The Debate, pts Options

[Saki & Freyj...]

So I say to myself "You should put Lec down before xmas instead of dragging her out to your folks house and stressing her out and etc. ..." Then I say "No, I can't do that. Even though I know she is dying, I should wait til Friday bc I won't be able to get thru xmas if I put her down before then..."

Then I think "Heck, I can't make an appt for friday. Nope. God(s) gave me a sign when it was time to put Frey down, and in their mercy took Saki from me and spared me that pain of putting her to sleep and until I get some sorta damned sign, I shouldn't even think about it..."

Then I look at Lec, cat milk (the only thing she'll consume now-- and very little of that) all over her face, too thin to get a damned needle in her for fluids and I think "YOU need to be merciful, you need to be strong... you are selfish..."

And this goes round and round and round and round in my head all day long.

I've had my talk with lec and told her she doesn't have to be strong and that she can go if she needs to. But I haven't had the balls to ask the gods if they will go ahead and take her. Last time, they answered that prayer, and while I really am quite grateful, at the same time, I guess I am scared that if I do that, they WILL take her...

[Saki & Freyj...]

We're getting two kittens tomorrow night. It does not feel too soon. I am ready. I know Saki and Electra cannot be replaced. It is not about that -- just as Hathor can never replace dear Freyja. But Hathor DID make me laugh again this summer, and I have learned to love her even though she is not nearly as well behaved as Freyja--nor as sophisticated and glamourous either.

I wasn't allowed to have cats growing up. How did I survive without cats? Maybe that is why my childhood was so difficult!!!! I just needed a cat (or two).

We are adopting two sister kittens. Their pictures look like a yin and a yang. They've got the exact same face splotch, but one is peach colored on her body (with a lighter shade of peach in the splotch) and the other is gray -- but with a identical peach splotch on her face. Their foster mother calls them Eva and Ella -- we'll probably change that (maybe to Lucy and Ethel... any suggestions? I am looking for names of famous sisters or female duos).

Their foster mother interviewed us. That's kinda tense! But I know we are good parents. She is going to bring them over tomorrow night.

Hathor is in heat! I never wanted her to go into heat although she has had a mild and chronic vaginitis and the vet said a heat would cure that. Still -- I did not want a heat. We intended to get her spayed right after the new year. Which may STILL be the plan -- I need to call the vet and find out about spaying when a dog is in heat. In any case, I am very distressed about this heat thing.

Love to you all.

Jennifer