Its Been A Week, I'm leaving now... Options

[libby]

Well folks, its been a week since Tripper died. I thank whole heartedly the very few people who took the time to give me some support. Your words were a lifesaver in those first couple of days.
I came to this site because I was desperately trying to cope, with loss, with guilt, with pain.
Unfortunately it took over a day before I was even allowed access, and then the few posts I wrote were largely ignored. It is disheartening, but none the less I have made it through and I will now leave this site and go on with my life.

To all new folks: I feel your pain. I would suggest finding a friend or family member near you to lean on because you probably will spend most of your time here waiting to here responses that never come, and it will only make you feel more alone, as it did me.

libby

[toonie]

Please don't go, please give us another chance to support you, I am so sorry that you feel that we have failed you. I hope that all who care will take two seconds to write you here and you'll see we are not indifferent to what you are going through. I have never seen anyone come here on LS who wasn't truly hurting, there are only good people who come here and bemoan their situation and we will be there for you, I tend to try to avoid posting too much because I always feel I'm all over the place but see, this time I feel like I erred in this too. Some people sprang up to welcome you here, I am thankful that Goliath, LoveThem and Bues' Mommy did and more will come please consider us one more time, you will be giving us an opportunity to make amends, if not for yourself, do it for us, please please please I promise to be there for you from now on. Sometimes we have as LSSupport has called them 'flare ups' here and it may have changed the dynamics, I know I was sulking during the time you first came here
but we must forgive and forget if we want the same for us, I came back but sorry I wasn't there until now. I did comment on your beautiful poem and I hope it's the same for the site, not goodbye but see you (au revoir )(hastaluego) but not adieu please.
Hugs to you, I know how cruelly this has hit you, none of us meant it to, please trust this place we're here for you.

[LS Support]

Unfortunately it took over a day before I was even allowed access, and then the few posts I wrote were largely ignored. It is disheartening, but none the less I have made it through and I will now leave this site and go on with my life.

sorry you feel that way, this is not a for-profit website. i run it in my spare time and pay for it out of my pocket (minus any donations, thanks to kind people) because i want to, not because i need to. i have a family of 5 to take care of and am a business owner with 12 other hungry mouths with their own families to feed. my apologies for being slow on the approval process.

people often believe their posts are ignored, but it often takes time for people to see/respond or possibly the topic is not as relatable to some as it is to others. i see your posts received a dozen or more replies; also, your double posting tends to confuse posters...so that may have also been an issue as to why people did not respond as much or as fast as you feel they should have.

one week of grieving generally is not enough for most people. best wishes on your road to recovery, you are welcome back at any time.

[LoveThem]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I saw your first post..New Here, a hard goodbye and it was answered and I also took the time to answer you but you did not reply to my last post to you.

Then I see another post..Best Friends..I also last wrote you and you did not reply.

You did post a poem which people read...and usually may not reply but it shows people read it.

You were answered very quickly here by people who care and if it helped you at all, then we didn't waste our time. We are all grieving also. LS Support was correct in that sometimes people post a number of posts and look for replies to each one. That is hard to keep track of here. There are so many people needing help and if each one posted 3 or 4 new topic posts on the same subject very quickly...many would get lost in the shuffle of trying to answer everyone.

We encouraged you to post back..that's what this is all above..back and forth response. If you will look at your posts I think you will see that the last post to your topic was not from you...it was from one here who cared to stop by and try and help you. That's why I do not understand you words of "responses that never came" and "posts were ignored". I don't see that at all and I am sorry you do. If you had replied to my posts which you can see were to 2 of your topics...I would have replied back again and in the meantime more would have found you and there would be more replies. Not everyone is in the forum everyday..sometimes weeks go by before we hear from someone. That's why some that are here more often can reply more often. What is important is there is a reply, an acknowledgment of your grief and we try to put in words what we hope helps you. Because as I said...all of us are grieving here and we all want comfort and we all are willing to give comfort and we just do the best we can.

We tried to help you feel better about Tripper and am glad to hear our first replies to you did help. That is what this is all about. But grieving and healing are continuing processes. There are no instant cures but by corresponding with each other, we get through the rough days while we wait for time to give us some healing. That why we continually help each other. There are people here who took a year off and came back. There are some who say they need a break because since they are also grieving, sometimes it is very hard reading someone else's story because they will feel that person's pain also, in addition to their own, and that can be unbearable.

Don't measure your help by the number of replies..it is the content and the caring inside the ones you get that have the meaning..

We hope you come back and try again because healing is never a quick process and hopefully posting and getting replies will be a distraction you will feel helped. That's where all the help comes from........people come on and ask for help and many of them in turn pass on help to others when they can and so on and so on.

