My Beautiful Baby Options

[Kristinak]

Last night, my baby was put to sleep....she died happy, eating from a bowl of treats before she just went asleep. She was a 14 1/2 year old Labrador Retriever. She had severe arthritis, she was taking multiple doses of codeine a day to keep the pain down. The past few months she could hardly walk, could hardly get up (she couldn't at all if she was lying down on a linoleum floor), and she could only stand for about a minute, because it was too hard for her....we had to carry her out to the backyard for her to do her business, because she couldn't walk there herself...and it was hard for her to control her bowel movements, so usually she would start doing her business while we were taking her down the stairs outside.... and the past month and a half she just stopped wagging her tail. I saw her wag it slightly maybe twice, since. And she was such a happy dog.

I miss her so much....I love her so much.... I had her since she was a puppy, and I have been through so much with her. and what hurts is that I even feel guilt, like did I do the right thing by putting her down.... is this normal? please.... please help me...I don't know what to do and how to cope with this.

[merlin96]

Hi Kristinak,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please realize, first of all, that you have only just gone through this last night - your loss is very fresh. You are still in shock. You cannot even begin to process it yet. I have lost 7 dogs in the past 25 years and each and every one has been different. They were all staggeringly devastating - words cannot be found, so I won't even try. But one common thread for all of them was this - no matter how each one passed, I somehow managed to blame myself and feel tremendous guilt. I think it's just something we naturally do. Maybe it's one of the stages of grief, I don't know. It's also not my place to sanction your actions but at the same time, from what you have said, it sounds like you acted from love and released the soul of a dog whose body had ceased to serve her. I know from experience how brutally painful that decision is and how much we second-guess ourselves for making it. Only time will help you feel better - I know it's impossible to believe from where you sit this day, but there will come a point where your pain will turn to treasured memories and although there will always be some sadness in your heart, I'm not going to lie to you, the good memories and happy thoughts will overtake your painful feelings. But you will go through some pretty bad days first. The first two weeks after I sent my Jack to the Rainbow Bridge in April 2009, I barely could get out of bed. He was the last of several dogs die that I had together and my house was so quiet and my life seemed so pointless I didn't know what to do. Losing our animal companions is, as far as I've experienced it at least, a loss so profound that I sometimes don't really know what to say because there really isn't anything to say. But please know that there are many of us that share your pain with every fiber of our being. You did the right thing. I think maybe the reason we so often question ourselves is because we wish we hadn't. I'm really sorry for your loss and wish I could do something to make you feel better. I'll pray for you.