21 Years Ago This Month My Cat Teddy Entered My Life Options

[Lena]

21 years ago this month my cat Teddy was born, a couple of weeks later he entered my life during a terrible storm by showing up on my doorstep. This past Monday my Teddy passed away.

Teddy was born of a feral cat of the neighborhood that my grandma fed. When a animal rescue group came to rehome the kittens from that litter my grandma hid Teddy away because I paid special attention to him. He was a wild one, not as wild as his brother and sisters but he picked up all the mother cats tendencies even with his exposure to humans. My grandma passed away a couple of years later.

No doubt about it, he was a jerk. He clawed up my glasses so they couldn't be worn, would jump on people's backs and cause chaos and destruction where ever he went. First 5 years of his life, or thereabouts, he wanted no contact at all from me, when he allowed it I was allowed to pet him with one finger and one finger only anything else and I was clawed up. I would tell people of my cat and he would refuse to come out if I ever had company over. My mom cat sat for me once when I went on vacation and she didn't see him at all. When I got home for the very first time ever Teddy let me actually fully pet him, even stood up on my lap to get affection while I was on the phone with my mom who was saying how sorry she was Teddy ran away. I said what are you talking about he's right here! A very long pause and she asked me if I even owned a cat. From that day forward my mission in life was to prove I had a cat. I would take picture after picture, rolls of film devoted to this task that all came out with a clear background and a grey and white blurry shape that didn't really look like a cat. These were the younger years as I refer to them.

Sometime at the 5 year mark he resigned himself that I was his owner and accepted me. He was curious about anything and everything. I was at one point a single gal living alone at that point in my life with my cat. I remember when I first moved in I got my first telephone bill. Finally I was an adult with bills! Teddy shredded and ate my phone bill, there was no help for it, I had to call the phone company for a new one. They said they needed to input a reason why I was requesting a new bill. I really didn't want to tell them I really didn't told them that and said look let's just say it was destroyed. The woman (obviously due to me being so hesitant to give a reason) persisted in wanting to know why. I sadly informed her she would laugh at me and finally just told her. She put me on hold. I will give her credit she came back without a hint of laughter in her voice but did admit she laughed herself silly. Those were the years he would eat my shoes, randomly flush the toilet in the middle of the night and discovered he could actually turn doorknobs and open doors. Also discovered he could aim water glasses from my nightstand and smack me in the head with them in the middle of the night. Also loved playing fetch with twist ties.

As he got older he mellowed a lot. Never became a lap cat but whenever I was upset he would be there. There was a lot of growing up both of us did together. He was there for me when I lost my grandma. When I became estranged from my family, reconciled and then estranged again, various job changes, my marriage, move across country, move back, birth of my daughter. Also got to the point he wouldn't hide when people came over to visit. In fact got the nickname as the reporter on the scene there was no hiding anymore from him!

His decline came on fast. Less than a month. In the space of a couple of days he seemed to drop all his weight and so we started him on wet cat food which he enjoyed. After a couple of days of that we noticed that he seemed to be having issues drinking out of the water bowel so we turned on the bathroom faucet and he was once again drinking water. Fast forward a week and granted he didn't have the energy levels he used to prior to the weight loss but he was yowling at us every morning as usual, racing into my daughters room for wake up and bedtimes (she's 5) followed us around the house and very responsive when we pet him. He stopped eating completely. I went to the internet and googled and pretty much just found a lot of stuff saying there wasn't anything that could be done due to his age. Called my vet and same thing, they said they could come out and euthanize him however I would know when the time was right for that but if it wasn't during business hours I could call the emergency service and they would come right out. A week of no eating and pretty much he was still going the same as he had when he was eating, energy level was less, spent a lot more time sleeping and laying around but he refused to give in. Friday he stopped drinking water, at least that we could tell so we once again called our Vet who expressed shock that Teddy was still up and about never mind that we discovered him wrestling with one of our other cats about an hour before the call to the Vet, and Teddy was standing over our other cat in his victory pose! Vet told us they would be completely closed Sunday, no emergency service either and given the whole playing thing we figured it would be ok, we would get water in him with a syringe medicine dropper and hope for the best. Sadly Sunday was when he finally couldn't put up the good fight anymore. I spent the day holding him to me and letting him know it was ok and we loved him. He was still weakly trying to follow me around the house so I just carried him where he seemed to want to go. He fell asleep in his favorite cat cube that night and never woke back up. He died as he lived, stubborn and determined to the very end, unwilling to give up.

I have my good moments and bad moments. The other night not thinking we had tuna helper for dinner, I got down 3 bowels (we had 4 cats but one oddly hates tuna) and filled them with the juice before I realized I only needed 2. I come out of my bedroom in the mornings looking for him. When I wake my daughter up I look for him to burst into the room and yowl a greeting to us. It's tough cause when I have those bad moments and get teary my child freaks out so I try to not have them except in private but find I am unable to even when I'm alone. This is the most I've even been able to talk of him since he had gotten sick. Anyway, sorry for such a long post, I just needed to get all this out. Hopefully it helps in my personal grieving process. It's been tough to talk to friends about it when all I seem to get is and I quote "wow, well at least you had that long! That's more than others" I know they are trying to comfort me but honestly? Doesn't help at all, my memories let me be very aware of the fact we has such a long time together and although I am grateful for that time it doesn't change my feelings about not having him now.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Lena, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Teddy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. How blessed your beloved Teddy is to have transitioned home to the angels in the place he loves the most - - his earthly home surrounded by familiar sights, sounds, and smells - - and the love of his Forever Mom and family.

Lena, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Clinical professionals now recognize that the grief adjustment journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. They also recognize that adults grieve differently from children. Sadly, though, some people who are the closest to us emotionally and geographically do not. Clinical professionals also recognize that suppressing grief is detrimental to both a person's physical and emotional health, so it is important that you allow yourself the opportunities you need to openly grieve for your beloved Teddy even if you need to find a private place to do so. There are several good books about grieving for a beloved companion you may want to look into for both you and your daughter - - particularly if she is having a hard time dealing with her grief. She needs to know that it is okay to grieve for Teddy, and by showing your grief you will be an example for her to see that it is okay.

This grief journey is one of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Teddy, and so it is very normal for you to feel as you do when you share with us "my memories let me be very aware of the fact we has such a long time together and although I am grateful for that time it doesn't change my feelings about not having him now." When our companions come into our hearts and home our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the enormously painful task of readjusting our lives and routines that no longer includes the routines we shared on a daily basis with our beloved companion. This adjustment doesn't happen in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - it happens in our own way and in our time as we adjust to our beloved companion's physical absence.

As painful of this grief adjustment journey is, though, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Teddy share. Love is eternal, Lena - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Teddy's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Teddy with us, Lena. He is sooo handsome, and from the expression on his face he KNOWS he is forever loved. And you, Lena, are blessed to be his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam