My Beloved Beebee Has Passed Away,,, Need Some Support To Cope With Th Options

[heartsore]

My beloved BeeBee has passed away on June 25, 2010 at the age of 14. He was an adorable maltipoo and been with us for five years. We adopted him because his previous owner moved out of the country and couldn't take him. Although we were together for five years, but we had built a very close relationship, he was very attached to me, and got along well with my other dog, Toby. He slept at the end of our bed with Toby everynight, everywhere we go, we take them for ride in the car, we had such good time together......

BeeBee had been on heart medication since we had him, and his teeth were really bad, but got his teeth all cleaned by the vet... things were good until half year ago, his health started going downhill cause of his age, his eyesight was going blind, but other than that, he was fine and eating ok.

Three weeks ago, my husband and I went on a vacation and couldn't take the boys with us, so kennel is the only option (same kennel everytime we go for vacation). The day we arrived home, my daughter phoned me and gave me the bad news that BeeBee had passed away. The kennel phoned my daughter on June 25th that BeeBee wasn't eating and had diraherra. So my daughter left work right away and picked up BeeBee and took him to the vet. The vet examined him and said that he's very ill and ready to go and suggested to give him euthanasia to help him go peacefully. My daughter had to make this heartbroken decision..... and BeeBee was gone.... peacefully....

When I heard the bad news, I just broke down and cried right at the airport, I don't care if people were watching.... I felt my heart just torn into pieces.... (I'm still in tears as I'm typing this....) Why didn't BeeBee wait for me to come him ????

I'm mad at myself and feeling very guilty, I keep blaming myself that if I hadn't gone on vacation and left BeeBee in the kennel, perhaps he wouldn't had left us so soon. Why didn't BeeBee wait for me to come home to say my last goodbye to him... was he mad at me for leaving him in the kennel ? It seems I can't forgive myself.....

Everynight I cried myself to sleep, and hoping that BeeBee will come into my dream and tell me that he's happy where he is now and that he forgives me ....

BeeBee had a private cremation, and will be getting his ashes in an urn back which I will place it on the shelf in our family room...... It's almost a week now, and I still can't get over this, I still cry everytime I think of him.

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[moon_beam]

Dear Heartsore, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved BeeBee. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will ever know on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely. This is one of the many reasons why this grief journey is so very painful - - both physically and emotionally.

When you and your husband went on vacation you had no idea what would happen with BeeBee. Unfortunately none of us are blessed with the privilege of foreknowledge, and this is the source of the grief guilt as we try to make sense as to "why" things happened - - the what if's, the why didn't I's, the I should have's - - everything just falls in on us and we rightfully feel like a part of us - - the best part of us that belonged only to our beloved companions - - has been rudely and cruelly taken away from us.

Hopefully in time you will be comforted with knowing that your precious BeeBee is still with you just as he has always been and will always be. His sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and memories, and he is still sharing your life with whatever you do and wherever you go.

Heartsore, one of the many things you need to remember right now is that you are not alone in this grief journey, and hopefully you already know that you are among friends here. We will be here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Heartsore, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam