The Spectre Of Doom Options

[xrayspex]

It has been some time....time that I have not been here. I see some familiar posters still here..Furkidlets mom,Michelleskitty,Ryancat,MooseMom,AlleysMama,Muffins...kind & wonderful people that helped me before in my time of terrible darkness. That time has come once again. Barely 3 months since the Spectre of Doom took my Chase...NOW THE ABOMINATION COMES FOR MY ABIGAIL & DOESN"T EVEN FINISH HER OFF...I had to make the wretched decision this morning at the vets office after some of the grimest survival options were put to me on what was to be a very bleak and not so optimistic..(not to mention painful) recovery. Last night we had our 8 year old ferret..Abigail (who we nicknamed "Miss") out in the bedroom poking around. She has been very tired of late but was still herself. This morning she was not herself. She could not stand up...she looked so tired...and the life light was fading quickly from her eyes. The Spectre came in the night & left her in pain. This morning we rushed her to our vet...and came home with an empty cage & broken hearts. We have been crying all day long. I miss her so much. I am again in the terrible throws of grief. I was just healing from Chase and really starting to remember all the funny and wonderful things about her...now my world is dark & full of great woe once again.

http://youtube.com/18foxtrot

Above is a link I started on 'You Tube called ' THE FUR CHANNEL" I cannot go there right now because it will invoke terrible emotional pain. There is a video of Abigail on there I can't bear to watch right now called "Nap Time for Little Miss"...but you will be able to see that page is a tribute to nothing but animals. There is also a good clip of Abigail trying to drag one of her most loved toys (my wife...a full grown adult!!!!) into a corner so she can come back and get her later

PS Furkidlets mom...I got your message just tonite.. I am sorry I have been gone so long.. I will see you in the forum

[michelles kitty]

john,
i am so sorry, i remember when you posted that video of abby trying to hide your wife..that was so cute.
i am so sorry that you lost abigail. it just breaks my heart. it was to soon. you do know that i am here for you.
thinking of you and your family tonight ,your in my prayers
much love
michelle

[Ken Albin]

I am very sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to have to make those kind of end-of-life decisions for our furkids and I can sympathize with your pain. Just remember that we will always be here for you.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

OMG, John......I don't even know what to say to such shocking and horrid news!
I'm SO, SO SORRY!! How could this have happened?!?!.... and to such a kind, loving family such as yourselves???? Poor you, poor Abigail/Miss, poor your wife!! My heart is just breaking for you! But you know we'll be here for you, even though I, myself, haven't even been around quite as much lately (been going thru a really tough spell lately). This is just.....awful. I was JUST thinking about you 2 days ago.....now I know why. I'm so sorry you're in the dark pit....again.

[Cleo 1]

I am so sorry you have lost another of your furbabies.
You are in my thoughts.

Cleo 1

[xrayspex]

Thank You all so much for posting....
Ken, that is a wonderful tribute to a great creature, I could not read it all at once. I am very sensitive right now to others loss as well as my own and it moved me to tears shortly after I began to read. I will go back when I feel a little stronger...

[Moose Mom]

John

I can't believe you are back for such a crappy reason. I feel I knew your Abigail, your little Miss. I am just so very sorry. My heart is breaking too. I remember the picture of her and Chase with Santa, and the story you told about it. I think of it and laugh sometime still.

I'm so sorry you had to make that dicission for her, I know how hard that was for you. You loved her enough to take the pain on yourself. It's too soon after Chase, it just makes it so hard. Please tell your wife how sorry I am.

Right now all I can think is you have your Angel and your other guys to hold onto. Furry comfort is a help. I know how much you miss your girls.

Thinking of you, your wife and Abigail

[AlleysMama]

John

I am so so sorry about Abigail. I remember when I first found this site and your kind and thoughtful words helped me so much in my darkest hours. My heart breaks for you that you have to deal with this loss, when you are still dealing with the loss of Chase. I know there are no words to make this better. Just know that I am here for you.

