I guess what I really would like if for some answers - answers that probably I will never receive. If you have a Christian or New Age perspective on what the hey is going on in my life, I'd love to hear it. I'm on empty. I've been reading up on "soul contracts". I had one "psychic" from here tell me that I had "planned" my animals' departures. It just doesn't resonate with me. What is your take on this? I've written a free verse poem to encapsulate my thoughts:


When my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer last November and told that she had a 20% chance of living 2-5 years,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

“She needs to find God,” I thought. “This happened for her to awaken to the possibilities in life”. I prayed and felt nearer to God.

This was eleven months ago today.

When my dog was suddenly taken from me after fatally being hit by a truck in front of me and my other dog three days after my birthday,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

I had learned to accept that maybe her death was to make me stop going through the motions of life like I had. I knew her death was expanding my awareness and my understanding of the world.

This was five months ago.

When my cat went blind earlier this year, cried incessantly for months as he looked for us, and then couldn’t stand for the last two days of his life ago and had to be euthanized just months after losing my precious dog,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

This was two weeks ago.

“He was old and had lived a full life,” I thought. Though it was horrible timing, I took comfort in knowing I had spent many moments with him knowing his demise was near.

When yesterday, my three year old cat drooled as he panted uncontrollably and then we were told that his condition was fatal FIP brought on by undue stress,

I was mad at God.

This was yesterday.

I am mad at God.

This is today.

hello, it has been so long since i have been on this site. but something about your post prompted me back to reply to you. i am so very very sorry for your losses. these things are so hard to understand. i dont understand it myself but the way i explain it to myself is to remind myself that these tragedies do not come from our heavenly father. He allows them to happen but He too sheds tears when one of his own are in pain and suffering. in the past couple of weeks, i have lost my job, lost my first rescue pittie to cancer and then informed that my own dog needs surgery. we are due in on wednesday and i found myself asking WHY? what had i done to deserve this? i always feel that we are here on loan. our furry family members, our human family members, all of us are here on loan. yes it is dreadfully sad when they are yanked from us in a heartbeat but know that they are welcomed back into their creators arms with love and tears of joy. is it painful when they leave? yes but somewhere down the line you will understand why they came into our lives even for a short while. Chance was a pittie that was left tied to a tree and left to die in 110 degree weather. my friend and i rescued him from one of the worst shelters here in california. it was my first rescue ever and i vowed to continue this work. i invested so much time and money into this precious boy so that he would go to a wonderful furever home. he had a huge lump that was biopsied and came back clean only to come back positive for cancer a few weeks later. he had potential adopters and was loving life once again. i was in love with this boy! he didnt last very long and we had to end his suffering. our hearts were broken. days later when i came back up for air, i began to realize that he came into my life for about two months to teach me so much more about love and compassion. because of him, another doggie that was dumped because of his deformity, found his furever home. it was a bittersweet journey, three hours away from where i live, to drop him off but i knew that this was because of chance. he came into my life for many reasons: some that i know, some that i still dont know but im grateful to have had him in my life. right now you are in the depths of dispair and sadness but one day you will smile for you will realize all that these babies have taught you. i send you hugs and may God heal your broken heart! patricia

Dear racoonkisses, I am very sorry for your losses. All I can say is "I hear you". I can understand you being angry at God and I can understand you are hurting very much. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, our bodies wear out, our beloved fur kids die, in short there is a lot of pain and suffering in this world. We can't always explain it and we can drive ourselves crazy finding the answers. But even if we were to get the answers, would that really help, would it really make us feel better? When we are in pain do we want a friend who cares or a friend who has all the answers?

Thousands of years ago a man named Job was also mad at God. I don't know if you're familiar with the book of Job from the Bible, but essentially Job was a good guy and a lot of bad things happened to him. Job thought God was doing all this to him, but that was not so. He was also asking "Why" and demanding that God answer him. God eventually did answer him, but not in the way Job expected. Job never found out why he was suffering, but he got to know who God is. I know that may not make any sense to you, and I can understand that too. I used to drive myself crazy asking "Why" anytime something bad happened to me, and when someone told me to read the book of Job I got even angrier. I had to read it a few times before understanding it. God basically assured Job that despite all the bad things God was still in control of Job's life, that He hadn't left him. If you like to read, there are a couple books I can recommend. "Beyond the valley" by Dave Branon, and "The One year book of Hope" by Nancy Guthrie.

