I Lost My Friend Options

[sapphireluna]

Reading your posts has helped me feel better. Please hear my story.

My lovely cat Majestée passed away last night at the vet's. She had stopped eating, her liver was bad and treatment would've been very expensive with no telling if she'd properly recover. She was almost 16. Her birthday was in 3 weeks. This is the first time I had a pet die on me, (other than a hamster or turtle.)In fact, I've never had someone this close to me die at all, humans included. I knew she had to die eventually. She was getting old. But it's just so hard.

Please tell me, how did you survive through this? This is unreal. I have never cried so hard in my life. I cried so much that I ran out of tears. I was scared I was going to hyperventilate. This morning I am still crying. She wasn't there when I woke up. She wasn't there to ask for food. She won't be there to greet me when I come home. I can't imagine her not being there. She was sleeping on my bed just yesterday. She was sitting on that chair. She was lying down on that balcony. She was sitting in that corner right there. Now she's not. Not there. She's not there. This can't be true. She has been with me through everything for the past 16 years. I have lived more than half my life with her. I can't imaging anything else. I won't be hearing her funny-sounding meowing anymore. Her purring. She won't lick my hand anymore. It hurts so much, what do I do?

She's going to be incinerated along with other cats. It happened so fast. I wanted to keep her ashes but it's too late now. I don't even know what the vet does with the ashes.

I always thought I wanted to have more cats, but why have them when it's so painful when they leave? I still have another kitty with me. Now I'm scared for when he will leave me too. I have to go back to work on Monday. I don't know if I can. I feel so alone. Please help me.

Here are pictures
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v395/sap...luna/Cat/4b.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v395/sap...luna/Cat/m2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v395/sap...luna/Cat/m3.jpg

[sapphireluna]

Is any one of you joining the Monday Candle Ceremony? I went for the second time and cried more than I thought. But it is comforting.
I received my cat's ashes. The cremation company was really nice and sent me a card and the Rainbow Bridge poem and a certificate of authenticity. They also included a lock of fur. It made me cry a lot. I had Haruka, my remaining cat, sniff it and he licked it. He licked the urn too. I wonder if he knows. I displayed the urn in my living room, not sure where to place it.

It makes me happy to have her near me, but at the same time it makes me feel so sad to think that my friend from so long is now a pile of dust. She was there just 2 weeks ago. It seems like she's just away for a while, that any second now I'm going to see her turn the corner to my room. But she's not coming back. Sometimes I imagine seeing her, but it's just a cushion, or a shadow...
I know this is all part of life, but it's still just so painful.