Three Months Ago Today, I still miss Dixie just as much as day one. Options

[Kristina]

Today seems to be an appropriate day to start a memorial thread for my Dixie. It has been three months since we lost her, and my life will never be the same. I miss her every second of every day. The ache in my heart refuses to go away. On the outside I seem like I am fine and going on with my life, but on the inside I am a mess.

Dixie,

Mama loves you so much. I cannot believe it has been three months since I saw your face. Our whole family mourned you. Macy had a very hard time adjusting to life without you. She spent so much time looking everywhere for you. Dad misses you very much, but he doesn't show it like Mom does. The memorial service the doggy funeral home put on was very nice. I hope you liked it. I know you do not want me to be sad, but it is so hard not to be. You gave me 10 fantastic years, and to go from having you here to you being gone is a very hard transition for me to make. I hope you like how I set your cremains up, with your collar and other things on the shelf with them.

I am glad that you sent Lily to us. Sometimes looking at her makes me sad though, because she looks so much like you. I know you sent me that sign the day we got her. You always did what mom asked of you, even in your death.

I miss you breathing heavy in my face when you had to go outside, and never moving out of the way of the toilet when someone had to go to the bathroom. I miss our time when I would get down on the floor with you and you would throw yourself back in to my lap and lick me like crazy.

I know you are watching over your Dad and I. I like to think you are laying in the living room at night, when Lily suddenly stands up on the bed and starts staring and barking at something that I cannot see. I know you know that I miss you, but I hope you are having fun playing until Mom and Dad can be with you again. Macy will be there before us, and when she does eventually get there the two of you can play all day while you wait for us.

I love you puppy. I can't wait to see you again.

All my love
Mom

[Kristina]

Thank you moonbeam and Cheryl. Having the two of you be a constant source of support really does mean a lot to me. I am due to start work at 9 am tomorrow, and I am really wondering if I will still have a job, and if I do have a job, will I be able to tough it out any longer. I actually haven't been at work since the Sunday of the week of Thanksgiving, with being out of town, and then once we got back home I got very sick. I sent a text to one of my bosses Monday night to let her know what was going on, and I never got a reply from her. I am just so disappointed. I quit school for this job, and thought it was going to be so great. The benefits and pay are fantastic, the job itself is hell. I have had a few terrible jobs in my life, and this takes the cake. I was getting discouraged earlier because I haven't had any calls for interviews, but Aj reminded me that I have only been sending resumes/applying for jobs for 2 days. I did find out that one of my friends from training class quit a few days ago for the same reasons that I want to, so I do feel better knowing that I am not alone. It just sucks though. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I get a call that leads me to a new opportunity. Finances just suck right now. There is no way around it. We have so many things we need to take care of and the funds to do everything just aren't there. I suppose we could ask his parents for a loan, but that would be an absolute last resort. We are adults, we will figure this out somehow. We always do.

Thank you for being a sounding board for me. Sometimes keeping everything inside gets to be too much, and needs to be let out.