I hope that some of what I said is helpful to you. One thing is for certain: in this life we may not get all the answers as to why we are suffering. We want it somehow to make sense, but it just doesn't. Take your pain to God, take you anger to God. He can handle both. I would also like to agree with what patricia said that God sees our tears and is suffering with us. God loves us. He proved that love over 2000 years ago on the cross. Does that mean we will never suffer in this life? No. We will have plenty of trouble and pain, and believe me, I have had my share of that. But in the midst of all the pain there is God. He is an anchor in times of trouble, someone to cling to. After all, if we can't cling to God who can we cling to in times of trouble?

racoonkisses, my condolences for all your losses and hardships. You have, indeed, been heavily burdened, but don't be mad at God. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Why, I'm not sure, but it may be, and quite probably is, a test of our faith. Keep yours strong and remember that it's not so much this life that really matters, but the next. Do so and the victory of eternal life with your loved ones will be yours.

Hi, raccoonkisses, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies to you for all the loved ones - - your sister and your beloved companions - - who are now together in Paradise. I know all too well from first hand experience the pain of always being the "one left behind" to deal with the sorrow and emptiness, and having to continually rebuild my life without the joy of the physical presence of the ones I love. It does weary the heart, soul, mind, and body.

If there is ANY answer to your question "why" it is that we live in a world that is not the world that God originally created for ALL of His creation. We live in an imperfect, broken world that is filled with both joy and sorrow, good health and illness, with circumstances that we choose to make as well as circumstances that are beyond our control. God made a promise to us through His Son that He is with us at all times and in all circumstances - - in both the good times and the darkest moments of our hearts and lives.

One of the many ways He keeps this promise is providing us people at the moment we need them who can share our experience - - wherever it may be on the ranking scale. This wonderful forum is one of His "answers" to you and to each of us who need a place to come to share our broken hearts as we struggle through our grief adjustment journey - - knowing that we are among friends who truly DO understand what we are going through, and are here for us for as long and as often as we need them.

God does understand our anger when we feel we have reached our saturation of sadness and sorrow and burdens. I hope you will feel His loving, comforting arms embracing you and reassuring you that He IS with you - - and hopefully you will find each of us here as His earthly ambassadors of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, raccoonkisses, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Patricia,

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply to me. It means the world to right now; a world that it is turned upside down. But, of course, it looks as though you know, all too well, right now what that looks like. I'm so sorry to hear about your obstacles in life. I have the same questions you have - WHY? What have I done to deserve this? I had one person say to me "karma". Really? Is that always the case? I don't think I've done anything too incredibly bad lately - I've been too sad to even have bad thoughts, to be honest.

I'm glad that you have been able to make your tragedies mean something. You have taken the obstacle and turned it into a stepping stone to help rescues. I really admire you for that. I know it is up to me to figure out these lessons. I really am at a loss for the latest. I mean, my Abe was only three years old. I only had him for a little over a year after rescuing him from a shelter. I guess my real question is this - do ALL lessons have to be from the School of Hard Knocks? Why can't the universe/God/Source have me learning lessons from positive experiences? Or can only negative experiences teach us? I hope not. I'm a teacher - a teacher who hopefully teachers through positive experiences only. I understand some things can only be learned the hard way. I just still am grappling with the reason behind this most recent turmoil. Or perhaps worse, there is no reason and I'm looking for something that isn't there. But, I guess it is up to mean to make it MEAN something.

Hello Danny's Mom

Thank you Danny's mom for taking a no nonsense approach to answering my questions. Your replies just rang so true for me. Thank you for that. No life is not fair! And yes, I'd like to think of myself as a good person who, for whatever reason, cannot catch a break. You're right, will getting an answer make me feel better? It won't bring my babies back, true. I guess I want to know that this is NOT happening to teach me some sort of karmic lesson. Because if it is, then I'm missing the lesson here. And the universe gets a big fat "F" on being a good teacher. Just call me a struggling learner - I'm not getting it. I hope future lessons are more positive and more straight to the point. And if this is a lesson, it really doesn't seem fair to make my animals pay the ultimate price of their lives just for me to learn some lesson that is just alluding me right now.

I know you mentioned Job. Just the other day I said to my husband that I felt like him. But, you're right - God is my anchor. When I'm upset, I pray. When I'm happy, I pray. I pray in the car and I pray before bed. I just still am mad, but mostly sad. Just when I feel as though I can finally come up to take a breath and smile a genuine smile, poof my world is once again turned upside down. I come up for air again and think I finally can feel a weight off my shoulders...I can exercise again, think about my eating habits, get into some rhythm of life, then poof ....all gone. I just want a break. But, you're right about this. God is my anchor. One of my best friends has no faith in God or the afterlife. Her belief that she will never see her cat that died two years ago again still pains her deeply. And I know I have at least that. I believe that I will see my animals again - on the other side.

Thank you for suggesting the book titles. I will take your recommendation and look into them. Thanks again for your help.

Thanks, Jake's Grandpa, for taking time to help assuage some of this burden I am feeling. Funny, but your reply made me think about a journal entry I had written a long, long time ago. My boo kitty had to be euthanized after kidney failure. It was a shock to me. I'd gotten her when I was nine. She had been my first pet (though looking back now I'm wondering if my mom's cat that we got when I was two really was meant to be in my life as my guardian, but I digress) who took me though my elementary years, junior high, high school and finally college. She had been with me a lifetime, really. I'd written that I wanted to be a better person and live a good life so I would be rewarded in seeing her after I died. I haven't always lived up to that young woman's vow, but I try. I genuinely try. Thank you for reminding me of this vow. For now, I will try even harder.

Thank you, moonbeam, for responding to me without judgement. You truly are blessed with the knowledge of choosing wise words that fall gently. You sum it up so well - an answer that really makes sense. Yes, we live in an imperfect world, BUT there are experiences beyond our control. I think that's it. You hit it on the nail. I want the control and I don't have it. I feel like I'm living in chaos and it is so uncomfortable. It's unnerving to know that one of my loved ones can leave at any second and I have no control over that. I think we all to some degree understand this. But, to the degree have internalized it has now crippled me. I am hyperaware that loss could be lurking just around the next corner of my life - a second away. I think my remaining animal, Chloe cat, dislikes the new me. She has swatted at me and thumps her tail is dismay when I try to coddle her. She seems to enjoy being the only cat (which annoys me to no end) and enjoys coming to me on her terms. All my other animals were very needy. They wanted attention often following me from room to room. The only one left living is VERY independent, only wanting attention between the hours of 9-10 pm and 4-5 am( ) I wonder if I'm on to a lesson here...

Thank you again, Moonbeam, for sharing your wisdom with me, for taking time out of your day to help a faceless soul from getting out from under her thundercloud. And I agree - this forum is a Godsend.

I can certainly identify with that, raccoonkisses, as I am now trying extra hard to earn an afterlife with my beloved Jake. I pity your faithless friend who has no hope of ever seeing her cat again. At least we have that to look forward to. Hang in there and pray, pray, pray.

Hi, raccoonkisses, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can certainly understand your dismay about your precious Chloe's emotional independence. I encountered that for the first time in my life with my beloved number one kitty son Eli during his earthly journey. The only time he sought comfort from me was when he was in the throes of end stage Lymphoma. It was as if he was trying to tell me how much he sincerely appreciated all the love and care I had given him through his 6 years of life and accepted him on HIS terms.

Each of us want to be accepted for who we are - - not what others "expect" us to be. I hope in time your precious Chloe will mellow in her current desire for emotional "independence" so that the both of you will be able to share a mutual enjoyment of each other's company.

Raccoonkisses, it is a privilege to be a part of this wonderful forum, and to have the privilege to come to know you and everyone who comes here. Although we probably will never meet face to face during our earthly journeys, there are no strangers or faceless friends here - - for we share a friendship that is rooted in the most enduring common bond in our hearts - - the enduring love each of us have for our precious, beloved companions.

Thank you again for sharing with us how you're doing, raccoonkisses. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with each of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear racoonkisses,

I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry for all the losses and all the pain you have experienced. In thinking about how to make sense of your most recent loss, it reminded me of a puppy I had years ago named Karen. We got her from the pound and we didn't realized that she came to us with distemper, which didn't show itself for several months. After all our efforts, we had to let her go before she ever had her first birthday. It was my first dog and I just couldn't figure out why it happened. I later reconciled myself to the idea that Karen was going to have this disease and she was going to live a very short life and God had chosen us to give her the best 10 months ever.

I agree with DannysMom, that God doesn't do horrible things to us. It's just the way the world is. I think sometimes we see something that is awful and think God is testing us or purposely dealing us a bad hand. In the case of my Karen, it just was what it was. I don't think there was a lesson at all. I just think God gave me the opportunity to give a little one a gift, even though it broke my heart.

