problem. In her chart I discovered that this had been a problem even before I got her. Once I took her to the emergency vet as her head slumped to the side and was nodding, as if she had no control over it. Again, she recovered and the hope was that it was a simple ear infection, but the doc warned me that it might be more serious and she was concerned about the kitten.

In mid-October I left for a trip to Vietnam, a special vacation to an exotic destination. I was going in part to see a friend and in part for the getaway and adventure.

Soon I begin receiving messages and calls from my cat care person that Chan is having serious problems, not only her usual syndrome but also not eating well and low energy. Chan is seen at the vet and goes to the emergency vet the last few days I am gone. She receives a blood transfusion and has some testing done. She is being tube fed and accepting it but continues to be weak, she is not even able to maintain her body heat. The doc says she suspects FIP and I think that her beginning as a feral kitty may have exposed her to many diseases. Finally, the day before I return home, Chan passes away.

Very hard to come home to no little Chan, so sweet and so spunky, what a lively and loving little creature she was. I so very much miss her.

Thanks for your many warm thoughts and wishes, everyone here knows the pain of the loss of a good friend, I hope that you all find some relief and release through my story. We are not alone and sharing our thoughts and feelings does make a big difference.

Jan

[JanEeee]

Chan and Zouzou snuggling.

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[JanEeee]

Chan and Ted, best friends.

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[Aaron]

Awe, those pictures of Chan and Ted are really special. Just try to remember that you gave Chan a wonderful life. He was taken from you too soon, but he is happy and healthy where he is now. I hope you can find comfort in others' stories and pictures and know that you are not alone in how you feel.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Jan, thank you so o o much for sharing pictures of your precious Chan and her house mates, and for sharing with us how you met and what happened. Adopting a feral rescue is admirable - - as all of my kitty kids in my life have been rescues, but they also bring health concerns - - and health mysteries - - because of compromised immune systems.

You gave Chan everything that any little kitty would ever want - - a loving home and heart. What precious memories you have of her, and she went home to the angels knowing that she is eternally loved.

Jan, I wish there was some way to make this grief journey easier, but I haven't found one yet. If I do, I'll certainly pass it along for sure. Your precious Zouzou and Teddy need you, especially now, to reassure them that everything is okay, for they, too, miss their little sister.

Jan, I wish there were some words I could say that could help take away the enormous pain of this grief journey, but right now I know that words cannot ever compensate for the little precious life that is not physically with you anymore. Hopefully in time, if not already, you will be able to feel your precious Chan's sweet Living Spirit with you, and that you will know she is now forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do sharing your life now and always just as she did during her earthly journey.

Jan, thank you again so o o much for sharing with us your precious little Chan. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Yesterday I picked up Chan's ashes at the vet, I didn't really want to do this as it makes everything so final, there's no going back to the time when I had a bouncy loving kitten. I feel pretty numb lately, I miss her and part of me does not want to accept that she is truly gone. Since she passed away while I was out of town it isn't quite real to me.

I am spending as much time as I can with my two other cats, Zouzou and Tedly, and that has helped quite a bit. They are sweet guys and their presence in my life is like the soft touch of a thick warm blanket on a piercingly cold night.

Jan

[moon_beam]

Hi, Jan, unfortunately, yes, receiving the ashes of our beloved companion is a two-edged sword: one edge is comforting to having them back home, while the other edge is the undenying reality that their physical presence with us has significantly changed.

I am glad you have Zouzou and Tedly there to help comfort you, and to have you to comfort them as well. Your precious little girl is still with you, each of you, in your hearts and memories. Her sweet Living Spirit is with you wherever you go and whatever you do. But right now it is hard for your heart to reconcile this "new reality" that your precious little Chan is no longer physically present for you. The mind has a coping mechanism to prevent it from being overwhelmed with a tragedy, and losing a beloved companion is a tragedy. It's called "denial" which is one of the reasons why you feel numb. Your mind is in a state of shock, and can only process what has happened a little bit at a time. This is normal, it's a normal process of this grief journey.

