Oh my, I just want to still be with my Trevor. I miss him as much today (almost two weeks after he died) as I did the moment he left this earth. I really don't care where this place would be, I just don't want him back here on earth with his suffering and pain. I just want to hold my soft, precious boy, touch his wonderful little feet, rub the bridge of his hose with my fingers, soak in the amazing sight of this dog who came into my life and made it so wonderful.
I cry every day, many times a day. I feel so badly for the few times I got frustrated with his constant peeing or whatever. I tried not to get frustrated often, and I didn't, but I feel so sorry for those times that I did.
I want to be with my Trevor, now and forever. I am so alone, lonely, quiet and sad, sad, sad without my hunky bunky near me. Trevor, I miss you with all that I am, all that I will be and all that I have been. I know this must make you feel sad, too, and I really don't want that at all. I just don't know what to do when this feeling comes rushing through my heart and I would give everything I have to be with you again. I know I could have done more for and with you and I didn't take advantage of all the time we did have. Oh, how I wish I had it now. I love you, Trevor. I just plain adore you, even now that you are on a different plane than I am.
And it is almost impossible to be slowly picking up your pads and blankets. Every time I do, I feel that I am betraying you and giving you a signal that I am putting you a bit farther back in my thoughts and my heart. That is absolutely not, nor ever will, be true. You and I were and are a team, like no other. I feel, no I wish that I felt, that we have become one, now, with your soul intertwined with mine. Maybe it has and that is one reason I feel so badly and miss you so, so much.
I miss you, my Trevor Forever "a fella you can trust", my one of a kind, my boy. Please forgive me for crying so much. I'll get better, I promise. For now, my dear, sweet angel, I give you my love, my heart, my thoughts and my loyalty. Just like you gave to me, every single day.
I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
Full Version: I Just Want To Be With My Trevor
Oh Bob
Two weeks is nothing on the rocky road of grief and loss. Someone here called the experience the roller coaster from hell. Just about the time you think you're feeling a little better - in comes either genuine renewed sadness or, if that's somehow off its job, GUILT for feeling a little bit better rushes in to fill the void! Trevor's and your souls are totally enmeshed - they are part of one single being. Always have been, always will be. He had the good fortune to be born as a dog, you had the misfortune to be born as a person, and then get some early mental and emotional and spiritual training that, if you're anywhere near my age, told you that you were BAD, BADDER, BADDEST! Even when you were good = especially when you were good. Guilt was instilled into us oldsters at our spinal cord level and we can't get rid of it without getting rid of bodily functions such as breathing or heartbeat.
One good thing about the human system is that the emotional memory of intense pain (or happiness, too, I suppose) fades with time. And it's a good thing, too, becasue if it didn't who would EVER have two children! It's no accident that doctors give retrograde amnesia-producing medicine to women who have just had babies!! So the stabbing pain dulls a little bit - although I don't know if it really ever dulls beyond the cement block on your heart stage - hafta see. Dogs, all animals really, are SOOOOOOOO lucky. They can see the truth without all those layers of human brain-nonsense. Who loves me? Who do I love? Who is kind? Who isn't? Who is truthful? Who isn't? And most important of all, who is the one person in the universe whose soul is a part of mine? I think there was an old Elizabethan-era poem about two human "lovers" who were kept apart from some reason (probably family) but who planted two rose vines, one on each side of their respective fences - one to grow red roses and one to grow white ones. The poem was about how the vine became so intertwined that they could not be separated - and eventually became a single vine. That's what soul-mates are. They're enmeshed and nothing can disentagle them. Immediate feelings have nothing to do with that. That's just brain chemistry left over from the cave-man days that made it possible to go out hunting for food after a hunting accident!
The puppy pads - just pick them up for the home visit and put them right back down again. Who says you can't? Keep 'em until the new carpet is in and if you feel like it, put them back down again!! It's truly hell on earth not having someone soft and loving to love. That's why I was so quick to get Rufus. I thought of it as the empty-arms syndrome - I had all this love to give and no one to give it to. That's the loneliest I have ever been! No, Rufus isn't a "replacement dog." He's loved for himself - just like any new dog will be in your life. That doesn't change the enmeshment of souls one iota! The wonderful thing about love is (contrary to the old-fashioned upbringing we no doubt got) that it (a) does NOT have to be earned - beyond a basic level of decent behavior, and (b) it's infinite - in both directions. No matter how much you give away, there's always an infinite amount "left." That's hard to understand because we live in a 'zero-sum" world - if you get something more that means I will have to have less of something. Love is NOT like this. Give it all away - your whole heart and soul - and voila - there's just as much as when you started. It's amazing and really hard to focus on when you're hurting. This I know for sure: nothing, no one, no time will your love for Trevor EVER diminish one speck. It's Trevor FOREVER and that's for real.
Talk to you later.
Gretta's mom
Two weeks is nothing on the rocky road of grief and loss. Someone here called the experience the roller coaster from hell. Just about the time you think you're feeling a little better - in comes either genuine renewed sadness or, if that's somehow off its job, GUILT for feeling a little bit better rushes in to fill the void! Trevor's and your souls are totally enmeshed - they are part of one single being. Always have been, always will be. He had the good fortune to be born as a dog, you had the misfortune to be born as a person, and then get some early mental and emotional and spiritual training that, if you're anywhere near my age, told you that you were BAD, BADDER, BADDEST! Even when you were good = especially when you were good. Guilt was instilled into us oldsters at our spinal cord level and we can't get rid of it without getting rid of bodily functions such as breathing or heartbeat.
One good thing about the human system is that the emotional memory of intense pain (or happiness, too, I suppose) fades with time. And it's a good thing, too, becasue if it didn't who would EVER have two children! It's no accident that doctors give retrograde amnesia-producing medicine to women who have just had babies!! So the stabbing pain dulls a little bit - although I don't know if it really ever dulls beyond the cement block on your heart stage - hafta see. Dogs, all animals really, are SOOOOOOOO lucky. They can see the truth without all those layers of human brain-nonsense. Who loves me? Who do I love? Who is kind? Who isn't? Who is truthful? Who isn't? And most important of all, who is the one person in the universe whose soul is a part of mine? I think there was an old Elizabethan-era poem about two human "lovers" who were kept apart from some reason (probably family) but who planted two rose vines, one on each side of their respective fences - one to grow red roses and one to grow white ones. The poem was about how the vine became so intertwined that they could not be separated - and eventually became a single vine. That's what soul-mates are. They're enmeshed and nothing can disentagle them. Immediate feelings have nothing to do with that. That's just brain chemistry left over from the cave-man days that made it possible to go out hunting for food after a hunting accident!
The puppy pads - just pick them up for the home visit and put them right back down again. Who says you can't? Keep 'em until the new carpet is in and if you feel like it, put them back down again!! It's truly hell on earth not having someone soft and loving to love. That's why I was so quick to get Rufus. I thought of it as the empty-arms syndrome - I had all this love to give and no one to give it to. That's the loneliest I have ever been! No, Rufus isn't a "replacement dog." He's loved for himself - just like any new dog will be in your life. That doesn't change the enmeshment of souls one iota! The wonderful thing about love is (contrary to the old-fashioned upbringing we no doubt got) that it (a) does NOT have to be earned - beyond a basic level of decent behavior, and (b) it's infinite - in both directions. No matter how much you give away, there's always an infinite amount "left." That's hard to understand because we live in a 'zero-sum" world - if you get something more that means I will have to have less of something. Love is NOT like this. Give it all away - your whole heart and soul - and voila - there's just as much as when you started. It's amazing and really hard to focus on when you're hurting. This I know for sure: nothing, no one, no time will your love for Trevor EVER diminish one speck. It's Trevor FOREVER and that's for real.
Talk to you later.
Gretta's mom
Dear Bobbie, No words can really ease your pain right now, but it really is Mr Trevor Forever - he is part of you and will never leave you, it's just so so very hard adjusting to our furry soul's physical absence, especially when you cared for him so intensively. 2 weeks is no time at all, and i think i felt worse in the 2nd week, there is no time frame or schedule for our hearts to look at and use as a measure to feel better - this journey is up and down and back and forth, the best we can do is ride with it and be gentle with ourselves. Sending you hugs today Leejaye
Thanks so much, Leejaye.
Your words are kind and comforting, just the softness i need right now when everything hurts so badly. I took some Tylenol to help with the physical pain all over my body, but I guess what I really need is a couple of Trevor-nols.
Thank you for being there, with all the right words, when I need you.
Blessings.....................
Bobbie
Your words are kind and comforting, just the softness i need right now when everything hurts so badly. I took some Tylenol to help with the physical pain all over my body, but I guess what I really need is a couple of Trevor-nols.
Thank you for being there, with all the right words, when I need you.
Blessings.....................
Bobbie
I'm still so sad and miss Trevor............................................
We're here for you ............. cheering you on through all of our tears, especially yours.
XOXO
Gretta's mom
XOXO
Gretta's mom
Dear Bobbie, I wish i had more than words to give you but i'm glad you found some comfort in them, before i lost Mischief I had no idea about the physical side effects of grief - i hurt all over, my head ached, my muscles ached, i didn't want to know about food - i hope you have someone there to look after you the way you looked after Trevor, i hope you can get some sleep, i hope tomorrow is easier, sending you all the hugs i have Leejaye
Dear Bobbie,
Thinking of you, I hope you find some peace soon With love ***x
Thinking of you, I hope you find some peace soon With love ***x
Thank you so much for the sweet wishes!
Yesterday was 2 weeks since Trevor's passing and it was a very hard day. The house was so quiet and I was stuck at home waiting for a home inspection that never took place. Finally, about 2:00 pm I left to go visit Trevor at the cemetery. Got there, started walkinig to his grave and saw that someone had scattered his Beanie Baby dogs all over the place! I never did find the last one. I was so upset and couldn't stop crying in anger and sadness. I did go to the office and reported the event, but what can they do? I was really sad the res of the day and even fell asleep right after supper.
This morning I went out and bought 5 new beanie baby-like doggies. I put the toughest looking one on Trevor's grave, too. Maybe that will make a difference. I know that sounds totally childish and stupid, but it made me feel better and didn't hurt anyone, so.....it's OK.
Still, every minute I want to be with Trevor. Every day I think of how I wasted time doing other things that really didn't matter, instead of spending that time with Trevor, especially at the end. I wear the locket day and night and caress it so often. I have his picture everywhere and little notes to him scattered throughout the house. But it's not enough and it's not the same. I miss my little love bug more every day. Although I know that I am (very) slowly healing, I'm still very sad and not happy with the situation at all!
Again, thanks for your beautiful thoughts! Will write more tomorrow!
I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
Yesterday was 2 weeks since Trevor's passing and it was a very hard day. The house was so quiet and I was stuck at home waiting for a home inspection that never took place. Finally, about 2:00 pm I left to go visit Trevor at the cemetery. Got there, started walkinig to his grave and saw that someone had scattered his Beanie Baby dogs all over the place! I never did find the last one. I was so upset and couldn't stop crying in anger and sadness. I did go to the office and reported the event, but what can they do? I was really sad the res of the day and even fell asleep right after supper.
This morning I went out and bought 5 new beanie baby-like doggies. I put the toughest looking one on Trevor's grave, too. Maybe that will make a difference. I know that sounds totally childish and stupid, but it made me feel better and didn't hurt anyone, so.....it's OK.
