I Did Nothing. Options

[greenie]

I've always felt that she had health issues. Her breathing is too labored or heavy most the time. Her name is Gingee, a small terrier mutt, blonde wiry and bratty, as terriers are. Out of his two dogs, she's always been my "favorite." Maybe a few pounds heavy, but hardly fat. I would say to Adam.."she's not supposed to be breathing so hard." So he took her to the vet, who said she just needed to lose 3-5 pounds.

Yesterday, I went to Adam's, returning from my moms for an overnight stay. I entered his home and he expressed his concern for Gingee, as she wasn't herself. I saw her sitting on the couch, panting very hard. I became immediately alarmed, and sat down by her. She wouldn't move from her spot, and her panting was so heavy her entire body was heaving. Of course, it was a Sunday, when no vets are open. There are ER Vets, but they usually charge you around $150 just to be examined. Adam is unemployed, and I don't have much either. We worried about money. He said he wanted to take her, and then tell them he couldn't pay. I told him that isn't how ~~ works. We wondered if we were overreacting. We had a dinner to go to later, and needed ingredients. I told Adam to go to the store and get the ingredients, while I stayed back and bathed.

Gingee and I lay down awhile. She was distressed, could not get comfortable. I prayed for her to be ok, maybe just until we could get to a vet tomorrow. I never pray.

Adam came back home. Gingee was on the couch. He said she seemed worse. I told him he has a number of things he could sell to pay someone back. He asked if we should go now, or go to dinner and come back and check on her? I told him I've thought all along we should go, but we need to be responsible and pay for it. I said maybe she is ok, we can check on her when we get back? Gingee was laying on her side on the couch now, not able to get up. Adam became distressed at this, and said we need to take her now. I agreed.

I got my coat while Adam coaxed her up from the couch. I was looking for her leash when I heard Adam yell "oh my god i think she just died."

She had collapsed. We panicked, wrapped her in a towel. We took her to the ER vet (20 miles away), but she probably died right as we left the house.

This was just yesterday. I have since studied and it seems she probably had some congestive heart failure, which if caught early on, can be treated and life prolonged.

I will never ever ever forgive myself, as long as I live.

[Allison C]

You know, that's one of the things I've always felt was the hardest with pets. They can't talk to you and tell you how they feel or how log they've felt bad so there's no way really to gauge how sick they are or when something is an emergency. And being financially responsible is always a concern too. You weighed all the information you had, which wasn't much and DID decide to take her to the vet. One of my pets, a cat, died while on the way to the vet too and I had a hard time forgiving myself. But, you do need to forgive yourseld because that's what Gingee would do. Pets are so amazingly forgiving - that's why we love them so much. And Gingee knew you loved her. It's not like you just went to dinner and forgot about her.

I'm sorry you have to feel this pain because I do know what it's like. When I am having an especially hard time I think about Annie (that was my cat) playing in the grass and napping in the sun and all the fun things pets probably do at the Rainbow Bridge. Maybe it will help bring you some peace to imagine Gingee doing her favorite things there and being happy.

Allison

[greenie]

You know, that's one of the things I've always felt was the hardest with pets. They can't talk to you and tell you how they feel or how log they've felt bad so there's no way really to gauge how sick they are or when something is an emergency. And being financially responsible is always a concern too. You weighed all the information you had, which wasn't much and DID decide to take her to the vet. One of my pets, a cat, died while on the way to the vet too and I had a hard time forgiving myself. But, you do need to forgive yourseld because that's what Gingee would do. Pets are so amazingly forgiving - that's why we love them so much. And Gingee knew you loved her. It's not like you just went to dinner and forgot about her.

I'm sorry you have to feel this pain because I do know what it's like. When I am having an especially hard time I think about Annie (that was my cat) playing in the grass and napping in the sun and all the fun things pets probably do at the Rainbow Bridge. Maybe it will help bring you some peace to imagine Gingee doing her favorite things there and being happy.

Allison

We almost did decide to go to dinner. Adam kept asking me what should we do? And I wanted to go in, but didnt want to get into trouble because we werent able to pay anything. So we just...didn't do anything. I thnk this is going to be my biggest regret ever...and regeret is not a common word in my vocabulary.

I could have maybe saved her.

[phoebekitty]

How sad to have lost your Gingee so quickly! Perhaps she had no chioce but to leave when she did. The truth is that CHF is hard to diagnose, because the symptoms are not evident until it is already much advanced. Our pets just don't tell us when they have a health problem.

My child/cat Felix died last Friday, Dec 5 at 4:45pm, with the aid of a vet who came to my house. He had CHF, diabetes, and had a blood clot which resulted in the loss of his front leg (due to CHF). He was a wonderful cat, was a great patient, all the vet staff loved him, and he always seemed to bounce back. What killed him was cancer, an agressive form in his bone that felled him within a matter of days! I had to watch as a once active, happy cat withered away and finally gave up, and lay in a rigid position. He would purr when I stroked and spoke to him, but he was wheezing, and I knew that he would die. I used plastic to pay for everything that I knew he needed, and yet, I could not predict what got him in the end.

As much as I tried to do, I feel guilty that I may have delayed too long to put an end to it, that I was selfish, hoping that the hip fracture he had could be fixed. I have been reading a lot about grieving for our pets, and the guilt that you and I feel, justified or not, is part of the whole mourning process.

I know in my heart that my cat felt loved, and had 12 years of happiness in our home. As much as I want to apologize to my kitty for any pain I may have caused him, I don't think he would blame me for anything. I believe that your Gingee would have nothing but love for you, and would tell you that now she is without pain. I hope that your grieving will subside, and that you (and I too!) will soon be able to get past the terrible pain of the last few days.

[greenie]

How sad to have lost your Gingee so quickly! Perhaps she had no chioce but to leave when she did. The truth is that CHF is hard to diagnose, because the symptoms are not evident until it is already much advanced. Our pets just don't tell us when they have a health problem.

My child/cat Felix died last Friday, Dec 5 at 4:45pm, with the aid of a vet who came to my house. He had CHF, diabetes, and had a blood clot which resulted in the loss of his front leg (due to CHF). He was a wonderful cat, was a great patient, all the vet staff loved him, and he always seemed to bounce back. What killed him was cancer, an agressive form in his bone that felled him within a matter of days! I had to watch as a once active, happy cat withered away and finally gave up, and lay in a rigid position. He would purr when I stroked and spoke to him, but he was wheezing, and I knew that he would die. I used plastic to pay for everything that I knew he needed, and yet, I could not predict what got him in the end.

As much as I tried to do, I feel guilty that I may have delayed too long to put an end to it, that I was selfish, hoping that the hip fracture he had could be fixed. I have been reading a lot about grieving for our pets, and the guilt that you and I feel, justified or not, is part of the whole mourning process.

I know in my heart that my cat felt loved, and had 12 years of happiness in our home. As much as I want to apologize to my kitty for any pain I may have caused him, I don't think he would blame me for anything. I believe that your Gingee would have nothing but love for you, and would tell you that now she is without pain. I hope that your grieving will subside, and that you (and I too!) will soon be able to get past the terrible pain of the last few days.

Of course I thank you for your kind words. However, there is just very little that can console me now. At least with your baby, you did all you could to see if you could save him. I didn't do anything! I think that Gingee was trying to plea for help, while we just stood by and did nothing! She probably felt terribly sick and very scared. It is my job to make sure my babies are ok, not ignore the warning signs of illness.

The silly thing is that this is not the first time I had a pet die young. I had a cat with feline leukemia (did all i could, but had to put him to sleep eventually. I was sad but knew I did the right thing) and about 4 years ago, another cat died around age 3 of what I suspected to be cardiomyopathy. I did EVERYTHING I could for him. Expensive vet stays and tons of tests. Without those, he would have died, as he was very sick for months. He got better and lived a normal happy life for about a year before dying. I could have given this same care and luxury to Gingee had I not been so careless!! I knew she was seriously ill, but I wouldn't listen to my gut...thinking she would MIGHT be ok, and worrying about stupid money! I was foolish, and made a fatal mistake that I will regret forever. She needed me to help her, and I didn't and because of that, she died! I can only imagine the terror and sadness she felt..I wish that it would have been me to feel that and not her!

