I'm Suffering, Loss of Kit, kitten aged 8 months Options

[kitdad]

I just wanted to write something, to take away some pain. I can hardly see the screen as I type this. I'm a guy, well educated - but this has thrown me - and my wife - for a complete loop.

It happened on January 1, 2005. The New Year - well it couldn't have started off any worse. Our 8-month old kitten, Kit, who was the bright spot for 2004 and the joy of my life was taken by coyotes on Saturday. We have one other cat but Kit was - well special like no cat I have ever owned.

We stayed up until 1am on Saturday, walking the streets and calling her every 5 minutes but she didn't come home. A neighbor told us she had seen Kit in her backyard at lunchtime, heading for the open ground where the coyotes hunt. Its quite a ways from our house. She was always a wanderer and I had hoped that she would get her street smarts soon enough. I called my friend who lives by that boundary and he told me that the coyotes had become very aggressive - three families on his little street of perhaps eight homes, lost a cat each on one day.

I was up at daybreak on Sunday and walked for miles and miles, calling and searching.

Our prior cats lived to be 16 1/2 years and were allowed to come and go as they liked. Seems that very spirit that endeared Kit to me was her own undoing. She was the daring-do high-wire get-into-trouble type, climbing trees since she was tiny and sometimes getting stuck. She actually liked dogs and sought them out to play with. Quite the topic of conversation with the people next doot who watched Rusty, their lab, and Kit chase eachother around their garden.

Kit would sit on my lap in the office, often trying to catch the mouse pointer on the screen. In the mornings she would bury herself in my robe, curling up under my armpit, occasionally nipping my nose, once with kitten-sharp teeth, more recently the gentlest of feline affection. Her way of telling me that it was food time was to bite my socks as I walked towards the kitchen. The toughest thing was to only put down only one bowl on Sunday morning.

So I'm devastated. I see the movement in the shadows everywhere. I also feel guilt that I didn't do enough to protect her. That's a strange part of having a family I suppose. Could I have kept her in more? It was the family duty, and a difficult one, to make sure both cats were in before it got dark each day. I assumed that coyotes would hunt at dawn & dusk and that smart cats like Kit would have the edge in daylight. I was dreadfully wrong.

Right now I wish I could do the Rip Van Winkle thing and skip 2005. Sunday was always going to be a tough day, it is my mother's birthday, lost to me many years ago. Next January 2 I'm staying in bed all day.

Its so difficult. Last night I went to bed at 11 and my wife was in the office doing some emails. I heard her sobbing and I got up. Her whole body was heaving with grief and she looked even smaller than normal. All I could do was hold her while she convulsed and wept. God this is the hardest thing. I sat up with her until 12:30 then got her into bed.

Thanks for letting me post.

[kitdad]

Thanks for all your messages. It helped a bit to share my feelings.

When we lost our two cats within a month of eachother, in Nov/Dec 2003, they both dies of old age even though they were outside cats all their lives. They were even allowed to come and go at night because we have a walled garden and neighbors with similar walls all around. Its really a long way before open ground is reached. I think the developer who designed these homes was right to specify 6+feet block walls, he knew what he was doing.

Nonetheless I was pretty cut up by the loss of the two cats. The first one to go was the one I least expected to lose. She was always a bit of a runt. When we picked her up at the pound there was a notice "Hisses & Spits". I declare that this cat was sure we were going to eat her for the first three years, eventually she loved everybody (seems like she was especially taken by me, my family tells me). Anyway she died in my arms after I refused to let the vet - prematurely - euthanize her. It was the right decision. Right as rain on Friday, she died on Monday eve. I couldn't bury her for a week. I just put her in a shallow box and stroked her when I went into the garage. The second cat was so ill when we returned from Xmas vacation that she lapsed into a coma on the way to the animal hospital. Having saved her life once when she was 13 I was personally satisfied that I did everything right (its too easy for some vets to get give up and tell you its hopeless - I'm medical (humans) so I can & do challenge them. My daughter & I had a real weep and she told me later that I was sad for 6 months until the new kittens arrived with the 2004 litters.

I've learnt a few things that I think will be useful:

1. It was too late to take pictures around to neighbors after Kit disappeared. People knew her but did not know she was ours. The neighbor who saw her in her back yard would have called me if she knew Kit was part of our family. Next time I intend to show everybody our cat. Maybe a good way is to send a Xmas card with their pictures. Anyway for the 10-15 homes around I will make sure that everyone can recognize our pets so that if they wander we will know and can get there pronto.

2. It was only after we went looking for Kit that we prompted people to share their recent experiences with coyotes. Now - too late - we all realize that this pack has been creating mayhem.

3. We had seen a coyote near our house some time before. I never understood that this coyote was hunting our cats and planning his attack. Though we kept the cats in for a time his patience was long and his memory excellent. My memory is now as long too. I have taken measures to convince the pack that its easier to find wild food than pursue domestic cats. My neighbor has had a problem for a long time with the coyotes coming to her house. She has two minature dobermans. One was attacked by coyotes. Some years ago they killed her pomeranian. I believe they are still targetting her dogs and will continue to do so until she takes action. It should be a big WARNING sign if you see coyotes around, they're there for a reason and its not just fast food today.

4. I believe one thing that attracted the coyotes was all the Thanksgiving & Xmas turkey bones in the trash cans. It must have smelled like a buffet to them. Be especially aware around the holidays.

The worst part about the grief, for me, is the "what did I do wrong/how could I have done better". In short the guilt. That's because I'm "Dad" and I see my role as protecting the family -its a real basic instinct. I have some solace now that I have learned what to do better. I am however amazed that my neighbors, some of whom have lost several pets, have not taken a positive role to lessen the coyote risk.

Take care everyone (no sobs here this morning yet)