Feeling Lost Without My Boy Gunner, Loss of dog Options

[Gunners Mama]

I am new to this. I'm not even sure where to begin. I lost my special angel on Christmas night. We had a beautiful day with our family and then me, my husband and our 4 Boston Terrier went to our cabin in the woods. It had been a while since we had been there and we were so excited. We got there and exchanged presents. It was wonderful and we were so happy. We always got our dogs presents and this year it was some new balls. That's their favorite toy. I had picked them out a pack with a glow in the dark ball. I was inside cleaning up and I was saying a prayer to God thanking him for all of my blessings. My husband had taken the dogs outside to play with their new toy. They were having so much fun. He said he was going to bring our one dog inside so he wouldn't run into anything. He is almost blind but runs around like he can see perfectly. I can still hear him saying that to me. I wish that I would have told them to all come inside but I didn't. The next moment changed my life forever. He came running inside telling me that my dog Gunner had run into a tree chasing the ball. I ran outside and he was laying there. His eyes were open and his legs were stiff. My husband said not to move him just in case he was paralyzed. I looked at him and asked my husband if he was breathing. He did CPR on him but it didn't work. He was gone. How could he just be there playing and having fun and then be gone the next second. He was only 7 years old. I blame myself for buying that ball because he had run into a something one time chasing a ball when it was dark. If only I would have remembered that but I never thought that he would have run into anything again. I shouldn't have gotten them that glow in the dark ball. After it happened I went into shock. It was like an out of body experience. It was like I was there but I wasn't. Everything was in slow motion. I have never felt pain like this before. I don't even remember the whole month of January. I couldn't eat sleep or think clearly. I was just there staring into space begging God to let me go back and change it. I never thought that I could cry this many tears and have your heart literally feel like it's broken in a million pieces. I can see how someone could die of a broken heart. I feel so guilty. I have cried every single day since its happened and I'm crying while I'm writing this. I don't know if it was a terrible accident or part of God's plan. I ask myself that a million times a day. Thank you for listening.

[Gunners Mama]

Thank you for your kind words moon beam. I really appreciate them so much. We don't know when our babies are going to go to Heaven. We have had 2 furbabies pass before him. We lost our girl Baby in May 08 and we had a dog Bosco that we lost in Nov 09 and was almost 13 . He was such a good dog but his health had started getting bad. We had to make the decision to have him put to sleep. It was very difficult but we realized that it wasn't fair to him and that we were keeping him for us and that was selfish. When it came time he was relaxed and at peace like he was telling us thank you. Our whole family was there and I held his paw and told him that I loved him and would see him again. I will never say goodbye to any of my furbabies because it's not the end. I never thought that anything could be more hard but it was with Gunner because I never got to tell him those things. I believe that he was a gift from God because he knew everything that was going to happen in our lives before we did. After we lost Baby we didn't want anymore dogs because we had 3. It was in December that I was looking in the paper and saw an ad for Gunner. I told my daughter to say something to my husband and she told me that he said no. I didn't push the issue. They went to see him and fell in love with him. He was 4 months old and the last one in the litter. No one had wanted him so the lady decided to keep him but he became too much since she was older. He was my Christmas present that year. I still remember the first time that I saw him. He was so big and had so much loose skin that he hadn't grown into. It was love at first sight. That following year in Nov 09 we lost our boy Bosco and our lives got turned upside down even more. My husband and I both lost our jobs and then our house. I tried to remain strong for everyone. I always had Gunner there by my side for comfort and support. We had a bond that most people never understood. He was different from all of the other dogs that we have had. I can't even find words to explain. He had this beautiful white mark in his left eye. He followed me everywhere. He was my friend and my protector always guarding me from any kind of danger. It hurts so bad that I didn't protect him from the danger. I was his mama and I feel like I failed him. I wanted to thank Kathy for posting that to Gunner that it will only feel like a split second before I join him. I always worried that if something would have happened to me first that he would have died of a broken heart.I also wanted to thank Harry's mom for taking time to respond with her just losing her baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am going to try to post a picture of him when he was young with this post. Thanks for listening.

[LittleGirl's...]

Oh Gunner's Mama,

What an adorable and very handsome picture of Gunner!!

And thank you for sharing the very touching story of how he came to be adopted. You saw him in the paper and knew he should be yours. And he had the best earthly life possible---with the love of a wonderful family, adventures, etc.. He does NOT blame you for anything. As moon_beam said, "Unfortunately we are not blessed with the gift of foreknowledge - - we do not know the how when where of how our companions will precede us to the angels." None of us can be perfect, or always thinking of everything that could or might happen. There is risk in just living, and if we were to prevent all risk, we wouldn't be able to do much of anything. Please don't blame yourself for not being "perfect." It's humanly impossible, and Gunner doesn't ever want you thinking a bad thought about his Mama.

Gunner is romping with Baby and Bosco and anyone else he has known (and they're also all with you), celebrating their loving family. Not many animals get to experience what you have given to them.

Please write some more, anytime you feel up to it. Share how you and your husband and daughter are doing, share more stories and/or pictures, or whatever you want. We all understand your pain here and want to help you on this journey.

Warmly,

Kathy