Still, every minute I want to be with Trevor. Every day I think of how I wasted time doing other things that really didn't matter, instead of spending that time with Trevor, especially at the end. I wear the locket day and night and caress it so often. I have his picture everywhere and little notes to him scattered throughout the house. But it's not enough and it's not the same. I miss my little love bug more every day. Although I know that I am (very) slowly healing, I'm still very sad and not happy with the situation at all!
Again, thanks for your beautiful thoughts! Will write more tomorrow!
I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
Hi, Bobbie. I am relatively new here but just wanted to let you know that I've been following your story and am so, so sorry for everything you've been going through. I know there's nothing I can say to make it better, but I've been thinking of you often and wishing you comfort and peace.
I totally know how you feel about feeling like you "wasted" time that you feel could have been spent with Trevor...I still feel like that, too, about my Ollie (if you haven't read his story, he had chronic renal failure, which is terminal, so I was anticipatorily grieving his loss for a long time). But it helps me to remember what my husband pointed out: that Ollie wouldn't have wanted me to have acted anything but normal. He wouldn't have wanted me to spend extra time with him staring at him and crying...he was much better off with everyone going about their normal routines and with life going on normally (well, as normally as possible). I don't know if I'm saying it right (I have a four-year-old, don't sleep much, and am subject to brain melt a lot : ) ), but I think our furry babies take comfort in things being business as usual, to the extent that it's possible. And I know with all my heart that over the years you have heaped lots and lots of love on Trevor! But I know how it feels to wish so desperately for more time with them...oh, man, how I know.
I am so sorry that someone scattered Trevor's Beanie Babies - that's so awful! Hopefully, it was a little kid who didn't know any better - I can't imagine why anyone would do that otherwise. Good for you for replacing them and for doing what it takes to feel better.
What you said ("Although I know that I am (very) slowly healing, I'm still very sad and not happy with the situation at all!") exactly sums up how I feel, and tomorrow will be two months. I'm sorry that I don't have anything really helpful to say, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and that you're not alone on your journey. Hang in there, Bobbie, and please continue to let us know how you're doing.
Love,
Terri
I totally know how you feel about feeling like you "wasted" time that you feel could have been spent with Trevor...I still feel like that, too, about my Ollie (if you haven't read his story, he had chronic renal failure, which is terminal, so I was anticipatorily grieving his loss for a long time). But it helps me to remember what my husband pointed out: that Ollie wouldn't have wanted me to have acted anything but normal. He wouldn't have wanted me to spend extra time with him staring at him and crying...he was much better off with everyone going about their normal routines and with life going on normally (well, as normally as possible). I don't know if I'm saying it right (I have a four-year-old, don't sleep much, and am subject to brain melt a lot : ) ), but I think our furry babies take comfort in things being business as usual, to the extent that it's possible. And I know with all my heart that over the years you have heaped lots and lots of love on Trevor! But I know how it feels to wish so desperately for more time with them...oh, man, how I know.
I am so sorry that someone scattered Trevor's Beanie Babies - that's so awful! Hopefully, it was a little kid who didn't know any better - I can't imagine why anyone would do that otherwise. Good for you for replacing them and for doing what it takes to feel better.
What you said ("Although I know that I am (very) slowly healing, I'm still very sad and not happy with the situation at all!") exactly sums up how I feel, and tomorrow will be two months. I'm sorry that I don't have anything really helpful to say, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and that you're not alone on your journey. Hang in there, Bobbie, and please continue to let us know how you're doing.
Love,
Terri
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I have been struggling to know what to say for I feel the depth of your grief. I am so very sorry that the beanie babies were scattered. Unfortunately there are some folks who have little respect for resting places, which is one of the many reasons why leaving momentoes are discouraged by the owners and caretakers of cemeteries. I'm glad you were able to find more beanie babies to replace the one that is missing, and hope that you will not have to endure this invasion of your beloved Trevor's resting place again. Does the cemetery permit little fences to be placed around individual resting places? If so, this may help to discourage any further disturbances.
I totally agree with Terri about our precious furkids wanting us to go about the daily routines as normally as possible. This is comforting to them. They know they are the center of our universe - - always and forever - - because love is eternal and is not bound by the physical laws of time and space - - both during their earthly journey with us as well as when they precede us to the angels. So please let your heart be at peace, Bobbie -- you never neglected your precious Trevor during his earthly journey.
Bobbie, I truly wish there were an easier way through this grief journey, and if there were I would most certainly share it with you and each of our friends on this forum. Unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, - - enduring through the most painful experience we will know on this side of eternity. We are here for you, Bobbie, through every step of your journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and am here with you and beside you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I totally agree with Terri about our precious furkids wanting us to go about the daily routines as normally as possible. This is comforting to them. They know they are the center of our universe - - always and forever - - because love is eternal and is not bound by the physical laws of time and space - - both during their earthly journey with us as well as when they precede us to the angels. So please let your heart be at peace, Bobbie -- you never neglected your precious Trevor during his earthly journey.
Bobbie, I truly wish there were an easier way through this grief journey, and if there were I would most certainly share it with you and each of our friends on this forum. Unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, - - enduring through the most painful experience we will know on this side of eternity. We are here for you, Bobbie, through every step of your journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and am here with you and beside you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you for your thoughtful and so very kind messages, Ollie's Mama and Moon Beam,
That is one of the nicest parts of this forum. At least someone is always there for us, helping us and carrying us over the roughest parts.
Went to visit Trevor again today and his grave was truly desecrated this time. We took pictures and I talked to the Assistant Shelter Director, who was very upset. I sent her te pictures along with a complete description of both events and she promised me this would be investigated, etc. Poor Trevor, can't even get a break in death. Well, this Mama is going to make sure this never happens again.
Second, I got a beautiful message from Trevor's neurologist from U of Penn. It made my heart melt and know that we had found the best. I mentioned perhaps writing a little manual or book about Trevor and/or special needs little dogs. He supported me 100% and even offered to write the Forward!
My sister Jeanne told me tonight that she believes that Trevor is a White Buffalo. I have to believe her. I am blessed.
Have a good night, everyone!
Love,
Bobbie and her White Buffalo
That is one of the nicest parts of this forum. At least someone is always there for us, helping us and carrying us over the roughest parts.
Went to visit Trevor again today and his grave was truly desecrated this time. We took pictures and I talked to the Assistant Shelter Director, who was very upset. I sent her te pictures along with a complete description of both events and she promised me this would be investigated, etc. Poor Trevor, can't even get a break in death. Well, this Mama is going to make sure this never happens again.
Second, I got a beautiful message from Trevor's neurologist from U of Penn. It made my heart melt and know that we had found the best. I mentioned perhaps writing a little manual or book about Trevor and/or special needs little dogs. He supported me 100% and even offered to write the Forward!
My sister Jeanne told me tonight that she believes that Trevor is a White Buffalo. I have to believe her. I am blessed.
Have a good night, everyone!
Love,
Bobbie and her White Buffalo
Oh Bobbie that is horrible! I cannot believe someone is so heartless as to do something that terrible to someones sweet pets grave. It literally makes me sick. I hope something can be done to figure out who is doing it, and I hope charges of some sort are pressed on that person(s)
But that is good news about the doctor. I firmly believe that just because our veterinarians are men/women of science, they have bigger hearts than we imagine. They have to, to have gotten in to their lines of work.
Thinking about you my friend, and sending love your way.
But that is good news about the doctor. I firmly believe that just because our veterinarians are men/women of science, they have bigger hearts than we imagine. They have to, to have gotten in to their lines of work.
Thinking about you my friend, and sending love your way.
Oh Bobbie, just being able to get caught up with how you are doing. I am so sorry about Trevor's grave, that is terrible and I hope you won't have to experience it again. I have worried about some wild animal messing with Cinder's grave, but so far so good. I love your idea for a book and I'm so glad Trevor's neurologist is supportive! Trevor would like a book about him I'm sure. 
Thinking of you and your white buffalo. I hope you have a peaceful week, Bobbie.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
Thinking of you and your white buffalo. I hope you have a peaceful week, Bobbie.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
To anyone who doesn't know it (yet) - every single person on this site is truly an angel! I do not know how I would be surviving Trevor's final illness and death without each and every one of you!
Cinder's mom and Kristina are just the latest people to life me up exactly when and how I need it. Moon Beam, LoveMyMickey, Alfiebaby, leejaye, the list goes on and on. I have never had such love sent my way - ever. Of course, at least as much of that love goes straight to Mr. Trevor, who was sent to me for a myraid of reasons that I am only now beginning to understand. The city built a statue of our former Mayor. I should build one for Trevor! (although it would only look like a lump of clay - I'm no artist.)
But, sometimes, I have a way with words and that can be my monument to Trevor. I did write one book, once, but never published it. I can do it again!
Now don't go thinking that I am all happy, etc. Nope, still so very sad and lonely. Only all of you would understand (and accept) that. But I will move forward with those tiny baby steps, with Trevor and all of you by my side and it will turn out beautifully!
Everyone, have a peaceful and kind day! Y'all deserve it!
Bobbie
Cinder's mom and Kristina are just the latest people to life me up exactly when and how I need it. Moon Beam, LoveMyMickey, Alfiebaby, leejaye, the list goes on and on. I have never had such love sent my way - ever. Of course, at least as much of that love goes straight to Mr. Trevor, who was sent to me for a myraid of reasons that I am only now beginning to understand. The city built a statue of our former Mayor. I should build one for Trevor! (although it would only look like a lump of clay - I'm no artist.)
But, sometimes, I have a way with words and that can be my monument to Trevor. I did write one book, once, but never published it. I can do it again!
Now don't go thinking that I am all happy, etc. Nope, still so very sad and lonely. Only all of you would understand (and accept) that. But I will move forward with those tiny baby steps, with Trevor and all of you by my side and it will turn out beautifully!
Everyone, have a peaceful and kind day! Y'all deserve it!
Bobbie
Hi Bobbie
Trevor IS finding, has found peace, rest. joy, fun, his Perfect World. Those punks who are messing with his souvenirs somehow feel his power, too, and are made uncomfortable by it because of their bad hearts. Trevor's grave souvenirs, like Trevor, have special powers. They are touchstone - people who honor them are blessed, people who dishonor them, well, you know what the opposite is. Trevor is alive and well and working his miracles. Look at all the people, including his UPenn neurologist who gave him and you the gift of a CORRECT DIAGNOSIS and who said his life was blessed by the part Trevor has played in it. Here's a guy who's seen probably hundreds of animals, meets Trevor for maybe a half hour and considers his life so blessed that he knows Trevor's lessons need to be shared with the world and even offered to write the foreword. Honors, truly deserved, keep showing themselves. (And, yes, I know that despite all this, your heart and your arms are still empty. As you said, it IS sad, so sad. Rufus and Gretta and I give you all our love and strength today.)
