First Weekend Without Her Options

[BastiansMomma]

This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Work actually has given me solace since I can think of something else other than Bastian. I find that going home is another story, especially when I am going to bed since she slept with me, which I know people can relate.
this will be my first weekend with out her. I am so afraid to face these two days. I feel numb and this whole awful thing is surreal. Of course Sunday being Mother's day will be hard too. My kittys used to send me mothers day cards and i know this year it will only be from one. Monday will be a week since she has gone to the bridge and I can't believe it's been that long or short. It feels like forever then it feels like just yesterday as I relive everything.
I know I am doing better like I have said in my last post, but today is a hard day, and I know Monday will be the worst. I talk to her everyday and I hope she can hear me. I also identify with not wanting to vacuum, not wanting to wash my robe where her fur is. I did find some old pictures of her when she was younger and healthier. It was bittersweet, I plan to make a picture book of my dear baby.
I was reading some older posts today and my heart goes out to all of you with your loss. I have cried when I have read your stories and find comfort that these pets were and still are loved immensely as mine is. Thank you all for posting supports when I know your wounds have not even healed. your support and love is felt through these posts.

Jen

[Steph]

Hi Jen,

I am sorry that you lost your beloved Bastian. The first weeks are so rough. You have to be very gentle with yourself. I don't know what advice to give except to offer you condonlences. Whatever feels like it helps: do it. The sadness will come in INTENSE waves. After a while, the waves will hit less frequently, and, after some more time, they will be less intense.

I'll think of you and Bastian this weekend. I really am sorry.

[Ann H]

Hi Jen, Just take it one small step at a time and let yourself cry when you need too. Allow yourself to smile over a sweet memory, like Steph says do whatever you need to do.

My babies sleep on the bed with my husband and I too. Snookie and Chili Bean had their own places on the bed. It will be hard without your card from Bastian but she will be there in spirit wishing you a Happy Mother's Day. Bastian's love will always surround you.
Ann

[Rico's Mom]

Hi Jen,

I feel your pain. I too am alone this weekend. It will be 2 weeks on Mon. that my dear Rico has been gone. I also found work to take my mind off of my sadness...and of course my daughters being around and keeping me busy also helped. But...this weekend my daughters are visiting their dad and i am alone...and how lonely it is without my Rico. Thoughts of 2 weekends ago are too fresh in my mind. That was when i was alone with Rico and i knew he was not going to be with me much longer. Still it came as a shock on Mon. when his body physically was not able to be with me any longer. I went out earlier this evening and got a bottle of my favorite wine....and i went to a specialty shop and got my favorite wine crackers alone with my favorite snickerdoodle coffee. I lit some candles in honor of my baby and i plan to spend a few hours here reminiscing and hopefully helping a few others get through their difficult time as well. I think we all need to treat ourselves extra special while we are going through such a difficult time. Please be sure to do something special for your self this weekend. You and Bastian are in my thoughts.

Cheryl

[luv_my_catz]

Jen,

The words "emotional roller coaster" are so expressive in explaining this Ocean of grief that I have been in as well ~ At times I feel like those pictures in the movies when a person is submerged deep beneath the Ocean's waves surrounded by bubbles and turbulent movement of water and I struggle for air ~ other times I feel washed upon the shore laying limp and stunned ~ it is SO HARD to be with out a piece of my familiar physical world ~ and so perplexing to be in a newly unfamiliar spiritual state ~ all has shifted ~ much the way my percetion has been forever changed when coming upon a Mountain View ~ A Sunrise or Sunset ~ never before seen quite that way ~

Going home from work so difficult for me as well ~ My tears have cleansed my spirit each night as I have made the transition from work to home ~ It's been 6 weeks and STILL now and forever it will be so different walking through that door ~

I can relate to it feeling like forever and yesterday at the same time ~ I feel like when I close my eyes she is here like always ~

Please know you are not alone in your grief ~

Sincere Condolences,
Kathryn

[BastiansMomma]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. It helps me get through each day knowing that I am not alone in my grief, it's okay to cry, it's okay to remember. I talk to her daily and I know she listens. I have to get through a lot of "firsts" and I usually cry at that. I was upset at the grocery store last night seeing her favorite foods. But day by day, minute by minute, I get by somehow. I send my prayers, thoughts and love to everyone on this board, it is a solace to be able to post feelings and thoughts. Thank you everyone

[Pamela]

Beautiful feline!!! He kind of has that Manx look to his face like my Gato who just turned 17. I know it is so hard to step in to the every day of getting used to a life with out them, I've always had two cats...my Summer girl only had one eye and no teeth, she was so feminine and loved to walk on a leash. I had to put her asleep a few years ago because of a thyroid disorder, I still miss her dearly, she was my comforter, and most in tune to how I was feeling be it sick or sad. That was a very sad time for me. Gato Manx is her son...she was a descendant of a manx population of cats my mother had running amuck at her country home ..and they were all black, but she was born with a tail, she was so significant in my life, she came to my window (basement) in 1985 the first day of Summer. I had had some problems with drinking in my younger years and had managed to get my self in trouble the first day of Summer...two years in a row..the first day of Summer of 85 I stayed home.. ..I can be a slow learner sometimes. I awoke that morning to this tiny blk kitty scratching at my window...I had not seen her around, I opened that window...and she was with me for 16 yrs..I never drank again...from that day forward...so I guess what I am saying is ...she was sent to me for a purpose that particular animal that particular spirit...just like My Moose was, and now my Gato who is my last little furbaby I have, he has helped me and been there for me since I lost Moose, in a way he never has before, we have become so close, closer than we have ever been because he was never ...the only one...and he is now showing me his love and dependence.and devotion..cats have been known to be called familiar's amoung some people, I think I understand that now.....arent they just so amazing...that's why they become part of who we are never to leave is again..for eternity. Pamela

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[Kathleen032]

Dear Jen,

I remember all too well how going to work would give me an emotional break from dealing with the loss I felt over Shiloh, but, like you said, coming home was a different story. Even after 8 months, sometimes I still get sad when I come home.

I'm thinking of you on your first weekend without Bastian.
Kathleen

[Jazzygirl]

Oh yes I remember all those "firsts" too. In fact, I think it will be a while until I don't have any more. I think as every month, occassion, season, or whatever passes, there will be a first time with Jazzy. But I guess what's important is that we try to honor their memory and carry on as they would want us too.
And I still get sad too when I come home. Bailey greets me as always but it's not quite the same without her there too.
We really all are in the same boat here on this site....just on different decks, I guess you could say!