I believe so strongly that we have a loving God who will never abandon us and I believe His heart breaks right along with yours as you grieve. Keep seeking Him. He'll help you find peace.

CritzyJ

Dear racoonkisses,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I have had many in my life and find myself on my knees asking 'Why?' often. My mom and dad died by the time they were 28 - one year apart - by the time I was 5 both my parents were gone. My maternal grandmother took me and my brother in and raised us. As a child I often would look up to the heavens and ask 'WHY?' why did they both have to go. I had finally found a place of acceptance and then when I turned 18 my grandmother who had raised me and my brother passed away. I felt the loss of my parents again. I looked up to the heavens again and said 'WHY?' why would you do this to me again. The answers came when I surrendered to the pain of the loss I was experiencing. I came to a place of acceptance - I accepted the fact that me and my brother, for what ever reason, chose to come into a life where our parents, all of them, our mom our dad our maternal grandmother moved on to the spirit world. I had to come to place where I believed in every part of my soul of my being that God would not give me anything I couldn't handle.

After my maternal grandmothers death I moved away from home - went on a journey of self exploration. I felt like I was in a million pieces and was putting myself back together again. I had many other struggles in life where the lesson of "God would not give me anything I couldn't handle" helped me through BUT this July rocked my foundation once again. Me and my husband lost our furry baby suddenly - she was only 7 - and the regrets and the guilt and the grief has been unbearable. I again found myself on my knees, looking up to the heavens screaming 'WHY?' - but this time I was furious at God. Why would God do this to me knowing all that I've been through already. I've had to deal with the guilt I feel surrounding our Scarlett's death - I stopped everything in my life and have grieved so hard over the last couple months... my soul actually aches.

Then just this past week, which was the 3 month angel-versary of our Scarlett's passing, me and my husband decided to go back home - and while we were there one of my Uncles passed away. He was my mom's brother and I was able to talk to him - tell him I love him - it was not closure but I was at peace and I prayed that he'd be at peace as well. I think that because I've been grieving so hard for Scarlett I was in the space of complete surrender to his death. I could do nothing but surrender to the experience.

I've had experiences with my mom and dad's spirit, I've had experiences with my grandmothers spirit. I've had experiences with our Scarlett's spirit and I had experiences with my Uncles guardian angel. My experiences have shown me that life continues, the soul/spirit continues but the shape and form is what changes. Having my experiences with my loved one's souls have been comforting and at the same time I cry for their physical presence. I still find myself on my knees asking 'WHY?' every day - and to me the fact that I am asking that question is part of the journey. This pain has tired me out to the point that all I can do is surrender to the belief that the answers will come - maybe not in the way's I expect or feel I deserve but I have to believe they will come.

I will be keeping you in my prayers and sending you healing energy.

~ Scarlett's Mom

Dear RaccoonKissess

You were courageous through so many tragedies. Finally you ran out of emotional gas. I know how that feels.

Eight years ago I adopted my first dog - Gretta - the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived. She had been found wandering the streets in the horribly cold MN month of October. No one came to claim her so she was moved to Animal Control and scheduled for .... well, you know. A wonderful woman from a rescue organization came there that day to rescue another dog but just couldn't leave Gretta - so she got to live. And we lived together for five wonderful years. As a new dog mom I didn't recognize that her walking more slowly at the end of our long walks was a signal she diddn't feel well. One day she went home - all in a single day. I was frightened to take her back home so she had to spend her last night on earth in a vet school hospital. I thanked God, we had a good life together, and then it was gone. I developed a very strong belief in human-animal soul-mates and animals' ultimate home which I call the Perfect World. Christians call it heaven. Raised as a very strict Catholic, I supposed that it was some kind of sin to think that there would be animals in heavenm but I came upon a short book of proofs of this using biblical and traditional sources. But I missed my Gretta - I still do and cry as I write this.

After three months, my home was so empty that I went back to the same rescue agency and adopted another lab - this time a male who was really a half lab/half Newfie: Rufus. Rufus was BIG - over a hundred pounds and he enjoyed life. He had been surrendered when his first family couldn't take care of him because of family problems. We walked 3-4 miles a day and had a very good life. Many times when we walked I made up words to old songs and sang them to Gretta telling her how sorry I was for not recognizing that she was sick and for leaving her to sleep her last night on earth with strangers.

Then, last July , my sister, too, was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. She lived a half a continent away so I managed to get my company to let me work part time for a few weeks to go visit her. She was the sickest person I have ever seen. I went home for some months and while walking Rufus, smashed my ankle into 14 pieces by slipping on a tiny patch of ice. As soon as they would let me fly after ankle surgery, I went back to my sister's house where she was even sicker. One night while eating supper, the phone rang and broke my heart again. Rufus had been off his food the night before so the foster mom took him to our vet (the best vet in the universe) who diagnosed him with cancer of the spleen - not a solid tumor but a mass of newly formed, deformed blood vessels that were bleeding into his pericardium. Dr Hinson had brought him to the University vet school hospital and it was they who were calling me. I knew there was only one decision that could be made. My Rufus died alone. No one to hold his giant head. No one to stroke his velvet ears. No one to tell him what a truly GOOD dog he was and how much he was loved.

Two beautiful dogs gone and a sister in big danger. My heart was crushed but I still wasn't mad at God. I was begging Him full time to please let my sister live.

Then my father had another stroke and had to leave his house to go to live in a Veterans Nursing Home. My dad is the nearest thing to a living saint. EVERYbody who meets him loves him. Enter the evil sister. Move into dad's house and make him pay the bills. Upset him with lies all day every day. Prevent me from talking to him on the phone. Assaulted one of his visitors, the only person who can bring a big wide smile to his face. My dad's life is a living hell.

Now I'm mad at God.

I have to get over this, though, because it is destroying my soul like the drip, drip, drip of acid on my heart and mind. And no big dog to hug and tell me by his or her warmth that everything will be all right. My only option is to WILL myself to believe that God is real, that He is all=powerful, that He can and will work out my dad's awful life (and there isn't much time). It's an act of WILL coming from the last quarter inch of the outside of the brain. I'm counting on the adage, fake it till you make it. Or, as the bible puts it more elegantly, faith is the substance of things unseen. I know this will work eventually - because I do believe, way down in my heart of hearts that it is true. (if I didn't I would go to death with my sister.) I'm not going to tell you it's not like living in hades on earth - every minute and hour and every day a year.

Please stay with us. I will if you will. And let's make a date for one year from today and check in with each other to see how each other is doing.

You hurt in proportion as you loved. That I believe.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Thank you, CritzyJ, for telling me Karen's story. It's heart-breaking. I teared up reading your post. I think you're right in all this - maybe there is NO lesson. I mean, why would God punish my babies to teach me a lesson? I know my Abraham had FIP when I got him. Looking bad, they told us at the shelter that he "had a cold". Now, I see that he had the virus that went dormant until the stress of losing my Oscar took its toll on Abe. I have continued to seek God. At times, I feel abandoned. At other times, I see hope. Thanks again for putting things in a new perspective. I know Abraham loved being with us for the short year and a half - much better than languishing in a shelter. He loved just sitting in the wood pile, squinting up at the sun-filled sky...

Hello Scarlett's Mom,

You have been through more than wind and rain - a tempest, I believe. I am so sorry. I was thinking about what you said, and I'm so glad that you didn't downplay the loss of Scarlett. I have lost human loved ones in my life, but honestly, the pain I have felt for my furbabies' loss has been excruiatingly painful. I think it's because they were (are) so innocent, loving, so entrenched into my routine, and gone before their time. The suddeness of death hurts far worse than losing a furbaby to old age - that's been my experience, anyway. I also feel such guilt for not being able to fully grieve my Oscar's passing since Abe passed just two weeks after him. I must surrender to it all, but I hate to feel as though I'm losing control... I have had experiences, too, of my fur children, but not of Abe. I wish Abe would visit me or give me some sign. The only thing I can think of as perhaps he sent me a sign is that I had cleaned the bathroom floor after his death. I took a shower, got out, and there was one of his white whiskers, plain as day on the dark gray rug. Maybe I'm making meaning out of a whisker I missed. I don't know. I just miss him so much and want/need a stronger sign. How did your animals contact you?

Hello Grett's Mom,
Angel aka Diva's, Oscar's and Abraham's mom

Our furry babies are angels here on earth - we are blessed to have them in our lives. The loss of our Scarlett is more than I can bear at times... the pain from the loss is just so great. I think Scarlett see's how wrecked we are from her passing because she has done some incredible things to contact us.