Paula

[xrayspex]

Hello Lori...Hello Paula...I am glad you are here for me to lean on too. I remember you both so well. It's the same thing once again as when Chase died, But this time I had to choose for her. I have never been put in this position before. I pleaded with my God for strength...not for answers... for strength. The vet spoke of chemo therapy to very invasive surgery while all the while I looked at my Missy in my arms and just knew she wanted to sleep. I cried so hard...like I am now...and asked myself a very basic question about the quality of Missys life. It was not and probably would not be good ever again. I would just be buying time for her and for a few weeks at best....that was the strongest prognosis the vet would commit to. To prolong her agony would have been an act of selfishness on my part. The vet left the room for us to be alone after we made the decision. We poured over Miss...I was almost hysterical. My wife never cries and to see her like this made it all that much worse. The door opened...and in minutes my little Miss was gone.......

I now stare at the empty cage in some of the deepest sorrow only the ones that come here can imagine.

[Moose Mom]

Hello John

Strength, yes. I think all of us here pray, in whatever way we pray, for that strength. I pray you get what you need.

Love

[Muffins]

Dear (((((((John & Wife)))))))

I am thinking of you both and keeping you in my prayers.

The vet spoke of chemo therapy to very invasive surgery while all the while I looked at my Missy in my arms and just knew she wanted to sleep.

Back on February 7, 2004, I was new here at Lightning-Strike, after having made the decision to put my sweet, precious girl, Ernestine , to sleep. To this date, it was the very hardest thing that I have ever done.

I just couldn't make any sense of what I was feeling. I forget who the wonderful soul here was, but someone wrote a very lovely post to me, and in it she said:

"Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain so that she could finally be without pain."

It all made sense to me. I had prayed that God please take my Ernie-Bird in her sleep, but that wasn't to be...... So, my husband and I, as her loving parents, had to make that decision to help her go from this life to the next.

I think it was Ken who said it best.... Something to the effect of -- "when we adopt/bring a new member into the family, that we have an 'unwritten contract' to always do what is in the best interest of our beloved child"...
(Ken...if it wasn't you who said this, I certainly apologize. If it was you, I know that you worded it much better than I did.)

Just like the loving dad/father you are (and always will be) to your sweet girl, Missy , as the vet was discussing chemotherapy to invasive surgery, in your heart, you knew what your darling Abigail, your precious Missy needed.
Her sweet precious body was very tired and she desperately wanted to be at peace.
You lovingly thought of your girl, and her needs, John, as you always have.

You took on your precious Abigails' pain and made it your own. I know, in my heart John, that Missy thanks you so much.

I am so sorry that you had to come back to LS so soon after your beloved Chase . It has been such a short time.

Please know that we all care. I know that you have made some very special friends here, and just like you have always been there for them - they are here for you, too. I know that you know that. This place has always been magical, I think.
Please come here as often as you need to John.....

Wishing you and your wife much peace, love & comfort. You will be in our prayers tonight.

Denise & Ben

[My Buddy]

Dear Dear John,
you have always been there for everyone, I remember your posts so vividly through my own initial loss and on-going pain...I am truly sorry yet again....why why why, I know thats the question we all want to ask and can't possibly know...Just know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers..Keep on writing, I like to see the old friends here to keep me knowing I am not alone, alot of people have moved on...I just sorry you have come back for such as a sad reason. I am praying for strength for you right now...you and your wife are amazing people...I have faith in you..Peace and Love, Hrudey's Momma, forever my Christmas Angel...

[michaelT]

John, I am so sorry for your sudden loss of Abigail. I too remember your posts from last fall. I was mourning the loss of my beloved cat Steve who was taken by the neighbors dog. I am now dealing with the sickness of my 21 year old cat Davis and it does not look good. Kidneys. Always the kidneys. But I have to tell you that having a slower illness beats this sudden 'they're gone' stuff any day. It's the worst and the most intense and I feel for you so much right now. Steve taught me that this pain is the price we pay for their love and the pleasure we take in them. Having been through this before, you know it does get better. However, if this added tenderness allows you to see the world more lovingly, thank Abigail. michaelT

[xrayspex]

I would like to thank....

Cleo 1, Furkidlets mom ,Michelles kitty, MooseMom, AlleysMama, Muffins, Ken Albin,My Buddy & michaelT

any ommision was a tremendous mistake on my part.....

It is a comfort to know that you are all here to lean on in these dark hours.
I am not strong right now & I think things that I would not act on but are not normal...like checking out so I can go see both Chase & Abigail. But there is too many people in my life here that need me so I can't do that......

....after all if I leave...... I don't think He'll let me come back!!!

....so I guess I'll have to stay and weather the intense emotional storm.....

