I Accidentally Killed My Soul-dog, How Do I Move Forward? Options

[Zephyr's Mom]

Two days ago, on my way home from a long drive with the dogs, I stopped at the top of our long drive way to let them out of the car to run alongside as we sometimes have done in the past. Their joy is contagious and so beautiful. It was the most stupid thing I've ever done. Within 5 sec, Zephyr somehow ran under or in front of the car. I never saw. I just thought I hit a rock, then I looked for him and only saw him collapse in the dirt. I scooped him up and rushed him to the vet, but he was already gone. Gone! My most beloved friend, my only true friend. The sweetest and most loving presence anyone could ever know. I had taken him all over the world, even Kenya, with me. We were inseparable. He never left my feet. I work at home so he was a constant loving presence all day, every day. Always snuggling and full of joy. How could I have ended all that life and love? I hate myself. I don't know how to keep living. He was the love of my life. And, it was all my fault. Maybe no one here will even want to respond because you will think I am the worst person in the world. I am! I can't stop thinking of those last few minutes. He trusted me and I betrayed him. I can't tell you how painful this is. I can't stop crying. I haven't been able to eat or sleep since it happened. I am bereft. Everything reminds me of him and then reminds me of the accident. I can't go outside. I don't know how life can continue. Everything is empty and hollow. I am empty and hollow. This being that I poured my love into for seven years is just gone. What am I going to do? I can't bear this pain.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Zephyr's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Zephyr. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Zephyr's Mom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately guilt / remorse is one of the emotions ALL of us experience during the grief journey, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile the "whys" and "if onlys" that haunt our heart and soul when we are emotionally vulnerable.

Please let me add to the comforting words already shared with you by Monique, Mayra, and Vanaja: In NO WAY are you the most horrible person for what happened with your beloved Zephyr. Since your companions had enjoyed this activity many times in the past there was no reason for you to think or anticipate that anything would be different this time. "Something" unpredicably changed your beloved Zephyr's behavior that particular moment - - which has resulted in your broken heart and feelings of guilt. The truth is - - it is NOT your fault - - nor your beloved Zephyr's. When we embrace our companions into our hearts and home, our lives are changed for the better. Unfortunately we do so without the privilege of foreknowledge as to when and how they will precede us to the angels. If we did have this foreknowlege we would then be faced with making a decision that would prevent them from having a loving Forever Home and prevent us from the blessing of their undivided attention and unconditional love.

Your beloved Zephyr KNOWS that you love him with all your heart and would move heaven and earth to keep him safe, healthy, and happy. Hopefully in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Zephyr loves you now as he always has and always will. For love is eternal, Zephyr's Mom - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Zephyr's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey now as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know from first hand experience of different circumstances that this has been a very traumatic tragic experience for you, Zephyr's Mom, and the memory of this event will always be a part of you. But I promise you that your beloved Zephyr does not want you consumed by the tragic events but rather wants you to focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Zephyr share. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us to help you through your grief adjustment journey.

I also know that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Zephyr with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Zephyr's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam