1 Week, a million tears Options

[KaseysMom]

Thank you so much ,it means alot to hear that.
Carolyn

[KaseysMom]

Been a few days since i wrote I think i am trying not too as i just feel i cant take much more..Its getting no better,well maybe it is i dont know , i can talk about Kasey and laugh about some of the things she did but then I burst.. I have been talking to hubby about getting not one but 2 new baby's and hes getting less addament about not doing so..I know I love any baby and i love Sdyney (whos getting fatter by the day) but I can't get over My Kasey not that i want too... but i hurt from crying I feel so alone with it at times I want to just scream! I got my first kitten when i was 5or6 and i very seldom found myself with out at least one and have never had one that I did not love, i have walked in after work and found my beautifull Maine coon pente dead just outta the blue and 2 days later My little black persian missy dead... my soo wonderfull feral that I took from my aunt and uncles propetry after they were so sick they wiled him too me..we we soo care ful but bought a new house and he found a way out and I came home and he was dead in the street right in front of the house probly run over on pupose, and to this day i cant talk about my my 2 chow puppies very often (such a tragic ending) and I was hearkbroken by everyone. I cried I hurt i missed them, so i dont understand why I cant cope with this,,is it because we/I was the one to nod at the Dr.s as she put that needle in? Is it because i am older and losing some copeing skills I had?,is it because i was with her so much as i was not able to work? I mean she was only 9 mo.s old why is it so Hard? why cant I stop crying and hurting so badly that i am just worhtless , i spend my day waiting for hubby to go to bad so i can let it out, last night for the first time I saw her face,,,I just got really still (not sure if i was asleep or on the way) as not to disturb this vision..i have trouble remmebering her face, and just cant bear to look at the pic.s and video that are somewhere on pc buried..the one thats here i got from my ebay id..it was such a beatifull vision such a sweet Baby, but then also i ruined it by bursting into tears..its always so hard to see the keys to type and now is impossi=ale...thanks for listening

[toonie]

Hi Kasey's mom, so sorry you are having a hard time. Will it help if I tell you we all go through it, I think that mostly it is grief that has to come out and we are fragile so every little down from outside brings us a down inside. I have come to realize that I will be sad for a long time (if not forever) I can't wish for things to be like before but I have decided I can at least aspire for satisfaction. Rather than try to find the happiness of beofre I will work at satisfaction: to be satisfied with my self, with my house, with my work and with my gardens. I will do my best to be happy about these things. And I will accept that sometimes I need to go and cry a few good cries alone before I come back and 'act' normal. But at this time, my buzz word is satisfaction, it keeps me sane in the midst of the crazy feelings. Take care Kasey, be good to yourself and try to make it through, there will be better times ahead for your beautiful little family.

[Lucy1Josie2]

You know what, Kasey's Mom? I think as we get older, more things strike us as unbearably sad. I'm not sure why that should be, but I think a lot of times that's so. We just tend to see more sadness in the world as we get older, and it sometimes just seems to affect us more. Maybe because as we get older, we're more aware of how fragile everything is? I don't know. Boy, this is turning into a downer of a post, isn't it? I don't want it to be, because I want to comfort you. And eventually, you will be comforted, I know you will. Kasey will find a way to see to it. Maybe just coming here to these boards will help you a little. I hope so. I wish you all the best.

-- Michelle K.

[KaseysMom]

Thank you both! so much as i am sure you know any kindly spoken words are always some comfort,, and I cant tell you how much it means to me right know,as always when i get a response i am thankful that i happen upon this place! as soory as i am that all are going through this pain it so nice to have a place where you dont feel quit as crazy..I guess had Kasey been a 2 legger,, i would have gotten abit of Sympathy Hell maybe even some emotional support but I will be Satisfied(ty Toonie) with the luck I had finding this place. And just feel sorry that some will never Have that love we all miss so much, Be assured everyday I try to be ok and I try sooo hard to not destory my memories of her wonderful joyfull life, short as it was she brought more joy then we could have ever asked for,Who knew??..lol I thought we we rescueing her!! what a joke that was!! she made our lives soooo full,Guess thats why so empty now but it was worth ever min. and every tear that I have still yet to cry...
Thank you again Toonie and Michelle
Carolyn

[slbrock59]

You and Kasey are in my thoughts and prayers this evening. Blessings to you always.
Steve

[KaseysMom]

Thank you Steve,, wishing you the best also!
Have not been here in a few days, Have been trying just not to think as I needed a break form the tears,did not work,, but was worth a shot,I never have said this outloud and its soo insane but in my head I cant stop screaming I want her Back! But i try to choke back sayin it out loud,,,
Thanks again and best to you and yours

[KaseysMom]

Bad today Baby.. I passed another sunday-monday.. and I know its the other stress's that make it just all that much harder, as you were my touch stone in so many ways,and always helped mommy through anything that came..one look at your sweet little face and all would slowly melt away I mean how could anyone stay sad for more then a minute watching your antics and recieving all that funny furry love Sydney is still being very good and letting love on her all we want or need to but its just not the same as being made to laugh even when its a rough day,now everything just stays with us with no release or break at all< it just keeps building and building untill I am sure i will just go crazy and I try so hard to be thankfull for the time we were lucky enough to have you and i am but I just soo need you here with me, I need you to play with me, I need you to be here goofing all over the house,I need to hear things being knock over! I feel like I am in hell here, I miss my Baby and though i know its had to get better I know in my heart i will miss you till I am gone as well.

[toonie]

you were my touch stone

I know in my heart i will miss you till I am gone

Dear Kasey's mom, I feel the same about my own baby, I hope beautiful things will soon come your way to soothe this pain. Hugs.

[KaseysMom]

Thank you Toonie..hugss to you as well

[KaseysMom]

My sweet sweet Baby,, i am so sorry i have not been here its just been too hard for me..I know it helps me to write but to be truthfull i am having trouble seeing your picture , and i tried not to see it as i came in here,,,I miss you so much and as things get tenser here at home its all that much harder, I think about you constanly and am just overwhelmed most of the time.I cant stop the tears and am getting so deppressed that i just cant function, sometimes i feel like a child,one that just cant understand and its scares me I know all of us have to die, i have lost many, I just hate my life right now theres no laughter and thats all i have i need it so bad, your Daddy's a bit better now, we can talk about you for a couple of minutes before he say ok change subject and he does not get as upset when i mention getting another little one, and hes stopped saying No not interested,some of it is to make me happy i am sure, cause i think hes worrried about me, I have waited thinking it would be unfair as all i really want is my Kasey, but maybe i have waited to long I dont know,i am just so confused on whats right for me, Dad and whatever little one might be joining our broken hearted family,, I love you Baby, I love you so much