Jan, I wish there were some words that I could say that could make your grief journey easier. Unfortunately there are no adequate words that can take away the emptiness that is in your heart. Just please know that along with all the other wonderful people on this forum, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Darling Chan I miss your sweet face and boundless energy, I miss your loud purr and loving presence. I wish we had had more time together, your visit was so short. Tedly and Zouzou no longer have a baby sister to wash and nap with, and also to get exasperated with! Such a determined little love you were, following your uncles around, insisting on being at their side.

I am trying to remember how much joy you embraced each day with, a very good lesson to learn. I go out walking in the wind and wild glory of an autumn day and I feel the strong spirit of love through your cherished memory.

Jan

[JanEeee]

Today the sadness wraps me in a deep dark cloud. I want to tell you, "Please please come back, please please say you will be here, around the corner, under the bed, just hiding, tucked away napping, still within my reach." I do not want to accept your passing, I do not want to feel the pain of losing you, I want your happy face and joyful purr to greet me, as they did not so long ago.

The whys have no answer and I am left talking my way through your memories with Tedly and Zouzou, trying to fly through my hurt and loss quickly without touching too deeply, without feeling the agony that is part of loving so much and losing so much.

The years have been bringing a bit too many good-byes, Mom in 2006, Molly Malone in 2008, Mr X in 2009 and now you. It all piles up and echoes around the same vast empty cavern. I feel hollow and crippled by the absence of your sweet beauty.

Today is full of missing you.

Jan

[Cheryl83]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day. Unfortunately, the grief can come in waves, and when it hits you hard it takes your breath away and you feel like you're drowning. Keep on swimming, and slowly the shore will get closer, although you will still encounter days when the tide drags you right back. It's understandable for us to want to try and "rush" through this, but I'm afraid we can't. We just have to take each painful day, each painful emotion, as it comes. Keep talking to your adorable Chan, she is still with you and always will be. You just can't see her.

Sending you hugs - Cheryl x

[JanEeee]

Chan plays peek-a-boo with the curtain.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Jan, I'm just now being able to get caught up with posts, and am very sorry that yesterday was so very hard for you. It seems that if there is anything "constant" about this grief journey it's that nothing is the same from one day to the next. As Cheryl so very well shared, one day of being in a dark abyss can be followed by a day of ectasy with our memories and then followed by several days, perhaps, of numbness - - and then to have the roller coaster ride from the dark side begin all over again.

I wish there were some words that I could share with you that would help to ease this pain of deep grief you are feeling, Jan, but unfortunately I know all too well that there are no words in any language that are adequate enough to take away the physical and emotional pain of a shattered grieving heart. That, my friend, is up to healing time, one day at a time. But I hope in some way you will find comfort and hope and encouragement through knowing that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you, walking beside, with every step you take. And Chan is with you also -- - her sweet precious Living Spirit is forever a part of you, and Zouzou and Tedly.

Jan, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JanEeee]

Yesterday I took Chan's ashes down to the shore, I released these last memories of her earthly self back into the ocean. She is now again part of the vastness of nature, traveling everywhere.

So hard to open that little box and see such a small little bag of ashes, she was only a tiny thing, such a short life she had.

Many people were at the park, walking their dogs, strolling by talking to friends, playing with their children. Sometimes its hard to feel fully part of life. I walked and walked and walked, trying to ease my own spirit. Tiredness helps, I am more relaxed, I find some relief in being close to nature.

Cheryl and Moonbeam, your words are very helpful, thanks so much for your kindness. I would be struggling so much more without your thoughtful words, they give me some support while I try to find my way through the loss of a sweet young friend.

Jan

[JanEeee]

Last week I got a great postcard from Finland, it showed a young child wearing wings and sitting with their cat, an arm around their feline friend. Reminded me of the love and joy of those years I have had with past kitty buddies and especially poignant for me thinking of the newest and littlest of my friends who have said good-bye, little Chan.

If you would like to exchange postcards with people all over the world, you can join this group, www.postcrossing.org .

Jan