My Precious Henry Options

[gsnap75]

Hello everyone - I am a HUGE animal lover, and love both dogs and cats. For the past 13 years I have only had cats, and had five for the past 7 years.

My 5 kitties were my babies, my loves, and greatest joy. I was constantly teased by people for having so many and being the crazy “cat” lady, but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I lost my oldest, Oliver, last December to congestive heart failure. He died in my arms on the way to the emergency vet. He was my first cat and the love of my life – I never thought I would see the light of day again. I had him cremated and over time have made peace with his passing have always felt he is with me and am so grateful to have been his mama and experienced the joy of his love and connection.

On August 20th, I moved out of my apartment and into a house with my boyfriend. I carted each kitty over to the house, and the last run I picked up my kitty Henry in a towel and planned to carry him to the car and let him ride in my lap. I had done it before and he was so docile that I thought nothing of it. Biggest mistake of my life. He was scared and clawed his way out of my arms and ran – and I have not seen him since. I have placed ads, posted flyers, hung huge signs at intersections, put food out, set up a humane trap, bought a motion sensitive camera to take pictures of who is coming by the trap and food at night and early morning, I have searched through brush, storm drains, neighborhoods, checked shelters every day, worked with a cat detective who is trained in finding lost cats, you name it. No Henry. I have received a ton of response, sightings, and the sighting calls I have received where I saw the cat, it was not him. I have contacted animal communicators – which I realize some people might think I’m crazy – but there’s nothing I wouldn’t try. A gentleman who has helped many people locate their lost animals was referred to me by a very legitimate and upstanding figure in the animal rescue community here in Austin. I contacted him twice and he was able to reach Henry and told me how his energy was (tired, weak, confused) and was able to show me things he saw, all of which were places around my old apartment complex and the adjoining neighborhoods. He told me where to start looking in terms of where he felt the strongest energy at that time. I followed up on all of it, but was never able to find him.

Henry is an orange cat with the sweetest little face and disposition. He was my sweetest and most gentle cat – he was so precious and sweet to all of the other cats, had this cute little meow, and I just adored and loved him so much. He was so soft, I called him my pumpkin bunny (because his fur was like bunny fur). He had this sad little face he could make when looking at you and I would look at him and say “what’s wrong? Are your feelings hurt?” He wasn’t sad, it was just the way his face was at rest – he was so stinking cute. Because he was so gentle and fragile in my eyes, I wanted to protect him and love him even more than usual. So the fact that I lost him and he was out in the open, likely scared, hungry, hurt, you name it – it has almost killed me. It is the worse grief – gut wrenching – I fell into a major depression and my anxiety that was in remission came back with a vengeance. It’s been a living hell.

Last week I read about a woman who has helped hundreds of people find their lost animals, many of them cats (who are very tricky to catch, because they tend to hunker down and can hide right before your eyes and you’ll never see them – and unlike most dogs, they won’t come if you call them) – anyway, she is another animal communicator and the stories were remarkable about her – she was able to locate an animal or know their location in real time. I contacted her and the minute I started talking to her I felt an ease and trust – I could just sense it in her voice. I sent her a picture of Henry, but did not give her an address or any details on the location, etc. She said she would communicate with him and get back with me in an hour – she called me back a little over an hour later and gently started telling me about her communication with him. She said she had bad news – that what she picked up was that he had passed on, and it happened a couple of weeks ago. She started describing what he showed her, and it was this area behind the apartment complex next door – she described it to a tee. She mentioned that he ate something that might have been toxic – she picked up on the fact that he became unconscious, and then felt nothing – which was probably his passing.

I have had this feeling that he is gone, but needless to say I was very upset. She told me that she hopes she is wrong, but this is what she picked up – and the fact that she was able to describe the location and the color of the buildings, etc., with NO address or description of the place – it was unreal. She said her science is intuitive, not exact, so she never wants to promise anything, but I believe her. Does this make me sound crazy? Perhaps. I just hope no one judges me on here and that I can come here to grieve and share my pain. It is unbelievable – my heart feels like it’s been ripped to shreds – I feel gutted. I cannot make peace with the fact that he was alone in his final days, and that he died alone…my precious, gentle baby. It is my worst nightmare.

I know it’s not 100% proven – and don’t get me wrong, I still have signs posted and continue to check the shelter websites daily to see if he’s there – but I am grieving and have been for some time now. Even if he’s still alive I may not ever see him again – he could be gone for good. I just feel lost – there is a gaping hold inside of me and I cannot reconcile this. I just feel so bad – like I’ve abandoned him – and I want him to know that I am so sorry that I lost him, that I didn’t protect him, that I miss him and love him more than this world.

I never thought I would experience anything worse than losing my beloved Oliver, but this has been worse. There is no closure. There is a big wide unknown – and the thought that Henry might have suffered, etc. – it’s torture. I would willingly lose a finger, give up everything I own – if someone offered me a million dollars or Henry, I would choose Henry. It has just been a pain that I cannot make sense of. I keep telling myself that he is okay, that he is with Oliver in heaven – I just hate that I may never really know, and that I wasn’t there with him at the end of his life, that I didn’t get so say goodbye, I love you, etc.

Thank you for letting me share. I have attached a picture of my sweet angel. I am hoping that some miracle might occur and someone will call me and have found him – but I know it’s slim at this point. I am exhausted, grief-stricken, and heartbroken. I will never get over losing my precious angel Henry

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[moon_beam]

Hi, gsnap, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us "How I ache for him - I wish I could hold him just one last night, I'd give anything. It is so very, very painful."

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, sound, smell, and sight. Each time our companions touch us, rub against us, lick / kiss us, they are litearlly chemically imprinting themselves on us so that they can identify us from all the other humans on this planet. When they are no longer physically with us - - for whatever reason - - we literally experience a physical withdrawal from them, and this is one of the many reasons why the physical adjustment to their physical absence is so very painful.

You may find it helpful to hold one of Henry's toys, or a blanket - - something - - that belongs only to him when the ache to hold him one more time is unbearable. This does help to bridge the physical absence as your body adjusts to the "new normal" of not having his sweet physical presence with you. No, it isn't the same as holding your precious Henry's sweet body close to you - - but it does help.

I hope today is treating you kindly, gsnap, and that you will be able to have a peaceful evening. Please know you and your precious, beloved Henry are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam