Fip - Leaving With An Empty Carrier. On Empty. Options

[raccoonkisses]

I guess what I really would like if for some answers - answers that probably I will never receive. If you have a Christian or New Age perspective on what the hey is going on in my life, I'd love to hear it. I'm on empty. I've been reading up on "soul contracts". I had one "psychic" from here tell me that I had "planned" my animals' departures. It just doesn't resonate with me. What is your take on this? I've written a free verse poem to encapsulate my thoughts:


When my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer last November and told that she had a 20% chance of living 2-5 years,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

“She needs to find God,” I thought. “This happened for her to awaken to the possibilities in life”. I prayed and felt nearer to God.

This was eleven months ago today.

When my dog was suddenly taken from me after fatally being hit by a truck in front of me and my other dog three days after my birthday,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

I had learned to accept that maybe her death was to make me stop going through the motions of life like I had. I knew her death was expanding my awareness and my understanding of the world.

This was five months ago.

When my cat went blind earlier this year, cried incessantly for months as he looked for us, and then couldn’t stand for the last two days of his life ago and had to be euthanized just months after losing my precious dog,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

This was two weeks ago.

“He was old and had lived a full life,” I thought. Though it was horrible timing, I took comfort in knowing I had spent many moments with him knowing his demise was near.

When yesterday, my three year old cat drooled as he panted uncontrollably and then we were told that his condition was fatal FIP brought on by undue stress,

I was mad at God.

This was yesterday.

I am mad at God.

This is today.

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[Scarlett's M...]

Dear racoonkisses,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I have had many in my life and find myself on my knees asking 'Why?' often. My mom and dad died by the time they were 28 - one year apart - by the time I was 5 both my parents were gone. My maternal grandmother took me and my brother in and raised us. As a child I often would look up to the heavens and ask 'WHY?' why did they both have to go. I had finally found a place of acceptance and then when I turned 18 my grandmother who had raised me and my brother passed away. I felt the loss of my parents again. I looked up to the heavens again and said 'WHY?' why would you do this to me again. The answers came when I surrendered to the pain of the loss I was experiencing. I came to a place of acceptance - I accepted the fact that me and my brother, for what ever reason, chose to come into a life where our parents, all of them, our mom our dad our maternal grandmother moved on to the spirit world. I had to come to place where I believed in every part of my soul of my being that God would not give me anything I couldn't handle.

After my maternal grandmothers death I moved away from home - went on a journey of self exploration. I felt like I was in a million pieces and was putting myself back together again. I had many other struggles in life where the lesson of "God would not give me anything I couldn't handle" helped me through BUT this July rocked my foundation once again. Me and my husband lost our furry baby suddenly - she was only 7 - and the regrets and the guilt and the grief has been unbearable. I again found myself on my knees, looking up to the heavens screaming 'WHY?' - but this time I was furious at God. Why would God do this to me knowing all that I've been through already. I've had to deal with the guilt I feel surrounding our Scarlett's death - I stopped everything in my life and have grieved so hard over the last couple months... my soul actually aches.

Then just this past week, which was the 3 month angel-versary of our Scarlett's passing, me and my husband decided to go back home - and while we were there one of my Uncles passed away. He was my mom's brother and I was able to talk to him - tell him I love him - it was not closure but I was at peace and I prayed that he'd be at peace as well. I think that because I've been grieving so hard for Scarlett I was in the space of complete surrender to his death. I could do nothing but surrender to the experience.

I've had experiences with my mom and dad's spirit, I've had experiences with my grandmothers spirit. I've had experiences with our Scarlett's spirit and I had experiences with my Uncles guardian angel. My experiences have shown me that life continues, the soul/spirit continues but the shape and form is what changes. Having my experiences with my loved one's souls have been comforting and at the same time I cry for their physical presence. I still find myself on my knees asking 'WHY?' every day - and to me the fact that I am asking that question is part of the journey. This pain has tired me out to the point that all I can do is surrender to the belief that the answers will come - maybe not in the way's I expect or feel I deserve but I have to believe they will come.

I will be keeping you in my prayers and sending you healing energy.

~ Scarlett's Mom

[raccoonkisses]

Hello Scarlett's Mom,

You have been through more than wind and rain - a tempest, I believe. I am so sorry. I was thinking about what you said, and I'm so glad that you didn't downplay the loss of Scarlett. I have lost human loved ones in my life, but honestly, the pain I have felt for my furbabies' loss has been excruiatingly painful. I think it's because they were (are) so innocent, loving, so entrenched into my routine, and gone before their time. The suddeness of death hurts far worse than losing a furbaby to old age - that's been my experience, anyway. I also feel such guilt for not being able to fully grieve my Oscar's passing since Abe passed just two weeks after him. I must surrender to it all, but I hate to feel as though I'm losing control... I have had experiences, too, of my fur children, but not of Abe. I wish Abe would visit me or give me some sign. The only thing I can think of as perhaps he sent me a sign is that I had cleaned the bathroom floor after his death. I took a shower, got out, and there was one of his white whiskers, plain as day on the dark gray rug. Maybe I'm making meaning out of a whisker I missed. I don't know. I just miss him so much and want/need a stronger sign. How did your animals contact you?

Dear racoonkisses,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I have had many in my life and find myself on my knees asking 'Why?' often. My mom and dad died by the time they were 28 - one year apart - by the time I was 5 both my parents were gone. My maternal grandmother took me and my brother in and raised us. As a child I often would look up to the heavens and ask 'WHY?' why did they both have to go. I had finally found a place of acceptance and then when I turned 18 my grandmother who had raised me and my brother passed away. I felt the loss of my parents again. I looked up to the heavens again and said 'WHY?' why would you do this to me again. The answers came when I surrendered to the pain of the loss I was experiencing. I came to a place of acceptance - I accepted the fact that me and my brother, for what ever reason, chose to come into a life where our parents, all of them, our mom our dad our maternal grandmother moved on to the spirit world. I had to come to place where I believed in every part of my soul of my being that God would not give me anything I couldn't handle.

After my maternal grandmothers death I moved away from home - went on a journey of self exploration. I felt like I was in a million pieces and was putting myself back together again. I had many other struggles in life where the lesson of "God would not give me anything I couldn't handle" helped me through BUT this July rocked my foundation once again. Me and my husband lost our furry baby suddenly - she was only 7 - and the regrets and the guilt and the grief has been unbearable. I again found myself on my knees, looking up to the heavens screaming 'WHY?' - but this time I was furious at God. Why would God do this to me knowing all that I've been through already. I've had to deal with the guilt I feel surrounding our Scarlett's death - I stopped everything in my life and have grieved so hard over the last couple months... my soul actually aches.

Then just this past week, which was the 3 month angel-versary of our Scarlett's passing, me and my husband decided to go back home - and while we were there one of my Uncles passed away. He was my mom's brother and I was able to talk to him - tell him I love him - it was not closure but I was at peace and I prayed that he'd be at peace as well. I think that because I've been grieving so hard for Scarlett I was in the space of complete surrender to his death. I could do nothing but surrender to the experience.

I've had experiences with my mom and dad's spirit, I've had experiences with my grandmothers spirit. I've had experiences with our Scarlett's spirit and I had experiences with my Uncles guardian angel. My experiences have shown me that life continues, the soul/spirit continues but the shape and form is what changes. Having my experiences with my loved one's souls have been comforting and at the same time I cry for their physical presence. I still find myself on my knees asking 'WHY?' every day - and to me the fact that I am asking that question is part of the journey. This pain has tired me out to the point that all I can do is surrender to the belief that the answers will come - maybe not in the way's I expect or feel I deserve but I have to believe they will come.

I will be keeping you in my prayers and sending you healing energy.

