Niles Is Gone, I've lost another baby Options

[tanbuck]

Dear friends, my baby left this morning at about 5:45. He didn't make it until the vet got here. It wasn't as peaceful as I had prayed but he's resting now. I'm in that numb place at this moment. I'll write more later. Thank you all for your prayers last night.
-Donna

[tanbuck]

Dear Niles, it's been 4 weeks today. I was just thinking about when you moved from the guest bedroom to the bathroom. You were dying. Did you know you were dying? We tried so hard to make you comfortable. Sometimes I think I'm still fighting for your recovery. I have had dreams where you walk into the room and I realize that you're fine.
Niles, you and I always communicated on some other level. Never was that more real than in your last hours. I wish I knew what you were trying to say to me though. I think I know but what if I was wrong? I love you, dear one. I remember after Frasier died I was overcome with feelings of not being done being his mommy. The same is true for you. But I would never be done. I will never be done. I feel like a little girl standing at the gate after the race has already started and I'm saying, "Wait, I'm not ready! I'm not ready!" It's already over with and I'm still just getting ready to lose the two of you. How can you both be gone? Wasn't it yesterday we were all fine? And now you're BOTH gone. I don't want to close that chapter. I'm not ready. Where does this all come from out of the blue? People who barely know me think I'm normal and nothing is wrong. People who know me well thinking I'm doing o.k. with this. Then here comes a wave and the lack of acceptance. Why am I still in denial? I should be moving forward. I feel like I get a few steps in the right direction and then turn and run the other way. No, it's more like I get a few steps in the right direction and I hit a wall. Some reminder that I'm hurting. Some reminder of my loss. I know there is great suffering in this world and there is so much to tend to. But my little comfort spot in this crazy world is gone. My little pillows. My baby boys.
Well, little Daphne is asking for attention. I guess it's a sign. Especially since she doesn't ask for attention much because her own heart hurts. She has suffered the same loss I have. Thank you, Niles. I hear you.
As the song says, my love will fly to you each night on angels' wings. Godspeed little men, sweet dreams little men.
Kisses to you and baby Frasier. Mommy's babies.
-Mommy