Fip - Leaving With An Empty Carrier. On Empty. Options

[raccoonkisses]

I guess what I really would like if for some answers - answers that probably I will never receive. If you have a Christian or New Age perspective on what the hey is going on in my life, I'd love to hear it. I'm on empty. I've been reading up on "soul contracts". I had one "psychic" from here tell me that I had "planned" my animals' departures. It just doesn't resonate with me. What is your take on this? I've written a free verse poem to encapsulate my thoughts:


When my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer last November and told that she had a 20% chance of living 2-5 years,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

“She needs to find God,” I thought. “This happened for her to awaken to the possibilities in life”. I prayed and felt nearer to God.

This was eleven months ago today.

When my dog was suddenly taken from me after fatally being hit by a truck in front of me and my other dog three days after my birthday,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

I had learned to accept that maybe her death was to make me stop going through the motions of life like I had. I knew her death was expanding my awareness and my understanding of the world.

This was five months ago.

When my cat went blind earlier this year, cried incessantly for months as he looked for us, and then couldn’t stand for the last two days of his life ago and had to be euthanized just months after losing my precious dog,

I wasn’t mad at God…yet.

This was two weeks ago.

“He was old and had lived a full life,” I thought. Though it was horrible timing, I took comfort in knowing I had spent many moments with him knowing his demise was near.

When yesterday, my three year old cat drooled as he panted uncontrollably and then we were told that his condition was fatal FIP brought on by undue stress,

I was mad at God.

This was yesterday.

I am mad at God.

This is today.

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[patricia]

hello, it has been so long since i have been on this site. but something about your post prompted me back to reply to you. i am so very very sorry for your losses. these things are so hard to understand. i dont understand it myself but the way i explain it to myself is to remind myself that these tragedies do not come from our heavenly father. He allows them to happen but He too sheds tears when one of his own are in pain and suffering. in the past couple of weeks, i have lost my job, lost my first rescue pittie to cancer and then informed that my own dog needs surgery. we are due in on wednesday and i found myself asking WHY? what had i done to deserve this? i always feel that we are here on loan. our furry family members, our human family members, all of us are here on loan. yes it is dreadfully sad when they are yanked from us in a heartbeat but know that they are welcomed back into their creators arms with love and tears of joy. is it painful when they leave? yes but somewhere down the line you will understand why they came into our lives even for a short while. Chance was a pittie that was left tied to a tree and left to die in 110 degree weather. my friend and i rescued him from one of the worst shelters here in california. it was my first rescue ever and i vowed to continue this work. i invested so much time and money into this precious boy so that he would go to a wonderful furever home. he had a huge lump that was biopsied and came back clean only to come back positive for cancer a few weeks later. he had potential adopters and was loving life once again. i was in love with this boy! he didnt last very long and we had to end his suffering. our hearts were broken. days later when i came back up for air, i began to realize that he came into my life for about two months to teach me so much more about love and compassion. because of him, another doggie that was dumped because of his deformity, found his furever home. it was a bittersweet journey, three hours away from where i live, to drop him off but i knew that this was because of chance. he came into my life for many reasons: some that i know, some that i still dont know but im grateful to have had him in my life. right now you are in the depths of dispair and sadness but one day you will smile for you will realize all that these babies have taught you. i send you hugs and may God heal your broken heart! patricia