I posted the other day about losing my best friend, Cassiopia. I got some very nice, supportive responses. Thank you all so much. I am so grateful that I found you. My Cassie angel passed away 5 days ago. I feel like I'm going crazy!! I don't know what to do without my angel. Cassie was way more than a kitty to me!! Like I said in my earlier post, my Cassie was my first child. I now have a wonderful baby girl, Morgan, 5 months old. I love Morgan so much, and if I didn't have her, I think I would die myself right now! Everyone I know, even my family, who are animal lovers, don't understand the feelings I'm going through. My husband doesn't even seem that upset. I know he loved Cassie, but he doesn't seem to be sharing my grief. I don't expect him to mourn the same way I am, but I wish he and I could go through this together. My mom, who I am very close to, has been very kind to me. But she seems to get annoyed at me. It's like she thinks I should be all better already. She is a wonderful person, and she has lost animals that she loved as well. But no one seems to understand my special connection to Cassiopia. She saved my life in so many ways. I just don't know how to go on! I can't sleep or eat. And I feel so many feelings of guilt for taking Cassie to so many vets and to the hospital in the end. I thought these specialists could help my girl, but I am afraid she lost her will to fight there. I didn't know how sick she was or I would have kept her home where she was comfortable. I wish I had, but I really thought they would help her. I didn't know she was as sick as she was. My poor angel had so many tests and pills and shots and vets, and she hated going to the vet. I had to let her go in a hospital. I was with her in the very end, but I am so angry at myself for the fact that she was there. I feel like the last part of her life was miserable. I really hope she knew I was trying to make her better with all the medicines and doctors and shots and everything. I know it's not fair, but a small part of me is also angry at the drs. I feel like they gave up on my girl!! I am trying not to lose faith. I prayed so hard and for so long, first for my Cassie to get better, then to be able to bring her home and get her comfortable. I wish now that I hadn't done a lot of the things I did. I wish I hadn't put her through all the tests, the shots, the medicines. I thought we could get her better! She just seemed to get so sick so quickly. I don't know how to go on with my life. I feel so sad and empty without my angel. I have tried to find local grief support groups, but so far I have not found any. One of the friends I made on the Feline Diabetes board when Cassie first got sick told me about this site. Thank you all for listening. I have read some other posts, and I can tell how much love you all have for your furry kids. I am so glad you are here. Thank you. I can barely see the screen through all my tears, so I'm going to go for now. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I will post a picture of my beautiful Cassiopia. She was a tabby kitty. Orange and white, and she had such beautiful markings. Her little chin and chest were white. She was so beautiful and so sweet. I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I miss her so, so much!! She was my best friend, my child, my angel. Thank you all.
Christina and Cassiopia(my angel in heaven)
P.S....do you think Cassie remembers the good memories and do you think she knows how much I love her?

Hi Christina, yes I'm sure that your Cassie knows how much you love her!

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Now, if you were able to "timetravel" back to early June, you would see that my threads were not unlike yours. Except that instead of kitty, I wrote about my "little dog". I think that one of my earlier posts had the tile of "I think that I am going mad with grieving".

I know that the pain is unbearable. But I also know that it gets better. The best that you can do now is allow yourself to grieve, but also enjoy your little child. The only way I got through Luba's death ( a sudden death - I had no time to say goodbye or prepare in any way), was to concentrate on my surviving dog. He has many health problems and fell into a depression after Luba died.

I later realised that he was grieving not only for her, but also because he felt that he lost me as well. For the first few weeks I was like a zombie.

I'll be at the five month anniversary November 5th. Please believe me that the pain subsides. It doesn't heal completely, at least it hasn't for me, but it gets less and less gut-wrenching.

You will feel joy again - Steph

Hi Christina,

I am so sorry you lost your little girl! I can feel your pain and I know how hard it is.

First, let me say that all the guilt you are feeling is normal. We have all dealt with guilt. I think I can safely say that if you had not taken her around to all the doctors, you may now be sitting there feeling guilt for not trying hard to save her life. You are just trying to find a way to reason out her death. PLEASE know that you did nothing wrong. You tried to save her life!!! That was out of love and I'm sure she knew how hard you were trying to save her life. I'm sure she tried as hard as she could to get better. It was just something that you, Cassiopia and the vets couldn't cure. I hope you get past the guilt, because then the healing will be able to start as soon as you quit blaming yourself. You gave her a wonderful life! You need to remember that and what a good mommy you were to her.

I had to make the terrible decision to end my Rachael's pain and suffering 4 weeks ago. Even though I was able to do that for her, I still beat myself up for days for not seeing how sick she was before. By the time the cancer took my little girl down, I only had 4 days to deal with it and then bury her. I can honestly tell you that once I forgave myself and really started to believe that I did all I could for her, I started the healing process. Now I know it is different for everybody, but I know that I didn't start healing until I got past all the guilt.

I never had children, so Rachael was my little girl too. She was about to turn 12 years old when she had to leave this earth and me. Like you, I had no idea the pain could be so intense!!! I still sit at work and home some days and cry, but I am making myself go on. I know Rachael wouldn't want me to be so miserable. Like Steph, I still have another dog that needs me now. My little boy is 3 years old and Rachael was his big sister. I know he misses her as much as we do. I have just started giving all my love and attention to him. We are both helping each other heal. We have started taking him on more car rides. I have started taking him for longer walks around the neighborhood. Morgan needs you too.

I know it sounds impossible right now, because I felt the same way, but you honestly will start feeling better. There is no set time limit for everybody, but let yourself grieve, forgive yourself for any guilt and time will help you heal.

I've mentioned in here before that I never knew how strong I was until Rachael's death. I did things I NEVER thought I could do. I was able to end her suffering, I was able to be with her and hold her when she took her last breath and I was able to help my husband bury her. You went through alot for Cassiopia and stayed strong through it all for her.

I wish you many healing tears and freedom from guilt,
Cheri