I Don't Know How To Deal With This Pain! Options

[Christina]

I posted the other day about losing my best friend, Cassiopia. I got some very nice, supportive responses. Thank you all so much. I am so grateful that I found you. My Cassie angel passed away 5 days ago. I feel like I'm going crazy!! I don't know what to do without my angel. Cassie was way more than a kitty to me!! Like I said in my earlier post, my Cassie was my first child. I now have a wonderful baby girl, Morgan, 5 months old. I love Morgan so much, and if I didn't have her, I think I would die myself right now! Everyone I know, even my family, who are animal lovers, don't understand the feelings I'm going through. My husband doesn't even seem that upset. I know he loved Cassie, but he doesn't seem to be sharing my grief. I don't expect him to mourn the same way I am, but I wish he and I could go through this together. My mom, who I am very close to, has been very kind to me. But she seems to get annoyed at me. It's like she thinks I should be all better already. She is a wonderful person, and she has lost animals that she loved as well. But no one seems to understand my special connection to Cassiopia. She saved my life in so many ways. I just don't know how to go on! I can't sleep or eat. And I feel so many feelings of guilt for taking Cassie to so many vets and to the hospital in the end. I thought these specialists could help my girl, but I am afraid she lost her will to fight there. I didn't know how sick she was or I would have kept her home where she was comfortable. I wish I had, but I really thought they would help her. I didn't know she was as sick as she was. My poor angel had so many tests and pills and shots and vets, and she hated going to the vet. I had to let her go in a hospital. I was with her in the very end, but I am so angry at myself for the fact that she was there. I feel like the last part of her life was miserable. I really hope she knew I was trying to make her better with all the medicines and doctors and shots and everything. I know it's not fair, but a small part of me is also angry at the drs. I feel like they gave up on my girl!! I am trying not to lose faith. I prayed so hard and for so long, first for my Cassie to get better, then to be able to bring her home and get her comfortable. I wish now that I hadn't done a lot of the things I did. I wish I hadn't put her through all the tests, the shots, the medicines. I thought we could get her better! She just seemed to get so sick so quickly. I don't know how to go on with my life. I feel so sad and empty without my angel. I have tried to find local grief support groups, but so far I have not found any. One of the friends I made on the Feline Diabetes board when Cassie first got sick told me about this site. Thank you all for listening. I have read some other posts, and I can tell how much love you all have for your furry kids. I am so glad you are here. Thank you. I can barely see the screen through all my tears, so I'm going to go for now. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I will post a picture of my beautiful Cassiopia. She was a tabby kitty. Orange and white, and she had such beautiful markings. Her little chin and chest were white. She was so beautiful and so sweet. I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I miss her so, so much!! She was my best friend, my child, my angel. Thank you all.
Christina and Cassiopia(my angel in heaven)
P.S....do you think Cassie remembers the good memories and do you think she knows how much I love her?