Feeling Lost Without My Boy Gunner, Loss of dog Options

[Gunners Mama]

I am new to this. I'm not even sure where to begin. I lost my special angel on Christmas night. We had a beautiful day with our family and then me, my husband and our 4 Boston Terrier went to our cabin in the woods. It had been a while since we had been there and we were so excited. We got there and exchanged presents. It was wonderful and we were so happy. We always got our dogs presents and this year it was some new balls. That's their favorite toy. I had picked them out a pack with a glow in the dark ball. I was inside cleaning up and I was saying a prayer to God thanking him for all of my blessings. My husband had taken the dogs outside to play with their new toy. They were having so much fun. He said he was going to bring our one dog inside so he wouldn't run into anything. He is almost blind but runs around like he can see perfectly. I can still hear him saying that to me. I wish that I would have told them to all come inside but I didn't. The next moment changed my life forever. He came running inside telling me that my dog Gunner had run into a tree chasing the ball. I ran outside and he was laying there. His eyes were open and his legs were stiff. My husband said not to move him just in case he was paralyzed. I looked at him and asked my husband if he was breathing. He did CPR on him but it didn't work. He was gone. How could he just be there playing and having fun and then be gone the next second. He was only 7 years old. I blame myself for buying that ball because he had run into a something one time chasing a ball when it was dark. If only I would have remembered that but I never thought that he would have run into anything again. I shouldn't have gotten them that glow in the dark ball. After it happened I went into shock. It was like an out of body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't. Everything was in slow motion. I have never felt pain like this before. I don't even remember the whole month of January. I couldn't eat sleep or think clearly. I was just there staring into space begging God to let me go back and change it. I never thought that I could cry this many tears and have your heart literally feel like it's broken in a million pieces. I can see how someone could die of a broken heart. I feel so guilty. I have cried every single day since its happened and I'm crying while I'm writing this. I don't know if it was a terrible accident or part of God's plan. I ask myself that a million times a day. Thank you for listening.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gunner's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so relate when you share with us: "I don't think that I will ever be the same person that I was before." You aren't expected to be - - for when our companions come into our hearts and homes our lives are forever changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again as we endure the enormously painful task of adjusting our daily routines to the "new normal" without their sweet precious physical presence with us. No matter how much time passes there will always be a part of us that will continue to miss the sweet precious physical presence of our beloved companion. The good news is that the intensity of our deep sorrow will ease so that we can remember our cherished treasured memories with a happier heart instead of one that is burdened with deep sorrow. And this is what our beloved companions want for us - - this is what your beloved Gunner wants for you.

Sending your love letter heavenward to your beloved Gunner on a balloon is a wonderful idea whenever you feel up to doing it. Please let us know how things go.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Gunner's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Gunner's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam