My Beautiful Baby Options

[Kristinak]

Last night, my baby was put to sleep....she died happy, eating from a bowl of treats before she just went asleep. She was a 14 1/2 year old Labrador Retriever. She had severe arthritis, she was taking multiple doses of codeine a day to keep the pain down. The past few months she could hardly walk, could hardly get up (she couldn't at all if she was lying down on a linoleum floor), and she could only stand for about a minute, because it was too hard for her....we had to carry her out to the backyard for her to do her business, because she couldn't walk there herself...and it was hard for her to control her bowel movements, so usually she would start doing her business while we were taking her down the stairs outside.... and the past month and a half she just stopped wagging her tail. I saw her wag it slightly maybe twice, since. And she was such a happy dog.

I miss her so much....I love her so much.... I had her since she was a puppy, and I have been through so much with her. and what hurts is that I even feel guilt, like did I do the right thing by putting her down.... is this normal? please.... please help me...I don't know what to do and how to cope with this.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kristinak, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can offer our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

I do so understand how shattered your heart is feeling, Kristinak. It has only been 13 months and 2 weeks since my handsome Black Lab, Oslo, joined the angels (see my post on Oslo if you'd like). He, too, had many health issues, including degenerative neuropathy in his hind legs from Laryngeal Paralysis. It was a stroke that finally made "the decision" absolutely necessary. If it's any comfort to you, your beautiful baby girl is now with my Oslo and all of the precious beloved companions living with the angels, and she is now restored to her former youthfulness telling everyone in heaven's perfect garden how much she is loved. For you see, Kristinak, love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - and your beloved beautiful girl is forever with you in your heart and memories. Nothing can ever take her away from you.

Unfortunately guilt is a part of this grief journey - - even when we know we have done everything humanly and humanely possible - - beyond all shadow of a doubt, and is one of the harder emotions of this grief journey to reconcile. Guilt is the product of the "finality" - - and the looking back at all the "what if's" "I should have's" "why didn't I's" and on and on and on. The reality is that we are only human beings without the benefit of omnipotence - - we can only do the best we can with the circumstances and the information that we have at any given time. We make mistakes, and we don't have the privilege of "foreknowledge" to help guide us in preventing accidents or the eventual physical absence of our beloved companions. Our "wisdom" comes from hindsight - - the looking back, learning from our mistakes as well as - - hopefully -- - finding a peace in our hearts that will allow us to embrace the sweet Living Spirit of our beloved companions who are in the company of the angels. So, yes, guilt is perfectly normal, but hopefully in time your heart will be able to find peace and comfort.

Kristinak, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one minute at a time journey. It has so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds - - sometimes overwhelming us all at once. It is often referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no way to hasten this grief journey, no fast forward through it. Clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful, if not more so, as the loss of a human family member or friend. Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn, surrender ourselves to them completely. This is one of the many reasons why it is so painful for us - - both emotionally and physically - - when they precede us to the angels.

It is important that you give yourself permission to grieve, Kristinak, for the release of your emotions will literally physically rid your body of the toxins that build up from the stress of grieving. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will lessen the pain of their loss. Clinical studies prove that this is not the case - - instead, the suppressed grief causes both physical and emotional challenges that eventually will need to be dealt with, and sometimes the challenges can be life threatening. So, please allow yourself to grieve, Kristinak. I know it's painful, particularly during the deep grief, but it is essential for both your emotional and physical health later on.

And it is extremely important for you to know you are NOT alone during this grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and what you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Kristinak. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing picture(s) of your precious companion and sharing your memories of her.

Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious girl. I sincerely hope that you will feel both our individual and collective support and encouragement reaching out to you to try to bring some confort and hope to your sorrowful heart.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Krisitnak, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam