My Little Puss Puss, My Puss died 3/29/05 Options

[PussPuss]

My beautiful Puss Puss, my perfect kitten. He was my baby. He was only 7 months old when he died, born September 1st 2004 and died March 29th 2005. I feel guilty because I put him in a kennel for a week to visit my husband at a port. When I came back, he was sick. He had FIP and we're assuming the stress from the kennel triggered it to become active. We fought so hard to make him better. I spared no expense and made trips to the vet 3-4 times a week for the 4 weeks he fought it. He fought hard to get better, and for a while it seemed like he was going to make it but his last weekend he took a turn for the worse. He managed to live until my husband came back from deployment. Puss Puss died the day after my husband got home so he got to say goodbye. The night before he died he was lethargic for the most part, only sleeping and breathing heavily. His FIP turned out to be the wet form, so he had fluids in his chest cavity making it difficult to breathe. I knew the next day I would have to put him to sleep, but I knew I wouldnt be able to do it. I asked him the night before to go on his own because I can't bear putting him to sleep. My little baby listend to me and within 10 hours died on his own, in my living room while I held him. It was hard seeing him die. My husband brought him home for me after I lost a pregnancy as a way to cope with that loss. Puss instantly became my "soul mate". He would sleep in my arms every night under the covers and snuggle his little head near my neck and purr and stroke my face. He became my child. When he got sick to the point that he couldnt make it to his litter box anymore I would just wake up in the middle of the night to wash him off and clean up his mess and bring him back to bed. I feel guilty for two things: Putting him in the kennel since that's probably what triggered his FIP to get out of control and if I made him suffer too much for letting him die at home. We were actually getting ready to go to the vet when he died, I guess he just fulfilled my last request to him. I feel like he held out so I wouldnt have to deal with his death alone. I'm in Japan and dont socialize with people here, just my husband who was out to sea at the time. He held out long enough for my husband to say goodbye and so I wouldnt deal with this alone.

I've just had a horrible month. My husband suffered a stroke at 22, my house got broken into while I was visiting him, I dissolved a friendship with someone, and my cat gets sick and dies... all in the last 45 days. None of it mattered (after my husband's health was regained) as long as my Puss Puss got better, but it seems like I'm just full of bad luck. Even my hamster died a couple months ago. I'm trying to stay positive but it's not easy when everything goes wrong.

I miss him so much, I keep crying all the time. What makes things worse is that he died exactly on the 5 month anniversary that my unborn baby died. I had him for only 4-5 months, but I knew him since he was a 5 week kitten. He was so perfect... when a huge marmaduke (I think they are great danes?) type dog walked into the vet and he was on my lap, he didnt even flinch or move. I could take him out anywhere, he was so behaved. I've been through one other loss, and I took it extremely hard when I lost my Felix in September 2002 but I take solace that he was 7 years + and lived a wonderfully full life, even though he had only one beautiful green eye against his beautiful black fur. Puss Puss was still a small kitten. It's just so hard to deal with.

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