[ann]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with what everyone has said so far. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they could just tell us what's going on. All we have to go on is the look in their eyes sometimes. We all want to take care of our furbabies best we can, but we don't go running to the vet when every time they sneeze or hack up a fur ball, right?? You didn't know, besides from what you described there may have been nothing you could have done. Vet bills are so sky high these days. There are so many who HAVE to let their friends go 'cuz they just can't afford it. My Arthur needed surgery to amputate his tale, he had some other major issues going on too, and when his breathing got bad, that's when we had to say goodbye, I sometimes wish he had died on his own. It was one of the worst things I ever had to go thru. Anyways, 2000.00 later and no cat. If he held on long enough to get to surgery it would have been another 4 to 5 thou more. We even talked about pet insurance. If I ever get another animal, I think for sure that will be the way to go. It really isn't as silly as it sounds. No matter what the cir%%stances are, money, health, ignorance etc we all learn from this and it's unfortunate we have to suffer a deep loss beforehand. I speak for myself, but I'm sure everyone here has learn from their loss no matter how large or small. Guilt is a part of the whole grieving process, but in time when you think back, you'll always remember not going to that dinner and instead tried to help her. Gingee is a beautiful angel now, over the Rainbow Bridge, happy and forever healthy. She will always remain in you hearts. Peace and Hugs.. Ann

[sweetmissy]

I am very sorry for the loss of your Gingee.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now. I lost my 8 yr. old doberman Missy to bloat/torsion five weeks ago. I am sick with guilt and grief. Missy had a history of digestive upsets and would vomit bile at least once a month. She would act a little strange and then hours later, eventually come around and would be back to herself. On November 1st, Missy was acting very restless. She kept getting up and lying down and a few times, tried to vomit. She was walking around the kitchen with her head down (a look that I had seen before). That day, I didn't think the signs were that out of the ordinary for her. I just thought she was having another one of her upset stomachs and would be okay after a few hours. Well, about three hours had gone by and my husband returned home from shopping. He went to pet her and he noticed that her abdomen was very tight and distended (something I failed to notice). He ran in from the garage where she was and told me that something was seriously wrong with her. I immediately called the emergency vet that was forty minutes away and was told to bring her right in. As we were cleaning out the back of the truck, she started walking over to him, became very wobbly and collapsed. I knew something was wrong, but did not think that it was something that was going to take her. They left for the vet and when my husband called a half hour later, he told me that she had passed on the way. I was in shock!

I have been sitting here day after day reliving those last few hours that she was with me. I blame myself for her death. How could I be that stupid? How could I not have watched her more closely? Why did I not go over and see what was wrong with her? I thought she wanted to be alone b/c that was what she would do when she wasn't feeling well. She used to go lay in the laundry room away from everyone else. I could have at least called the vet to tell them her symptoms, but I didn't. I really didn't think it was anything serious. She's gone and nothing I can do will bring her back. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING!!! It feels like torture! The pain is so strong and feels like it will never leave. I made a fatal mistake that cost Missy her life. Something I will regret forever.

The people are so nice on these forums. They understand what we are going through and are here to support and comfort us. I know right now, it's not going to make a difference what anyone says, but eventually, the pain will soften and the guilt will go away. It hasn't happened with me yet, but I'm anxiously waiting. Just know that you are not alone.

Hugs to you........

