How Do You Survive The First Day?, coping...maybe Options

[Dianaa]

Hi....
I can hardly believe I'm writing these words-- our sweet little dog Yogi was struck and killed by a speeding driver yesterday afternoon.

She was an eleven year old Italian Greyhound, very vibrant and loving. My husband took her out front to chase the ball-- her favorite thing in the world. Usually she was pretty sensible and stayed on the lawn but for some unknowable reason, yesterday she stepped into the street --at the exact moment this car seemed to materialize from nowhere. If it hadn't been speeding it wouldn't have hit her-- she was practically standing still.

I was inside in my office at home and heard the whole thing happen-- my husband yelling, the impact, all of it. She was killed pretty instantly-- I'm grateful that she didn't suffer. I did scream once at the driver who was crouched by her body-- I couldn't help myself, I screamed with all my might, You killed my dog. At least he didn't hit and run. My husband told him he shouldn't be speeding and that he better scram. I felt like my whole body was shaking apart. I went and stood by her broken body until we could move her, to make sure no other cars hit her.

We don't have children, though I'm not even sure if that really matters, but we adored Yogi. We had her for almost eleven years, since she was six weeks old. Her little muzzle was turning white but she was still completely joyous, vibrant and puppylike. She had one fang that kind of tilted out, so we called her Snagglepuss. She had this way of shivering and giving people "kisses" by wrapping her forepaws around your head and pressing her chest against your face. She loved all sorts of people--even crazy people and scary people that you kind of wished she didn't love so much ;-) I guess all pet-lovers must think this, but what a magical quality she had --it was uniquely her own and I'm crushed, knowing there will never ever be another one like her. They're just like people, aren't they? Each one so unique.

Maybe it's human nature to feel like if we love something so much that somehow it magically protects them, that nothing will ever happen to them. It's such so hard to believe or take in. I don't know. I feel so stupid and lost and like something has torn my heart right out of my chest. It's 2:30 in the afternoon as I write this. I can barely eat. All I seem to do is leak tears and stare. I keep thinking I see her. I keep imagining I heard her little toenails tapping on the floor. She loved to watch us from her beds as we worked. What do you do? How do you not die from grief? I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound grand or melodramatic, I just really mean it. How do you get through the day after they die?

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[magdalene]

Diana,

I'm so sorry for you loss. I can tell you how I got through the first day. I cried a lot. I bought a dozen roses and scattered them on the road where my baby died. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't really do anything except miss her and want her back. That lasted more than one day, unfortunately. I can tell you that it slowly gets better over time, but it took a lot of time. Finding this website helped me. Knowing other people understand still helps me. It's been over two years now, and it still hurts. But it doesn't feel like I'm dying inside anymore.

Magdalene

[Candy's Dad]

Dear Diana,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Yes, the first day is usually, at least for me, pretty horrible. I went through a similar experienced when my pepper was hit by a car. I still wince at the thought, but I promise it does get better. At least to the point where you can think of your fur baby and not feel the pain of the loss.

I lost my Candy, Pepper's sister a few months ago and that's still fresh.

The only way to survive and cope is one day at time. I found coming here and posting my thoughts and feelings has really helped in my healing process. When you interact with others who are experiencing or have experienced the same thing, it helps ease the burden that you would normally carry by yourself.

Please, I encourage you to post here and share fond memories when you feel able. Right now, that place that you are in is going to be tender for a bit, but know, it will get a bit better each day.

Again, please accept my condolences. You baby looks like such a sweatheart.

Hal

Candy's Dad

[hope2heal]

Diana,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss; it all seems so unfair.

My dog passed away in July and I still struggle with it, probably because I feel very much responsible for her death.

I didn't know what to do with myself...still don't at times. The first couple days after she passed I literally laid outside on blankets all day under the tree in the front yard. I didn't care if the neighbors thought I was nuts. It was too difficult being in the house without her. (Another blow: After my dog died on a dreary, damp 4th of July preceded by heatwaves, for weeks thereafter we had beautiful, cooler, low-humidity weather--it was pure torment that I couldn't walk her anymore or have her lying under the tree with me).

The best advice I can give you is to talk to as many caring and understanding people as you can, as often as you feel the need. Attending a Pet Loss support group can be helpful too. So can the kind people I have met here at Lightning Strike.

Thinking of you and your dear Yogi...

[shannon2183]

Diana,

What a gorgeous, perfect little lady. It was tough to read your post, because the loss of my little girl is still fresh (9 days), and your pooch actually reminds me of her. But I want to let you know I came on here the day I got the call that my Penny passed on, and the support has been so valuable. I post my experience nearly everyday...and I'm finally reading other stories. Everyone here "gets it", and you can talk about Yogi anytime!