Gretta's mom
Trevor IS finding, has found peace, rest. joy, fun, his Perfect World. Those punks who are messing with his souvenirs somehow feel his power, too, and are made uncomfortable by it because of their bad hearts. Trevor's grave souvenirs, like Trevor, have special powers. They are touchstone - people who honor them are blessed, people who dishonor them, well, you know what the opposite is. Trevor is alive and well and working his miracles. Look at all the people, including his UPenn neurologist who gave him and you the gift of a CORRECT DIAGNOSIS and who said his life was blessed by the part Trevor has played in it. Here's a guy who's seen probably hundreds of animals, meets Trevor for maybe a half hour and considers his life so blessed that he knows Trevor's lessons need to be shared with the world and even offered to write the foreword. Honors, truly deserved, keep showing themselves. (And, yes, I know that despite all this, your heart and your arms are still empty. As you said, it IS sad, so sad. Rufus and Gretta and I give you all our love and strength today.)
Gretta's mom
Hi, Bobbie, I am deeply, very deeply, saddened about Trevor's resting place being desecrated. You did the right thing about taking pictures and giving copies of them to the Assistant Director. I truly hope and pray that he /she is able to work with the police to catch the people responsible - -and prosecute regardless of their ages.
I am so very glad you got much comforting support from Trevor's neurologist, and I truly love the idea of you doing a book on special needs companions. Not only will this help others but it will also be a labor of love for you - - in dedication to your beloved Trevor. This beats a cement or bronze statue anytime!!!
Bobbie, as always I hope today, and each day forward, is being and will be kind to you, and that your evenings will be peaceful blessed with your Trevor's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I am so very glad you got much comforting support from Trevor's neurologist, and I truly love the idea of you doing a book on special needs companions. Not only will this help others but it will also be a labor of love for you - - in dedication to your beloved Trevor. This beats a cement or bronze statue anytime!!!
Bobbie, as always I hope today, and each day forward, is being and will be kind to you, and that your evenings will be peaceful blessed with your Trevor's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Bobbie, The desecration of Trevor's grave is absolutely disgusting, not once, but twice, incidents like this remind me all over again why i prefer animals to most people, I'm with Moon_beam - reporting it was absolutely the right thing, I hope they catch the miscreants and prosecute them to the full extent of the law. What a fantastic tribute to Trevor that book would be, go for it!! Sending you some big hugs today Leejaye
Tonight, I had a chance to touch my sweet, sweet Trevor's hair once again. It was as soft as I remembered it and, for a slight moment, I was laying my hand on top of Trevor's little foot. It brought me a joy that I cannot describe.
I know this whole paragraph must sound wierd or creepy, but it's really not. When Dr. Sorrells was shaving the hair from Trevor's leg, in order to perfrom the euthanasia, Stan and I collected every strand that we could and put it in a Ziploc bag. That way we had an actual "part" of Trevor, the only reasonable part of Trevor that we could treasure for the rest of our lives. We also shared some of the hair with Trevor's Grandmom and Grandpop. I now have a few strands of Trevor's hair in the new locket Stan bought me, just for that purpose. And the rest we have to always remember the true color of Trevor's hair and the actual softness that never changed. A small, physical part of Trevor is really with us. and it's not gross at all. Right now, we still have the baggie in our downstairs where we can go and be a bit closer to Trevor. When we are ready, the baggie will be placed in the special chest where we keep everything that we want to remember from each of our boys. There are socks that Kelly used to play tug-o-war with his daddy; a 101 Dalmations outfit that Birney wore, under protest, when he was cold, all the cards and letters we've received from those so dear to our hearts remembering each of the boys. Everything is in there, safe and sound. And, once in awhile, when I need to, I open the chest and go through the contents, remembering the wonderful Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and now Trevor that graced our days and nights in so many different ways.
I am sadder than sad again tonight. I mss my Trevor fiercely. But I have a little piece of heaven to help remind me of the joy and love that still exists between Trevor and me.
Good night, my little one. Mommy loves you!
I know this whole paragraph must sound wierd or creepy, but it's really not. When Dr. Sorrells was shaving the hair from Trevor's leg, in order to perfrom the euthanasia, Stan and I collected every strand that we could and put it in a Ziploc bag. That way we had an actual "part" of Trevor, the only reasonable part of Trevor that we could treasure for the rest of our lives. We also shared some of the hair with Trevor's Grandmom and Grandpop. I now have a few strands of Trevor's hair in the new locket Stan bought me, just for that purpose. And the rest we have to always remember the true color of Trevor's hair and the actual softness that never changed. A small, physical part of Trevor is really with us. and it's not gross at all. Right now, we still have the baggie in our downstairs where we can go and be a bit closer to Trevor. When we are ready, the baggie will be placed in the special chest where we keep everything that we want to remember from each of our boys. There are socks that Kelly used to play tug-o-war with his daddy; a 101 Dalmations outfit that Birney wore, under protest, when he was cold, all the cards and letters we've received from those so dear to our hearts remembering each of the boys. Everything is in there, safe and sound. And, once in awhile, when I need to, I open the chest and go through the contents, remembering the wonderful Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and now Trevor that graced our days and nights in so many different ways.
I am sadder than sad again tonight. I mss my Trevor fiercely. But I have a little piece of heaven to help remind me of the joy and love that still exists between Trevor and me.
Good night, my little one. Mommy loves you!
Bobbie,
That is not weird at all! After we put Cinder down, all of us (mom, dad, and boyfriend) combed the whole house and truck gathering Cinder's hair and putting it in a ziploc bag. I keep it in one of my drawers and take it out to feel and smell her hair sometimes. I'm so grateful my family did this for me without thinking I was crazy. I still find her hair around the house sometimes. I go lay on her doggy bed with my face in it inhaling sometimes and that makes me feel a little crazy, but oh well it makes me feel better. So, no, you're not crazy and it's not creepy, but perfectly normal (at least to me)! As long as you feel close to your Trevor, it doesn't matter.
I hope you have a wonderful week. Always thinking of you and sweet Trevor.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
That is not weird at all! After we put Cinder down, all of us (mom, dad, and boyfriend) combed the whole house and truck gathering Cinder's hair and putting it in a ziploc bag. I keep it in one of my drawers and take it out to feel and smell her hair sometimes. I'm so grateful my family did this for me without thinking I was crazy. I still find her hair around the house sometimes. I go lay on her doggy bed with my face in it inhaling sometimes and that makes me feel a little crazy, but oh well it makes me feel better. So, no, you're not crazy and it's not creepy, but perfectly normal (at least to me)!
As long as you feel close to your Trevor, it doesn't matter. I hope you have a wonderful week. Always thinking of you and sweet Trevor.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
Dear Bobbie, Nothing weird or creepy about any of that - I did the same as raerae, if I found some of Mischief's fur on my clothes or anywhere I kept it, i have a ziploc bag with her brush full of her last grooming, I put the extra bits in there too...I haven't washed her blanket and amazingly it still smells like her (even after 3 months), when the ache gets too much i hug that blanket, close my eyes, breathe in my girl and I know she is still with me - just like Mr Trevor Forever is with you. Sending you some hugs leejaye
We too have a baggy full of Dixie's hair that we got along with her pawprint from the doggy funeral parlor. I get it out from time to time and touch it/smell it. I also pick up her collar from time to time and take a huge sniff, it still smells so much like her. I have a line from one of the poems we got from them in my signature. Here is the link for it, I have her fur clippings next to it on her bookshelf with all her other belongings and her urn.
Warning- it will make you cry. It makes me sob every time I read it. Just be prepared.
http://www.novareinna.com/bridge/locket.html
Warning- it will make you cry. It makes me sob every time I read it. Just be prepared.
http://www.novareinna.com/bridge/locket.html
Hi, Bobbie, just getting caught up with your post and totally agree that nothing you have shared is creepy. I, too, have zip lock baggies filled with fur for each of my beloved companions who are now with the angels, and for my kitty kids I have a "whiker box" that hold their whiskers they shed naturally - - and is now collecting whiskers I find from Noah. So, you just do what is comforting for you, my friend.
I have been thinking about one of your earlier posts where you said like you felt you were removing Trevor from your life as you were beginning the process of picking up his pads from the carpet and floor, and beginning the cleaning process. This really touched my heart - - because of course this is part of the adjustment process. A thought came to mind, though, which I hope when added to responses from our forum friends may offer you comfort: While your beloved Trevor was physically with you, he needed these things to help give him dignity as his physical body aged and was no longer able to function without "embarrassment" to him. But now he is completely restored to his former youthfulness no longer burdened by needing such assistance. So, as you pick up his pads, and proceed with the cleaning of carpets and floors, he is saying to you: "Mom, thank you so much for all that you did for me when I was unable to control my body. But I don't need this help anymore, and it's not what I want you to focus on in your memories. So, go ahead and pick up those pads, and remember me in better days - - because - - if you want my honest opinion - - the days of needing those pads were a signal to me that our time was becoming very limited. I am with you now healthy and strong - - and I want you to focus on feeling my love embracing your heart continuing to share your earthly journey -- always a heartbeat close to you. So, please don't be sad about picking them up - - be happy that I don't need those pads anymore. I love you, mom - - always and forever, and I know you love me, too - - always and forever."
I hope this helps, my friend. You're not "erasing" Trevor from your heart and life - - you are embracing him in his new glorious healthy body and spirit.
Bobbie, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you are finding it a bit easier to sleep peacefully at night. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I have been thinking about one of your earlier posts where you said like you felt you were removing Trevor from your life as you were beginning the process of picking up his pads from the carpet and floor, and beginning the cleaning process. This really touched my heart - - because of course this is part of the adjustment process. A thought came to mind, though, which I hope when added to responses from our forum friends may offer you comfort: While your beloved Trevor was physically with you, he needed these things to help give him dignity as his physical body aged and was no longer able to function without "embarrassment" to him. But now he is completely restored to his former youthfulness no longer burdened by needing such assistance. So, as you pick up his pads, and proceed with the cleaning of carpets and floors, he is saying to you: "Mom, thank you so much for all that you did for me when I was unable to control my body. But I don't need this help anymore, and it's not what I want you to focus on in your memories. So, go ahead and pick up those pads, and remember me in better days - - because - - if you want my honest opinion - - the days of needing those pads were a signal to me that our time was becoming very limited. I am with you now healthy and strong - - and I want you to focus on feeling my love embracing your heart continuing to share your earthly journey -- always a heartbeat close to you. So, please don't be sad about picking them up - - be happy that I don't need those pads anymore. I love you, mom - - always and forever, and I know you love me, too - - always and forever."
I hope this helps, my friend. You're not "erasing" Trevor from your heart and life - - you are embracing him in his new glorious healthy body and spirit.
Bobbie, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you are finding it a bit easier to sleep peacefully at night. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Bobbie....I am so sorry about Trevor's grave. They should be.... well something should be done to them. I hope you are doing a little better moment by moment, day by day.
Like you and the others here, I cut some of Mickey's hair awhile back before he passed and put it in a baggie. I also kept some of his toenails and a couple of his little teeth he had lost from chewing on treats. I touch that hair ever so often, and like I said before I put some in my locket. There's a lot of things of his I haven't washed and I'm not gonna'... Sooooo..I guess we here are all alike, because we truly love our little soulmates and they love us.
Bobbie always remember you and Trevor and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers...God Bless...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
Kristina, thank you for the link to the poem. You're right it made me cry.
Like you and the others here, I cut some of Mickey's hair awhile back before he passed and put it in a baggie. I also kept some of his toenails and a couple of his little teeth he had lost from chewing on treats. I touch that hair ever so often, and like I said before I put some in my locket. There's a lot of things of his I haven't washed and I'm not gonna'... Sooooo..I guess we here are all alike, because we truly love our little soulmates and they love us.
Bobbie always remember you and Trevor and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers...God Bless...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
Kristina, thank you for the link to the poem. You're right it made me cry.
HI Bobbie
Of course you know about the baggie I have of Gretta's fur. HOw I miss her - even though, as you say, the image-memory is fading day by day. Thank goodness I took your advice and took at least SOME pictures. Someone else here said they laid on their dog's bed. So did I. In fact I slept there for a few nights before my new "son" Rufus came to live here. He's BIG (102#) so takes up the whole bed. I don't think the sadness ever goes away - it just reaches a sort of manageable level and stays there. That's OK, though. I don't mind shedding a few tears over the best friend i ever had.
Of course you know about the baggie I have of Gretta's fur. HOw I miss her - even though, as you say, the image-memory is fading day by day. Thank goodness I took your advice and took at least SOME pictures. Someone else here said they laid on their dog's bed. So did I. In fact I slept there for a few nights before my new "son" Rufus came to live here. He's BIG (102#) so takes up the whole bed. I don't think the sadness ever goes away - it just reaches a sort of manageable level and stays there. That's OK, though. I don't mind shedding a few tears over the best friend i ever had.
HI Bobbie
Of course you know about the baggie I have of Gretta's fur. HOw I miss her - even though, as you say, the image-memory is fading day by day. Thank goodness I took your advice and took at least SOME pictures. Someone else here said they laid on their dog's bed. So did I. In fact I slept there for a few nights before my new "son" Rufus came to live here. He's BIG (102#) so takes up the whole bed. I don't think the sadness ever goes away - it just reaches a sort of manageable level and stays there. That's OK, though. I don't mind shedding a few tears over the best friend i ever had.
Of course you know about the baggie I have of Gretta's fur. HOw I miss her - even though, as you say, the image-memory is fading day by day. Thank goodness I took your advice and took at least SOME pictures. Someone else here said they laid on their dog's bed. So did I. In fact I slept there for a few nights before my new "son" Rufus came to live here. He's BIG (102#) so takes up the whole bed. I don't think the sadness ever goes away - it just reaches a sort of manageable level and stays there. That's OK, though. I don't mind shedding a few tears over the best friend i ever had.
Thank you, everyone, for reassuring me that I am perfectly normal, having my baggie of Trevor's golden hair close by. Now I wish I had some from all of my boys......you know how that goes.
And Moon Beam, a special thank you for the gentle, kind, loving and perfect way of helping me hear what Trevor has been saying to me about the puppy pads. The words just brought tears and tears to my eyes, but they were a little different this time. While there was complete anquish, there was a spark of understanding on my part - just a tiny spark, but it was there. The main problem is that Trevor was already very ill when we adopted him, only we didn't know with what. So he didn't get much pain medicine at all and he just had to deal with it, while at the same time dealing with a new home, parents, etc. So I don't have many memories of when he was "well" or better. What I think I will do is, use my imagination along with my memories to create an image of my healthy Trevor. I don't think he'll mind and he can even help me if he wants to.
Tonight I am sleeping on Trevor's comforters. They must be picked up tomorrow so we can get our new carpet installed. I am never going to wash them as they will always be only Trevor's comforters. We have plenty for the new fellow if/when he gets here. I want to be especially close to my boy tonight. Nights are still very hard to get through.
Again, blessings to every single person on this L-S site, especially those who have given so richly to holding me up in this awful journey!
XOXOxo
Trevor's mommy
And Moon Beam, a special thank you for the gentle, kind, loving and perfect way of helping me hear what Trevor has been saying to me about the puppy pads. The words just brought tears and tears to my eyes, but they were a little different this time. While there was complete anquish, there was a spark of understanding on my part - just a tiny spark, but it was there. The main problem is that Trevor was already very ill when we adopted him, only we didn't know with what. So he didn't get much pain medicine at all and he just had to deal with it, while at the same time dealing with a new home, parents, etc. So I don't have many memories of when he was "well" or better. What I think I will do is, use my imagination along with my memories to create an image of my healthy Trevor. I don't think he'll mind and he can even help me if he wants to.
Tonight I am sleeping on Trevor's comforters. They must be picked up tomorrow so we can get our new carpet installed. I am never going to wash them as they will always be only Trevor's comforters. We have plenty for the new fellow if/when he gets here. I want to be especially close to my boy tonight. Nights are still very hard to get through.
Again, blessings to every single person on this L-S site, especially those who have given so richly to holding me up in this awful journey!
XOXOxo
Trevor's mommy
Hi Bobbie,
It's funny that you all were talking about keeping bits of fur from your babies. I rearranged my bedroom furniture the other day and there were little clumps of Kay's fur where the bed had been. I couldn't bear to just vacuum them up and placed them in a baggie. Then this morning I read your thread....can't wait to get home from work and show it to hiubby. He thought I was being morbid. Jokes on him!
Hope you can take some time to be kind to yourself today.
Shelby
It's funny that you all were talking about keeping bits of fur from your babies. I rearranged my bedroom furniture the other day and there were little clumps of Kay's fur where the bed had been. I couldn't bear to just vacuum them up and placed them in a baggie. Then this morning I read your thread....can't wait to get home from work and show it to hiubby. He thought I was being morbid. Jokes on him!
Hope you can take some time to be kind to yourself today.
Shelby
Hello everyone! I slept on Trevor's comforters and now I know why he didn't want to sleep on them either! Hard as a rock and so uncomfortable. But it did feel good to be on Trevor's level again.
I have to disconnect my computer this evening and not put it back together again until Friday. Our new carpeting is being installed in the office tomorrow and I do not have a lap top with WIFI or whatever. Tomorrow afternoon is supposed to be the inspection again, for possible adoption of Star (sent to me by Trevor). We should get him either Saturday or Sunday.
Have a peaceful, joy filled, lovely night!
Bobbie
I have to disconnect my computer this evening and not put it back together again until Friday. Our new carpeting is being installed in the office tomorrow and I do not have a lap top with WIFI or whatever. Tomorrow afternoon is supposed to be the inspection again, for possible adoption of Star (sent to me by Trevor). We should get him either Saturday or Sunday.
Have a peaceful, joy filled, lovely night!
Bobbie
"I don't have many memories of when he was "well" or better. What I think I will do is, use my imagination along with my memories to create an image of my healthy Trevor. I don't think he'll mind and he can even help me if he wants to."
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the progress of embracing Star into your heart and home. I'm deeply grateful that I was able to help you about the puppy pads. Please believe me when I say that your beloved Trevor would be very happy if you can think of him now in a youthful, fit, strong body. When it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy he won't be dragging himself to greet you at the Bridge - - he will be running full out and leaping with uncontained joy into your arms - - and the both of you will be dancing and running and playing with one another to your hearts' content. I hope this is an image you can find comfort in, my friend.
I hope the installation of your carpet goes easy, and that the home inspection goes smoothly. I along with all of your friends here will be anxiously awaiting to share in your news as to how both go.
Bobbie, thank you so much for honoring us with sharing your beloved Trevor with us. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to sharing your news whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the progress of embracing Star into your heart and home. I'm deeply grateful that I was able to help you about the puppy pads. Please believe me when I say that your beloved Trevor would be very happy if you can think of him now in a youthful, fit, strong body. When it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy he won't be dragging himself to greet you at the Bridge - - he will be running full out and leaping with uncontained joy into your arms - - and the both of you will be dancing and running and playing with one another to your hearts' content. I hope this is an image you can find comfort in, my friend.
I hope the installation of your carpet goes easy, and that the home inspection goes smoothly. I along with all of your friends here will be anxiously awaiting to share in your news as to how both go.
Bobbie, thank you so much for honoring us with sharing your beloved Trevor with us. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to sharing your news whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Bobbie! Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and to tell you that I'm another member of the baggie club, so I totally understand. : ) When we lost Dingo, I brought scissors with me to clip a lock of his fur to keep and was a little worried I would appear creepy, but my very nice vet didn't think it was weird at all and even told me they had clippers if I needed help cutting more fur. When we lost Ollie, our very kind vet tech offered to clip some fur and put it in a baggie for me. These bits of fur are very precious to me.
I hope you've been doing as well as possible - please know that you're in my prayers, and I hope each passing day is just the tiniest bit brighter for you.
Love,
Terri
I hope you've been doing as well as possible - please know that you're in my prayers, and I hope each passing day is just the tiniest bit brighter for you.
Love,
Terri
Hi Bobbie,
Just thinking of you tonight. I hope your week is going well and that everything with your carpet and inspection goes smoothly. Trevor is with you on every step on this journey. You're in my prayers.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
Just thinking of you tonight. I hope your week is going well and that everything with your carpet and inspection goes smoothly. Trevor is with you on every step on this journey. You're in my prayers.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
Tonight is a very hard night, for some reason.
The new carpeeting is in and looks beautiful. We have to shave the bottom of all closet doors as the carpet/padding is so thick, so we have not doors on anything upstairs. They weren't able to save us any of our old carpet because it was in such bac and smelly shape, but both workers truly understood and tried their hardest. You know, looking at the continuity of the carpet and the difference in color (it is darker) makes me miss Trevor's carpet and all the stains and spots he used to lie on. If I thought the old stuff was comfortable, this stuff is amazing! I just wish Trevor could feel it and feel good on it.
Then we're having all sorts of trouble getting in touch with the lady who is fostering our potential new arival and she's the President of the group! We finally got inspected yesterday afternoon and all they wanted to see was the back yard and the fence. For all they cared, I would have been running a puppy mill (NEVER!) in my upstairs and they'd never know it! So the last thing we were told was there would probably just be an adoption event, without extra dogs on Saturday or Sunday. I hope it is Sunday because Saturday is just a few hours away. I had a long talk with Trevor this afternoon, at the cemetery. Told him I miss and love him as much, if not more, than ever. That we were hoping to get the little guy he sent our way soon and that we would come an meet each other. I told Trevor that he was NOT being replaced in any shape or form because that can never happen. Just as there are no 2 snowflakes exactly alike, there are no 2 dogs exactly alike and that Trevor had enriched my life and a way that will be permanent and a constant reminder of him. We're still lighting little Yartzeit candles every day, too.
We got another sympathy letter about Trevor today and the words were simply amazing. So now we're up to 23 cards, for a little dog that didn't meet over a dozen people in his whole life with us! It's amazing, it's been 3 weeks today since Trevor left us and yet it seems like yesterday. My therapist says I'm doing very well in my recovery (process), but you never recover from this loss. I miss Trevor soooooooooooooooo much and still just want to BE with him. I know that sounds old, but it's what my soul wants. So many people talk about "feeling" their companion's spirit close to them and it is so comforting. Well, I have never had the pleasure of that experience with any of my boys. I sure wish I did because I think I would feel a lot better. I still love every single one of my boys, including the canaries, but I just don't hear from them. Am I missing sometthing? Am I doing something wrong? I think I need their little Spirits hanging around me some.
I am feeling better or more accepting when I hear people tell me how much love and goodness I gave to Trevor. But it was so easy! And I'd do it over, if I had to, in a heartbeat, even knowing the eventual outcome.
Thank you for allowing me to ramble. I should be to bed, but am not tired enough. I want to be with Trevor......now......or whenever.
Please have a peaceful and comforting night.....................
Bobbie (Trevor's really sad mommy)
PS: no more vandelism at Trevor's grave so far
The new carpeeting is in and looks beautiful. We have to shave the bottom of all closet doors as the carpet/padding is so thick, so we have not doors on anything upstairs. They weren't able to save us any of our old carpet because it was in such bac and smelly shape, but both workers truly understood and tried their hardest. You know, looking at the continuity of the carpet and the difference in color (it is darker) makes me miss Trevor's carpet and all the stains and spots he used to lie on. If I thought the old stuff was comfortable, this stuff is amazing! I just wish Trevor could feel it and feel good on it.
Then we're having all sorts of trouble getting in touch with the lady who is fostering our potential new arival and she's the President of the group! We finally got inspected yesterday afternoon and all they wanted to see was the back yard and the fence. For all they cared, I would have been running a puppy mill (NEVER!) in my upstairs and they'd never know it! So the last thing we were told was there would probably just be an adoption event, without extra dogs on Saturday or Sunday. I hope it is Sunday because Saturday is just a few hours away. I had a long talk with Trevor this afternoon, at the cemetery. Told him I miss and love him as much, if not more, than ever. That we were hoping to get the little guy he sent our way soon and that we would come an meet each other. I told Trevor that he was NOT being replaced in any shape or form because that can never happen. Just as there are no 2 snowflakes exactly alike, there are no 2 dogs exactly alike and that Trevor had enriched my life and a way that will be permanent and a constant reminder of him. We're still lighting little Yartzeit candles every day, too.
We got another sympathy letter about Trevor today and the words were simply amazing. So now we're up to 23 cards, for a little dog that didn't meet over a dozen people in his whole life with us! It's amazing, it's been 3 weeks today since Trevor left us and yet it seems like yesterday. My therapist says I'm doing very well in my recovery (process), but you never recover from this loss. I miss Trevor soooooooooooooooo much and still just want to BE with him. I know that sounds old, but it's what my soul wants. So many people talk about "feeling" their companion's spirit close to them and it is so comforting. Well, I have never had the pleasure of that experience with any of my boys. I sure wish I did because I think I would feel a lot better. I still love every single one of my boys, including the canaries, but I just don't hear from them. Am I missing sometthing? Am I doing something wrong? I think I need their little Spirits hanging around me some.
I am feeling better or more accepting when I hear people tell me how much love and goodness I gave to Trevor. But it was so easy! And I'd do it over, if I had to, in a heartbeat, even knowing the eventual outcome.
Thank you for allowing me to ramble. I should be to bed, but am not tired enough. I want to be with Trevor......now......or whenever.
Please have a peaceful and comforting night.....................
Bobbie (Trevor's really sad mommy)
PS: no more vandelism at Trevor's grave so far
Hi Bobbie
I'm sorry you had such a sad night last night. Please don't feel bad about not having the experience people talk about - "hearing from their dog" or "feeling that their dog is with them in spirit". Trevor is even more together with you than that. He's ACTIVE in your life. He is the one who guided your fingers to the exact site where Star is and to Star's beautiful picture. He's guiding you just like he did when you could see him. (Remember, the carpet he lying on now is softer than anything we can imagine on earth.) And then he opened your heart to the possibility of Star becoming a LaSov - winning the biggest doggie lottery there is!
I'm sorry Ms Rescue is acting so much like a - well I'd better not actually write the word because it's used as a last name and if an LS friend has that name I most certainly would exclude them from the class. But you know what I mean. I take it you weren't able to get a hold of her last night. There is a function on the phone system whereby you can have the number dialed repeatedly until a connection is made and then have yourself called automatically. I had to use that once or twice to get an open truck line to Thailand. (Now THAT tells how long ago it was!). And it was Trevor who kept nudging you along to go visit Mr (Ringo) Star and fall in love with him. Trevor is the bravest little dog who ever lived and who does he send you? The SOFTEST little dog on earth. Way to go Trevor!
The "talk" - I had to have it twice with Rufus - not because of anything he did but because of how my heart wasn't fully opening to him and I know he could feel it. It's a darn good thing that spirit animals understand all this whether on earth or in the promised land. It's WE slow-learning humans that make all the mistakes!
Here's hoping the Bobbie express rumbles through dundalk (wink, wink) and Star has his zero-th LaSov birthday this weekend.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
I'm sorry you had such a sad night last night. Please don't feel bad about not having the experience people talk about - "hearing from their dog" or "feeling that their dog is with them in spirit". Trevor is even more together with you than that. He's ACTIVE in your life. He is the one who guided your fingers to the exact site where Star is and to Star's beautiful picture. He's guiding you just like he did when you could see him. (Remember, the carpet he lying on now is softer than anything we can imagine on earth.) And then he opened your heart to the possibility of Star becoming a LaSov - winning the biggest doggie lottery there is!
I'm sorry Ms Rescue is acting so much like a - well I'd better not actually write the word because it's used as a last name and if an LS friend has that name I most certainly would exclude them from the class. But you know what I mean. I take it you weren't able to get a hold of her last night. There is a function on the phone system whereby you can have the number dialed repeatedly until a connection is made and then have yourself called automatically. I had to use that once or twice to get an open truck line to Thailand. (Now THAT tells how long ago it was!). And it was Trevor who kept nudging you along to go visit Mr (Ringo) Star and fall in love with him. Trevor is the bravest little dog who ever lived and who does he send you? The SOFTEST little dog on earth. Way to go Trevor!
The "talk" - I had to have it twice with Rufus - not because of anything he did but because of how my heart wasn't fully opening to him and I know he could feel it. It's a darn good thing that spirit animals understand all this whether on earth or in the promised land. It's WE slow-learning humans that make all the mistakes!
Here's hoping the Bobbie express rumbles through dundalk (wink, wink) and Star has his zero-th LaSov birthday this weekend.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm glad the carpeting project is done. Yeah, those pesky doors -- I hope your husband can shave the bottom of the doors so that they will fit again. Or perhaps the company that did the installation might send someone at no charge?
I'm so very glad that there has not been anymore vandalism at Trevor's resting place recently. I know this is comforting to you, as it is to me as well for you.
Bobbie, I assure you that your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits are with you - - for they are in your heart and memories - - always a heartbeat close to you. Your sister has said it so very well. Please know you are doing everything RIGHT, my friend.
I hope things go well for you and Star this weekend - - that you are able to bring him home.
Bobbie, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I'm so very glad that there has not been anymore vandalism at Trevor's resting place recently. I know this is comforting to you, as it is to me as well for you.
Bobbie, I assure you that your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits are with you - - for they are in your heart and memories - - always a heartbeat close to you. Your sister has said it so very well. Please know you are doing everything RIGHT, my friend.
I hope things go well for you and Star this weekend - - that you are able to bring him home.
Bobbie, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Oh my, I thought I was doing so well tonight............after all the disappointment today............but then my cousin sent me the most beautiful You Tube video called Listen to Your Heart. You must watch that one and one called Because I Love You So. They really say it all about animals, and I don't mean man! I cried and cried because they were so beautiful.
And then I got Jeanne and Moon Beam's messages. I'm missing Trevor 1,000% all over again. Just as much as the minute he died and I coudn't do anything about it. I had lost him and could never have him on this earth again. I miss you and love you so very much, Trevor. Mommy will always love you with every breath in my body and every beat of my heart and every minute of my memory. My dear, sweet boy. How could you be gone so soon? I know you want me to feel better because you are ALL better now, but I'm just a stupid little human and my heart is broken and my soul is shattered.....still. even when, sometimes, I don't know it. Little one, you know I love you with everything I have and will always love you, until we can be together again....forever.
Please have a delightful time in Heaven, play and roll over and stretch out in peace; make new friends and meet all your borthers and cousin; think of me once in awhile. All I want is for you to be HAPPY. Then I will be happy.
I'm sorry that humans are getting in the way of Star becoming a LaSov. At this point I don't know if he ever will. But that's OK, because God has the overall plan and I know you two are working together on it. I put in an application for a little black and white 2 year old C spaniel through another rescue group. His name is Dreamer and he's currently in south Carolina. You might want to check him out, OK? But please, please know that I will never replace you. You and I were (and are) a one-of-a-kind team......forever.
Moon Beam, you messages are always "right on" the mark. Your explanations make perfect sense, your suggestions are great and you can always make me feel closer to my Trevor than I can on my own. I cry when I read almost every message, but that is good. And you are so kind, understanding and you really DO care about me and everyone else! How you do it, I don't know, but I am so very grateful. Thanks so much.
Everyone, have a blessed night....................
Bobbie
PS: Peggy & Sarah, I'll be writing soon! I promise. Don't be upset with me, OK?
And then I got Jeanne and Moon Beam's messages. I'm missing Trevor 1,000% all over again. Just as much as the minute he died and I coudn't do anything about it. I had lost him and could never have him on this earth again. I miss you and love you so very much, Trevor. Mommy will always love you with every breath in my body and every beat of my heart and every minute of my memory. My dear, sweet boy. How could you be gone so soon? I know you want me to feel better because you are ALL better now, but I'm just a stupid little human and my heart is broken and my soul is shattered.....still. even when, sometimes, I don't know it. Little one, you know I love you with everything I have and will always love you, until we can be together again....forever.
Please have a delightful time in Heaven, play and roll over and stretch out in peace; make new friends and meet all your borthers and cousin; think of me once in awhile. All I want is for you to be HAPPY. Then I will be happy.
I'm sorry that humans are getting in the way of Star becoming a LaSov. At this point I don't know if he ever will. But that's OK, because God has the overall plan and I know you two are working together on it. I put in an application for a little black and white 2 year old C spaniel through another rescue group. His name is Dreamer and he's currently in south Carolina. You might want to check him out, OK? But please, please know that I will never replace you. You and I were (and are) a one-of-a-kind team......forever.
Moon Beam, you messages are always "right on" the mark. Your explanations make perfect sense, your suggestions are great and you can always make me feel closer to my Trevor than I can on my own. I cry when I read almost every message, but that is good. And you are so kind, understanding and you really DO care about me and everyone else! How you do it, I don't know, but I am so very grateful. Thanks so much.
Everyone, have a blessed night....................
Bobbie
PS: Peggy & Sarah, I'll be writing soon! I promise. Don't be upset with me, OK?
"Oh my, I thought I was doing so well tonight............after all the disappointment today . . . "
Hi, Bobbie, thank you for sharing with us how you're doing. When our hearts are grieving ANY form of disappointment - - regardless of it's level of importance - - will intensify the physical loss of our beloved companion, of your beloved Trevor. Why? Because when our precious companions are physically with us, they make everything alright. They know how to make us laugh, they know how to comfort us - - without having to be "told" how to do it. You have had new carpeting installed -- an event that can make you feel as though you are "erasing" Trevor in a very big way from his earthly home. Of course, this isn't true, and you know your Trevor would not want you living with stained carpeting in your home. But he's not physically there with you to enjoy the new carpeting - - and that is very, very painful. And then there is the process of bringing a new fur child into your home - - a process that is seldom easy to accomplish because of human inconsiderate attitudes who are in "control" of what happens.