[greenie]

I am very sorry for the loss of your Gingee.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now. I lost my 8 yr. old doberman Missy to bloat/torsion five weeks ago. I am sick with guilt and grief. Missy had a history of digestive upsets and would vomit bile at least once a month. She would act a little strange and then hours later, eventually come around and would be back to herself. On November 1st, Missy was acting very restless. She kept getting up and lying down and a few times, tried to vomit. She was walking around the kitchen with her head down (a look that I had seen before). That day, I didn't think the signs were that out of the ordinary for her. I just thought she was having another one of her upset stomachs and would be okay after a few hours. Well, about three hours had gone by and my husband returned home from shopping. He went to pet her and he noticed that her abdomen was very tight and distended (something I failed to notice). He ran in from the garage where she was and told me that something was seriously wrong with her. I immediately called the emergency vet that was forty minutes away and was told to bring her right in. As we were cleaning out the back of the truck, she started walking over to him, became very wobbly and collapsed. I knew something was wrong, but did not think that it was something that was going to take her. They left for the vet and when my husband called a half hour later, he told me that she had passed on the way. I was in shock!

I have been sitting here day after day reliving those last few hours that she was with me. I blame myself for her death. How could I be that stupid? How could I not have watched her more closely? Why did I not go over and see what was wrong with her? I thought she wanted to be alone b/c that was what she would do when she wasn't feeling well. She used to go lay in the laundry room away from everyone else. I could have at least called the vet to tell them her symptoms, but I didn't. I really didn't think it was anything serious. She's gone and nothing I can do will bring her back. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING!!! It feels like torture! The pain is so strong and feels like it will never leave. I made a fatal mistake that cost Missy her life. Something I will regret forever.

The people are so nice on these forums. They understand what we are going through and are here to support and comfort us. I know right now, it's not going to make a difference what anyone says, but eventually, the pain will soften and the guilt will go away. It hasn't happened with me yet, but I'm anxiously waiting. Just know that you are not alone.

Hugs to you........

That is pretty much identical to what I went through.

I still kick myself because something inside of me DID alarm when I first saw her...she had never been in such distress. If I hadn't been so uppity about money and how we would pay for it...Gingee may still be here. That's the reality of it.

I feel like my world is crumbling. It's day two and it is harder than ever now. I keep replaying the situation in my head..I can't believe my Gingee is gone. I wish so bad to cuddle and kiss her again! I can't stand this pain.

[sweetmissy]

I don't know if my story helped at all, but I needed to share it with you. Hope you feel better soon!

[greenie]

I am not trying to be ungrateful. I thank you for sharing your story, but I just can't get past this pain right now.

[sweetmissy]

Totally understandable!!! It's been five weeks and I am not feeling any better than I did the day she left me. Actually, I think I am feeling worse b/c I've had weeks to relive that dreadful day. Everyone has been telling me that it takes time. This pain will not go on forever; it cannot. We have to forgive ourselves before we can heal. We will never forget our babies, and always hold a special place in our hearts for them, but I do believe the pain will eventually fade. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will.

[sweetmissy]

If there is anyone else reading this, please feel free to chime in. Greenie and I need your support.

[greenie]

Thank you again, sweetmissy.

Y'know, not to sound stupid.. but the lack of response to this thread scares me. Because it makes me think that no one can justify reassuring my terrible actions. And well..if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all....

Though if that si the case, I'm certainly not blaming anyone for feeling that way.

[hope2heal]

If there is anyone else reading this, please feel free to chime in. Greenie and I need your support.

Hi sweetmissy...I know you know me already...I can't say a whole lot to help here, but I'll say something...

Dear greenie,

I read your story and I feel for you-- truly. I felt like I was sitting there with you when you wrote what had happened. I think my dog Ziggy may have died of a heart condition back in 94; I wasn't even home when he died in the middle of the night on his way to the vet (my parents took him). I regretted not taking him into the vet after he had what appeared to be a seizure a couple weeks before; I just remember calling the vet and getting no response. He seemed weaker in the legs but I attributed that to his age (he was 14). I called to check on him that night--later than I meant to-- and my mom said she'd been waiting hours for me to call; he was vomiting blood and she didn't know what to do (there was no emergency hospital where we lived back then). I raced home (but was a 3hr drive away); but Ziggy had already died; the vet had agreed to meet my parents at his practice that night... Before I had left the house that morning I was cleaning my car. Surprisingly, Ziggy calmly walked up to me in the front yard (just pushed open the front door--something he never did) and looked up at me seriously with old, tired eyes. I believe he was either saying goodbye or trying to get me to stay... I always regretted leaving him that day. I remember crying to my mom saying all I wanted was just one more day with him...

