My beautiful Puss Puss, my perfect kitten. He was my baby. He was only 7 months old when he died, born September 1st 2004 and died March 29th 2005. I feel guilty because I put him in a kennel for a week to visit my husband at a port. When I came back, he was sick. He had FIP and we're assuming the stress from the kennel triggered it to become active. We fought so hard to make him better. I spared no expense and made trips to the vet 3-4 times a week for the 4 weeks he fought it. He fought hard to get better, and for a while it seemed like he was going to make it but his last weekend he took a turn for the worse. He managed to live until my husband came back from deployment. Puss Puss died the day after my husband got home so he got to say goodbye. The night before he died he was lethargic for the most part, only sleeping and breathing heavily. His FIP turned out to be the wet form, so he had fluids in his chest cavity making it difficult to breathe. I knew the next day I would have to put him to sleep, but I knew I wouldnt be able to do it. I asked him the night before to go on his own because I can't bear putting him to sleep. My little baby listend to me and within 10 hours died on his own, in my living room while I held him. It was hard seeing him die. My husband brought him home for me after I lost a pregnancy as a way to cope with that loss. Puss instantly became my "soul mate". He would sleep in my arms every night under the covers and snuggle his little head near my neck and purr and stroke my face. He became my child. When he got sick to the point that he couldnt make it to his litter box anymore I would just wake up in the middle of the night to wash him off and clean up his mess and bring him back to bed. I feel guilty for two things: Putting him in the kennel since that's probably what triggered his FIP to get out of control and if I made him suffer too much for letting him die at home. We were actually getting ready to go to the vet when he died, I guess he just fulfilled my last request to him. I feel like he held out so I wouldnt have to deal with his death alone. I'm in Japan and dont socialize with people here, just my husband who was out to sea at the time. He held out long enough for my husband to say goodbye and so I wouldnt deal with this alone.

I've just had a horrible month. My husband suffered a stroke at 22, my house got broken into while I was visiting him, I dissolved a friendship with someone, and my cat gets sick and dies... all in the last 45 days. None of it mattered (after my husband's health was regained) as long as my Puss Puss got better, but it seems like I'm just full of bad luck. Even my hamster died a couple months ago. I'm trying to stay positive but it's not easy when everything goes wrong.

I miss him so much, I keep crying all the time. What makes things worse is that he died exactly on the 5 month anniversary that my unborn baby died. I had him for only 4-5 months, but I knew him since he was a 5 week kitten. He was so perfect... when a huge marmaduke (I think they are great danes?) type dog walked into the vet and he was on my lap, he didnt even flinch or move. I could take him out anywhere, he was so behaved. I've been through one other loss, and I took it extremely hard when I lost my Felix in September 2002 but I take solace that he was 7 years + and lived a wonderfully full life, even though he had only one beautiful green eye against his beautiful black fur. Puss Puss was still a small kitten. It's just so hard to deal with.

Oh my goodness, oh dear, I don't even know what to say. I'm so, so sorry that you lost your sweet kitten. What a sweet precious baby! Please try not to feel guilty about putting him the kennel. We have lives that we have to live, and you had to go see your husband. Sometimes we can't take our animals with us and this was just one of those situations. You've had so much heartache in the past month or so and I'm so sorry. I'm so glad that your husband is healthy again though. And I pray for both of you for the loss of your unborn. I pray that you will be able to bring a beautiful child into the world when the time is right.

Please post often and tell us more about your sweet kitty. Tell us about all of your troubles and we will listen.

(((Hugs)))
Jenny

dearheart,
i'm sending you such strength right now. Puss Puss was utterly blessed to be with you and i am so sorry for his death and for your other challenges right now. i'm glad you found this place.
my cat jupiter died 5 weeks ago and the pain is lessening in some ways, not in others. i'm learning so much about letting go. this place helps.

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious unborn baby and for Puss Puss and all your other problems. Sometimes it does feel like everything is against you when sorrow shadows your world. That is wonderful that you husband is better and got to say good bye to Puss Puss.

I know the guilt is hard to deal with and it is even harder to deal with death when we blame ourselves. You did what any wife would do as far as going to see your husband and I am sure Puss Puss understood that. He sure was a beautiful boy and you will miss him for a long time to come.

My Snookie died at home too and somtimes I feel so guilty that she was in so much pain. It was the holiday and her vet wasn't open so instead of taking her to some strange doctor I made her wait. I feel guilty most of the time.
Ann

I am so sorry for the loss of puss puss. I read your post and tears welled up in my eyes. Years ago I had a 12 year old cat named Red that got FIP. I had to have him put to sleep. It is very hard to lose our fur kids at any age, but it is harder to understand when they are so young. My heart goes out to you. You did everything you could for him. He will always be with you in spirit.

Kim

I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious puss puss. What an angel he was. I cried as I read your post. Sometimes it seems life kicks us when we are down. You have suffered many losses, and it is not fair that these things have happened to you. Puss Puss was a little angel to help guide you through a difficult time and yet he was taken at such an early age. I have a feeling that he will be forever watching over you and protecting you, your husband, your unborn children and future pets. His life was not in vain. I am just so sorry that he passed away. My thoughts are with you and I will say a special prayer for you and your puss puss...

Thinking of you, Caroline

PussPuss is such a beautiful little baby, I can see from his picture. Such a perfect little darling, and such a beautiful colour too ... he colour of the rising sun. I feel so deeply for you in what you must be feeling. I know how much comfort it can be to have a darling little kitty who loves you, when everything else in your life is sad and going wrong.

My little Ellie died at 15 months old, she had been my comforter during a very difficult and worrying time last year. Her love was always there for me and I used to say I would have gone completely mad without her cheerful smiling little nature, which helped distract me from the family problems.

She too was a very snuggly little Kitty. Would curl right up in the crook of my neck at night with her little face and whiskers against my face.

I was completely devastated when she died. What helped me most was coming here to this site and posting and reading others posts and knowing that everyone here knew and understood the pain that I was feeling, because they were going through it too.

My heart goes out to you.
Bless dear Corkie
With love
jilly

My heart goes out to you ~ what a sweet Angel you had to share life and love with during the short months here ~ I feel your heartache and sadness ~ we feel this way because we love ~ and cherish our animal companions ~ please know that your are not alone in your pain ~ even so far away as Japan ~ Although I do not live far from the US I do live alone and with the passing of my Amber after 20 years - there is nobody here to comfort me ~ and I have found such support with the kind words of the people here. God Speed and May You Find Peace ~ Most of all remember the love ~ it is there forever ~ Love, Kathryn , Angel Amber and C.C.

Thank you for the replies, I cried as I read them. I'm getting ready to go back to the states and am very sad. I had made plans to take my Puss with me but now I'll just have to bring back his ashes. I'm afraid of getting another cat, not because I'm scared of them dying, but I'm afraid they wont live up to the high standards Felix and Puss Puss left. I've only had one dog in my life, a little chihuahua who is more like a cat than a dog but I think if I decide to get another pet, I'll get a shih tzu. I am so hurt with what happened to Puss and don't think I'll be able to get another kitten for some time. I hope I can, I would like to rescue some cats from an animal shelter so they aren't euthanized and I can give them another chance to live a nice life. My little spoiled Puss Puss, I miss him so much. He was spoiled with attention and affection, even the vet nurses who got to know him so well in his last month of life would spoil him with attention, he was just that cute. How I miss my baby, I wish he would have made it through his FIP. I didn't know that almost 99% of cats in Japan have the FIP virus, it's just dormant. I'm glad I found this out before I exposed my mom's 5 cats to this almost always fatal virus. I hope I can hold my Puss Puss once again in the future, he was my little angel.

Oh, my heart is aching so. It is incredibly difficult to lose our older companions, but to lose a precious young kitten is particularly devastating. One can only ponder that perhaps God felt your special Puss Puss had fulfilled his time with you and He called him home to take on another assignment. What an adorable kitten! FIP is a horrible disease. Don't beat yourself up over not putting him to sleep. You gave him the choice and I think you did the right thing. He is flying free and his spirit will bring you comfort.

Several years ago, my roommate found a beautiful long-haired cat that had been hit by a car on a street near where we live. She was driving her truck and her heart sank when she spied the cat's body. Then she saw the tail flick and she immediately stopped. Kita, as she would be named, was suffering from major head trauma. Cherie rushed her to her friend who is also our vet and she worked on her for four hours. Her head was so swollen she didn't resemble a cat. It was touch and go for nearly four days, but courageous Kita pulled through. She lost the vision in one eye but managed to heal rather well. We enjoyed Kita for about two years when tragedy struck this poor baby again. She came down with FIP and was gone within a month. It was one of the hardest losses we'd ever experienced.

These precious souls come into our lives for special reasons and to teach us certain lessons. If we are fortunate, they stay with us for a very long time and oh! the love we share! I firmly believe that until you have loved an animal, part of your soul remains unawakened. I think Anatole France quoted that once.

May God comfort you in your grief. Do not fret. You will see your beloved Puss Puss again. God would be a rather cruel sort to create such wonderful little lives only to have them disappear from the physical realm and never be seen or experienced again.
They have souls and spirits just like us. We will all be together one day. I've believed this every since I was a very small child. Nothing I've experienced in all my 56 years could dissuade me from this conviction.

--Susan
~ a voice for the voiceless ~

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Puss Puss. He really was a beautiful cat. And I"m so sorry you have endured so much in the past few months. I can only say that my belief is that the challenges that we go through are put there to help us evolve and learn lessons. I do believe your kitty was a blessing to help you through your ordeal. But for some reason, his job was done and now he can look over you from above. I think in time you'll see that while no cat will replace either one of your other cats, there are more out there to share unconditional love.
Take care of yourself.
Audrey