These two events, combined with the history of your beloved Trevor's resting place being vandalized, is enough to add enormous suffering to an already shattered heart.
I am glad you have placed an application for Dreamer. Only your beloved Trevor and our Heavenly Father Creator know who "the one" is - - and they are guiding the two of you to a place where you will meet and know beyond all shadow of a doubt that the both of you are the perfect match. The only thing you can do is put the "feelers" out through applications. It's sort of like being on a blind date - - some are total disasters, others are okay, - - and then when we least expect it - - our eyes meet and we "know" this time it's the "right" one. So please don't be discouraged, my friend. This "matchmaking" is all in the timing - - perfect timing - - and it's in very capable paws with your beloved Trevor at the helm.
I hope today is being kind to you, Bobbie, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Bobbie, thank you for sharing with us how you're doing. When our hearts are grieving ANY form of disappointment - - regardless of it's level of importance - - will intensify the physical loss of our beloved companion, of your beloved Trevor. Why? Because when our precious companions are physically with us, they make everything alright. They know how to make us laugh, they know how to comfort us - - without having to be "told" how to do it. You have had new carpeting installed -- an event that can make you feel as though you are "erasing" Trevor in a very big way from his earthly home. Of course, this isn't true, and you know your Trevor would not want you living with stained carpeting in your home. But he's not physically there with you to enjoy the new carpeting - - and that is very, very painful. And then there is the process of bringing a new fur child into your home - - a process that is seldom easy to accomplish because of human inconsiderate attitudes who are in "control" of what happens.
These two events, combined with the history of your beloved Trevor's resting place being vandalized, is enough to add enormous suffering to an already shattered heart.
I am glad you have placed an application for Dreamer. Only your beloved Trevor and our Heavenly Father Creator know who "the one" is - - and they are guiding the two of you to a place where you will meet and know beyond all shadow of a doubt that the both of you are the perfect match. The only thing you can do is put the "feelers" out through applications. It's sort of like being on a blind date - - some are total disasters, others are okay, - - and then when we least expect it - - our eyes meet and we "know" this time it's the "right" one. So please don't be discouraged, my friend. This "matchmaking" is all in the timing - - perfect timing - - and it's in very capable paws with your beloved Trevor at the helm.
I hope today is being kind to you, Bobbie, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you, so much, Moon Beam, for, once again, saying the right words in the right way at the right time. I would like to say that they make things all better, but you know I would be lying through my teeth. What your words, and the amazing words of the other L-S folks, do is give me the absolute support and reassurance that I still so desperately need. I am still so completely vulnerable. Yes, I was super strong for Trevor and that was actually "easy" to do. But I am still an emotional wreck now that my little boy is no longer physically here. Would I want him back in the same condition that he left this world? NOPE. But see, my brain says that and part of my heart says that, but all the rest of me wants to be holding that wonderful, special little guy that loved so much through every bit of his agonizing pain and confusion about where it was coming from. No, I don't want him to hurt ever again and I know that he won't, but dealing with the missing part is very, very hard.
I still have a continuing ache, in my heart, in my soul, in my body. It hasn't changed at all. While at times I can go out and visit people, talk and laugh with them, do errands, cleaning, etc. the rest of the time I just want to "be". Do nothing, say nothing, be alone or with only those people who truly understand. And those, outside of this forum, are few and far between. The chasm between where I am and where Trevor is too wide and too deep for my pea brain to wrap itself around.
I feel that I should be farther along on this "grief journey" than I am and, at the same time, I don't want to "lose" the feelings that are so deep for Trevor.
And to top that off, or did I say this already?, I am starting to miss Rudy more again, too. So now I have two boys that I am really missing. Yikes. What's a mother to do? really! Their two stories are so different, but of course, the ending is always the same.
Hey, Trevor Forever! You mommy loves you even more than ever before! You, too, Rudy!
Again, thank you for tolerating my writings. I'm signing off early tonight.
Blessings to all..................
Bobbie
I still have a continuing ache, in my heart, in my soul, in my body. It hasn't changed at all. While at times I can go out and visit people, talk and laugh with them, do errands, cleaning, etc. the rest of the time I just want to "be". Do nothing, say nothing, be alone or with only those people who truly understand. And those, outside of this forum, are few and far between. The chasm between where I am and where Trevor is too wide and too deep for my pea brain to wrap itself around.
I feel that I should be farther along on this "grief journey" than I am and, at the same time, I don't want to "lose" the feelings that are so deep for Trevor.
And to top that off, or did I say this already?, I am starting to miss Rudy more again, too. So now I have two boys that I am really missing. Yikes. What's a mother to do? really! Their two stories are so different, but of course, the ending is always the same.
Hey, Trevor Forever! You mommy loves you even more than ever before! You, too, Rudy!
Again, thank you for tolerating my writings. I'm signing off early tonight.
Blessings to all..................
Bobbie
"I feel that I should be farther along on this "grief journey" than I am"
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Bobbie, the only "expectations" you need to focus on belong only to you. It is impossible to "be farther along" in your adjustment journey when it has only begun. It doesn't matter if it's our first, fifth, tenth, fiftieth - - thousandth - - journey. Each adjustment journey is unique and can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in one's own time. And since it is recognized that the first year is one of adjusting to all the "firsts" - - the first moment, the first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first holiday, the first vacation - - there is no way you can expect yourself to "be further along". Your adjustment journey has just begun, my friend - - so please release yourself from the pressure of "expectations" - - except those which you can both emotionally and physically handle.
Likewise it is not uncommon for a new adjustment to arouse feelings of grief from a previous loss, as that of your beloved Rudy. The good news is that no matter how much time progresses in your earthly journey that each of your beloved companions are forever in your heart and your memories. Each one has their own special place, and each and every one is forever with you - - each and every one is forever a heartbeat close to you.
I know what it's like to put on the "public face" so that others will not be burdened by the deep sorrow welling inside and ever so ready to burst to the surface. There is no need for a "public face" here, my friend. We are here for you, with you, and besdie you to share with you whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - as you wish to share with us.
Bobbie, I hope you will have a peaceful evening and a restful night. This grief journey takes a lot of energy, and it is important for you to try to let your heart and mind and body have some peaceful rest. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to sharing with you how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Bobbie, the only "expectations" you need to focus on belong only to you. It is impossible to "be farther along" in your adjustment journey when it has only begun. It doesn't matter if it's our first, fifth, tenth, fiftieth - - thousandth - - journey. Each adjustment journey is unique and can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in one's own time. And since it is recognized that the first year is one of adjusting to all the "firsts" - - the first moment, the first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first holiday, the first vacation - - there is no way you can expect yourself to "be further along". Your adjustment journey has just begun, my friend - - so please release yourself from the pressure of "expectations" - - except those which you can both emotionally and physically handle.
Likewise it is not uncommon for a new adjustment to arouse feelings of grief from a previous loss, as that of your beloved Rudy. The good news is that no matter how much time progresses in your earthly journey that each of your beloved companions are forever in your heart and your memories. Each one has their own special place, and each and every one is forever with you - - each and every one is forever a heartbeat close to you.
I know what it's like to put on the "public face" so that others will not be burdened by the deep sorrow welling inside and ever so ready to burst to the surface. There is no need for a "public face" here, my friend. We are here for you, with you, and besdie you to share with you whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - as you wish to share with us.
Bobbie, I hope you will have a peaceful evening and a restful night. This grief journey takes a lot of energy, and it is important for you to try to let your heart and mind and body have some peaceful rest. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to sharing with you how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Well, here I am again, crying my heart out, missing my Trevor some more. I never knew that grieving could be so continuous, intense and unyielding. Here I had a most wonderful creature that loved me as unconditionally as I did him and now he's gone. This sounds a lot like this issue is about me, my wants, my needs, my wishes and my regrets. When it should be about Trevor and the absolutely wonderful little doggie that he was. He was so brave. He put up with so much awful stuff....who knows what there was before he was rescued?
What can I tell you about Trevor that I haven't already said? He was the most perfect special needs, suffering little boy on this earth. He bumped into things all the time at the end because he just couldn't see much. He was kind of spunky in the beginning, but even then he was suffering from such awful neck and back pain and we didn't know it. Except for one of his "bad nights" when he would be pacing, scratching his neck and the rug to find relief, he would lie down for a second and then jump right back up. I'd give him pill after pill after pill until the cumulative effect of medication and exhaustion dropped Trevor into a deep sleep. I never left him alone at these times. I was right on the bedroom floor with him, talking quietly all the time, reassuring him that I loved him and that the pills would work. And they took so long to work, sometimes up to an hour. I felt so incredibly badly for Trevor because he would look to me for help and relief and all I could give him was Tramadol and Benadryl at the time. When we finally got Hydroxizine that help reduce the awake time and when I finally didn't care about how much medicine it took to make Trevor feel better, we got the awake time down to about 20 minutes. Then I would lie on the floor next to him, sometimes cradling his paw in my hand, all night. Sometimes he would wake up when we did and other times it took longer for the meds to wear off. My main goal was to keep Trevor out of pain, no matter what, so that he could enjoy his life at home. I think I did a good job. I hope I did.
I sound like a broken record, but I miss him to my core. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. And I find that I am not nearly strong enough to hold up my end of the bargain and respond to other L-S persons who are suffering just like me. They find a way to write and hold me up and I cannot find the strength to do the same. I feel badly about that, too. Why can't I do it, when it was so much easier when Trevor was still alive?
I feel like such a failure, when I know in my mind that I am not. Please continue to bear with me. I will "get there". I just don't know how, when and where. I thank each one of you who check in on me. That is real love and understanding and it means the world to me. Please don't stop - I still need much help.
I'm going to sign off for tonight; get Trevor and Rudy's pictures; wrap them in a small piece of Trevor's blanket, hold them to my heart and try to get some sleep.
Bless each and every one of you!
Bobbie
What can I tell you about Trevor that I haven't already said? He was the most perfect special needs, suffering little boy on this earth. He bumped into things all the time at the end because he just couldn't see much. He was kind of spunky in the beginning, but even then he was suffering from such awful neck and back pain and we didn't know it. Except for one of his "bad nights" when he would be pacing, scratching his neck and the rug to find relief, he would lie down for a second and then jump right back up. I'd give him pill after pill after pill until the cumulative effect of medication and exhaustion dropped Trevor into a deep sleep. I never left him alone at these times. I was right on the bedroom floor with him, talking quietly all the time, reassuring him that I loved him and that the pills would work. And they took so long to work, sometimes up to an hour. I felt so incredibly badly for Trevor because he would look to me for help and relief and all I could give him was Tramadol and Benadryl at the time. When we finally got Hydroxizine that help reduce the awake time and when I finally didn't care about how much medicine it took to make Trevor feel better, we got the awake time down to about 20 minutes. Then I would lie on the floor next to him, sometimes cradling his paw in my hand, all night. Sometimes he would wake up when we did and other times it took longer for the meds to wear off. My main goal was to keep Trevor out of pain, no matter what, so that he could enjoy his life at home. I think I did a good job. I hope I did.
I sound like a broken record, but I miss him to my core. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. And I find that I am not nearly strong enough to hold up my end of the bargain and respond to other L-S persons who are suffering just like me. They find a way to write and hold me up and I cannot find the strength to do the same. I feel badly about that, too. Why can't I do it, when it was so much easier when Trevor was still alive?
