The Debate, pts Options

[Saki & Freyj...]

So I say to myself "You should put Lec down before xmas instead of dragging her out to your folks house and stressing her out and etc. ..." Then I say "No, I can't do that. Even though I know she is dying, I should wait til Friday bc I won't be able to get thru xmas if I put her down before then..."

Then I think "Heck, I can't make an appt for friday. Nope. God(s) gave me a sign when it was time to put Frey down, and in their mercy took Saki from me and spared me that pain of putting her to sleep and until I get some sorta damned sign, I shouldn't even think about it..."

Then I look at Lec, cat milk (the only thing she'll consume now-- and very little of that) all over her face, too thin to get a damned needle in her for fluids and I think "YOU need to be merciful, you need to be strong... you are selfish..."

And this goes round and round and round and round in my head all day long.

I've had my talk with lec and told her she doesn't have to be strong and that she can go if she needs to. But I haven't had the balls to ask the gods if they will go ahead and take her. Last time, they answered that prayer, and while I really am quite grateful, at the same time, I guess I am scared that if I do that, they WILL take her...

[SJ J & S]

Grieving has no set pattern one day you think “hey I'm ok” then the next day you’re breaking down and cant control the tears.

I have Reiki once a month and she told me that I was closing off my heart because I said I didn’t want to cry anymore and that’s 9 months on.

So be patient with yourself, and cry as often as you need and post sad posts as often as you need, and pray for a snugly cat to be sent to you and I'm sure God and Misty will work together to send one to you when the time is right.

Love Sue