My beloved Taño (pronounced: TAHN-yo) passed away June 1, 2012.

He is my heart and kindred spirit.

His brother, Quito and I miss him and are shocked in each moment of his absence.

My tears come without warning at all hours of the day and night.

Regret, guilt, sorrow, sadness, pure and utter grief: all these emotions consume me and repeatedly twist me in all directions throughout each day. As time passes and the shock wears off and reality sets in... the pain is subtly getting more intense, more consuming...

I will miss him waking me by any means necessary for breakfast.

I will miss his beautiful brown-ness. I plan to only wear brown or black for weeks and weeks and months...

I will miss his constant desire to be near me. I will miss waking with him under my arm...

My life for almost 20 years has been full of sweet love, laughter, and lots of cuddling.

I am blessed to have been chosen by him to be his constant companion.


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OH Onat

What a beautiful creature IS Senor Tanyo. Please accept my most deep condolences on his passing into the Perfect World. Although he seems gone, he's really not. His kind and sweet spirit lives on, and he is now living in a place from which he came and found you - the perfect World - where he is meeting all the other sweet creatures from God's creation and where you will join him one day. You're is the shattered heart period. Your only "task" is to do whatever you have to do to bear the pain. Cry, scream, pound pillows, curl up into a ball -- anything legal! Although it doesn't seem like it now, this time WILL pass. Then you'll be where most of the rest of your Lightning Strike brothers and sisters are - in the brick on the heart period. I think that time may last forever - no - until we join our "loved ones" in their world.

I'm on my way to work right now. I[ll write more tonight.

Have the most restful day you can.

Gretta's mom

Dear Onat,

I am so very sorry that your beloved Tano and you have been physically separated by his death. I can feel your pain come through the words of your post. And I must say that Tano is a beautiful, beautiful cat! He also looks very content and loving. No wonder you and Quinto miss him so much!

Dear Onat, these are the most awful days you will ever go through in your life. Physical separation from anyone you have lived with and loved for almost 20 years is, in itself, very painful and our bodies react to that pain. Then there is the emotional pain that is searing your heart as we write. This is a sure sign of the love you and Onat shared together every day. Even in the worst of news, there is some good news, though. You and Tano can continue that loving each other every single day of your life on this earth and then when you are reunited in the Perfect World that I call Heaven. Oh yes! The love never stops, even though Tano's body is gone from your sight, the love continues to grow and grow. That love even can help you heal. Tano will send the healing kind of love to you and in a silent way that will very slowly heal the pain. Oh, the pain will always be there, somewhere, but not nearly as sharp or cutting as it is right now.

What you are describing in your beautiful post about Tano's loss, is totally normal. It happens to each and every person who loves or loved an animal companion. It is often called our "grief journey" on this site and I think that best describes it. This is a journey that you and Quito are on, a road that has many bumps, ups and downs, twists and turns that often times catch you off guard and feels like you are back at the beginning again. Crying is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. Tano knows what the tears are all about already and he's OK with that. Please feel free to cry whenever you need to. I call crying "leaking eyes" and so I might say that I have "leaky eyes" right now or my eyes are really leaking. It's just my way of saying to others that I am in tears, crying, sobbing, shaking, missing my Trevor with every ounce that I have. (Trevor and I physically had to part last July 22, 2011.) I still cry for Trevor all the time.

Before I go for today, I also want to reassure you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE at all in this journey. Every person on Lightning-Strike knows about the loss you are suffering through. The exact details differ, but the raw, underlying emotions and feelings are pretty much universal. And because of that, we are all here for YOU, to listen, to cry with you, to laugh with you, to be silent next to you and especially to hold you up when you just imply cannot do that any more. We will give you our strength and experience to draw from at any time. We may make suggestions of things that we have done or thought of to memorialize our loved ones, ensuring that they will always be remembered and never forgotten. Yes, we are here for you. Not all of us will be writing something, many will just come to read and check up on you, but we are here. You will find some incredible people that eventually become friends. AND, all of our companions already know each other in Heaven and are taking care of each other and their loved ones as need be. So, Tano already knows Trevor, Gretta, Hermy, Mickey, Tucker, Gino, Gina, Peanut and many, many more. You will probably come to know their humans as well.

