Feeling Lost Without My Boy Gunner, Loss of dog Options

[Gunners Mama]

I am new to this. I'm not even sure where to begin. I lost my special angel on Christmas night. We had a beautiful day with our family and then me, my husband and our 4 Boston Terrier went to our cabin in the woods. It had been a while since we had been there and we were so excited. We got there and exchanged presents. It was wonderful and we were so happy. We always got our dogs presents and this year it was some new balls. That's their favorite toy. I had picked them out a pack with a glow in the dark ball. I was inside cleaning up and I was saying a prayer to God thanking him for all of my blessings. My husband had taken the dogs outside to play with their new toy. They were having so much fun. He said he was going to bring our one dog inside so he wouldn't run into anything. He is almost blind but runs around like he can see perfectly. I can still hear him saying that to me. I wish that I would have told them to all come inside but I didn't. The next moment changed my life forever. He came running inside telling me that my dog Gunner had run into a tree chasing the ball. I ran outside and he was laying there. His eyes were open and his legs were stiff. My husband said not to move him just in case he was paralyzed. I looked at him and asked my husband if he was breathing. He did CPR on him but it didn't work. He was gone. How could he just be there playing and having fun and then be gone the next second. He was only 7 years old. I blame myself for buying that ball because he had run into a something one time chasing a ball when it was dark. If only I would have remembered that but I never thought that he would have run into anything again. I shouldn't have gotten them that glow in the dark ball. After it happened I went into shock. It was like an out of body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't. Everything was in slow motion. I have never felt pain like this before. I don't even remember the whole month of January. I couldn't eat sleep or think clearly. I was just there staring into space begging God to let me go back and change it. I never thought that I could cry this many tears and have your heart literally feel like it's broken in a million pieces. I can see how someone could die of a broken heart. I feel so guilty. I have cried every single day since its happened and I'm crying while I'm writing this. I don't know if it was a terrible accident or part of God's plan. I ask myself that a million times a day. Thank you for listening.

[Gunners Mama]

Thank you for your kind words. They make absolute sense to my head but my heart can't feel it yet. I'm sorry to hear about your health. I hope that you are doing good today. My husband tells me that I need to let go a little but he didn't have the bond that I did with Gunner. I feel like if I let go even a little that I am disrespecting him and will forget him. How do you let go of someone that you spent every day for the last 7 years with. He was with me through the worst times in my life. I just don't understand why his journey had to end so soon. Have a nice evening.

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi Gunner's Mama,

I often wonder, too, why a pet's or a person's time has to be up in his or her earthly form. I lost a kitty in 1998 who was only 3 years old. The shock and grief were almost unbearable for me. As with your case, I had expected to have Mariah with me in her earthly form for many, many years!!

I like how moon_beam described the deep grief stage transitioning to a stage where you begin to find some peace. Her staying in her country home is a really good example. I hope you can take her words to heart: Gunner's "sweet Living Spirit is ALWAYS with you wherever you go - - whatever you do - - whether you sell the cabin or find peace in your heart in going back there."

I'm sure your husband hates to see you in so much horrible pain. Each person's grieving process is different, but I hope your whole family can be supportive of each other along this very difficult journey. And we're here for you.

Keep in touch,

Kathy