I Just Want To Be With My Trevor Options

[Bobbie]

Oh my, I just want to still be with my Trevor. I miss him as much today (almost two weeks after he died) as I did the moment he left this earth. I really don't care where this place would be, I just don't want him back here on earth with his suffering and pain. I just want to hold my soft, precious boy, touch his wonderful little feet, rub the bridge of his hose with my fingers, soak in the amazing sight of this dog who came into my life and made it so wonderful.
I cry every day, many times a day. I feel so badly for the few times I got frustrated with his constant peeing or whatever. I tried not to get frustrated often, and I didn't, but I feel so sorry for those times that I did.
I want to be with my Trevor, now and forever. I am so alone, lonely, quiet and sad, sad, sad without my hunky bunky near me. Trevor, I miss you with all that I am, all that I will be and all that I have been. I know this must make you feel sad, too, and I really don't want that at all. I just don't know what to do when this feeling comes rushing through my heart and I would give everything I have to be with you again. I know I could have done more for and with you and I didn't take advantage of all the time we did have. Oh, how I wish I had it now. I love you, Trevor. I just plain adore you, even now that you are on a different plane than I am.
And it is almost impossible to be slowly picking up your pads and blankets. Every time I do, I feel that I am betraying you and giving you a signal that I am putting you a bit farther back in my thoughts and my heart. That is absolutely not, nor ever will, be true. You and I were and are a team, like no other. I feel, no I wish that I felt, that we have become one, now, with your soul intertwined with mine. Maybe it has and that is one reason I feel so badly and miss you so, so much.
I miss you, my Trevor Forever "a fella you can trust", my one of a kind, my boy. Please forgive me for crying so much. I'll get better, I promise. For now, my dear, sweet angel, I give you my love, my heart, my thoughts and my loyalty. Just like you gave to me, every single day.

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Bobbie

Oh, this is a story I recognize. I got Rufus only three weeks after Gretta went to the Perfect World. It was a constant "Is this too soon?" "Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" "Will Gretta be sad?" "Will she think I'm forgetting her?" "WILL I forget her?" "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" (And now I'm crying again!)

I think I can deal with some of these, starting from the back: "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" I'm totally convinced, from the inside out, the love is INFINITE. There's not limit. And it's not a zero-sum game - if somebody gets some, somebody else has to get less. In fact, it grows and grows ... every time you think a loving thought or say a loving word or sing a loving song or cry a loving tear .... love GROWS.

"Will she think I'm forgetting her? Will she think I'm loving her less and less?" Another firm belief (that I choose to believe, just like Pastor Crawford Sr taught me) of mine is that anyone who makes it to the Perfect World KNOWS the real facts, feelings, truth ... everything. They can read hearts. And they read at 100% accuracy. They know who loves them and they know it well. In fact, they know it even when WE don't feel it - or think we don't. It's us humans that put all the complexity into love - and try to measure it - and equate two beings' love - all kinds of things that aren't love at all.

"Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" Bobbie, when you go to the cemetery every day, when you have pictures of Trevor all over the house, when everyone one the planet knows about Trevor and how much you loved each other .... NOTHING, BUT NOTHING you can do, think, say, sing will EVER EVER dishonor Trevor's memory. Trevor ..... get busy and send some sense down to your mom, OK?

As far as "Is this too soon?" my neighbor Jeannie, who is sometimes on and sometimes not so much, after I told her I was going to get Rufus and thanked her for not saying what I was afraid "everyone" was going to say - that it was WAY too soon to make a good decision, said something I will never forget, "There is no time that is right for everybody. For some people it's the next day, for some people it's years ... and some people never do it." It's right when it's right for YOU - especially when Trevor the White Buffalo dog is cooperating with the Head of the Perfect World to send you a dog with such a fantastic name - "Dreamer" - how spiritual is that! He's a fill for your empty arms, a soft spot for your hurting heart, and a SIGN - through his name - that your heart CAN open and you CAN again have dreams - and honor and love Trevor more than ever. Thank God the important stuff is all infinite, no?

XOXO

Gretta and Rufus's mom

P.S. Rufus's foster mom said he'd never been afraid ot thunder before but that he had had a spell of anxiety during a storm while she was pet-sitting for me so she put him in a covered crate with the door open and he calmed down. She said a friend of hers puts her thunder-frightened dog in a dark closet with the door open a little. Seems that enclosed dark but escape-able places calm these dogs. May I'll try it, but I sure like the p-butter thing better! :)