Rafer Options

[Idajean]

It is two weeks today that Rafer is gone from my life. I went to my son's home over Easter. I visited with my grandkids and son and daughter but all the while I still felt guilty leaving our home and Rafer's memory behind. I cried a lot at night, and I was sad during the day but managed to hold it together. My daughter-in-law gave me a beautiful sterling silver disc with a dog running. She had Rafer's name engraved on the back. I thought that was so kind of her. I can wear it close to my heart always. I have started crying again this morning. Today I pick up his ashes. I JUST WANT HIM BACK WHOLE AND BEAUTIFUL AGAIN. I want my Rafer. Will I ever get over this horrible lonliness? Everything I do that was done when he was with me brings me to tears. He followed me everywhere. I always felt protected and loved with him. When I would garden his would lay near me. If I was pulling weeds he would grab the clumps of grass or whatever and toss them around. It was so funny. I think he thought he was helping. He gave me such joy, from the time I brought him home at 11 pounds to his big grown-up self at 101 pounds. I was lucky to have had him in my life, but I still wish he were here. Rafer's mom forever.

[tanbuck]

Idajean, I'm sorry you've had a bad day. I hope that tomorrow will feel a little better. I sometimes think I'm stuck at that stage of saying, "I just want what I had back!". I keep thinking that as time passes, my mind will accept some things and move on but those thoughts just keep coming back. I don't want new - I just want my boys. My boys. I want to go back! I don't know when it will go away so I understand how you feel.
But, it's only been 2 weeks for you. It's gonna take more time, I think. It's just hard to let go of something/someone/a time in your life/whatever, that you simply don't want to let go of.
Again, I'm sorry you're hurting. My heart goes out to you tonight.
-Donna