....glad your all here to help "keep me dry"


God Bless You All

[Moose Mom]

John

Dawn was saying in one of her posts it would be good if you got the option to 'go with'. Some days it really feels like that for sure. Most of us here are like you, we would love to follow, go and be with our guys, but there is just too much here we have to do first. Some days it's just so hard to stay...

I guess the thing I think of most is that if I had been given that option ten years ago when I lost my Butch kitty, I would have taken it. I think of all that I would have missed, all the joy and love, the time with my husband who is a very special man, the two very special lives I would never have known...

I guess the universe does know best.

Lean on us till you find your strengh.

Love

[Furkidlets' Mom]

John,

I cried all through your so-sweet video of "Nap Time For Little Miss", so I can well understand how you couldn't possibly look at this yet. (you're a wonder with all the vid's, btw) It was so touching, yet so heartbreaking at the same time.

It sounds like you did the most UNself-serving thing you could have, all for love of your little girl. While we had kept Sabin alive with the prognosis of him having possibly as long as 3 months left, he died only 2 wks. from that prognosis and although he wasn't, at the start, as 'down' as it sounds like Abby was, in hindsight, we should have euthanized him. I now know he was okay but I wasn't so certain THEN. It was only his continued visits from Spirit that finally convinced me it was 'okay', HE was okay, despite what I hadn't done. Just as we would still love our babies, no matter what they'd done to or for us, they feel the same way about us.

So it's highly possible you would have suffered just as much, but in the opposite way, had you decided otherwise. Either way, it's a horrible burden we cast upon ourselves, but for all the right reasons....the love of our little ones.

I'm still fighting to fight against wanting to leave this plane....finally allowing more of the anguish in after all these months. It's not pretty and I wish I was anywhere but where I am right now, not knowing HOW it's going to be in my future. But especially if you DO have other loved ones who want you to stay put here, it behooves you to carry on, along with the natural pain of loss, for their sakes if not for your own at present. You ALL need each other.

If my husband were no longer in the picture.....THEN, I don't think I could go on at all, as I'm at my limit in capacity for pain already. Trust me...there IS a big difference between having a loving family who truly cares about you, and not, to help carry you through these "worst of times". My husband, and the people here are the only friends (well, ONE distant friend left) and 'family' I now have - in only a few short years, I've lost it all, and somewhat voluntarily given up the few fragments that were left that weren't doing me any good. I feel like I'm already 90, with hardly anyone left in my world. So if it helps, 'use' my example to get you through. No matter how much the pain sears, you can tell yourself that "at least I still have...."

I know this isn't the greatest thing to say to someone who's hurting so much, so please forgive me this bereavement faux pas, but still, in my position, I can't help but think it and so still hope it can help, if not now, then later. Personally, I would give my eye teeth to have someone like you and your wife, so loving and tender-hearted, as part of my own circle.

[ryancat]

John, I am so sorry for your loss. I was just thinking of you the other day,wondering how you were doing.I remember when you first came to this site when you lost your beautiful Chase.I had just found this site myself in Oct. of last year.You were such a great comfort to me and to so many others going thur the loss of a beloved pet.Now you have come back and I am so sorry it is for such a sad reason.I also remember your Abigail in pictures with Chase at christmas, they made me smile.When my boy Sox had to be put to sleep back in Oct. it was (and still is) the hardest decision we ever had to make but we did it because we loved him and we didn't want him to suffer anymore than he already had.You did the same thing for your girl, you accepted the pain so she wouldn't have to do it anymore.It is a hard choice to make but one we have to do because we love them so much.I wish I had the words to help you to feel better but I hope that by knowing you are not alone it helps you alittle bit.You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.May you find the comfort you need right here among friends.......we will be here for you as long as you need us.You have helped so many others now it is your turn so lean on us if you need to. Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

[xrayspex]

Hi Rene...Thanks for the shoulder. I was hoping to see you again. You were a comfort to me when Chase died. I feel as if I'm walking around in the same old nightmare once again. I'm glad you are here....

[Mo&Maisie'sMom]

John, you don't know me as I joined the site only 8 weeks ago after making the same painful decision you did. I just want you to know how truly sorry I am that you are facing the pain of loss once again.. you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Jennifer

[xrayspex]

Hi Jennifer. Thank you for you kind words & thoughts, In the darkness that envelopes one during times of great difficulty such as this...words are healing when they come from those that understand & that care.