I feel like such a failure, when I know in my mind that I am not. Please continue to bear with me. I will "get there". I just don't know how, when and where. I thank each one of you who check in on me. That is real love and understanding and it means the world to me. Please don't stop - I still need much help.
I'm going to sign off for tonight; get Trevor and Rudy's pictures; wrap them in a small piece of Trevor's blanket, hold them to my heart and try to get some sleep.
Bless each and every one of you!
Bobbie
Bobbie,
I am so sorry that you have been feeling so sad. I can tell from everything that you have wrote that you did everything you could to make Trevor comfortable at all times and I'm sure he was. He knew what you were doing for him and I'm sure he is forever grateful to have a mom like you to love and care for him. I only wish that all animals could be so well taken care of. Today has been a tough day for me as well. I guess I kind of expected two new puppies to take away some pain, which they have a little bit, but tonight I am crying uncontrollably over my Cinder. I miss her as much today as I did they day she left us. I feel like I've taken one step forward and two steps back. Don't worry about sounding like a broken record or not writing to everyone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief and it's okay if you can't do it right now. I hope you are finding some peace and comfort tonight and you are always in my prayers.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
I am so sorry that you have been feeling so sad. I can tell from everything that you have wrote that you did everything you could to make Trevor comfortable at all times and I'm sure he was. He knew what you were doing for him and I'm sure he is forever grateful to have a mom like you to love and care for him. I only wish that all animals could be so well taken care of. Today has been a tough day for me as well. I guess I kind of expected two new puppies to take away some pain, which they have a little bit, but tonight I am crying uncontrollably over my Cinder. I miss her as much today as I did they day she left us. I feel like I've taken one step forward and two steps back. Don't worry about sounding like a broken record or not writing to everyone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief and it's okay if you can't do it right now. I hope you are finding some peace and comfort tonight and you are always in my prayers.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
My dear Cinder's mom,
Thank you so much for your kind and warm message to me at a time when you were barely keeping your own head above the waters of your own grief. That is a true friend. Your message made me feel so much better and now I can go on for a little longer.
I, too, am in the process of looking for two "young-ish" C spaniel boys. I know that they will never replace the love I have for Trevor nor ease much of the pain at all. I just finished talking to a girlfriend who has been a magnificent trainer and behaviiorist for over 30 years. WE became friends because we both adored Trevor. I got to keep him and she told me how to make him comfortable, etc. with me.......and it worked! She even expressed to me this morning that no matter how many or how few doggies I get, I will always be dealing with Treovr's loss and his memories (which will turn wonderful at some point) every day of my life. And, since we are both so "new" at our losses, it will take lots of time and many ups and downs to arrive at the sport where we are comfortable with all that is and has gone on.
I know exactly how you feel when you tell me that you miss Miss Cinder and feel the stinging pain of her loss now as when it actually happened. It boggles my mind how the feelings can stay so fresh! I'm slowly learning to just go with the flow when that happens. Take all the time aside that I need and just cry my feelings out for as long as I need to. I say the same things to Trevor while I'm crying and sometimes I think he can repeat it verbatim, but it makes me feel closer to Trevor when I can talk to him.
We are taking steps forward and backward.....all the time. I feel like this is the roughest grieving I will ever go through. I've never had these feelings and emotions for my other boys and I loved them just as much. But Trevor is different. There will never be another Trevor (just like Cinder) and he was in my life for a specific purpose (I'm sure just like Cinder), but I haven't figured that out yet.
One thing I have started is a manuscript about Trevor. I'm starting at day one and just writing down whatever comes to mind - random thoughts, memories, etc. so I don't lose them again. Then when I run out of thoughts I'll start organizing them into some kind of manuscript. I don't know if it will ever be published, Trevor's U of Penn Neurologist said he'd write thte forward!!!!, but at least I will have it forever. That way I know Trevor will never be forgotten and that is, somehow, one of my biggest fears.
Cinder's mama, you are doing a wonderful job. Letting go is never easy (unless the guy was a jerk to begin with!) especially when you loved Cinderella was much as you did and she loved you back as well. Hang in there, my friend, you are not alone and I'm glad you got in contact with me again!
Blessings....................................
Bobbie
Thank you so much for your kind and warm message to me at a time when you were barely keeping your own head above the waters of your own grief. That is a true friend. Your message made me feel so much better and now I can go on for a little longer.
I, too, am in the process of looking for two "young-ish" C spaniel boys. I know that they will never replace the love I have for Trevor nor ease much of the pain at all. I just finished talking to a girlfriend who has been a magnificent trainer and behaviiorist for over 30 years. WE became friends because we both adored Trevor. I got to keep him and she told me how to make him comfortable, etc. with me.......and it worked! She even expressed to me this morning that no matter how many or how few doggies I get, I will always be dealing with Treovr's loss and his memories (which will turn wonderful at some point) every day of my life. And, since we are both so "new" at our losses, it will take lots of time and many ups and downs to arrive at the sport where we are comfortable with all that is and has gone on.
I know exactly how you feel when you tell me that you miss Miss Cinder and feel the stinging pain of her loss now as when it actually happened. It boggles my mind how the feelings can stay so fresh! I'm slowly learning to just go with the flow when that happens. Take all the time aside that I need and just cry my feelings out for as long as I need to. I say the same things to Trevor while I'm crying and sometimes I think he can repeat it verbatim, but it makes me feel closer to Trevor when I can talk to him.
We are taking steps forward and backward.....all the time. I feel like this is the roughest grieving I will ever go through. I've never had these feelings and emotions for my other boys and I loved them just as much. But Trevor is different. There will never be another Trevor (just like Cinder) and he was in my life for a specific purpose (I'm sure just like Cinder), but I haven't figured that out yet.
One thing I have started is a manuscript about Trevor. I'm starting at day one and just writing down whatever comes to mind - random thoughts, memories, etc. so I don't lose them again. Then when I run out of thoughts I'll start organizing them into some kind of manuscript. I don't know if it will ever be published, Trevor's U of Penn Neurologist said he'd write thte forward!!!!, but at least I will have it forever. That way I know Trevor will never be forgotten and that is, somehow, one of my biggest fears.
Cinder's mama, you are doing a wonderful job. Letting go is never easy (unless the guy was a jerk to begin with!) especially when you loved Cinderella was much as you did and she loved you back as well. Hang in there, my friend, you are not alone and I'm glad you got in contact with me again!
Blessings....................................
Bobbie
Thank you so much for your kind words Bobbie. Today has been about the same so far. I went and talked and cried to Cinder and sat with her for a while. I blubbered to my bf (who assures me that I'm not a nutcase, but probably still thinks I'm a little crazy), he told me what Cinder and I had was a serious and special connection so of course I'm still upset. That made me feel a little better. I guess I'm sad that I will never experience that exact bond again, although I'm very happy to have gotten that experience. I'm sure you feel that way about Trevor as well, he was a special, special fellow.
I'm so glad you are writing the manuscript. I know that helps a lot. Working on Cinder's scrapbook has made me happy. I hope you can eventually share your writings with us, I'd love to read them.
I hope you are doing well today and that you are having some wonderful memories of Mr. Trevor.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
I'm so glad you are writing the manuscript. I know that helps a lot. Working on Cinder's scrapbook has made me happy. I hope you can eventually share your writings with us, I'd love to read them.
I hope you are doing well today and that you are having some wonderful memories of Mr. Trevor.
Much love.
Cinder's Mama
Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please understand you are not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. You are grieving. You have been living on sheer will power taking care of your beloved Trevor. A part of what you are experiencing is from exhaustion and the let down of the excess adrenalin that hss been keeping you going. This is very normal for caregivers. So, please do not feel guilty at all. You need to focus on grieving and - - healing - - yes, healing - - allowing your heart, mind, and body to regain both an emotional and physical stability.
Talking to Tevor is a very good thing, for the sound of your voice is as sweet to his ears lifting upward to him in heaven's perfect garden.
Bobbie, I do understand how you're feeling - - more than words can ever begin to share with you. The only thing I can offer you is my ongoing encouragement and support in an attempt to be of some comfort to you. I am here with you and beside you, Bobbie, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Talking to Tevor is a very good thing, for the sound of your voice is as sweet to his ears lifting upward to him in heaven's perfect garden.
Bobbie, I do understand how you're feeling - - more than words can ever begin to share with you. The only thing I can offer you is my ongoing encouragement and support in an attempt to be of some comfort to you. I am here with you and beside you, Bobbie, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon Beam,
Do you really think that my voice is a kind of music to Trevor's ears even in his Heavenly Home? Those reassuring words have, once again, brought the tears flowing. I guess I haven't grieved for every part of Trevor yet. I have lots more to go. I don't feel helpless, just incredibly sad and lonely for the one little dog that brought out the best in me when I was with him. I still feel as badly as ever, even though I can usually function OK to the outside world. I'm sill not talking to many people, sending emails all over the place. I'm saving my words for Trevor, Rudy, Birney, Kelly, Jasper and Crocker, but mostly Trevor.
There must be a God because who else would create such perfect beings, even though they are not human? I know Trevor was as perfect as he was supposed to be. And I know all the other companions of those on L-S and those that are not are all as perfect as they were supposed to be, too.
I'm going to bed now, to think and dream of Trevor and hold his baggie of hair in my arms.
Thanks..........
Bobbie
Do you really think that my voice is a kind of music to Trevor's ears even in his Heavenly Home? Those reassuring words have, once again, brought the tears flowing. I guess I haven't grieved for every part of Trevor yet. I have lots more to go. I don't feel helpless, just incredibly sad and lonely for the one little dog that brought out the best in me when I was with him. I still feel as badly as ever, even though I can usually function OK to the outside world. I'm sill not talking to many people, sending emails all over the place. I'm saving my words for Trevor, Rudy, Birney, Kelly, Jasper and Crocker, but mostly Trevor.
There must be a God because who else would create such perfect beings, even though they are not human? I know Trevor was as perfect as he was supposed to be. And I know all the other companions of those on L-S and those that are not are all as perfect as they were supposed to be, too.
I'm going to bed now, to think and dream of Trevor and hold his baggie of hair in my arms.
Thanks..........
Bobbie
"Do you really think that my voice is a kind of music to Trevor's ears even in his Heavenly Home?"
Hi, Bobbie, - - absolutely - - positively - - forever and ever - - the sound of your voice is music to him always. Just as the sheep respond to one master's voice, our beloved companions listen intently to ours - - your beloved Trevor stops whatever he's doing with the angels when he hears the sweet sound of your voice lifting upward to him sharing what is in your heart - - sharing your day with him, sharing your forever love with him. So keep talking to hm, my friend, for the sound of your voice is the sweetest music of all.
"I still feel as badly as ever, even though I can usually function OK to the outside world"
Bobbie, this is what I call functioning on "automatic pilot". How well I know how that goes. For the longest time I could hardly wait until I could leave work and get in my car, and then the floodgates would open all during the drive home, and well into the evening and night. It is important - - both emotionally and physically - - that you allow yourself to release the stress of your grief - - and not allow anyone to tell you that you "should be over" your sorrow "by now." If anyone ever says that you, just tell them they don't know what they're talking about or just walk away from them.