The death of my last dog however, was even more devastating. She was sickly to begin with. I saw changes and I didn't follow up on them. I don't know how to get past this. I attended a Monthly pet loss support group meeting and it helped for a little while. Now I've moved on to individual counseling. Even though I've found people to talk to that share their own guilty feelings about their animals, I still feel alone. When I'm not sharing with others who understand I'm dealing with all these horrible feelings dancing around inside of me.

It has been five months for me and I don't feel any better. As I was telling someone else, it seems like most of the people here get out of the guilt "phase" relatively quickly. Perhaps it will end up being "short-lived" for you; though you will never forget this dear dog.

I can tell you were very attached to this dog. Would it help any to think that ultimately it was your boyfriend's responsibility; that that sweet little dog was really his and not yours, so really it was up to him to provide veterinary care? Just trying to help. I used to catch a lot of grief about my dog's vet bills, and it wasn't like hubby and I COULDN'T AFFORD IT!!! Makes me feel sick thinking about it. I don't know if my dog could have been helped but I know I could have tried to do more.

I just wanted to write to let you know that you are not alone. If only all of the supportive people here could be our real-life neighbors...

sincerely,
hope2heal

[greenie]

Hi sweetmissy...I know you know me already...I can't say a whole lot to help here, but I'll say something...

Dear greenie,

I read your story and I feel for you-- truly. I felt like I was sitting there with you when you wrote what had happened. I think my dog Ziggy may have died of a heart condition back in 94; I wasn't even home when he died in the middle of the night on his way to the vet (my parents took him). I regretted not taking him into the vet after he had what appeared to be a seizure a couple weeks before; I just remember calling the vet and getting no response. He seemed weaker in the legs but I attributed that to his age (he was 14). I called to check on him that night--later than I meant to-- and my mom said she'd been waiting hours for me to call; he was vomiting blood and she didn't know what to do (there was no emergency hospital where we lived back then). I raced home (but was a 3hr drive away); but Ziggy had already died; the vet had agreed to meet my parents at his practice that night... Before I had left the house that morning I was cleaning my car. Surprisingly, Ziggy calmly walked up to me in the front yard (just pushed open the front door--something he never did) and looked up at me seriously with old, tired eyes. I believe he was either saying goodbye or trying to get me to stay... I always regretted leaving him that day. I remember crying to my mom saying all I wanted was just one more day with him...

The death of my last dog however, was even more devastating. She was sickly to begin with. I saw changes and I didn't follow up on them. I don't know how to get past this. I attended a Monthly pet loss support group meeting and it helped for a little while. Now I've moved on to individual counseling. Even though I've found people to talk to that share their own guilty feelings about their animals, I still feel alone. When I'm not sharing with others who understand I'm dealing with all these horrible feelings dancing around inside of me.

It has been five months for me and I don't feel any better. As I was telling someone else, it seems like most of the people here get out of the guilt "phase" relatively quickly. Perhaps it will end up being "short-lived" for you; though you will never forget this dear dog.

I can tell you were very attached to this dog. Would it help any to think that ultimately it was your boyfriend's responsibility; that that sweet little dog was really his and not yours, so really it was up to him to provide veterinary care? Just trying to help. I used to catch a lot of grief about my dog's vet bills, and it wasn't like hubby and I COULDN'T AFFORD IT!!! Makes me feel sick thinking about it. I don't know if my dog could have been helped but I know I could have tried to do more.

I just wanted to write to let you know that you are not alone. If only all of the supportive people here could be our real-life neighbors...

sincerely,
hope2heal

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss as well. I think the most difficult part is that our pets can't tell us what is happening with them. We can tell they are sick, and then blame ourselves for whatever decision we make about it.

