Niles Is Gone, I've lost another baby Options

[tanbuck]

Dear friends, my baby left this morning at about 5:45. He didn't make it until the vet got here. It wasn't as peaceful as I had prayed but he's resting now. I'm in that numb place at this moment. I'll write more later. Thank you all for your prayers last night.
-Donna

[tanbuck]

MyNutmeg, thank you so much for thinking of me. I know that you truely know the heartache I went through. Your story about Nutmeg touched me the first time I read it.
Moonbeam, thank you for checking in on me. I am doing o.k. but that actually concerns me a little. I can't really explain to people other than the people on this forum, but I believe that I'm running my mind so much to avoid the excruciating pain I know my heart needs to experience. I've kept really really busy and I avoid being alone as much as possible. I do believe, though, that in losing Niles, I've been able to let go of Frasier a little bit. I really needed to do that and I suspected that I would be able to when Niles died. Somehow I'm finding a little comfort in knowing they're together again. Frasier needed Niles so much in life. I think remembering what I physically went through when Frasier died, I've made myself do everything I can to avoid getting that way with Niles. I'm so scared of that pain that seizes my heart and makes me weep on the floor. I just can't let myself do that again but I know I probably need to in order to properly grieve for Niles and to let him go as well. So for now, I run and run and run.
Thank you again for checking in on me, I appreciate it so much and I hope you and MyNutmeg are doing well. You've been such good friends to me even though we don't know each other! I hope you have a good day today.
-Donna

[CharliesMom]

I can't really explain to people other than the people on this forum, but I believe that I'm running my mind so much to avoid the excruciating pain I know my heart needs to experience. I've kept really really busy and I avoid being alone as much as possible. I do believe, though, that in losing Niles, I've been able to let go of Frasier a little bit. I really needed to do that and I suspected that I would be able to when Niles died. Somehow I'm finding a little comfort in knowing they're together again. Frasier needed Niles so much in life. I think remembering what I physically went through when Frasier died, I've made myself do everything I can to avoid getting that way with Niles. I'm so scared of that pain that seizes my heart and makes me weep on the floor. I just can't let myself do that again but I know I probably need to in order to properly grieve for Niles and to let him go as well. So for now, I run and run and run.

Donna, I've found myself doing the same thing. Like you, I feel better than I thought I would and that worries me too. I was closer to Charlie than I've ever been to any pet (most humans too!) but whether it's because I still have Belle here to comfort me or because I know in my heart that Charlie is at peace, I couldn't really say. I've already started thinking about getting another dog so Belle can have a 'buddy' (she had Charlie in her life literally from the day she was born) but I think it's still too soon for that, probably for both of us.

Mind you, I still have moments when I feel very sad. Nights are the worst, but during the day I do pretty well. I brought Charlie's ashes home on Tuesday. I thought it would kill me to see my darling boy reduced to ashes, but it didn't, really. I put them in a little wooden urn with his name and the dates of birth and death engraved on the front, and set up a little shrine for him on a table near his favorite window. It was actually rather comforting. In a very real sense, I feel that Charlie is home and he'll never have to leave again. That probably sounds maudlin, but hey, whatever works, right?

Barbara