~ Scarlett's Mom

[Scarlett's M...]

Our furry babies are angels here on earth - we are blessed to have them in our lives. The loss of our Scarlett is more than I can bear at times... the pain from the loss is just so great. I think Scarlett see's how wrecked we are from her passing because she has done some incredible things to contact us.

After our loss me and husband found a reputable breeder to start discussing if we wanted to bring another furry one into our home. On the day we went to visit the breeder there was a cloud formation over the breeders home that strangely resembled a cavalier frolicking in the sky. (Oh -I don't know if you know but our Scarlett is a Cavalier). Another sign was that one day an orchid pedal fell and landed on our Scarlett's bed. But one incident still has us in awe - it happened on our Scarlett's 2 month angel-versary.

Me and my husband were not doing so good that day. My best friend came over to the house to lend her support and she also brought her furry baby Cody. (We call him our little nephew). My husband was home and we were all hanging out in the living room sharing Scarlett stories. My husband was on a leather chair on one side of our living room and me, Cody and my best friend were on the other side, sitting on the couch. Cody was laying on his mom's lap fast asleep and out of nowhere he sat up, jumped down from the couch and b - lined it to my husbands chair. Cody jumped onto my husbands lap, then made his way to my husband's chest, and once standing on my husband's chest Cody then put a paw on either side of my husband's neck and started to lick him non-stop. The thing is Cody has NEVER EVER done any of this behavior before, we've known him for all of his life, we've baby-sat him in our home when my friend had to go out of town and he has never done anything like this before. My best friend was in shock because she's never seen him do this before either - we all sat there stunned and sobbing because there was only one furry one that DID do this behavior - this is the exact same thing Scarlett would do to her daddy. She would stand on his chest, place one paw on either side of his neck and kiss him and kiss him over and over again and on top of that Scarlett would only like to kiss her daddy on his forehead (of all places) because of his stubble and guess where Cody was kissing him? Yup, you got it. We used to call it the Scarlett facial. After a couple minutes Cody jumped back down off the leather chair and back to the place he was before and went back to sleep.

Later, after we dried our eyes my husband said that when Cody jumped down from the couch and as he was walking over to him he looked into Cody's eyes and my husband said they looked like Scarlett's eyes... how amazing is this experience? What an incredible blessing to have had even a little more time with Scarlett - to be given this experience - to us its proof that her sweet soul is still with us.

I also get little twinkles of light out of nowhere, sometimes I see her from the corner of my eye and some days I can feel her with me.

This loss has been unbearable for us. We still question the last two weeks before she passed and continue to feel responsible. I don't know if that will ever go away - the guilt that is. I don't know. Just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to take it moment by moment.

To me it does sound like Abe is trying to contact you too - I believe the whisker was his way of trying to let you know he is still around.

I hope you are having a good day. I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you healing energy.

Hello Scarlett's Mom,

You have been through more than wind and rain - a tempest, I believe. I am so sorry. I was thinking about what you said, and I'm so glad that you didn't downplay the loss of Scarlett. I have lost human loved ones in my life, but honestly, the pain I have felt for my furbabies' loss has been excruiatingly painful. I think it's because they were (are) so innocent, loving, so entrenched into my routine, and gone before their time. The suddeness of death hurts far worse than losing a furbaby to old age - that's been my experience, anyway. I also feel such guilt for not being able to fully grieve my Oscar's passing since Abe passed just two weeks after him. I must surrender to it all, but I hate to feel as though I'm losing control... I have had experiences, too, of my fur children, but not of Abe. I wish Abe would visit me or give me some sign. The only thing I can think of as perhaps he sent me a sign is that I had cleaned the bathroom floor after his death. I took a shower, got out, and there was one of his white whiskers, plain as day on the dark gray rug. Maybe I'm making meaning out of a whisker I missed. I don't know. I just miss him so much and want/need a stronger sign. How did your animals contact you?