The thing about my boyfriend..that's a good point that a friend brought up to me also. It was primarily his dog, and we don't live together. However, I loved her very much..she was just liek my baby. And out of the two of us...I am considered to be the animal lover. He loves his dogs, but does not feel the kinship I have felt with animals all my life.

He kept asking me what to do. I could have made the final decision but instead, I stalled. It was my responsibility to listen to Gingee and recognize the severity of her situation...and for some reason I just...didn't (which is just unlike me, as I am usually pretty in tune with my animals.)

Obviously I didn't know she was going to die. I knew in my mind it could be a possibility..but the reality of it seemed an over-reaction.....

I wish I could take it all back. I just can't live with the fact that I could have saved her, and didn't. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry, and have her back so I can make her better!

[Flossie's Mom]

Dear Greenie,

It's not like you did nothing at all. You did stay with her rather than going to dinner. You did try to figure out ways to pay for it.

My daughter was recently in the position of being unable to pay for some much needed care for her kitty. I helped out by using a credit card. I've had some extremely high bills for the dog I just lost. I used a pet care credit card once for some bills. If my Flossie had needed expensive care at a different time in my life I would have been unable to pay. She lived 14 years longer than she would have because I was able to somehow come up with the money. My hubbys first reaction was to just put her down anyway because her chances were only 45% for recovery with the surgery.

Just think of how many pets are discarded at the shelters or dumped out on the road or stuffed in dumpsters. You did not abandon her or not be there for her. You loved her and still love her. That is really all our pets ask of us. You may have taken her & gotten her over that crisis only to have lost her shortly after that.

We spent a lot of money on my daughters' cat and lost her within 6 weeks. She had tumors removed in January (first expensive visit) and then had breathing problems in Sept. Was on oxygen overnight and a few other vet visits till we had to put her to sleep the end of Oct. Lost her on a Monday & my dog on Thursday.

I have survived many pet losses. Most I blamed myself at least partially for the loss. Twice another family member had been negligant and I still grieved and blamed myself for not seeing to it that it didn't happen.

Some things we just do not have any control of. And maybe that is as it should be. She may have suffered longer if you had gotten care that was only a temporary help to what her condition was.

You will heal.... it takes time..... lots of time sometimes. Remember always that you were a good pet Mommie. Gingee knows that.

[LoveThem]

SweetMissy: I saw I replied in your original topic...don't forget to check it out from time to time. I find rereading replies in my own topic help me over and over again. Just a continuing comfort.


Greenie: The first thing I read in your story was your concern about Gingee's breathing and you suggested a vet and your boyfriend went there and was told..all she needed was to lose weight.
Right away that suggests to me that if the vet is not concerned...I would tell myself she is okay...just needs to lose a little weight. And that way of thinking suggested by the vet would have looked at anything happening with that thought in mind.

Her problem again had to do with breathing only this time it was an emergency. My last special friend I had to put down in an ER due to breathing problems so I know what my mind was like in such an emergency. Your money concerns are a legitimate concern. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have plastic. I don't know if there are vets who help humane society organizations with free treatment would help the animal if someone could not pay...although I do know I believe there are some who would accept payments. But when you are in the middle of an emergency, none of this would go through the mind...all we think about is it is an emergency.

Something happened fast (like my boy) and you reacted as best you could at the time. We are humans. We are not perfect. An emergency is the ultimate stress. I thought my boy had died when I scooped him up to go to the ER but he was still alive but in a lot of distress (I found out how badly when I saw his x-ray).

It sounds like it all happened so very fast that Gingee would not have made it, even if you had decided earlier. The only way we know what causes the illness is through the autopsy but even then years ago, I had a dog die at the vets and asked for an autopsy and was informed they could find no reason physically why it happened so the question was never answered.

Your research talked about CHF which you read could be treated (I don't know about that because that's what my dad died of and it was fast and no warning to be treated). But again,
without medical evidence...you can't know that was the reason for sure...it is only torturing yourself to make your own diagnosis which then makes your feelings of guilt bigger and bigger.
These babies live in the moment and are filled with unconditional love and they would never want us to feel badly about any decision we make or do not make. They know we are not perfect and they love us anyway.