Give yourself the rest you need. Be good to yourself, too. Remember Tano and, when you have the strength, I would LOVE to know more about him. And Quito, too!

Blessings..................................
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)

Hi, onat, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Taño. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Both Gretta's Mom and Bobbie have shared with you many things that in my heart as welll, so please read their responses frequently.

This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time and can literally make us think we are going insane. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are going through is very normal - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. Guilt comes from the looking back - - the recognizing how the subtle changes now make sense but didn't "add up" at the time - - and guilt is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile for when we are consumed in deep grief we are constantly asking all the "why" and "if only" questions. Answers do not come easy but please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and encouragement: We are mere mortals. We do not have the privilege of foreknowledge, and this is for a good reason. If we knew ahead of time the circumstances that we would be separated from our precious companions the question then arises would we embrace them into our hearts knowing the pain that awaits us? Because we do not know the how's and when's and what for's ahead of time we are able to focus on the joy of sharing their earthly journey. Our companions accept us for who we are and our limitations. They give to us their undivided love and attention and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation or fear of rejection. And this is one of the many reasons why our grief journey is so very painful when our companions precede us to the angels.

The good news is that the love bond you and your beloved Taño share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Taño continues to share your earthly journey now just as he always has and always will - - just differently. His sweet Living Spirit is forever a part of you, onat - - he is forever in your heart and your memories - -he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. As Gretta's Mom and Bobbie have already so comfortingly assured you, please permit to affirm that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you and your precious Quito are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Taño with us, onat. He reminds me so much of my beloved Eli who joined the angels December 11, 2006. I know my number one kitty son has taken him under his angel wings and has introduced him to everyone and is sharing all the wonderful memories your beloved Taño holds in his heart for you and his brother Quito. Please know you and your precious Quito are in my thoughts and prayers, onat, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Taño.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Good morning ohna (sp?)

Forgive me for misspelling your name, if I did. How are you doing today? Beautiful Tanyo is right there beside you as always, even though you can't see him. His spirit is guiding you and loving you, the same as every day for the 20 years you were together on this earth. From the picture and from you writing, I can tell that you and Tanyo were true soul-mates, part of the same being. One day this being will be reunited, never to be parted again.

Take some of my strength today and keep yourself well.

In comradeship,

Gretta's mom

Hello Onat!

Checking in today to see how you and Quito are doing. Each day is a series of baby steps, some going forward and some going backward. Some even keep you in the same spot. Just keep reminding yourself, that you and Tano have only physically parted (which I know is incredibly difficult and painful), but that your two Spirits are still linked together as they always were. It's just in this life, we humans tend to concentrate mostly on the physical stuff (petting, talking to our loves, playing together, etc.) and "forget" that important Spirit realm which, after all, is what lasts for eternity.

You and Quito and Tano are in my thoughts and prayers always. When you are ready, I would love to hear more about Tano. I am not really a "cat person", but I do babysit for many of my friends' cats and they are so much fun! (especially with tissue paper) I am a person who needs to have doggies around me. I would still like to "meet" Tano and Quito.

But, for now, as my sister offered, take hold of our strength and use what you need. We have been-there-done-that ourselves recently and now we are here for YOU!

Blessings.....................
XObobbieXO

Good morning Onat

How are you doing? It's a long, hard journey to be separated from our soul-animals. But remember that' we're only separated from them physically and then only partially. They are right there beside us, loving and being loved - the same as the first day we met them. And they are watching over us, guiding our steps, loving us and being loved by us - the same as always. It hurts so much because our human minds only believe and 'feel' things that we can sense - see, hear, touch. That doesn't meean sweet Tanyo is any less real and any less present at your side.

We grieve, we cry, we hurt - in proportion as we love. And your love for Tanyo and his love for you is eternal. LOVE DOES NOT DIE - OR FADE!

Take care of yourself, Onat. We're all here for you - any time.

Gretta's mom