How Do I Stop Crying?, My friend is gone forever Options

[Bonny'sMom]

Bue's Mommy and LoveThem

How are you doing? Thanks for the tips. I will work on them. What does PM mean? Why don't I know this? I'll keep trying.

Thanks again,

Bonny's Mom

[LoveThem]

Bonny's Mom: PM means Private Message. It is a way to send like an internal kind of email to someone in the forum that is only read by them. At the bottom of someone's reply you will see the words "PM me". If you click on that you are taken to a section where you can type a message that is not posted in the forum. If you look at the bottom of this reply you will see what I mean.

What I will do is send you a PM so you can see how it is done. You will see above to the right of your Logged in Name the words "My Controls 0 New Messages" ,etc. When you have a PM the above would say "1 New Message" and if you click on it...you go to the Inbox (think of receiving email) and you can click on a message there. Also a small window may open up saying you have a message and you can click in there and read it also. You won't harm anything if you make any mistakes. Maybe Bue's Mommy can add to this explanation better.

But I will send you one right now by clicking on the PM bottom of your reply just above this one in my topic here.

[whysosoon]

I lost my beloved Sheltie 1/9/08 this is the first pet loss I have experienced. My "Jazz" suddenly became ill and died he was only 6 years old. I always thought we would grow old together. I had never considered that he would die from this illness (denial). I can relate to how you are feeling because I feel totally "griefed out". I am writing to tell you as others have said to me you have to allow yourself to grieve. I wish that you would try to do something that will not result in your making yourself sick. I am a bit worrried about the same kind of thing happening to me because I don't want to eat. There are physiological symptons that go along with the stress of grief.
Calm down and try to relax. Lay down, chill, cry, scream, watch a comedy movie, look at photos. I don't know these are a few of the things that I have been doing the past four days. It helps some but the reality of the situation is that we have experienced a special loss and we have to allow ourselves time to work through the loss.
I hope this helps you and me

[goliath]

I am so happy for you Love! Bringing that new bundle of joy has opened another source of happiness for you to love. Your tributes in the memorials were beautiful......I cried as my heart went out to you.

How do you stop crying? That is the question I keep asking myself and have come to the conclusion that when I stop crying will be when I cannot feel anymore. The tears may never run out. But I always look for comfort from our Lord Jesus to help me sleep at night.

You are a wonderful person who has a deep capacity to love. I hope with your new kitty you have lots of laughs!

[LoveThem]

Thanks for the kind words, Goliath. I see you can relate to my question about How Do I Stop Crying. Your answer said you thought you would stop crying when you cannot feel anymore.

What I would add to that is...when you cannot feel the pain constantly anymore. What seems to happen is when you replace good memories with sad ones, the pain eases and over time this happens continuously and it is easier not to cry when the pain does not overwhelm you. It is not that it goes away. It just gets pushed down and down inside until you do not cry 24/7.

The good memories that help are: the pictures of your baby happy and healthy and maybe even looking a little silly into the camera. Those were real times and times of smiles and joy. Also for some, in addition, it is welcoming a new one into the home, especially if there are no others left because a new one demands attention and keeps you busy so you don't have the time to cry you used to have.

The pain of the loss will always be inside you and will always be extreme when you relive any of the sadness but doing that doesn't help anyone and that's why although you will allow yourself to slip back now and then (we ARE only human), you will find that looking for things to smile about is well worth that effort and if we do it enough, we have developed a wonderful new habit. We need to find good distractions. After all, the good memories are there to relive. We are given a gift to have them.

I find with the new cat because he has similar looks to my others, I do think of them when I am with him but I don't have to cry when I do. When I see him in places my Little Guy liked to lay in...it makes me smile. I tell Little Guy I wish he was here but I know his body is not here so I think maybe his soul is close by and he hears me.
And I don't have the time to do a lot of thinking and maybe become sad again because this new one demands 24/7 attention. I have never seen one like him and I will never know how anyone could have abandoned him. I think anyone could pick him up and hold him with no problem. I think if anyone sat down, he would be in their lap in a second. He just has me shaking my head because he just can't get enough attention...although he DOES nap now and then.

[LoveThem]

Hi, Little Guy: I can't believe it has been almost 5 months since I lost you. I miss you very very much and when I look at one of your pictures, I wish I could just reach in and lift you out and hold all 16 pounds of you again.

I read elsewhere a very touching sentiment and I am putting it here in your thread so all can read it as I know it will touch them as it did me:

One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from then and then we can ask WHY wouldn't we?

Little Guy..you and your twin Keeper and your sister are very much missed from our home. Sometimes I imagine you are still all here in another room but I know that's just wishful thinking.

Well, here I am crying again while writing this. With the tears comes the pain but I am still grateful for the time we had together which I will never forget and will miss forever.

Love to you babies.