So many things in life have no answers and leave us hanging....trying to make sense of it all and sometimes that leads to a guilt that never helps the situation.

I found over the years of having had and lost quite a few babies that the best way for me to think of it is.....they have a time they have to leave and when that time comes...there will be nothing we can do to prevent it....that's when we lose control to help them..because it is not meant to be. If it is not time yet....then we or our vet will be able to help them stay with us longer, as happens when we give them antibiotics or whatever and they do get better.

What happened to my boy, Little Guy, that last day I will never forget the horror of it all. But I can't think about what-ifs....I know I did the best I could under the cir%%stances and reading afterwards about pleural effusion which I know is what happened all of a sudden and the diagnosis that cancer caused it but not known for sure...I know I made the best decision for him at the time to put him down...not the best decision for me.

To have Gingee pass so quickly...gave her peace that quickly and ended any distress she was in. It was her time so it is no one's fault what happened. And, believe me, she is still a part of your heart and your boyfriend's heart....she is a part of all who loved her. She will be with you in spirit forever and someday...we all hope to see our best friends again...which will happen if there really is a Heaven.

It is normal to grieve for her, to cry for her, to cry for the helpless feelings you had during that emergency time, for the frustration of what to do...these are all normal human reactions.

It is enough to accept that you truly did the best you could for her. You were told at first it was a weight problem...the vet was not concerned. When things did happen later on, it was all a shock and hard to believe what was happening. There are no perfect responses to all situations that we can do. All we can do is the best we feel we can under the cir%%stances and remember that no matter what we think.....if it is their time to leave us....there will be nothing we can do that would prevent it.

So remember the good memories of being with her...that's what she would want you to do.
Write her a note here in her topic telling her exactly what you want to say to her. That has helped us here many times to do.

Keep writing about your thoughts and feelings. Healing takes time. The experience of one of these "last day" occurrences takes a very long time to get over and we never get over it completely. We don't have all the answers as we are not God and we can only do what we are allowed to do.

I wish you peace and healing.

Judy

[MissingMyLittleI...]

Hi Greenie. I am so sorry for your loss of your dear Gingee. I just lost my Iggy kitty last week to a car, and I too have been wrestling with an incredible amount of guilt (which I think I should have... if you read my way-too-long post from last week, you will see why). But I wanted to do something to help you, besides just tell you I understand the guilt is SO devastating, so I went to the American Vet Med Assoc site and pulled up some info for you about CHF. This is NOT your fault! It seems the vet missed the diagnosis of CHF when he/she suggested Gingee just needed to lose a few pounds... by the time Gingee was in distress, I think (I am a biologist and was a vet tech, but am not a vet, so maybe ask a vet-- not yours-- about this!) the window of opportunity for *anyone* (even an emergency vet) to do *anything* for Gingee had passed. I am almost 100% sure you could not have done anything to change the outcome the night Gingee died: the only way to treat CHF successfully is to detect it EARLY. Based on the symptoms you described, Gingee was in the advanced stages of CHF... and allowed to get to that point by the misdiagnosis of being overweight instead of having heart disease... and that was the VET'S RESPONSIBILITY, not yours! You didn't spend years in vet school learning about all the symptoms and tests to run: your vet did, and (s)he still missed the diagnosis. How could you have known! You couldn't have. Here is the info:

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Heart Disease in Dogs

"When it comes to heart disease, regular visits to your veterinarian could mean the difference between life and premature death," says Dr. Joanne Bicknese. "Dog owners may not realize that their pets are susceptible to many forms of heart disease. In most cases, heart disease can be successfully managed with early detection and treatment".

What is Heart Disease in Dogs?
Heart disease in dogs, as in people, can be either present at birth or acquired, often developing during middle age. Acquired heart disease is more common, affecting many older dogs.

Are there different types of heart disease in dogs?
Yes, there are two common types of heart disease in dogs:

* In one type, a dog's heart valves lose their ability to close properly, causing abnormal blood flow.
* In the other type, the muscular walls of a dog's heart become thinned and weakened.

