Almost 20 Years Options

[oñat]

My beloved Taño (pronounced: TAHN-yo) passed away June 1, 2012.

He is my heart and kindred spirit.

His brother, Quito and I miss him and are shocked in each moment of his absence.

My tears come without warning at all hours of the day and night.

Regret, guilt, sorrow, sadness, pure and utter grief: all these emotions consume me and repeatedly twist me in all directions throughout each day. As time passes and the shock wears off and reality sets in... the pain is subtly getting more intense, more consuming...

I will miss him waking me by any means necessary for breakfast.

I will miss his beautiful brown-ness. I plan to only wear brown or black for weeks and weeks and months...

I will miss his constant desire to be near me. I will miss waking with him under my arm...

My life for almost 20 years has been full of sweet love, laughter, and lots of cuddling.

I am blessed to have been chosen by him to be his constant companion.

[Bobbie]

Dear Onat,

I am so very sorry that your beloved Tano and you have been physically separated by his death. I can feel your pain come through the words of your post. And I must say that Tano is a beautiful, beautiful cat! He also looks very content and loving. No wonder you and Quinto miss him so much!

Dear Onat, these are the most awful days you will ever go through in your life. Physical separation from anyone you have lived with and loved for almost 20 years is, in itself, very painful and our bodies react to that pain. Then there is the emotional pain that is searing your heart as we write. This is a sure sign of the love you and Onat shared together every day. Even in the worst of news, there is some good news, though. You and Tano can continue that loving each other every single day of your life on this earth and then when you are reunited in the Perfect World that I call Heaven. Oh yes! The love never stops, even though Tano's body is gone from your sight, the love continues to grow and grow. That love even can help you heal. Tano will send the healing kind of love to you and in a silent way that will very slowly heal the pain. Oh, the pain will always be there, somewhere, but not nearly as sharp or cutting as it is right now.

What you are describing in your beautiful post about Tano's loss, is totally normal. It happens to each and every person who loves or loved an animal companion. It is often called our "grief journey" on this site and I think that best describes it. This is a journey that you and Quito are on, a road that has many bumps, ups and downs, twists and turns that often times catch you off guard and feels like you are back at the beginning again. Crying is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. Tano knows what the tears are all about already and he's OK with that. Please feel free to cry whenever you need to. I call crying "leaking eyes" and so I might say that I have "leaky eyes" right now or my eyes are really leaking. It's just my way of saying to others that I am in tears, crying, sobbing, shaking, missing my Trevor with every ounce that I have. (Trevor and I physically had to part last July 22, 2011.) I still cry for Trevor all the time.

Before I go for today, I also want to reassure you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE at all in this journey. Every person on Lightning-Strike knows about the loss you are suffering through. The exact details differ, but the raw, underlying emotions and feelings are pretty much universal. And because of that, we are all here for YOU, to listen, to cry with you, to laugh with you, to be silent next to you and especially to hold you up when you just imply cannot do that any more. We will give you our strength and experience to draw from at any time. We may make suggestions of things that we have done or thought of to memorialize our loved ones, ensuring that they will always be remembered and never forgotten. Yes, we are here for you. Not all of us will be writing something, many will just come to read and check up on you, but we are here. You will find some incredible people that eventually become friends. AND, all of our companions already know each other in Heaven and are taking care of each other and their loved ones as need be. So, Tano already knows Trevor, Gretta, Hermy, Mickey, Tucker, Gino, Gina, Peanut and many, many more. You will probably come to know their humans as well.

Give yourself the rest you need. Be good to yourself, too. Remember Tano and, when you have the strength, I would LOVE to know more about him. And Quito, too!

Blessings..................................
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)