Loss Of Daisy, Death of my cat Options

[Catherine1]

Yesterday morning we were wakened by a neighbour at 6am to tell us that our beloved wee cat Daisy had been ran over by a car and had been killed. My husband brought her home but wouldnt let me look at her. I have never felt grief like this before and I havnt stopped crying since it happened. She was with us for 8 years and I miss her terribly. I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt that I didnt get the chance to say goodbye to her or kiss her face and stroke her. We have buried her in the garden but everytime I look out I am crying again. Everything reminds me of her and I feel totally miserable. People have been understanding but I feel that maybe they will be thinking okay you ve had a cry, now pull yourself together and get on with it, but it really is so hard. I hope in time my guilt will fade and I will be able to talk and think about her without bursting into tears. Meanwhile if anyone has had a similar experience I would really love to hear from them to find out if it gets any easier.

[tammy]

Hi Catherine,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My cat died 2 1/2 weeks ago.
The first week was I think the most miserable I have been in my entire life. I cried constantly, woke up crying, went to bed crying, etc. It was almost unbearable.
Since the second week, now I just spontaneously burst into tears a couple of times a day, and I am still very, very sad all the time. But it is not as bad as the first week.
I now know that it will eventually get better - the first week I didn't know that, now I do.
I think anyone here will tell you that the first several weeks are just horrible.
For me, going to bed at night was/is really hard because she's not with me, and waking up knowing she's not there is also hard.

And there will be people around you that will think "she was just a cat", but as my dad said "well let them think that. It doesn't matter what they think. Don't worry about". As someone else on this board said, you can't imagine the pain of losing a pet unless you've actually been through it yourself. Grieve and cry as much as you want to and as long as you need to.

The people on this board are here to help you get through this. We know how you feel. Read through some of the posts here and you'll see how other people in the situation are dealing, and read all the supporting comments to them. Maybe it'll help.

Take care of yourself,
Tammy

[Catherine1]

Tammy, thank you so much for replying to me, it really means a lot. I will try to take comfort from the fact that it does get easier, and look forward to that time - although right now it seems really far away. I have read a lot of the messages and it does help to know that there are people who know what you are going through. I hope that in time I will be in a position to offer others words of comfort and support.

Thankyou

[tammy]

You'll be in my thoughts, especially in the next week, because you may feel even worse before you feel better. Keep writing to this board, it helped me some.


-Tammy

[crazycatwoman]

Hello Catherine

Im so sorry about your cat. Please know we all understand how you feel, as we are all going through it or have been through it so you are not alone, i doubt u have read my posts but my dog Picasso died almost a year ago, on Sept 29th it will be a year. I think it gets easier as far as u dont think about it as much, or cry all the time, but as for my own experience i have not fully recovered from his loss, but i also dont think i will. Just take your time and dont let anyone make u feel silly for grieving for such a special animal

thinking of you

amber

[Catherine1]

Hi Amber, thanks for your support. I guess every day will get a bit easier but its just the guilt that i feel for not being there for her at the end. I wish I could turn the clock back and give her one last kiss and cuddle. Thats whats doing my head in. Because she was hit by a car my husband wouldnt let me see her. If i had got to hold her one last time i think i wouldve been handling this better. Its the first time ive lost a pet and I cant believe the power of emotions. I just hope she knew how much i loved her.

Take care

[jillybromley]

Dear Catherine

I am so very sorry that you have lost your sweet Daisy to such a terrible accident.

It is heartbreaking indeed to lose such a beloved furbaby in such a tragic way. You ask if anyone has similar experiences. That is why I am replying to you.

It is 9 months since my own little kitty was struck by a car and died instantly.

I was completely devastated and non-functioning in the first few weeks. It was an unbelievable shock for me and it took me a long while even to come out of the shock stage.

Your husband protected you from seeing her which I believe was probably for the best. You can remember her as the dear sweet Daisy you have always known.
I know that feeling of wishing you could give her one last cuddle, one last hug goodbye and it is very hard to have been denied that last goodbye, as you long for her and want her back in your arms once again.

The path through grief is a slow one. In the first week try to be very gentle with yourself and not expect too much from yourself, the grief seems to overtake all other feelings, but try to look after yourself properly.

I know you must miss your sweet Daisy so very much and long to have her with you again. I gained great comfort from thinking of my Ellie being healed from her injuries and being well and happy at Rainbow Bridge. I put the Poem on my wall and read it every day. For me this helped as it made me realise that although she was no longer with me she was still alive in spirit form.

I also found a lot of comfort by coming here to LS and talking about my feelings with those I knew would understand because they had been through the same sort of emotional turmoil.

My thoughts are with you at this very difficult time
and please try to think of your Daisy as being healed and whole again and running free in the fields of Rainbow Bridge. It will help you to bear the pain better if you can have some sort of comforting image of her to put in your mind when the grief about what has happened becomes too overwhelming to bear.

