Kasha, Mommys Lil Girl, 18 days without my baby Options

[Stargazer_gold]

Renee, I'm sorry that your still hurting. I think our hurt and grief is a testament to how very much and deeply we loved them, people say that pets give you unconditional love but I also firmly believe that we give that same kind of love in return. Thats why we always do whats best for them regardless of the consequences to ourselves. To say that we loved them doesnt even begin to scratch the surface. Even for as much as I am hurting if I had it to do over again I would still love her as deeply even if it was for such a short time.

[Stargazer_gold]

Today I got Kasha's ashes back finally. I had been dreading getting them thinking they would intensify my grief but it was just the opposite. I am still grieving but now something inside me feels a little peace. Finally my baby is home where she belongs.
Has anyone else had a similair experiance?

[myhrtisbrkn]

K's Mom,

That is exactly how I felt when I bought Mack's ashes home. I knew he was safe with me and no further harm could come to him. We scattered some in Mack's favorite places, and we keep the bulk of them in the velvet bag with Rainbow Bridge embroidered on it. Some I keep in a little pill fob, the same color as Mack's truck, on my keychain. They rest on my knee when I'm behind the wheel...my precious truckin' companion is always with me.

Thinking of you and sweet Kasha,
Dayna

[Moose Mom]

Kasha's Mom

For me, getting the ashes back was a good thing. My baby was home, safe with me. My hubby and I went together to get them and I held the box close to my heart all the way home. I can put it in his favorite places, like in the window in the sun or in the bedroom when we sleep. When I am really lonely and sad for him I still hold him close to my heart. So yes pretty much exactly what you felt.

Love

[Stargazer_gold]

Its been 5 weeks today that Kasha has been gone, I am doing better and am not crying as much now. I'm having feelings of guilt now that I am not grieving as much, is this normal? I feel like I am almost betraying her by now crying all the time. Whats wrong with me?

[Moose Mom]

Kasha's mommy

Nothing is wrong with you, nothing. We all grieve in our own time. There is no normal with grief. Things got some better for me at about a month, I still cried every day, but not all day. You may also still have bad days.

One thing, and I don't mean to dump on anyones grief, but Kasha was only three, poor baby. To me it seems the longer we have them, the more memories we have of them, the harder it is. It does feel a bit like betraying them, I understand. I had a kitty who died at 2, it was hard but, well I don't really know how to explain it, just not AS hard. We will still always love them and miss them.

Love

[AlleysMama]

After a while, I've noticed that it just takes more energy than I have to grieve 24 hours a day like my Alley deserves and I do feel guilty because I sometimes can go a whole hour without thinking about her, but I think its a very normal feeling. I have pictures of her all over my apartment and I "talk" to her every night before I go to bed and at least once a day the tears come and I just have a good cry, missing her. I know that in the months to come, it will be less and less that I cry and I may even go a day or more at a time without thinking about her but that doesn't lessen how special she was and still is. Time doesn't "heal" anything, but it does make it easier to deal with, eventually.

Alley will always be my baby girl and I live in hope that she is somewhere waiting for me to join her someday and that we will be together again in another place, another life. That doesn't mean I have to stop living this one until it happens though. and neither do you.

[Stargazer_gold]

Today marks 6 weeks that Kahsa has been gone. I still miss her so much. I still can't talk about her without crying. I catch myself looking for her without thinking, oh how that hurts when I do that. When I go to bed is when its the worse, I guess my mind then has to much time to think and grieve. It still doesnt seem right to not have her laying next to me on the pillow at night.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

My therapist said something to me recently that was pretty helpful. She said that even if I wasn't grieving much, that doesn't change the love that is a FACT between me and my girl, and that regardless of anything else, the love is still a fact that will never be untrue. In other words, even when our grief runs its natural course and we feel 'better', we still love our babies, and they still love us, as it's always been and NOTHING will change that, even lack of tears. I find this gives me something true and strong to hold onto, no matter what kind of day I'm having. (and of course she believes that the best honour we can give for any loss is to have as good a life as we possibly can....AFTER we've gone through the worst of the grief) Also, grief is operating normally as long as there's some progress and we're going up and down, rather than remaining ALL down, w/o any breaks. Btw, it's physiologically impossible to cry non-stop constantly and never stop...our bodies just can't handle that.

