Three Months Ago Today, I still miss Dixie just as much as day one. Options

[Kristina]

Today seems to be an appropriate day to start a memorial thread for my Dixie. It has been three months since we lost her, and my life will never be the same. I miss her every second of every day. The ache in my heart refuses to go away. On the outside I seem like I am fine and going on with my life, but on the inside I am a mess.

Dixie,

Mama loves you so much. I cannot believe it has been three months since I saw your face. Our whole family mourned you. Macy had a very hard time adjusting to life without you. She spent so much time looking everywhere for you. Dad misses you very much, but he doesn't show it like Mom does. The memorial service the doggy funeral home put on was very nice. I hope you liked it. I know you do not want me to be sad, but it is so hard not to be. You gave me 10 fantastic years, and to go from having you here to you being gone is a very hard transition for me to make. I hope you like how I set your cremains up, with your collar and other things on the shelf with them.

I am glad that you sent Lily to us. Sometimes looking at her makes me sad though, because she looks so much like you. I know you sent me that sign the day we got her. You always did what mom asked of you, even in your death.

I miss you breathing heavy in my face when you had to go outside, and never moving out of the way of the toilet when someone had to go to the bathroom. I miss our time when I would get down on the floor with you and you would throw yourself back in to my lap and lick me like crazy.

I know you are watching over your Dad and I. I like to think you are laying in the living room at night, when Lily suddenly stands up on the bed and starts staring and barking at something that I cannot see. I know you know that I miss you, but I hope you are having fun playing until Mom and Dad can be with you again. Macy will be there before us, and when she does eventually get there the two of you can play all day while you wait for us.

I love you puppy. I can't wait to see you again.

All my love
Mom

[Kristina]

Thank you Cheryl and moonbeam for constantly checking in. I too don't come around as much as I should, it's just too hard sometimes.

I guess the biggest thing right now is that my job I was so excited for, ended up being terrible. I seriously hate it, and have been sending out resumes like crazy, just biding my time until I can get a lead on something else. We have had a rough couple of weeks, so I can only hope things will turn around soon for us. Normally if things are not going the way we would like them to, we literally hit rock bottom, and then something happens to turn it all around.

We lost Aj's Grammy the Monday of Thanksgiving week, so our time in GA was extended for her services. Grammy was very Catholic. I have never been a religious person, but sitting in her funeral mass moved me so deeply. I honestly do not know where it came from, but I found myself praying on so many levels. My Dad is Catholic, but again it's something we have never really talked about. I am seriously considering going to mass one day. Maybe it will do me some good. Who knows.

Today, right at this moment, I am so beyond sad. We got out our Christmas decorations today, and one of the first things I found was Dixie's stocking and jingle bell party collar. Both still have her scent and hair all over them. I brought the items back into our bedroom and just sat on the bed with them, crying so hard. Macy came over and was frantically smelling them and wagging her tail. Then she just gave me this look that said "I miss her too Mom." A few days after Christmas will mark her 6 month anniversary. Almost half a year. I cannot believe it. Still to this day, when I walk in to the bathroom I fully expect her to be lying there, as she always was. I miss her.

So my friends, if you could send some good thoughts/prayers our way. We definitely need them. Our life needs to go in a different direction, and soon. And that I can get through the holidays without my girl for the first time. It is going to be very hard.