I don't just think it's an elastoplast either. I think it's for real. I truly believe our babies continue on, albeit on a plain that we cannot see. I have had little signs from Ellie that she is still around. A feeling of her jumping on the bed at night and laying down next to me about 6 weeks after her passing was so very real that I could not just dismiss it. I could feel the warmth and weight of her body lying there next to me for about five minutes.

This event has been a great comfort to me and I believe that one day we will be reunited and that I will see her again.

Bless you and your sweet Daisy

with love
jilly

[BuddyFerret]

Catherine,

I am sorry for what happened. First, you know there was nothing you could really do there. Don't feel quilty about anything.

It's a hard time, and it's dark and cold and lonely and you want it to go away so much. Just when you feel like you might have come out of it, it hits you like a ton of bricks. You cry and you relate funny stories to people and you cry some more and you hurt. Oh God do you hurt. I know. I truly know. I have never felt as bad as I feel right now.

But it's all normal and it's what humans do to grieve. The crying, all of the emotions, very normal and need to happen. Sure I wish they wouldn't but we don't have a choice. At least you cared and loved and what you are going through proves that. No, it doesn't make it any better, but know that you did and you're a better person for having made that sweet animal's life so much better than it maybe would have been.

I feel that same sadness for not having gotten to say goodbye to Buddy. Not having the chance to hold him against my chest in my arms and feel his warmth and see his bright eyes one last time. To stroke his little sweet ferret head. See, I'm crying right now........but that's part of the deal when we take these loving animals into our lives. We know what happens and that day will come. Sooner or later.....and we have to deal with it.

Tammy is right, it seems to get a little worse before it gets better. I am only on my third day. Yesterday, a day which should have been a good day, food and fun and friends and all, was a horrible day. I hate my house so much right now because it was where Buddy lived and everything in it reminds me of him. I want to leave here and never come back. I dread going into my bedroom to sleep becuase that was where he lived his entire life basically. He had free run of the upstairs; my room, bathroom, hallways. That was his world and he was always visible in it. So I don't even want to go there. I don't want to eat, sleep, watch TV or read. I have three great books from the library that I was excited about reading.......not anymore.

So be aware that you are going through this like so many others. As you read this, hundreds of people, if not thousands, are feeling the same loss and asking the same questions. So don't keep it inside, tell people you need to talk, let them know you're gonna be emotional and just be yourself. If you need to cry, cry. Try and remember all the good times though and the happy moments (i know, that's hard right now) but those happy times and little smiles that they give you when you recall them are powerful and make you feel good, at least for a moment.

My broken heart is with you too, stay with people and come to this board. It gets better. I promise. I am learning that in just my third day of sadness.

Buddy's dad

I miss my ferret-boy soooo much. I love you Buddy.

[Catherine1]

Dear Jilly and Buddys Dad, thankyou. You can both relate to how I feel and I appreciate your encouraging words. Although we are all going through the pain, you still feel so alone. All my memories right now are just the bad ones, like the horrible way she died and I have to tell myself that she didnt suffer and that she died instantly or I would go mad. I wake up in the middle of the night and i really feel it then. I look out at her wee grave in the garden and hate that she is lying there. I like to think she is looking down on me from wherever she is and that shes happy and knows that i loved her so much. Yesterday I bought a big rock and painted her name on it and placed it on her grave. It made me feel a wee bit better, but I think my neighbours probably think ive lost the plot ! My husband has been brilliant and I love him dearly for that. He understands how i am feeling and is being patient. He was never a cat lover until he met me and admits that this has affected him as well. I am thankful that he was home when my cat died as he brought her back and dealt with burying her. I could not have done that on my own. I have another cat Mikey, who is 6 and i am spoiling him rotten and showering him with kisses every chance i get. I am terrified of the same thing happening to him, but i cant keep him locked up. Thankyou for letting me rabble on and say things I would probably never have the guts to say to anyone else. Lots of people just havnt a clue and think , its a cat, get over it. I dont think i could have been much worse affected if it had been a person that had died - I know that may sound strange, or even bad to some people but thats how i feel. Daisy is in my mind constantly, but i am getting better - my friends mum asked me about her this morning and I was able to speak without breaking down as I have been doing. I guess thats progress. I know it will take a long, long time for me to get over this, but I know eventually i will. God bless and take care of yourselves. Thankyou again for letting me do this, it does really help to get your inner most feelings out ***

[jillybromley]

Dear Catherine,

It does help to come here and express your inner thoughts, it is a safe place to say just how you are feeling, knowing that we are all feeling a very similar way.

Anyone who has sought out and found a site like this is someone who truely loves their furbaby and is grief stricken at their loss.

Sometimes, it is hard for those around us to understand the depth of our grief. I felt as grief stricken as if it was a human relative, and coming here to talk about my little Ellie, helped me so very much.

It also helped to read of others who were feeling the same. I wished they weren't feeling all that pain, but at the same time it helped me to realised that I was not abnormal, to be hurting so very much.

You are right, your little Daisy would not have known what happened to her, it would have been completely instantaneous. I hope that is a little bit of a comfort for you to know that she would not have suffered.

I think the rock with her name on is a beautiful idea. I found myself wanting to do lots of things for Ellie ... make little memorials, buy little shrubs to plant in memory of her. I bought a yellow daisy bush, and planted it. I bought a stone angel and some stone woodland animals and put them in a circle around her memorial place.

I felt I could never do enough to honor her little life, or let her know how very much she had meant to me. All these symbolic things I did for her helped me with the grieving process.

I know how very much you miss your sweet Daisy ... please know that I am thinking of you.

with love
jilly

[Catherine1]

Hi Jilly, you know, I have just looked at your photo of Ellie properly for the first time. She was a wee cracker. Was she just a kitten when she was killed ? That would be so hard to take as well if she was still only a baby. At least I had Daisy for 8 years. Its strange when you think of how much pain their deaths cause, but you still wouldnt not have had them if you knew the future, do you know what i mean. I must admit I am starting to feel slightly better, dont get me wrong, im still totally gutted, but I think I must be coming to the "acceptance" stage. I feel she is at peace and her spirit is alive and well, somewhere. A funny thing happened this morning, now Daisy was quite the hunter and was constantly bringing in mice, sometimes dead, sometimes not. I have another cat but he doesnt bother with all that, think hes too lazy, so when Daisy died, i thought, well no more mice now anyway. So you can imagine my surprise when Mikey started acting all funny over in the corner of the living room, i thot it was a spider, but no, it was a wee tiny field mouse. I nearly died ! Im saying to my wee girl "It was Daisy !! Its so wierd but i thought its Daisy saying hey dont forget me, im still here !! Its mad but so what, it makes me feel better to tell myself these things. Maybe ive just got mice !!!

Take care of yourself

Catherine ***

[jillybromley]

Dear Catherine,

I’m so glad that you are getting these feelings that Daisy is at peace and her spirit is alive and well. I can’t begin to tell you what a difference this can make to the whole agonising grieving process.

How amazing about the little field mouse …. When something out of the ordinary happens like that I am sure it is often our babies trying to give us some sort of sign that they are still around … It may not be significant to anyone else … but if it was significant to you then that is the important thing to look out for. And it was …. So maybe your sweet Daisy was trying to give you a sign that you would recognise. And you did … I’m happy both for you and for her … and I hope so much that it brought you a little comfort.


My precious little Ellie … the picture is of her as a kitten. I only have kitten pictures of her. I had her from 4 weeks of age … found in a hedgerow, alone, late one night on a busy London street. I took many pictures of her in her early months and then because of family concerns and upheavals the camera never came out again that year.

She left this world age 15 months … after being hit by a car outside my house one dark December night. I don’t have any pictures of her as an adult cat. She always remained very tiny and never really grew up into a big cat … so the pictures are very much how I remember her to be. There are more pictures of her in my Memorial to her in the Memorial Section of this site. I come back and add to it sometimes.

I still miss her sweet and loving ways, and there is a part of my heart that went with her when she took her final journey, but I am left with many happy memories of the year that she graced my life and it is mainly those happy memories that fill my mind now rather than the sadness. Time does gradually heal the empty place left in our heart and slowly changes the pain from a sharp unbearable stabbing, to a soft gentle ache.

Bless your sweet Daisy and all she meant to you.

With love
jilly

[Cathi]

Hi Catherine,
I haven't had this exact experience, but I did lose my dog Tico to illness a few days ago and also can't stop crying. However, he was hit by a car when he was 4 months old and severely injured. The vet thought he would never walk again and thought he should be put down. He lived another 13 years till 2 days ago. But i DO remember how sick I felt in knowing how he was hurt. It must be such a shock to you to lose a pet like this. I wish you peace to return soon and as much time to grieve as you need. These are our babies who we have cared for and loved and lived with every day- 24 hours a day.

I don't think non pet owners can ever understand. But we who have also lost pets do know your pain. It makes so much sense to cry until we have no more tears or until we heal. I cried a little less today and suppose I will cry a little less tomorrow.

hugs to you
Cathi

[Catherine1]

Hiya Cathi, its been exactly one week since Daisy got killed. I woke this morning with a bit of a heavy heart. I thought i was all cried out but when i read my messages of support, im crying again as bad as ever. Thankyou for taking time to write me when you are obviously in a lot of pain yourself. Everyone here keeps you going. They say time is a great healer, but i think we'd all be wishing our lives away to get to that day when we dont have this black cloud hanging over us anymore.

Take care x