The first day (the day she passed) was awful...I still find myself in disbelief at times. But I found the next day was worse. That's probably today for you. At first I tried to be intellectual about it...&%^yze the situation, etc. But then I just got mad, then so insanely sad. I decided to let myself cry as hard as I had to. I remember just wailing and laying in my bed. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was being tortured. But it felt like I was, and I didn't care about what anyone thought. Right now, you are probably still in the state where "this just can't be true...she can't be gone...there has to be something I can do". I remember just feeling immobile. For 3 days actually...I took a couple days off work. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I began journaling to my girl...telling her all my feelings. I write in it probably 2 times a day. People probably will think I'm crazy, but I know she's with me. I thought I heard click clacks on the floor, like you did, and I realized my other pooch was in my lap. He even looked. She's helping me through it. Each day gets a bit better, but I have my moments. I also started reading a Pet Loss book which helps a great deal. I have started to see the many lessons of life she's taught me, through her life and her passing. I'm sure you feel the same about sweet little Yogi.

Just a thought...I bet my Penny was excited to meet Yogi. She loved chasing her ballies too. Right now they are leaping and bounding through fields with their long skinny legs (I know italian gray hounds have long legs like my little Min Pins). She also loved her squeaky toys, so I think they are getting along very well right now. They are a couple sexy little ladies:)
No pooch will be like Yogi, but know that she will never be gone. She is such a part of your life, that I'm sure she will remain in your heart and home. I'm finally moving "day-by-day", but for the first couple days it was literally minute by minute, then this weekend was hour by hour. You will get through. So, Diana, minute by minute....just get through each one. Yogi will help you...she's cuddled up next to you right now! She loves you very much. Think of the cutest thing she does, and just let yourself smile...even through the tears.

My thoughts are with you,
~Shannon

[Dianaa]

Magdalene, Candy's Dad, Hope, and Shannon,

Thank you so much for your sweet words-- I sobbed through every one of your letters. It is pure torture isn't it? But it helped me so much to feel your warm thoughts and wishes. I'm so grateful to be reminded that we can get through even the worst moments.

Diana

[Cleo'smom]

Diana
I am so sorry about your wonderful Yogi. I lost my dear sweet Cleo just a week and a half ago. It's horrible, just horrible, but it does get a little better. I couldn't eat for days and I was sobbing and exhausted. My favorite position was curled up in a ball in a dim room. I wrote her letters, I still write down lots of happy memories as they come to me. The list is getting pretty long. I look at pictures, which makes me both happy and sad, remembering the good times but wishing so badly that she was still there.
Our pets are so special and they give us so much joy. Look for little signs of her. Yesterday I saw a single monarch butterfly, (very late in the season for it) flit through our backyard. Cleo was orange and black like the butterfly-I really think it was a sign from her. Yogi is ok and not in pain and you will be reunited someday.
I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Cry all you need to. This site is great but I know there are in-person support groups through Humane Societies in many cities. Yogi was so loved, I am sure she had a lovely life with you.

Jennifer, Cleo's Mom

[pappy rica]

Diana, I am so sorry for your loss. My sweet boy Pappy Rica left me on Sunday. I held him as he drifted off to sleep. He was a black cat that found me 8 years ago. My heart is broken. He would put his paws around my neck and nudge my chin. I have talked to many friends and am going to see a therapist on Thursday. I found this site Sunday night and it has helped me so much. There is nothing to be done but to be in your grief.

[Missing Fleetwoo...]

Diana,

I am so sorry to hear of your sudden and tragic loss. It seems the ones we are not expecting are the worst, but any loss of a fur kid is hard. I was on vacation when my Fleetwood kitty died and now am getting ready to go on another vacation and am terrified that something will happen to my Corrina kitty while I am gone (she’s almost 15 years old.) I wished I could tell you that tomorrow morning the pain will be gone, but I would be lying. Just know that as time goes on the pain does get better. Just cherish the memories you have of Yogi and when you miss her most just wrap yourself up in those memories and she will be there in your heart.

You came to the right place, there are many wonderful people here who know and understand the pain you are going through right now and all of us are here as one great big cyber shoulder to lean on!

Hang in there,

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

[Nemo's Mommy]

I am so sorry for your loss! I have an Italian Greyhound, and your picture just struck at my heart.

It is the hardest thing in the world to lose our babies....... it is almost unbearable. Somehow, we get through it, but we don't ever get over it. We just learn how to live with it, although our lives are changed forever. But I don't think our babies ever truly leave us....

I am glad you shared 11 wonderful years with Yogi. She is now at the Rainbow Bridge and probably busy playing with her new friends.

Take care of yourself these first few days!

My Ren died August 21st and my Zorro June 30th. I still cry... I think I always will. But I was so blessed to have shared their lives with them. For that, I am forever greatful that I got to be their Mommy...

I really liked this quote... although I am still mourning, as you are, it does make me think.... I should be so greatful they lived...

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God
that such men lived.
---George S. Patton, Jr.


Take Care
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Dianaa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Yogi. The loss of a beloved companion is one of the hardest experiences we go through on this side of eternity. The grief and healing journey is identical to the loss of a human family member or friend. It is a one day at a time journey that cannot be rushed, but does not have to be traveled alone. Each of us here understands first hand the deep sorrow you are presently feeling, and the enormous void in your life without the physical presence of your precious Yogi. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dianaa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Mistletoe]

Dear Diana,

I am very sorry for your loss--there is no way to stop the feelings that you are having--and sometimes-it will feel like everyday is the first day--Experience your grief--cry when you feel like it---I know the pain is so intense that you want it to go away and it eventually will---

Take care of yourself---that's what your Yogi would want

[Steve K.]

Diana,

I am saddened to hear about your Yogi. I lost my Woody on 09/21/08 in the same manner. My wife was taking our dogs for their afternoon walk when Woody pulled the leash from her hand and ran into the street where he was hit by a car. Woody never ran into the street before either. I'm sure that the person that hit my Woody was exceeding the speed limit, too. People always speed on that road. My wife managed to get the animal control people to take Woody to the emergency vet clinic but there was nothing they could do for him and she had to make the very difficult decision to let Woody go. Please believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel. When I left the house that Sunday morning I had two dogs but when I came home I only had one. Like your Yogi, my Woody was a very special dog and I miss him very much. It has been one month since I lost him and the pain of the loss is still heavy in my heart. I couldn't eat for the first five days. I would lay down to sleep at night the first week and I would wake up after a few hours and lay awake the rest of the night crying and thinking about my Woody Boy. The first two weeks I would have to walk out to my truck a few times each day while I was at work to sit and cry over my Woody. The best thing for me was to cry and I cried a lot for my boy. Woody was only four years old and we rescued him from a shelter when he was a year old. We only had him for three years. It will get easier for you little by little. I speak from experience. I still think about my Woody frequently each day but now the tears only come when I am sitting alone when it's quiet. I still love my boy and I know that you love your girl and that you will always love her. The only way I can deal with this is to tell myself that sooner or later I would have had to give Woody up anyhow because we usually outlive our furry friends. The bad part is that I didn't expect it to be so soon or to have someone hurt him like that. Post here frequently. Say exactly what's on your mind. It helped me and it will help you. There are some great people here and they rally care. Let them help you through this like they helped me. God bless.

Steve

[LuvLabs]

Diana, I am so very sorry to read of your loss of your dearest Yogi. Thank you for sharing her picture with us. She was a beautiful girl, and I know you loved her deeply.

I think you will find alot of comfort just posting on this board. So many animal lovers here. As you will see there are many who lost their baby in a tragic manner, such as yourself. When I was a child my very first dog was hit by a car. She was very young, but I remember the pain was intense. Ever since then I am over protective of my dogs when they are out.

I lost my last lab a year ago to cancer. The first few days I didn't get out of bed much. I've always struggled with depression, so I know this was part of it. And I had 4 months to prepare for Lizzy's passing. She was 9 1/2 and the cancer diagnosis was a shock. She was extremely healthy and played like a puppy. The last months she was still playing every day and I could see her body beginning to change. However, she remained strong even on the last night of her life. I remember her strength when I have my own struggles. I still think of her every day, and miss her like crazy. I can often be heard saying "I love you Liz...miss you Liz." It always makes me smile now. Her pictures surround me, she was such a happy dog.

As the others have suggested take one day at a time. Crying is so good for the soul and will help you through your grief. I can tell you that some day your tears will be replaced by smiles. May the happy memories of Yogi bring you comfort during this difficult time.

Nancy

[nickels]

Diana,

I'm so sorry to hear about precious Yogi. What a precious puppy. Please accept my condolences and know that things gradually do get better.

Michelle

[Dianaa]

Dear Jennifer, Pappy Rica, Mark, Nemo's Mom, Moon Beam, Mistletoe, Steve, Nancy, and Michelle, dear friends,

I'm so thankful for your kind words, I don't think I can adequately convey how grateful I am. I've cried over each of your notes more than once and I know that I will keep re-reading (and crying over) all of them for a while. It's true isn't it? There really is a big, mysterious comfort in sharing this sadness, if only to know we're not alone in it. Your gentle thoughts and photos and memories and suggestions are all so good, I am going to start keeping a little list for myself. This grief is terrible, but I think part of me is almost scared to let go of it because I dont want to let go of any little part of my connection to my baby.

Oh, it's just good to be able to talk about my "baby" and not feel somehow ashamed that she was a dog and not a human; to be able to cry as I type; to be able to just remember what a truly truly funny little girl she was, how she pranced when she walked, folded back her ears like origami, how she hated her winter coat, how happy passersby would be just to look at her, how she looked us right in the eyes, all the time. I miss her so and I just want her to come home.

