2 Weeks, too many Options

[susanka1113]

It's been 2 weeks (plus one day) since I had to say goodbye to my Kona dog. I posted a memorial, hoping that it would help ease the pain today, but it hasn't. I'm afraid to say that I feel almost as bad as the day I had her euthanized. I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to ease the pain. I was hoping that a little time would help. I know that 2 weeks isn't that long, but it seems like an eternity to feel this bad. I miss her so much. I didn't realize that my whole routine revolved around her and her happiness. Now that she's gone I'm lost.

I have a reputation at work for being the clown and making people laugh. Nobody knows how to interact with me now that I can't be happy or funny. I wish I could be, but right now I don't feel like I'll ever be that person again.

Well meaning people have offered me other dogs, but I just can't bear the thought. I don't feel like I can ever risk loving again like I loved Kona. It hurts too much to have it taken away.

Don't know what else to say, just had to rant.

Susan

[Seth]

Susan,
I suppose another way is to help owners like me whom have just had to put their best mate's down over the last day or so. You've been there, and now some weeks on, yes, you do still hurt. I understand and accept that as we've done it with relationships and deaths of family members (both human and animal). I'm only begining my journey in this grief. Be at peace and strong that you're down the path alittle more, and that you've gained courage and knowledge since your loss. In more weeks or months to come, you'll look back and say "I made it!". It might only be your version of "Made it" and it might not be the same ever again, but you keep waking up in the morning. That's important. I've just started dreading turning out the lights at night. Last night was my first night alone without Seth. Last night I awoke to the neighbours cat's scratching at the catdoor - i've since locked it - since Seth no longer needs it, and as they used to come into the house to eat Seth's food when he decided to sleep instead of eat!

I thought so much it was Seth coming or going from the house. I now sleep with a torch next to my bed.

There will always be places you'll never go ever again. I know I act like that when a relationship goes wrong and i've ended up the hurt one. Everywhere I look here at home, a peice of my Seth remains embedded in my memory. Where he lay to soak the sun, Where he lay to get some peace and quiet from my guitar playing (and singing!!) every lil thing holds something only you can connect with.

Lil Steps Susan. Don't plan on visiting Kona's favorite play area, but instead, break the whole journey into parts/steps/stages. Do a bit day by day. Until within weeks, you'll be able to sit or lie and relax where you and Kona played. Don't try and do it all in one go. Break it down into stages. Do each stage at your pace. But think visiting there just once, may assist in closure.

I didn't think i could move house! What a mission!!. But I could pack a box...........step by step. Before I knew it, i had moved house. Took 2 weeks!

I have to wait another 10 days till I have Seth's ashes back. It's not exactly an efficent, "get it all out of the way within a week" service the vet's provide, so, like you, I'll have good days, then when they have Seth's ashes for me to pick up, I'll end up going backwards again for another space of time.

Only time heals. And acceptance is the biggest hurdle I'm dreading each day I wake up and go to sleep without Seth.

Hang in there

Hamish