[goliath]

Your loving words for Little Guy are very touching Judy. The sentiment you expressed is so very true. How would I be able to tell anybody how much I love and cherish my furry kids if I had not received their unconditional love? Who else gives it so freely without any strings attached. All they ask for is food and water and to be near us..........nothing more.

As I continue healing I have realized that each ounce of pain and grief I am able to let go of opens a door to relish in more of the joyous memories of my Goliath. I would love to invite others to share some of their happy memories and stories of joy of the good times they have had with their special loved one. I sure want Goliath to know that he left me with many wonderful memories that I want to tell the world about.

As you miss your loving Little Guy on this day Judy......................please know that my arms are around you and comforting you. You are in my prayers each and every night when I get down on my knees and ask God to unburden your heart, as well as others hearts here.

Little Guy is all around you and in you. He will remain a part of you til the day after forever.

Hugs

[LoveThem]

Thank you, Beth. Your words are very comforting and I do appreciate your writing about your thoughts and your prayers. Hugs back to you

[LoveThem]

To: Whysosoon: Thank you for your message of Jan 13th. The fact you had a recent loss yourself and stopped to give me comfort was a wonderful, warm thing to do and it is very appreciated. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but sometimes we get quite caught up in our own grief and forget to stop and thank those who take the time to comfort us.

As you can see by the responses in this forum and also in my topic here, there are many wonderful people here who understand about grief and pain. In case you do not come back here I did send you a message hoping you will come back and start a topic about your recent loss and let us all show you how that pain is shared here and that sharing by so many is what helps us start healing.

I do hope you see this message and/or the private one I sent and hope to see you posting a topic here about your Sheltie. I think you will find just posting the topic will help you. I will look for you. Your message will not be forgotten.

[goliath]

Judy.............You are such a compassionate and loving individual. All of the genuine love you give to others so freely is a God given gift. Much of our world would be a far better place if people had just a fraction of the amount of love that just pours out from you.

Much love is sent your way and you are still in my prayers each and every night before I fall asleep and dream of my Goliath.........Beth

[LoveThem]

Thank you, Beth. I have seen through your posts you have a gift for words that comfort and it makes me smile to read your posts because so many times I think.............................I couldn't have said it better myself........................
I believe you have come a long way inside from when you first posted here and that is what all this is about.....to find some joy and light to push aside the sadness and darkness when we can.

Bue's Mommy and Joanne: Thank you for coming by and sharing your thoughts with me. You two are perfect examples of the warmth and caring that is so much a part of this forum and that's why people who grieve do find understanding and sharing and that lightens all our loads so much, doesn't it?

Hugs to all of you!

[LoveThem]

Little Guy:

We miss you so much. Last year on this date, you were with us, happy and healthy and galloping all over our home. It helps to have your pictures here and in the Tributes section. What is also special is the notes people have posted here and especially the pictures and avatars of their babies.

We have your beautiful pictures in every room along with your twin brother Keeper. It was sad he had to leave 5 years before you as you always loved to wash his face and even though he didn't do that to you, you two looked so much alike there had to be a bond between you. Of course we remember your sister, the little diva, would have nothing to do with either of you but she was ent*itled to a home too.

There are so many beautiful babies on this forum who have gone wherever you are. You were very special in our lives and as I read how others miss their special ones, I find it only right we send you these thoughts of love and hugs.

From: your "Mom" and "Dad" .....soul-mates forever!

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Joanne for your thoughts. And missing our babies is a universal feeling in here. They mean so much and we have such a bond and each bond is special and different but the end result of loss creates the same intense pain in all of us, no matter which one of the babies we lose.

We miss them everyday. And I know that missing will always be a part of our lives. But I would never give up having them in order to avoid the later pain....there are too many days and years of love and happiness that will be a part of us because we had them in our lives.

Hugs to you for being here.

[goliath]

Hi Judy.......Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on how dear you hold your precious memories of Little Guy. It is those memories of our furry kids that keep us alive and make us smile out of grat*itude for having had the privlege of knowing them and loving them.

Take care.........Beth

[LoveThem]

Welcome back from vacation. Thanks for stopping by and I totally agree with your words.

Between the pictures that you have posted and the replies you have posted to others, I see a healing in you that you have said helps so much and I think that all you have said has helped many others through a rough moment that there are lots of good feelings coming back to you. Unfortunately, it takes things like your loss of Goliath and my loss of Little Guy for us to feel such emptiness we reached out and found this forum and so many wonderful people here who truly care about these babies so much and they help us and so, in turn, we try to help them and when someone says we have touched them in a certain way that helped...it just feels so right, doesn't it?

I always look forward to reading your posts wherever they are as your caring and feelings always show through as real and from the heart.