Take Care and come back anytime. You really didn't give this place a chance. A week is too short to really exchange a lot of feelings and thoughts with others. But remember, everyone here is or has been where you are in pain and that's why they respond and try to help you feel better. We are not professional counselors...we are people who have lost our precious ones...just like you..but we find it helps us to heal when we reach out and touch those who, like us, come here and look for help. Open your mind and heart and let those in who are trying to help you.

Think about it and also reread the replies you did get..which you said did help...only this time read them knowing they came from people who are in their own pain but pushed it aside to help another......you. We write what we feel. We write from the heart. I can't think of a better way to help someone, can you?

Good Luck in whatever you decide...we wish you peace and healing.

[goliath]

Hi Libby...............I am so sorry your feelings were hurt that more people did not respond to your cries of help. All of us get involved in our everyday lives where we have problems too that need attention. I can't say why more people who are here regularly did not respond to your cries as I remember all too well how desperately crushed I was after my Goliath passed away. My soul had absolutely collapsed and I felt like I had died too.

The realization I have come to here as well as in my everyday life is that people can only give you what they have to give and some people just don't have it. I found that to be true and very painful for me when my "best friend" dropped me off in my driveway the morning Goliath died while she went home to bed. Here I was in complete and utter shock feeling numb and not knowing where to turn to. In desperation I had to call my sister and get her out of bed at 5 in the morning, then I called another friend and got her up and then another. All 3 of were not put off at all for disturbing their sleep. My husband was in Texas at the time and began a non-stop drive home here to Michigan. Two months later I found this forum and began to recover. Then one day I came to the sad realization that my "best friend" could not give me comfort and company because she did not have it to give. I was forced to re-evalute our friendship, but that is another story.

Whether I get 3 responses or 20 or whatever, doesn't matter. It is what is said in the heartfelt replies that someone sends to me that I contemplate and respond back to. The content of those replies mean far more to me than the number of responses. I try my very hardest every day to respond as quickly as I am able to when I reconize the pain and agony someone is feeling. Sometimes I am not here long enough to leave the kind of response that someone else needs and deserves, so I may not get to it right away. My work keeps me away all day and my other responsibilities at home often get put on the backburner just so I can be here if somebody needs me. Sometimes I wind up here til late at night or very early in the morning before I go to work.

When I found this site in early January I was scared, lost, and had completely shut down. My days were filled with emptiness and tears and no sense of belonging. My Goliath had passed into God's loving hands on Novemeber 6th, 2007 and I carried that grief without the loving comfort and understanding that some people give. The one thing that you can be assured of is that anybody who finds their way to this forum comes because they have suffered a very deep and painful loss of a loved one in their lives. Hang onto the people who try and help you through their love and understanding with their replies. There are some very loving and giving people here who can and will give you the strength and comfort you need to begin your long journey of healing. The loving individuals that I have met along the way saved me from an empty and meaningless future. They helped me to feel alive again. For this I will always be eternally thankful. I don't know how much longer I could have continued existing instead of truly living and loving life again.

I open my heart to you and invite you anytime to talk with me about anything that crosses your heart or mind. Whether it is here in your thread, or in my thread, or in a private message I promise I will give you all I have in me to give to help you through this most sad and desperate time.

May you find the comfort and understanding and love you so desperately seek.

Much love and hugs,
Beth



I do hope you return

[gillian]

Libby,

I have to agree with what the others have said. Try not to judge the consideration of people here by the number of replies you receive. Even so, in my opinion, you received quite a few heartfelt replies!

And like the other posters said, we are all grieving, and we also have lives outside of this forum. I only get to pop on for 5 or 10 minutes a day and that's not every day, and I reply to posts where I can.

On one note you are right. You cannot rely on simply the people on a forum for your sole means of support. Although sadly, people outside this forum, in my experience, do not understand how deeply we grieve for our pets, and indeed expect us to 'get over it' very quickly. Its been 17 months since my boy - Bono - passed away and I'm still not over it. And it's due to the compassion of the people on this forum that I have got by as well as I have.

This is a very loving and caring forum which in my opinion deserves no criticism. LS Support - It's a credit to you. I'd be so proud of it if it were my site.

I hope you will see that and keep posting. If not, take care. x

[Snickster]

Libby,

I'm so sorry that you lost your Tripper and that you're feeling ignored by the LS folks. Please believe me when I tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. This is the ONE place you'll never be ignored... I promise you that.

For many, day-to-day life/work/obligations/other b.s. gets in the way of some things... especially for me. I realize that when you reached out, you were needing immediate help, as did I when I first came here. We feel like our world is crashing down and try to grasp at any help we can get to make sense of our pain and find a shoulder.

Libby, should you decide to stay, please know that you'll come to realize that everything you need truly is right here. You will never, ever, find a more supportive, caring and loving group.

Your feelings matter, your heartbreak matters and we do all share in your pain. Each and every one of us know... really know... exactly what you're going through.

Stay.

Hugs,

Patty