I Lost My Bestfriend 22 Hours Ago.. Options

[Misty3618]

I am in soo much pain at the loss of my precious 4 and half year old baby boy, Itty Bitty. I cry as I type this..
I am angry at myself for not seeing the signs sooner. I am angry at the vet before yesterday who prescribed me meds that would not ever help him. I am angry at myself for not being able to get him the best treatment possible do the outrageous cost to even "attempt" to help him. I have been crying non stop for the last 22 hours. I can't think of anything but him. I miss him soo much, and always will.
He was the type of cat that always came when you called his name. Played fetch. Loved the water. Came to the washroom with me. Expected the tap to be running for him 24/7. Slept with me everyday. Loved me everyday. Everyone saw our connection and loved his personality, it was infectious, it even made them want a cat like Itty Bitty.
I still have his mother. However it's not the same affection. Itty Bitty was my boy.
I woke up this morning. waiting to trip on him. Waiting for him to follow me to the washroom. Waiting for him to play fetch, and jump on my lap with a hefty 22lbs of love!!!
I have never experienced such a pain like this. I feel so guilty, angry and sad. The vet yesterday was very understanding and compassionate and seen the love we had. Making note of how exceptional he was. She almost cried and rubbed my shoulder as I was trying to console him.She tried to ease my mind and try not to make me feel guilty about my difficult and worse decision I have ever had to make in my life, by showing me the damage afterwards. Bless her
I will say however, he usually always purred even when I just said his name. He didn't purr the last few days. Yesterday when I took him back to the vet, and there on the table, which most cats go frantic and try to get away, he purred for me as I kissed and rubbed his head. Kneading on the blanket.
I will always love Itty Bitty! RIP my sweet boy, we'll play fetch soon!

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[Misty3618]

Thank you all for your kind words, it means so much to me. It has been two days now. And I am so sad. I keep blaming myself for not seeing anything till it was too late. I just want my boy back xx Thank you all again for the support. Xx

[kk0711]

Thank you all for your kind words, it means so much to me. It has been two days now. And I am so sad. I keep blaming myself for not seeing anything till it was too late. I just want my boy back xx Thank you all again for the support. Xx

Misty,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Itty Bitty. He sounds like he was an awesome and fun cat with a wonderful personality. He was also a gorgeous big boy! And it sounds like you loved each other so much! I lost my beautiful boy Ari, a little over 6 weeks ago, he would have been 7 in May.

I did in fact spend over 5k in 4 days with the best specialty vets as well as rack my brain for things I could have noticed, seen or done sooner. Please try not to do that to yourself. Even if we had spent more money and taken our babes to the vet sooner, it does not mean that the outcome would have been any different. I know it's hard not to second-guess yourself and I still am doing to as well but I am learning to not ask, "why did this happen?"but "what do I do with it now that it has?" My answer have been to journal, have a memorial and be kind to myself. All hard things to do when you are feeling so bad and missing your best friend. It will get a little easier but we will never forget them or be the same as before. I really suggest a pet grief group if you can find one. The Humane Society in your area would have information. Coming to this site and sharing with us about how you're feeling helps too.