I'm not anywhere near that point yet, with Nissa's 6th month (oh, I hate the thought!) anniversary just around the corner, but I'm keeping it in the back of my mind, for later. Even if I don't cry outwardly every day, the constant ache is always there, for now....even though I know someday that, too, will soften, except for those special dates or certain other triggers. We don't 'forget' our losses any more than we could forget our own name, but after enough griefwork, a balance starts to emerge again, slowly but surely.

[Stargazer_gold]

Furkidlets Mom,
Thankyou so much for sharing with me what your therapist said to you. It helped to hear that because I do have feelings of guilt that I am not grieving as hard as I did the first week or so of losing Kasha, I somehow felt that if I dont feel bad all the time on a daily basis that it somehow means I didnt love Kasha as much. I guess I needed to hear from someone that just because we get better in the grieving process has nothing to do with the amount of love we felt towards our babies.

[Stargazer_gold]

Lastnight was so very bad for me. This coming wednesday I am getting a 10 month old female westie, she looks exactly like Kasha except for her white coat. Well anyways the seller had emailed me some photos of my new dog, cuddles is her name and I had used one for my desktop wallpaper. Well later that night I walked by my computer and I thought to myself , AWWW Kasha looks so cute, then it hit me that Kasha is forever gone and thats cuddles not Kasha. I felt depressed, sad, for the rest of the night, when I went to bed all the grief hit me at once and I just started sobbing so hard, the pain was as intense as the first day that I lost Kasha.

I want another dog to love but now I have my doubts. I was thinking having a dog that reminded me of Kasha in appearance would help me and make it easier for me to bond with another dog. Now I'm wondering if this new dog is just going to be a trigger to set off my grief. Everytime I seem to think I am getting a handle on things something happens to put me back to the beginning as far as my emotions go.

Tonight I cried in the bathtub remembering how Kasha would come into the bathroom with me when I bathed, she use to love to roll in the damp towel I used to dry myself off with, always made me smile when she did that.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Kasha's Mom,

That's the thing about grief. Up, down, sideways...and you never know which way it's going to go next; one of the many reasons the experts say not to make any major decisions w/i at least the first 6 months to a year after a major loss...and one of the reasons grief is so frightening to us. We never know how we're really going to feel from one moment to the next. I've done the same....hundreds of times. Yet, for some, another furkid can work out. For myself, I know myself and so know this wouldn't work for me...I couldn't cope with someone I didn't already know and love. For now, I just want my freedom to grieve and not worry about another soul....and yet I really miss being needed and loved. But I don't think I'd be a good mom yet...an okay one, but not good enough by my own standards (which can be stupidly high!).

So instead, I'm planning on going to visit one particularly neglected and abandoned cat who's at my friend's shelter next week (if our schedules coincide), just to let him know that some humans really do care. He's pretty much adopted out already, but I need to allow him feel more love in this world, while he's recovering and waiting. His is a particularly terrible story/history and I feel so badly for him, so it's just something I feel I need to do, but it's short-lived and temporary...and that's all I can handle yet. I'm not doing very well this morning, either....so you've got company.

[Stargazer_gold]

Hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know that I am doing better. I still have moments of intense grief but those episodes are getting fewer and far inbetween. I still think about Kasha every day , mostly when I go to bed at night, she seems to be in my thoughts most. Getting Cuddles was the right thing to do for me, it really helped me thru my grief. I don't ever think I can love another dog as much as I did Kasha , Kasha was more of a child to me and I loved her as such.

[toonie]

I know how you feel, there are these unique souls that can never be replaced, but to hold on to life and to give in return we have to go beyond that and love the way we can. What a beautiful soul you are to allow this to happen.