After our loss me and husband found a reputable breeder to start discussing if we wanted to bring another furry one into our home. On the day we went to visit the breeder there was a cloud formation over the breeders home that strangely resembled a cavalier frolicking in the sky. (Oh -I don't know if you know but our Scarlett is a Cavalier). Another sign was that one day an orchid pedal fell and landed on our Scarlett's bed. But one incident still has us in awe - it happened on our Scarlett's 2 month angel-versary.

Me and my husband were not doing so good that day. My best friend came over to the house to lend her support and she also brought her furry baby Cody. (We call him our little nephew). My husband was home and we were all hanging out in the living room sharing Scarlett stories. My husband was on a leather chair on one side of our living room and me, Cody and my best friend were on the other side, sitting on the couch. Cody was laying on his mom's lap fast asleep and out of nowhere he sat up, jumped down from the couch and b - lined it to my husbands chair. Cody jumped onto my husbands lap, then made his way to my husband's chest, and once standing on my husband's chest Cody then put a paw on either side of my husband's neck and started to lick him non-stop. The thing is Cody has NEVER EVER done any of this behavior before, we've known him for all of his life, we've baby-sat him in our home when my friend had to go out of town and he has never done anything like this before. My best friend was in shock because she's never seen him do this before either - we all sat there stunned and sobbing because there was only one furry one that DID do this behavior - this is the exact same thing Scarlett would do to her daddy. She would stand on his chest, place one paw on either side of his neck and kiss him and kiss him over and over again and on top of that Scarlett would only like to kiss her daddy on his forehead (of all places) because of his stubble and guess where Cody was kissing him? Yup, you got it. We used to call it the Scarlett facial. After a couple minutes Cody jumped back down off the leather chair and back to the place he was before and went back to sleep.

Later, after we dried our eyes my husband said that when Cody jumped down from the couch and as he was walking over to him he looked into Cody's eyes and my husband said they looked like Scarlett's eyes... how amazing is this experience? What an incredible blessing to have had even a little more time with Scarlett - to be given this experience - to us its proof that her sweet soul is still with us.

I also get little twinkles of light out of nowhere, sometimes I see her from the corner of my eye and some days I can feel her with me.

This loss has been unbearable for us. We still question the last two weeks before she passed and continue to feel responsible. I don't know if that will ever go away - the guilt that is. I don't know. Just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to take it moment by moment.

To me it does sound like Abe is trying to contact you too - I believe the whisker was his way of trying to let you know he is still around.

I hope you are having a good day. I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you healing energy.

Hello Scarlett's Mom,

Thank you for your prayers and sending healing energy my way. I teared up just reading your post. Your story of your beautiful Scarlett's many "visitations" are so heart-warming. Your story reminded me of something that happened when my Diva (black border collie/pomeranian mix) passed this past April. A few days afterward, I was over at my parents' house. Their neighbor was walking her white poodle, Lily. I stopped to say hello and pet Lily who is quite timid. Lily jumped up, put her two paws on my shoulders, and starting licking my mouth. Now, the neighbor said, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry. She NEVER does that. " I knew from past meetings that Lily was not a licker OR a jumper upper. But, my Diva WAS. I don't know, but at that moment I looked into Lily's eyes I saw Diva's soul. I know that seems strange. But, this dog, who looked NOTHING like my Diva, had her essence just for those short moments. So, I'm so glad that someone else, you, had a similar experience. It confirms that I haven't gone off my rocker. I have had several "visitations" with Diva for two weeks after her passing, but really not much from my two boy cats. After Oscar passed, I asked God to give me a sign that Oscar was ok. I was sobbing and just looking up to the heavens. I felt a head-butt from Oscar in my mind's eye. Strange, but he hadn't done that for about nine months so I had completely forgotten that he did that. And then of course, Abe died two weeks later. The only sign from him is the sole whisker. I know there's an afterlife...I guess I just need absolute confirmation that my boys are ok rather than a whisker that could've come from my sock or a head butt that I could've made up in my mind. I guess I just want something more substantial from them like I had with Diva that I spoke about in another post - where I actually heard her beside the bed, even with the tags jangling though she'd been gone for over a week. Anyway, maybe I will never be fulfilled and will always want more...

Thank you for giving me assurance that the afterlife for our furbabies is real. I understand the guild part, believe me...Your Scarlett is a very lucky girl to have you as her mother - so glad that you're open to receiving her even in spirit form. That is awesome.