I hope today is treating you kindly, Bobbie, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Bobbie, - - absolutely - - positively - - forever and ever - - the sound of your voice is music to him always. Just as the sheep respond to one master's voice, our beloved companions listen intently to ours - - your beloved Trevor stops whatever he's doing with the angels when he hears the sweet sound of your voice lifting upward to him sharing what is in your heart - - sharing your day with him, sharing your forever love with him. So keep talking to hm, my friend, for the sound of your voice is the sweetest music of all.
"I still feel as badly as ever, even though I can usually function OK to the outside world"
Bobbie, this is what I call functioning on "automatic pilot". How well I know how that goes. For the longest time I could hardly wait until I could leave work and get in my car, and then the floodgates would open all during the drive home, and well into the evening and night. It is important - - both emotionally and physically - - that you allow yourself to release the stress of your grief - - and not allow anyone to tell you that you "should be over" your sorrow "by now." If anyone ever says that you, just tell them they don't know what they're talking about or just walk away from them.
I hope today is treating you kindly, Bobbie, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I am so conflicted right now. I need help!
We are, hopefully, getting a new rescue C spaniel (2 years old, black & white) soon. While I am excited about getting him (name: Dreamer), I cannot figure out a way to reassure myself and Trevor that a)my love for him will NEVER change one iota
I will never forget him at all c)how happy should I be for Dreamer when it hasn't even been a month since Trevor died?
See? I'm a mess and I could use a few suggestions, OK?
Thanks to everyone!!!!!!!
Bless you all...........................
Trevor's mom (Bobbie)
We are, hopefully, getting a new rescue C spaniel (2 years old, black & white) soon. While I am excited about getting him (name: Dreamer), I cannot figure out a way to reassure myself and Trevor that a)my love for him will NEVER change one iota
I will never forget him at all c)how happy should I be for Dreamer when it hasn't even been a month since Trevor died?See? I'm a mess and I could use a few suggestions, OK?
Thanks to everyone!!!!!!!
Bless you all...........................
Trevor's mom (Bobbie)
Hi, Bobbie, please stop and take a real, slow deep breath. Now exhale slowly - - repeat this process about five times.
Now, you have had other beloved companions in your life prior to Trevor - - yes. You still remember their names, what each one did with this and that - - yes. When Trevor came into your life you immediately forgot all about the beloved companions before him --- NO!!!
So, why do you feel that adopting Dreamer will erase Trevor from your heart and memories???? Dreamer will have his OWN place in your heart and home. He will need his own special kind of mommy love from you - - some things the same as Trevor - like food, potty romps, etc., -- and other things that only Dreamer needs.
It's always a bit panicky bringing a new furchild into your heart and life. There are all the "what if this and that" of uncertainty that can drive us crazy. It's like being a parent again for the first time because each furchild is a unique individual.
So - - my advice is this: Please do not fear about forgetting your beloved Trevor or being disloyal to him for giving Dreamer a safe home where he will be loved and well taken care of. Doing this is HONORING your beloved Trevor and each of your beloved companions who are watching over you from their heavenly home. They are all gathered around saying, "Yeah, mom sure is stressed. She sure does need someone to look after her. Good thing Dreamer is coming to her. Gee, I hope she doesn't change her mind. Let's give her a cheer: Alright everyone - - altogether: 'YEA MOM, GO MOM GO, dreams may come and dreams may go but DREAMER WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF US. YEA!!'"
Bobbie, I hope this helps. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you, and to sharing your news about Dreamer.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Now, you have had other beloved companions in your life prior to Trevor - - yes. You still remember their names, what each one did with this and that - - yes. When Trevor came into your life you immediately forgot all about the beloved companions before him --- NO!!!
So, why do you feel that adopting Dreamer will erase Trevor from your heart and memories???? Dreamer will have his OWN place in your heart and home. He will need his own special kind of mommy love from you - - some things the same as Trevor - like food, potty romps, etc., -- and other things that only Dreamer needs.
It's always a bit panicky bringing a new furchild into your heart and life. There are all the "what if this and that" of uncertainty that can drive us crazy. It's like being a parent again for the first time because each furchild is a unique individual.
So - - my advice is this: Please do not fear about forgetting your beloved Trevor or being disloyal to him for giving Dreamer a safe home where he will be loved and well taken care of. Doing this is HONORING your beloved Trevor and each of your beloved companions who are watching over you from their heavenly home. They are all gathered around saying, "Yeah, mom sure is stressed. She sure does need someone to look after her. Good thing Dreamer is coming to her. Gee, I hope she doesn't change her mind. Let's give her a cheer: Alright everyone - - altogether: 'YEA MOM, GO MOM GO, dreams may come and dreams may go but DREAMER WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF US. YEA!!'"
Bobbie, I hope this helps. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you, and to sharing your news about Dreamer.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi Bobbie
Oh, this is a story I recognize. I got Rufus only three weeks after Gretta went to the Perfect World. It was a constant "Is this too soon?" "Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" "Will Gretta be sad?" "Will she think I'm forgetting her?" "WILL I forget her?" "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" (And now I'm crying again!)
I think I can deal with some of these, starting from the back: "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" I'm totally convinced, from the inside out, the love is INFINITE. There's not limit. And it's not a zero-sum game - if somebody gets some, somebody else has to get less. In fact, it grows and grows ... every time you think a loving thought or say a loving word or sing a loving song or cry a loving tear .... love GROWS.
"Will she think I'm forgetting her? Will she think I'm loving her less and less?" Another firm belief (that I choose to believe, just like Pastor Crawford Sr taught me) of mine is that anyone who makes it to the Perfect World KNOWS the real facts, feelings, truth ... everything. They can read hearts. And they read at 100% accuracy. They know who loves them and they know it well. In fact, they know it even when WE don't feel it - or think we don't. It's us humans that put all the complexity into love - and try to measure it - and equate two beings' love - all kinds of things that aren't love at all.
"Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" Bobbie, when you go to the cemetery every day, when you have pictures of Trevor all over the house, when everyone one the planet knows about Trevor and how much you loved each other .... NOTHING, BUT NOTHING you can do, think, say, sing will EVER EVER dishonor Trevor's memory. Trevor ..... get busy and send some sense down to your mom, OK?
As far as "Is this too soon?" my neighbor Jeannie, who is sometimes on and sometimes not so much, after I told her I was going to get Rufus and thanked her for not saying what I was afraid "everyone" was going to say - that it was WAY too soon to make a good decision, said something I will never forget, "There is no time that is right for everybody. For some people it's the next day, for some people it's years ... and some people never do it." It's right when it's right for YOU - especially when Trevor the White Buffalo dog is cooperating with the Head of the Perfect World to send you a dog with such a fantastic name - "Dreamer" - how spiritual is that! He's a fill for your empty arms, a soft spot for your hurting heart, and a SIGN - through his name - that your heart CAN open and you CAN again have dreams - and honor and love Trevor more than ever. Thank God the important stuff is all infinite, no?
XOXO
Gretta and Rufus's mom
P.S. Rufus's foster mom said he'd never been afraid ot thunder before but that he had had a spell of anxiety during a storm while she was pet-sitting for me so she put him in a covered crate with the door open and he calmed down. She said a friend of hers puts her thunder-frightened dog in a dark closet with the door open a little. Seems that enclosed dark but escape-able places calm these dogs. May I'll try it, but I sure like the p-butter thing better! :)
Oh, this is a story I recognize. I got Rufus only three weeks after Gretta went to the Perfect World. It was a constant "Is this too soon?" "Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" "Will Gretta be sad?" "Will she think I'm forgetting her?" "WILL I forget her?" "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" (And now I'm crying again!)
I think I can deal with some of these, starting from the back: "Will she think I don't love her any more? Or that I'm loving her less and less?" I'm totally convinced, from the inside out, the love is INFINITE. There's not limit. And it's not a zero-sum game - if somebody gets some, somebody else has to get less. In fact, it grows and grows ... every time you think a loving thought or say a loving word or sing a loving song or cry a loving tear .... love GROWS.
"Will she think I'm forgetting her? Will she think I'm loving her less and less?" Another firm belief (that I choose to believe, just like Pastor Crawford Sr taught me) of mine is that anyone who makes it to the Perfect World KNOWS the real facts, feelings, truth ... everything. They can read hearts. And they read at 100% accuracy. They know who loves them and they know it well. In fact, they know it even when WE don't feel it - or think we don't. It's us humans that put all the complexity into love - and try to measure it - and equate two beings' love - all kinds of things that aren't love at all.
"Am I dishonoring Gretta's memory?" Bobbie, when you go to the cemetery every day, when you have pictures of Trevor all over the house, when everyone one the planet knows about Trevor and how much you loved each other .... NOTHING, BUT NOTHING you can do, think, say, sing will EVER EVER dishonor Trevor's memory. Trevor ..... get busy and send some sense down to your mom, OK?
As far as "Is this too soon?" my neighbor Jeannie, who is sometimes on and sometimes not so much, after I told her I was going to get Rufus and thanked her for not saying what I was afraid "everyone" was going to say - that it was WAY too soon to make a good decision, said something I will never forget, "There is no time that is right for everybody. For some people it's the next day, for some people it's years ... and some people never do it." It's right when it's right for YOU - especially when Trevor the White Buffalo dog is cooperating with the Head of the Perfect World to send you a dog with such a fantastic name - "Dreamer" - how spiritual is that! He's a fill for your empty arms, a soft spot for your hurting heart, and a SIGN - through his name - that your heart CAN open and you CAN again have dreams - and honor and love Trevor more than ever. Thank God the important stuff is all infinite, no?
XOXO
Gretta and Rufus's mom
P.S. Rufus's foster mom said he'd never been afraid ot thunder before but that he had had a spell of anxiety during a storm while she was pet-sitting for me so she put him in a covered crate with the door open and he calmed down. She said a friend of hers puts her thunder-frightened dog in a dark closet with the door open a little. Seems that enclosed dark but escape-able places calm these dogs. May I'll try it, but I sure like the p-butter thing better! :)
Dear Moon Beam: you are simply amazing! Thank you for such "right on" advice, starting with the breathing. (that made me smile). And thank you SOOOOOO much for the Doggie Cheerleader cheer! That was so good and made me just about laugh. It is so comforting to know that when I am losisng my mind that such good souls as yourself come along, day after day, regrouding me. I hope to learn everything I can from you and, in turn, comfort others as you have and do comfort me. Haven't heard a word about Dreamer today, but Trevor's headstone should be in tomorrow. Thank you, so very much, Moon Beam for being a friend in my life.
Love,
Bobbie
Dear Jeanne,
What can I say about a sister as good as you? (just let me know and I'll say it) Thank you, too, for the reassurance that my world is steady and on the right course. Your advice and experience have really helped settle me down a lot and reassure me that Trevor will always be with me, just like Crocker, Spot, Squirt, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, and Rudy. That what I needed to hear.
God bless you every day!
Love,
Bobbie
Love,
Bobbie
Dear Jeanne,
What can I say about a sister as good as you? (just let me know and I'll say it) Thank you, too, for the reassurance that my world is steady and on the right course. Your advice and experience have really helped settle me down a lot and reassure me that Trevor will always be with me, just like Crocker, Spot, Squirt, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, and Rudy. That what I needed to hear.
God bless you every day!
Love,
Bobbie
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