Hugs to you, Beth

[LoveThem]

Thanks, Joanne. I always stop by your thread to see how things are going. I do enjoy your updates, especially about your kitten Mario. His antics are so sweet. It is nice to post good happy things when we can because we know the sadness we will always feel is just out there on the edge of everything but good things help push it back further and further. And yes, it does mean a lot when we let others know and/or they let us know..we are in each other's thoughts with best wishes and hugs being sent to the other. We just can't seem to stop being fragile about our babies but that's part of the love we have all shared with our special ones.

Take Care and we will talk again.
Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne:

Yes, I definitely agree...we cannot spoil our babies too much. The time we are given with them is a gift and it is something to treasure because when it is gone, we can't get it back and it is that time that we did have...that is what we have left..as memories that can't be taken away.

Thanks for stopping by here to see my Little Guy.
Judy

[LoveThem]

Hi, Joanne: I am so glad you have pictures! I regret I didn't take more of Little Guy's brother Keeper but I really thought I had more time with him than I did. After he left first, I started taking pictures of Little Guy and his sister and I am so glad I did. As an adult I only have 2 of Keeper but I used to joke that since they were twins, all I had to do is take a picture of Little Guy and it would look exactly like Keeper. But, you know, Keeper had his own picture in his eyes and he loved having his belly rubbed. He was a very very sweet boy and not quite as scared as Little Guy. I do have a few pictures of them as kittens and I may scan and post those and I do have new ones of Lucky but there are other things that need doing first.

I know a lady in my community who lost her cat 2 years ago. They would go outside together and sit on the porch in the early morning. Apparently one day her cat saw a strange cat was sleeping under her car and he took off after it and was never seen again. She said she never thought to take a picture of him and she wished she had one. He was a sick kitty she adopted from a kill shelter. He needed medicine and she wanted to take care of him and had him for 2 or 3 years. He even had a microchip and she visited all the shelters trying to find him and told Animal Control he had a chip and they told her they were too busy to check for chips and she would have to just come down constantly and look at all the animals. She never found him. But she would give anything for a picture. She did adopt a kitten who needed a home and he is a lot of company for her and she never goes outside with him to sit on that porch.

Yeah, pictures really mean so very much...look at all the beautiful babies we see on this forum through pictures. We can smile at the pictures because we know they were happy and healthy and safe when they were taken. Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words or so the saying goes.

Thanks for the comments and checking on Little Guy.

[LoveThem]

I would love to see more pictures of Mario. Never too many kitten pictures!

It's odd you mention seeing a cat that looks like Rassy. I saw a stray here this morning that was black and white and reminded me of the coloring of Rassy. I
hadn't seen this one around here before. He looked right at the window I was looking out of.

Yes, computers can be a pain especially when the software written from them is usually full of "bugs" that can keep a program from working right sometimes but the big companies that sell the software really don't care as long as it is good enough to sell.
That's why it gets scary when I read Microsoft's Bill Gates sounds like he was to take over the world by controlling our homes and our cars with his buggy software. I see the ads on TV advertising cars with Microsoft stuff in them. You couldn't give me that
car free.
On their own or when programs written by real people are done, computers work very well. A user usually doesn't have any problems using well-written programs. Computers can only be perfect because they are machines. So if they don't do something right....you have to be a detective sometimes to find the problem. There is a saying that goes "garbage in = garbage out" for computers and that can also refer to the programs used by computers. If the programs are garbage...then that's what you get trying to use them. But the public has no protection against sloppiness. So if something isn't working right, the last person who should feel blame is the user because if it is written right, it will work right and allow for user errors. I better stop cause I have lots I could say about computer programs which I know is boring reading. Anyway, if you have a problem and explain what it is, I have no problem trying to help.

By for now.
LoveThem

[LoveThem]

I think I will post some kitten pictures of Little Guy and his twin Keeper and his sister. I don't have many but they do need to be scanned into the computer. Right now of course it is tax time and I'm doing that but soon I can take the time to size the pictures and also update elsewhere some new pictures of Lucky.

It seems like when we lose one and have some pictures, each subsequent one has more pictures taken to make up for not having many of the prior loss. I think right now I have more pictures of Lucky than Little Guy. But then you can only take so many of them lying around...cause that's what they do...but there are times they can be caught doing silly things (like Bue's Mommy catching Bue inside a pillowcase)...you just HAVE to take that one! I was lucky enough to catch some cute ones which I have posted of Little Guy and also his sister, Little Girl. But then I had lost Keeper, Little Guy's twin and so I realized I had so few pictures of Keeper, I took more of the babies that were left.....at least I did that and am glad I did.

That was such a wonderful major breakthrough you had with Charlie. You didn't give up and neither did he. Now he eats on his own....no force feed, no stomach tube. He has some quality back. Now if he had been able to talk to you earlier, he might have said he wanted to try that stinky stuff.

Take Care ...of yourself as well as your babies. Moving is never an easy thing to do.