I Lost My Bestfriend 22 Hours Ago.. Options

[Misty3618]

I am in soo much pain at the loss of my precious 4 and half year old baby boy, Itty Bitty. I cry as I type this..
I am angry at myself for not seeing the signs sooner. I am angry at the vet before yesterday who prescribed me meds that would not ever help him. I am angry at myself for not being able to get him the best treatment possible do the outrageous cost to even "attempt" to help him. I have been crying non stop for the last 22 hours. I can't think of anything but him. I miss him soo much, and always will.
He was the type of cat that always came when you called his name. Played fetch. Loved the water. Came to the washroom with me. Expected the tap to be running for him 24/7. Slept with me everyday. Loved me everyday. Everyone saw our connection and loved his personality, it was infectious, it even made them want a cat like Itty Bitty.
I still have his mother. However it's not the same affection. Itty Bitty was my boy.
I woke up this morning. waiting to trip on him. Waiting for him to follow me to the washroom. Waiting for him to play fetch, and jump on my lap with a hefty 22lbs of love!!!
I have never experienced such a pain like this. I feel so guilty, angry and sad. The vet yesterday was very understanding and compassionate and seen the love we had. Making note of how exceptional he was. She almost cried and rubbed my shoulder as I was trying to console him.She tried to ease my mind and try not to make me feel guilty about my difficult and worse decision I have ever had to make in my life, by showing me the damage afterwards. Bless her
I will say however, he usually always purred even when I just said his name. He didn't purr the last few days. Yesterday when I took him back to the vet, and there on the table, which most cats go frantic and try to get away, he purred for me as I kissed and rubbed his head. Kneading on the blanket.
I will always love Itty Bitty! RIP my sweet boy, we'll play fetch soon!

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[Caseysmom10]

Misty3618,
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Itty Bitty. She sounds incredibly special and loving. I lost my Tango one month ago today. I cried every day for the first 3 weeks. During the first 10 days I "saw" Tango twice, out of the corner of my eye. Of course when I turned to look, there was no one there. But, I don't believe it was my imagination. I believe Tango was trying to comfort me. Others have had "dreams" of their companion, which I also believe were attempts to comfort. To comfort myself I pour all my love into my remaining companion, Bailey. I think we comfort each other. Please don't feel guilty. It is so obvious that you loved Itty Bitty with all your heart and would have done anything you could to save him. Finances are a legitimate concern too. He purred to you in the end. He loved and trusted you to know when it was time to let go too. I saw something that said "I wish the Rainbow Bridge had visiting hours." Me too, but I trust that my Tango and your Itty Bitty are waiting there for us. Be kind to yourself.
Caseysmom10

[Misty3618]

Misty3618,
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Itty Bitty. She sounds incredibly special and loving. I lost my Tango one month ago today. I cried every day for the first 3 weeks. During the first 10 days I "saw" Tango twice, out of the corner of my eye. Of course when I turned to look, there was no one there. But, I don't believe it was my imagination. I believe Tango was trying to comfort me. Others have had "dreams" of their companion, which I also believe were attempts to comfort. To comfort myself I pour all my love into my remaining companion, Bailey. I think we comfort each other. Please don't feel guilty. It is so obvious that you loved Itty Bitty with all your heart and would have done anything you could to save him. Finances are a legitimate concern too. He purred to you in the end. He loved and trusted you to know when it was time to let go too. I saw something that said "I wish the Rainbow Bridge had visiting hours." Me too, but I trust that my Tango and your Itty Bitty are waiting there for us. Be kind to yourself.
Caseysmom10

Thank you so much!
Yes I did love him to bits! He was my everything, apart from my son. I did try to help him, but I feel it was too late and I didn't see the signs
I have been a basket case this last day. Forcing myself to eat. Couldn't sleep. His mother has been super nice today as well. I also thought I saw him. It was my mothers purse. The head is playing tricks on me.
Thank you for sharing your loss with me, and I am sorry you are going through the same grief of a loved one and my prayers are with you as well . I hope they are playing together, Itty Bitty loved playing animals who visited x

We are all here going through such hard times.. that seem at the moment will never end.. my heart goes out to each and every one of us.

~Laura