Thank you so much for being here.

Diana

[ann]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Your precious Yogi was taken from you too quickly. When that happens there is no time to think. There are so many phases of greif and we've all been thru them step by step. Everyone here completely understands. This is a great place to post pictures and talk to your baby. Sometimes, as hard as it is, we have to stop and say how lucky we were to have had them impact our lives in so many happy ways. It will take time, but the pain will lessen. Never feel, shy, stupid, crazy etc for any way you need to get thru this. They ARE are children, a part of us and our lives. Yogi has some great company over the Rainbow Bridge. You are so lucky to have had her for 11yrs. (yet it can never be long enough)...Hugs.. Ann

[Zita'sMom]

Diana

I am so sorry to hear of your pain; it is a feeling I know too well.

I can see in the picture and in your description what a special soul Yogi was and is.

Also, I smile when you say she trusted people that she "shouldn't have" - it is that innocence and purity that I love in pets. My two cats who also died young and tragically, had that same trust and innocence. My cat Ziggy was shot and she would have walked right up to anyone so it's possible she was shot at close range. It is easy to be angry at the humans that are so disconnected from our fur friends that they don't value life. At least the motorist who hit Yogi stopped, though that doesn't make the pain easier. I have seen a couple of animals hit where it almost seemed purposeful and the drivers took off. I'm sure the driver was impacted by what happened and let's hope that they'll think twice about speeding in the future.

I do want to tell you something that might comfort you. When I was a teenager, our dog who was 12 at the time, got out from the fenced yard and was hit by a car and died. I was about 15 and inconsolable. A couple of days later he came to me in a dream and said (not in words exactly, but in thoughts if that makes any sense) that he was happy. He was sitting on a rocky beach similar to one where we frequently went when I was young that he adored. He also "said" that he would be there for me whenever I needed him. With that dream I felt a total feeling of peace. I was then able to move on, knowing that this was an important and sincere message for me and that he truly was safe, happy and connected to me through love. I am sure Yogi sends the same message to you.

I do not know why these things happen, but they do. I guess it shows how deep and strong the bonds are that we have with our pets - sometimes more so than with humans, at least for me.

take care and sending you healing thoughts in this difficult time.

Jan.

[Dianaa]

Dearest Joanne, Ann, and Jan,

Thank you for your beautiful words-- each of your letters means so much to me. I find that suddenly this has become the most important website in the world. Joanne--I'm going to look up the book you recommended-- your suggestion about reading about this experience is so helpful. And thank you, Ann, for so compassionately confirming that we all have such a validity to our feelings. And Jan, your dream is so beautiful and precious and I'm so very grateful that you shared it with me (of course, I was dissolved in tears over it and now here I am all over again.) You must be right, our sweethearts are well and with us always--we've merely lost their bodily form, and really what we love is their sweetness and beauty and divine spark.

I've decided to tell most of our friends about losing Yogi through email, so I don't have to go through quite as much of the same experience of tearing loss with every call. Getting to hear from each of you has helped me see how precious and helpful the internet really can be.

With deep gratitude,
Diana

[goliath]

Dear Diana,

I am so sorry about Yogi's fatal accident. Having a furry family member pass away is difficult to say the least. I think when it happens without any warning it's even worse. My heart goes out to you as you begin your painful journey of healing. It's a long rough road with alot of bumps along the way.

The upside of walking this journey is that you have others here who walk right along with you. Caring and sharing we help each other learn to cope and heal and eventually come to grips with our emotions. The missing never stops but the deep anguish subsides given time.

You made so many beautiful memories with Yogi. These memories are her gift to you to have and hold forever. Nothing can ever take them away not now or ever. They belong to you. Only Yogi's body has perished. Her spirit of love and all that is within her is very much alive and well. You can be sure she is still with you in that respect just as she always was.
As you become able to let go of the pain, you will begin to feel the warmth and joys again of the life you lived together. The goodness for the times spent with Yogi will slowly begin to seep in and ease your pain.

While life is short.............eternity isn't. Your days aren't over yet with Yogi. Only worlds separate you for now while you stay bonded together by hearts and love. One day you and she will reunite in a place where there is no end.

Over the last year I have read many books of healing and find them very powerful and draw strength from them. I find these kinds of books lend spiritual growth for me. Here are a few more inaddition to "ANIMALS and the AFTERLIFE" that I found most inspiring:

DOG ANGELS by Allen & Linda Anderson

GOD'S MESSENGERS What Animals Teach Us About the Divine by Allen & Linda Anderson

COLD NOSES AT THE PEARLY GATES by Gary Kurz (He also has 2 new ones that have just come out)

I wish you peace and comfort Diana.

Hugs of love and comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth