Feeling Lost Without My Boy Gunner, Loss of dog Options

[Gunners Mama]

I am new to this. I'm not even sure where to begin. I lost my special angel on Christmas night. We had a beautiful day with our family and then me, my husband and our 4 Boston Terrier went to our cabin in the woods. It had been a while since we had been there and we were so excited. We got there and exchanged presents. It was wonderful and we were so happy. We always got our dogs presents and this year it was some new balls. That's their favorite toy. I had picked them out a pack with a glow in the dark ball. I was inside cleaning up and I was saying a prayer to God thanking him for all of my blessings. My husband had taken the dogs outside to play with their new toy. They were having so much fun. He said he was going to bring our one dog inside so he wouldn't run into anything. He is almost blind but runs around like he can see perfectly. I can still hear him saying that to me. I wish that I would have told them to all come inside but I didn't. The next moment changed my life forever. He came running inside telling me that my dog Gunner had run into a tree chasing the ball. I ran outside and he was laying there. His eyes were open and his legs were stiff. My husband said not to move him just in case he was paralyzed. I looked at him and asked my husband if he was breathing. He did CPR on him but it didn't work. He was gone. How could he just be there playing and having fun and then be gone the next second. He was only 7 years old. I blame myself for buying that ball because he had run into a something one time chasing a ball when it was dark. If only I would have remembered that but I never thought that he would have run into anything again. I shouldn't have gotten them that glow in the dark ball. After it happened I went into shock. It was like an out of body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't. Everything was in slow motion. I have never felt pain like this before. I don't even remember the whole month of January. I couldn't eat sleep or think clearly. I was just there staring into space begging God to let me go back and change it. I never thought that I could cry this many tears and have your heart literally feel like it's broken in a million pieces. I can see how someone could die of a broken heart. I feel so guilty. I have cried every single day since its happened and I'm crying while I'm writing this. I don't know if it was a terrible accident or part of God's plan. I ask myself that a million times a day. Thank you for listening.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gunner's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can soooo relate to how you're feeling when you share with us: "Sometimes I catch my myself laughing at how silly he was and then sometimes I will just break down and cry. I just miss him so much. He was my boy and I won't ever have that bond with another dog. He was my special angel that God gave me." Please let me try to reassure you that it is perfectly NORMAL to not have the same bond with another companion that you share with your beloved Gunner. As with our human relationships so it is the same with the relationships we have with our companions - - no two relationships are the same. They aren't meant to be. Each companion has his / her own special personality, likes / dislikes, etc.. They interact with us - - as we respond to them - - as the unique individual beings they are. As with our human relationships so it is also with our companions - - some relationships are closer than others - - with each one having their own special place in our hearts and lives. This doesn't mean we love our "different" companions less. It simply means that having "different" relationships is okay.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Gunner's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Gunner's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam