I Think I'm Ready

As I type this, I have a huge lump in my throat, remembering how often I was here at this site a year ago and how comforting it was. I had just lost my beautiful and sweet white husky to old age. I watched him deteriorate slowly until he let me know it was time to let him go. My Tico. Good and bye are the hardest words We ever have to say.

The way he let me know was to gradually stop eating and then it was almost impossible for him to get up and down. His walks slowed down immensely. (He used to prance).

We had been together more than I had been with anyone else and he was my best friend. He would ## his head and look at me and then just be a big clown and a tease and run around like a nut. I am a wildlife and wolf artist, and he would rest his chin on the couch and look at me while I drew him over and over on paper.

I will never see those golden eyes again and now I am crying. I told myself that I could never feel this pain again - not ever. I told myself that I just could not feel that pain again. It was not this hard when my dad died. One day at a time.


But I went to the Humane Society in my old home town a few weeks again with my sister and saw all the lonely and thrown -away dogs and cats, and knew I had to do something for them. As we walked through, tails were wagging, faces were purring. I cuddled some cats, I talked to some dogs. It was hard to leave that place. I was helping just a tiny bit. I hope I made one dog or cat smile just for a little while.

This week I made my decision, in Tico's honor, I will start volunteering at our local humane society... I will start by being a foster mom for litters of kittens that are found in the cold, and need to get socialized and loved and got ready for a new adoptive home.

I will tape broken dog foood bags that are donated by a local grocery store.

And I hope I can be a dog walker in the winter. I'm a little afraid of the ice.

I am a walker- 2 to 3 miles and when I walk especially hard, I can still feel the wound in my heart from losing this beautiful boy. But, I am learning that no matter how much it hurts, one can start over and give a little to those who have no voices. I am learning that time takes time.

May we all heal however we can.
Cathi

A Candle In The Snow For You

Last night after all the hustle and bustle of Christmas was over,
and my husband and I were alone, we went outside into the quiet night
in our back yard.

We took a small white candle and set it on the snow under the
pine tree. We lit the light to remember our sled dog, Tico,
who we lost to old age a few months ago

We talked quietly about his last days and his part in our lives.
Then we brought the candle to the porch and just let in shine for
him until it went out by itself. I had a strong sense of
his spirit and whenever I looked out the window for the rest of
the night, I felt warmed.

May the season's peace wrap you in its arms with comfort,
may the joy you had with your fur baby dance in your heart and
may you (and we) all heal soon.

Tonight, I will light another candle in the snow for Tico,
for all the fur babies in shelters hoping for a home,
and to honor your beautiful one who is no longer with you.

Love to you
Cathi

They Are All Angels...what Was Your Angel's Name?

What was your favorite thing to do together?
My angel was Tico, a mixed breed husky...cream colored with grey markings.
We loved going anywhere in the car. He refused to be way in the back of the stationwagon and always snuck up to the front seat.
We also loved walking together-anywhere, anytime, any season.

May we all have peace and healing during this season.
hugs
Cathi

3 Months Today..so Sad

Hi, I haven't been here for awhile. Started a new job.

It has been 3 months today that we had to have our beautiful sweet mixed breed husky put to sleep. I have never missed a human this much after death.

Tico was a northern dog and just loved the snow. If anyone ever doubts that dogs feel joy, they should watch a northern dog ( or any dog) romp in the snow.
We walked in every season, through all kinds of weather. We loved storms and wind and sun sparkles. But HE taught me how to love the beauty of winter (not the cold). I didn't notice the cold as much when he was with me.

All I had to say, was "Walk, Tico", and he would run all over the house til I got my boots on. He jumped over footstools and back again till we were at the door. Then he would tear down the steps with me hanging on for dear life!
! (I sprained a finger once.)

Our silent walks took place through the swaying willows that still kept their gold on the last clinging leaves. He pranced through those trees and always kept his eyes on the crows wishing he could catch them. I remember so well the walks around Christmas time because the silence seemed deeper then, like a quiet piano.
And we loved the music. And he loved the music. I left on classical music for him when I left the house and I could see it soothed him.

Oh how my heart breaks when I think of the peach glow of the setting sun on his ruffling fur in the breeze. His inner joy and happiness matched his outer beauty.
I never had a friend like him before. We spent countless hours together.

We must have walked a thousand miles together. Sometimes his footsteps fell into mine. Sometimes my footsteps fell into his.

I have posted a poem for him on the tributes page. Thanks for listening.
I swear that on some of our walks, I could see that dog smile.

peace
Cathi

For Tico, My Northern Boy

You were the breath of joy in my life
like the mood of a September morning
You gave me all the seasons
...more fully
...more innocently
...more lovingly
You taught me how to slow down
to see the sun sets and
the hawk's flight,
to hear the wind
and to hear silence.


When I said, do you want to go for a walk, you never said no.
And we left our footprints over where the sun sets
in the west by the golden willows
that danced to the northern wind,
Danced with a northern dog
and a lady.

We left our footprints under the giant %%ulus in June
We left our footprints in the first snowfall of November.
We left our footsteps under the cottonwood buds in May and we both heard its song and were happy.
We left our footsteps amid the curling dusty leaves
In the dawning of September

I hope somewhere, in a happy place
you are not suffering
I hope you are running and walking and
dancing to life once more
You were the best friend I ever had.
Be at peace
and leave more footsteps
until I get there.....