Fip - Leaving With An Empty Carrier. On Empty. Options

[raccoonkisses]

I guess what I really would like if for some answers - answers that probably I will never receive. If you have a Christian or New Age perspective on what the hey is going on in my life, I'd love to hear it. I'm on empty. I've been reading up on "soul contracts". I had one "psychic" from here tell me that I had "planned" my animals' departures. It just doesn't resonate with me. What is your take on this? I've written a free verse poem to encapsulate my thoughts:


When my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer last November and told that she had a 20% chance of living 2-5 years,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

“She needs to find God,” I thought. “This happened for her to awaken to the possibilities in life”. I prayed and felt nearer to God.

This was eleven months ago today.

When my dog was suddenly taken from me after fatally being hit by a truck in front of me and my other dog three days after my birthday,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

I had learned to accept that maybe her death was to make me stop going through the motions of life like I had. I knew her death was expanding my awareness and my understanding of the world.

This was five months ago.

When my cat went blind earlier this year, cried incessantly for months as he looked for us, and then couldn’t stand for the last two days of his life ago and had to be euthanized just months after losing my precious dog,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

This was two weeks ago.

“He was old and had lived a full life,” I thought. Though it was horrible timing, I took comfort in knowing I had spent many moments with him knowing his demise was near.

When yesterday, my three year old cat drooled as he panted uncontrollably and then we were told that his condition was fatal FIP brought on by undue stress,

I was mad at God.

This was yesterday.

I am mad at God.

This is today.

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[DannysMom]

Dear racoonkisses, I am very sorry for your losses. All I can say is "I hear you". I can understand you being angry at God and I can understand you are hurting very much. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, our bodies wear out, our beloved fur kids die, in short there is a lot of pain and suffering in this world. We can't always explain it and we can drive ourselves crazy finding the answers. But even if we were to get the answers, would that really help, would it really make us feel better? When we are in pain do we want a friend who cares or a friend who has all the answers?

Thousands of years ago a man named Job was also mad at God. I don't know if you're familiar with the book of Job from the Bible, but essentially Job was a good guy and a lot of bad things happened to him. Job thought God was doing all this to him, but that was not so. He was also asking "Why" and demanding that God answer him. God eventually did answer him, but not in the way Job expected. Job never found out why he was suffering, but he got to know who God is. I know that may not make any sense to you, and I can understand that too. I used to drive myself crazy asking "Why" anytime something bad happened to me, and when someone told me to read the book of Job I got even angrier. I had to read it a few times before understanding it. God basically assured Job that despite all the bad things God was still in control of Job's life, that He hadn't left him. If you like to read, there are a couple books I can recommend. "Beyond the valley" by Dave Branon, and "The One year book of Hope" by Nancy Guthrie.

I hope that some of what I said is helpful to you. One thing is for certain: in this life we may not get all the answers as to why we are suffering. We want it somehow to make sense, but it just doesn't. Take your pain to God, take you anger to God. He can handle both. I would also like to agree with what patricia said that God sees our tears and is suffering with us. God loves us. He proved that love over 2000 years ago on the cross. Does that mean we will never suffer in this life? No. We will have plenty of trouble and pain, and believe me, I have had my share of that. But in the midst of all the pain there is God. He is an anchor in times of trouble, someone to cling to. After all, if we can't cling to God who can we cling to in times of trouble?

[raccoonkisses]

Dear racoonkisses, I am very sorry for your losses. All I can say is "I hear you". I can understand you being angry at God and I can understand you are hurting very much. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, our bodies wear out, our beloved fur kids die, in short there is a lot of pain and suffering in this world. We can't always explain it and we can drive ourselves crazy finding the answers. But even if we were to get the answers, would that really help, would it really make us feel better? When we are in pain do we want a friend who cares or a friend who has all the answers?

Thousands of years ago a man named Job was also mad at God. I don't know if you're familiar with the book of Job from the Bible, but essentially Job was a good guy and a lot of bad things happened to him. Job thought God was doing all this to him, but that was not so. He was also asking "Why" and demanding that God answer him. God eventually did answer him, but not in the way Job expected. Job never found out why he was suffering, but he got to know who God is. I know that may not make any sense to you, and I can understand that too. I used to drive myself crazy asking "Why" anytime something bad happened to me, and when someone told me to read the book of Job I got even angrier. I had to read it a few times before understanding it. God basically assured Job that despite all the bad things God was still in control of Job's life, that He hadn't left him. If you like to read, there are a couple books I can recommend. "Beyond the valley" by Dave Branon, and "The One year book of Hope" by Nancy Guthrie.

I hope that some of what I said is helpful to you. One thing is for certain: in this life we may not get all the answers as to why we are suffering. We want it somehow to make sense, but it just doesn't. Take your pain to God, take you anger to God. He can handle both. I would also like to agree with what patricia said that God sees our tears and is suffering with us. God loves us. He proved that love over 2000 years ago on the cross. Does that mean we will never suffer in this life? No. We will have plenty of trouble and pain, and believe me, I have had my share of that. But in the midst of all the pain there is God. He is an anchor in times of trouble, someone to cling to. After all, if we can't cling to God who can we cling to in times of trouble?

Hello Danny's Mom

Thank you Danny's mom for taking a no nonsense approach to answering my questions. Your replies just rang so true for me. Thank you for that. No life is not fair! And yes, I'd like to think of myself as a good person who, for whatever reason, cannot catch a break. You're right, will getting an answer make me feel better? It won't bring my babies back, true. I guess I want to know that this is NOT happening to teach me some sort of karmic lesson. Because if it is, then I'm missing the lesson here. And the universe gets a big fat "F" on being a good teacher. Just call me a struggling learner - I'm not getting it. I hope future lessons are more positive and more straight to the point. And if this is a lesson, it really doesn't seem fair to make my animals pay the ultimate price of their lives just for me to learn some lesson that is just alluding me right now.

I know you mentioned Job. Just the other day I said to my husband that I felt like him. But, you're right - God is my anchor. When I'm upset, I pray. When I'm happy, I pray. I pray in the car and I pray before bed. I just still am mad, but mostly sad. Just when I feel as though I can finally come up to take a breath and smile a genuine smile, poof my world is once again turned upside down. I come up for air again and think I finally can feel a weight off my shoulders...I can exercise again, think about my eating habits, get into some rhythm of life, then poof ....all gone. I just want a break. But, you're right about this. God is my anchor. One of my best friends has no faith in God or the afterlife. Her belief that she will never see her cat that died two years ago again still pains her deeply. And I know I have at least that. I believe that I will see my animals again - on the other side.

Thank you for suggesting the book titles. I will take your recommendation and look into them. Thanks again for your help.