I Just Want To Be With My Trevor Options

[Bobbie]

Oh my, I just want to still be with my Trevor. I miss him as much today (almost two weeks after he died) as I did the moment he left this earth. I really don't care where this place would be, I just don't want him back here on earth with his suffering and pain. I just want to hold my soft, precious boy, touch his wonderful little feet, rub the bridge of his hose with my fingers, soak in the amazing sight of this dog who came into my life and made it so wonderful.
I cry every day, many times a day. I feel so badly for the few times I got frustrated with his constant peeing or whatever. I tried not to get frustrated often, and I didn't, but I feel so sorry for those times that I did.
I want to be with my Trevor, now and forever. I am so alone, lonely, quiet and sad, sad, sad without my hunky bunky near me. Trevor, I miss you with all that I am, all that I will be and all that I have been. I know this must make you feel sad, too, and I really don't want that at all. I just don't know what to do when this feeling comes rushing through my heart and I would give everything I have to be with you again. I know I could have done more for and with you and I didn't take advantage of all the time we did have. Oh, how I wish I had it now. I love you, Trevor. I just plain adore you, even now that you are on a different plane than I am.
And it is almost impossible to be slowly picking up your pads and blankets. Every time I do, I feel that I am betraying you and giving you a signal that I am putting you a bit farther back in my thoughts and my heart. That is absolutely not, nor ever will, be true. You and I were and are a team, like no other. I feel, no I wish that I felt, that we have become one, now, with your soul intertwined with mine. Maybe it has and that is one reason I feel so badly and miss you so, so much.
I miss you, my Trevor Forever "a fella you can trust", my one of a kind, my boy. Please forgive me for crying so much. I'll get better, I promise. For now, my dear, sweet angel, I give you my love, my heart, my thoughts and my loyalty. Just like you gave to me, every single day.

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!

[Bobbie]

Tonight is a very hard night, for some reason.

The new carpeeting is in and looks beautiful. We have to shave the bottom of all closet doors as the carpet/padding is so thick, so we have not doors on anything upstairs. They weren't able to save us any of our old carpet because it was in such bac and smelly shape, but both workers truly understood and tried their hardest. You know, looking at the continuity of the carpet and the difference in color (it is darker) makes me miss Trevor's carpet and all the stains and spots he used to lie on. If I thought the old stuff was comfortable, this stuff is amazing! I just wish Trevor could feel it and feel good on it.
Then we're having all sorts of trouble getting in touch with the lady who is fostering our potential new arival and she's the President of the group! We finally got inspected yesterday afternoon and all they wanted to see was the back yard and the fence. For all they cared, I would have been running a puppy mill (NEVER!) in my upstairs and they'd never know it! So the last thing we were told was there would probably just be an adoption event, without extra dogs on Saturday or Sunday. I hope it is Sunday because Saturday is just a few hours away. I had a long talk with Trevor this afternoon, at the cemetery. Told him I miss and love him as much, if not more, than ever. That we were hoping to get the little guy he sent our way soon and that we would come an meet each other. I told Trevor that he was NOT being replaced in any shape or form because that can never happen. Just as there are no 2 snowflakes exactly alike, there are no 2 dogs exactly alike and that Trevor had enriched my life and a way that will be permanent and a constant reminder of him. We're still lighting little Yartzeit candles every day, too.

We got another sympathy letter about Trevor today and the words were simply amazing. So now we're up to 23 cards, for a little dog that didn't meet over a dozen people in his whole life with us! It's amazing, it's been 3 weeks today since Trevor left us and yet it seems like yesterday. My therapist says I'm doing very well in my recovery (process), but you never recover from this loss. I miss Trevor soooooooooooooooo much and still just want to BE with him. I know that sounds old, but it's what my soul wants. So many people talk about "feeling" their companion's spirit close to them and it is so comforting. Well, I have never had the pleasure of that experience with any of my boys. I sure wish I did because I think I would feel a lot better. I still love every single one of my boys, including the canaries, but I just don't hear from them. Am I missing sometthing? Am I doing something wrong? I think I need their little Spirits hanging around me some.

I am feeling better or more accepting when I hear people tell me how much love and goodness I gave to Trevor. But it was so easy! And I'd do it over, if I had to, in a heartbeat, even knowing the eventual outcome.

Thank you for allowing me to ramble. I should be to bed, but am not tired enough. I want to be with Trevor......now......or whenever.

Please have a peaceful and comforting night.....................
Bobbie (Trevor's really sad mommy)

PS: no more vandelism at Trevor's grave so far