Both types develop gradually over time and result in the same serious condition called heart failure.

Heart Failure
A major threat to your dog's health is heart failure. Of the dogs in the United States examined annually by a veterinarian, approximately 3.2 million have some form of acquired heart disease and may be in heart failure. Heart failure results from the heart's inability to pump blood at a rate required to meet the body's needs. While continuing to work harder to pump blood, further heart damage can occur.

What are the signs of heart disease in dogs?
Although some of the early stages of heart failure in dogs have no visible signs, heart failure can be diagnosed through a clinical evaluation by a veterinarian. Dogs with mild to moderate heart failure typically experience heart enlargement, coughing, lethargy and difficulty breathing. Severe heart failure is characterized by difficulty breathing (even at rest), fainting, profound intolerance to exercise, loss of appetite and weight loss.

How can I find out if my dog has heart disease?
Your veterinarian is your dog's healthcare expert. Regular veterinary visits are important for early detection of health problems.

Your veterinarian may ask you for specific information about your dog before performing a thorough physical examination. If indicated, blood and urine tests, X-rays, an EKG or other tests may be ordered. Regular testing is important for early detection of heart disease in dogs.

"Too often, dog owners do not take their dogs to visit the veterinarian until they are displaying severe signs of heart failure, and by then it may be too late," says Dr. Bicknese. "When heart disease is detected in your dog, your veterinarian can recommend a schedule of regular visits and discuss a treatment plan that can help."

Can dogs with heart disease be treated?
Yes. Although there is no cure for most heart disease in dogs, new treatments are available. Success of treatment depends on various factors, but early detection is always best. By following your veterinarian's recommendations, you can help your dog live a longer, more comfortable life.

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Big hug to you, and take advantage of this forum: read other people's posts, see how many of us have the awful guilt... but then do something about your guilt: I really think if you talk to a good vet, you will get some information that will help eliminate or at least lessen your guilt.
--Sherri

[sissycat]

Oh Greenie,

Sorry I didn't post earlier. Sometimes I have to come back twice before I can reply. It seems that sometimes I just don't have the right words.

Don't blame yourself. I know most of us do blame ourselves at some point. You were maybe misled in what the vet told you. We think we can trust them in giving us the right answers. How were you to know any different when the person you believed in told you only a weight problem?

I believe you did what you could and you did no wrong. Like others said you took her in as your pet and loved and cared for her. How could you be wrong for loving her?

Please know we are here for you.

Many HUgs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nemo's Mommy]

Dear Greenie,

The truth is, you didn't have a diagnosis, so how could you have known? If you had had the diagnosis of heart disease at the time, you would have known. But your boyfriend had taken Gingee to the vet and all they said is that she should lose more weight. This isn't your fault. You knew she was sick but did not know to what extent.

My cat Ren and also my cat Nemo died of heart disease. With Nemo, he was a kitten and they hadn't warned me of the risk of neuter with his heart murmur. He passed away on the operating table- I had guilt for years, and still do. But with the information I was given at the time, how could I have known differently? My cat Ren had cardiomyopathy. He had all the tests, echo's, and medication. However, what I didn't realize and what the vets didn't tell me was the risk of renal failure with heart disease. On the day he died (he passed at home), I found out from his blood tests he was in severe renal failure. If only I would have known... but I didn't know that, no one had told me. I had only focused on his heart. Of course, I don't know if it would have made a difference or not.

No matter how our beloved pets pass, there is always guilt, always what-if's, always if only I had.... The sad truth is we don't know if our actions would have made any difference. Even if you had taken Gingee to the vet that night, it might have been too late. It sounds like she went into CHF pretty quickly, and when it gets really bad, sometimes there is nothing you can do. Ren had his chest "tapped" meaning they removed the fluid from his lungs the night before. He still passed the next day.

Please try to forgive yourself. You didn't have enough knowledge at the time to do differently, which is what so many of us deal with after the passing of our sweet babies. There is probably no one on this board that doesn't have some kind of regret or think's "what if?", you are not alone...

Take care of yourself~
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom